I don't recognize this person I see in the mirror, I mean I now it's me, but I could never imagine being this way. I'm left speechless at the damage done. How could I let him do this to me? I know one thing, and that is that love doesn't hurt in this way. I know it's wrong but I don't fight, THAT'S the wrong thing to do. All that will happen, is that the situation will worsen. So I lay back and just try to go away to a far off land where none of this is happening. But the darkness won't let me do that. It constantly reminds me of how things are. I live in the blackness all day long. I think I like the light better. But then again, the light only comes once in awhile. So my pleasure is very short. Blink and I'll miss it.
I lay on my blue canopy bed, drifting in and out of consciousness. I'm trying to stay awake; I refused to let darkness consume me. I rolled over unto my stomach and glanced at the clock: 6:30am. I should've been at my bus stop, waiting, but I couldn't bear to see him right now. I rolled back over and gazed, once more, into another world. There was nothing to do now, but wait. My eyes close again as the darkness, once more, proceeds to overtake me.
'At least wash your face' my brain ordered me. That way I could stay awake. For some time that is. I would rather surrender to darkness then move, at most times, but darkness it too much to bear right now. I moved my legs closer to the edge of my bed; momentarily paralyzed by pain. I tried once more and they dropped to my hardwood floor. The cold that had taken refuge on the ground took a shock to my body, sending a shiver of pain through me. I hobbled to my bathroom and turned on the light, trying to forget the pain that was attacking me. I looked at my bloody face, my busted lip, the dark bruises encircling my face, a black eye, and a scratch from my left cheek to my ear. I looked away and gently washed my face, splashing the cold water across it repeatedly. I shivered once more, convincing me that that was enough. I looked back in the mirror. The bags around my eyes were increasingly deepened. My dark skin was becoming lighter, making me look as if I was Caucasian instead of my true ethnicity: African American mixed with Hispanic. My body was also growing thinner. What was I now? Probably no more than 68lbs. It was very unhealthy for a 5'6", 17 year old girl like myself. My black curly hair was frizzy and untamed, my hazel eyes had lost all joy they had once contained, and instead, it was replaced by fear. I looked like Hell. Seeing myself like this disgusted me. I turned off the light and hobbled back to my bed. Pain consumed every inch of my bruised body. I looked down at my black swollen legs. 'I bumped into a cart' I remember having told my parents when they asked where it had come from. I was scared that if I told them about it they would make me break up with him, and I couldn't endure that pain. As far as I was concerned, he was the best thing that had ever happened to me. As I got on my bed I decided to let the blackness take me, the true realization was far better than seeing it.
My cell phone rang. I looked at my clock: 2:00pm, awaking me from my slumber. My chocolate phone nearly fell of the dresser from vibrating so long. The ring tone was 'my love' by Justin Timberlake, automatically alerting me that it was Jaydon. "Hello" I said; my voice raspy. "Why aren't you in school" he said sweetly. I heard someone in the background; it must all be a façade. Whether or not people were around didn't matter. He had already taken the abuse public long ago when he beat me in the cafeteria bathroom. "I just don't feel well" I said truthfully, the first thing that wasn't I lie in our relationship. "You want me to come over" there was a bitter/concerned edge to his voice. I couldn't say no, it would only infuriate him further than he was last night, and he would come anyways, and when he did, I was sure to get it bad. Nor could I say that my parents where away, for he knew that they weren't due back for another week or so. So I said the only possible answer: "sure." He said he would be here in an hour but I knew it was a lie. He was probably already in his car driving down the road. I hung up the phone, waiting for his arrival.
As I had predicted, it took him less than an hour, 20 minutes to be exact. Before, 20 minutes would have seemed like forever, but now, it was all too short. I heard him open the door—he had a key which meant there was no need for me to go downstairs and unlock the door. I heard his heavy footsteps upon the stairs. Soon his black curly hair poked from behind the corner, and his blue deadly eyes found me in my room, and his masculine body made its way towards me. "You look like Hell" he told me as he lay next to me under the covers. His cold body against mine gave me an electrical feeling, one I didn't like. He crept closer and placed a strong around my waist. He held me closer and I could feel his hard, cold abs against me. His hands enlaced with mine as we lay together. He repeatedly kissed my forehead, they had no meaning to me though, I had become numb to his kisses altogether. I smiled, just to amuse him. "I love you" he told me. This was the hardest part: telling him I love him back. I smiled again and took a deep, jagged breath. "I love you too" I lied. There was silence for what seemed like ever, I was glad. "We're the only ones who haven't done it you know." I looked at him, appalled. I could never imagine giving myself up to him. "Well…" I began. "I'm tired of waiting Chati" he said bitterly. "I'm sorry" "You're always sorry" he was becoming angry, bad move. I looked at him, not knowing what to say. His cell phone rang and he took his gaze off of me. He talked for sometime and his brow furrowed continuously. "Alright, bye" he hung up the phone. "I have to go" he threw the sheets off of himself; he was calm again. "Bye" I said sweetly as he bent down to kiss me with his tender lips. I lay there as he left until I heard the front door lock and his car drive off. That was a close one. I turned over and tried to fall asleep, to be consumed by darkness.
I couldn't sleep very long. His touch lingered on my body, and the darkness refused to take me. I mustered up my strength and went back to the bathroom. I walked across the porcelain tile to my shower, and turned on the hot water. I took off my clothes and looked in the mirror. I had lost weight again, I could see my ribs. I stepped inside and let the water caress my body. The hot water felt good against my cold skin, and my muscles immediately relaxed. Jaydon left my mind and I washed up with my watermelon scented body wash. I felt somewhat rejuvenated and washed off. I grabbed my towel and wrapped it around me, and stepped out the shower. A quick, unusual breeze blew through the room. Like the presence of another person. But when I looked around, all was still.