The night I left

Natasha

This can't be true. No way. This wasn't supposed to happen. Those little lines aren't supposed to appear.

After I got out of denial, and just accepted what was happening, I realise that I have to leave S.H.I.E.L.D. and that means leaving Clint and the guys too. Clint, oh Clint. How am I going to manage without you? On the outside I may seem like a solitary, strong, lone woman, but there's no way that I could live everyday without him by my side. Before he had been, the only life I had known was that of a Russian assassin, something I can not go back to if-when I leave. And I am leaving. There's no way I can't, if there was, I would find it.

I pick myself up, out of the bathroom and get dressed and force myself to act as if there is nothing wrong, though I do do that a lot of the time now we live with the other guys. I walk past Bruce on the way to the kitchen and as he moves out of the way, I say, "You know most of the time you're really kind and gentle? They're amazing qualities to have." Might as well start saying my goodbyes-yet-not-goodbyes now.

As I said, I make my way to the kitchen, where I find Thor stuffing himself with pop tarts, again. As I grab a banana and an apple, I say, "You're a great friend, Thor. When I-when you go to Asgard I miss you." He looks at me strangely, before going back to his munching.

Wandering downstairs to go to the gym, I meet Tony. There's many a thing I could say bad about him, but I'm saying good for the moment. Here goes nothing. "Stark, I just want to say, despite your annoying, sarcastic ways, your nicknames and your teasing, you're actually an alright guy. The annoying brother I never had."

"Well, Natasha, I-I..." Tony Stark speechless. I have done a good job.

I reach the gym and begin punching the bag, angry at myself for letting this happen, admittedly forgetting to tape up my hands, but the pain is hardly noticeable as I channel all my frustration in to my hands. So much so, I don't notice the blood flowing from my knuckles. Or when Clint comes in and grab a the bag so I almost punch him in the face. He grabs my wrists and pushes me back down on to the benches, while saying things that are supposed to be comforting to me. I know I yell something I probably shouldn't have, and say I'm going to clean up. Which I then go and do, not before meeting Steve on the stairs and saying whilst hiding my hands behind my back, "You were a great friend, Steve. I'll miss you." The words slip out before I've processed them. I used past tense! Then I run off back to mine and Clint's room before his mind can process what I've said.

As I promised Clint, I clean my knuckles, then slip on some shorts and Clint's top, which is too big for him let alone me. Then I tuck myself in to the over large bed and try to go to sleep. I do successfully for a few hours, then just pretend when Clint comes to check on me every ten minutes. He finally falls asleep by my side and I instantly curl up to him, like a reflex. Only ten minutes of us lying there later, I get the urge to be violently sick and run to the en suite bathroom. I've thrown up twice by the time Clint knocks on the door, he obviously wasn't sleeping too heavily. I shout at him through the door, but I doubt he hears, due to the retches in between words. I tell him to go away, and am relieved to hear his footsteps raiding away.

Almost as quickly as it had come, the sickness fades. I brush my teeth and crawl back in to bed. Then I get out again and pack a bag, slide that under the bed, write a note for Clint and slide that inside too, so he won't find it until I've left. I open the nearest book as Clint comes in, then shut it and say, "Clint, I just want you to know that you've always been a great partner and I wouldn't change you for the world."

I then flick off the light before he can think anything of it, but he still whispers, "Same to you, Tasha. I love you."

It's only a few minutes before he slips in to bed next to me, sadly, I think, for the last time. I lie awake while his breathing regulates, and cry myself quietly awake after that.

Around midnight, (so what for clichés) I slip out of bed, out some outdoor clothes on and leave my note for Clint by the door, knowing he'll trample on it in the morning. I real it one last time and put it down. I'm at the door of the Tower when I whisper, "J.A.R.V.I.S? Don't tell anyone that I'm gone until Clint tells the other Avengers and Pepper. Give them whatever excuse Clint gives them and don't let them see any footage. Please J.A.R.V.I.S."

"Certainly Ms Romanoff. Any last requests?" He asks as I take one last look around.

"Delete any footage of me from this Tower. And it's Mrs Barton. Goodbye."

"Straight away. Goodbye, Ms Barton." And with that I am gone. I take a cab to the airport, take the next flight to LA. I dye my hair brown, call myself Natalie Rushman. I live my life, or fake life, pretending to be normal, away from S.H.I.E.L.D. Fury, the Avengers. I spend my life glued to the news, making sure Clint's okay. The others too, but mainly Clint. He's missing from a few fights, presumably missing me, but he's soon back in action, on a rooftop, shooting arrows just as well as Katniss or Legolas, or whatever Tony has taken to calling him. Only he never fights on the ground. I always have- had his back for that.

Of course it's still all over the news 'Black Widow fallen from web?' 'Where's Widow?' And all their other creepy head lines. After two months though, it's like I never existed, except in the hearts and minds of the other guys, possibly Pepper. Clint's always either angry and cold or sorrowful and sad. I hate being unable to help like this, but it's for the best of all of us. I really miss Clint, and I hate seeing him in pain, but I can't contact him, I can't do anything. I can never see him again, for all of out safety. ALL of us. All THREE of us. Yes, three. Last night, exactly seven months after I left the Avengers Tower, Alisa Barney Romanoff-Barton was born.

Fin

A/N I hope you liked this little prequel thing. If you haven't read my other story, 'Who is my father?' Then I suggest you go and read it as it continues Alisa's story and how she met Clint. Anyway, thanks for reading and please review!