What's gonna kill you is the second part.

It almost sounded rehearsed as the lockers slammed shut one after another. The members of the Dalton lacrosse team exited the damp air of the dressing room and traded it for the cold, winter air outside. They all left pretty quickly, leaving Jeff alone as he tied up his striped tie.

With Jeff there were two other students still in the room. One being the lacrosse team captain: Sebastian Smythe, the Sebastian Smythe. The other one: just another member of the team.

Jeff tucked away his tie and straightened his pull-over as he got up from the bench. He turned to his locker and pulled out his jacket before he closed it. A small shiver ran down his spine from the cold flow of air that just entered the room.

While someone's singing voice came from the shower blocks, Jeff stuck his arms in the white sleeves of his navy blue varsity jacket, zipped it up and bowed down to grab his sports bag. Suddenly, his name fell.

"Jeffster. You doing ok, bro?"

The boy hadn't realized that the voice had stopped singing, nor that Sebastian was no longer in the showers. Instead, the tall brunet was looking at Jeff with that stupid smirk on his lips and his hands on the towel around his waist. The towel hung way too low on his hips, leaving pretty much nothing to Jeff's imagination. Not that there was anything Jeff hadn't seen yet.

He had to admit: Sebastian was hot as hell. Probably hotter than 97 percent of the population of Dalton. Except for Nick...

Jeff shook his head, shaking his thoughts out of his brain. The movement caused the boy to drop his sports bag back onto the ground. He took a deep breath to calm himself. No need for breaking down now. With a sigh the boy leaned down again, this time to grab both his bag and his abandoned lacrosse stick.

No, Sebastian wasn't like that for Jeff. He was a friend. Just a friend.

The boy had been Jeff's roommate for the first three months after he transferred to Dalton from France in their freshman year. It had been Hell living with Sebastian. The boy had a bitching attitude and an ego bigger than the dorm itself. Not to mention, Jeff had suffered for about two weeks of Sebastian bossing him around. Passing out orders to get him a baguette with salmon from the cafeteria, for example. For two whole weeks!

But something about those three months living with the manly version of Janice Dickinson made Jeff change his opinion on the boy. Yes, he was an asshole. Yes, he had less to no knowledge about the word 'consequences'. But Jeff learned that Sebastian was lonely and he was willing to be his friend for the time being.

The nature of that friendship changed throughout the years and now Jeff and Sebastian considered each other, not just friends, but brothers. Some may say that Sebastian was incapable of any form of a relationship with people, but Jeff was the one to objectify. Or maybe it was just his luck.

"I'm fine." Jeff held on tightly to the lacrosse stick and sighed again when he faced Sebastian. It was then that he realized the other boy had already moved towards his locker and was now dressing up in the school's uniform, quietly reassuming his one-man concert.

Somewhere in the dressing room the sound of another locker closing rang through the room, followed by the last student leaving the room. Leaving Jeff and Sebastian alone. The latter found this his cue to start a conversation while the first one was mapping out his escape route.

"You're not fine, Jeff."

Jeff noticed his friend not even glancing up at him or anything. It made him sigh for the millionth time. There was no way he was having this conversation now. Not when he was at the verge of tears because why the hell did everyone had to remind him of Nick?! Wasn't it more than enough that they went to the same school, shared the same friends, and oh, that's right, everyone in the fucking school knew about it?

It had been two weeks. Two weeks since Jeff had been avoiding Nick, or visa versa. Two weeks without actually knowing the reason for the break-up. It had been two weeks that Jeff would've wanted to spent in his bed, with overrated movies that were supposed to be romantic and somehow realistic, tons of ice cream and sad music. But what would life be if it wasn't a bitch?

The boy had no idea when the tears started spilling but when his gear collided with the ground Jeff realized that he had in fact broken down. He slide down against the lockers into a seating position and buried his face in his hands.

Soon he felt two arms pulling him into a embrace, one hand rubbing his back in a comfort gesture.

"I-I can't..." Jeff tried. He leaned closer to Sebastian in the embrace.

"It hurts!" The boy's voice skipped an octave as he blurred out those two words. It was the only way Jeff could explain this, it hurts like shit. He wanted it all to go away, all the memories, all the stories, all the rumors and mostly, all the things he was feeling at the moment. The pain in his heart hadn't left him since that day. He'd barely slept, eaten or as much tried to do any kind of activity until Sebastian decided it was enough and dragged him out of his dorm.

And even then, Jeff still had a hard time sitting through lunch breaks because he knew Nick wouldn't be sitting at the same table. Or attending Warbler practice, because he had to face Nick. But worse than that was the moment coach told him and his team that "Nicholas has to quit playing soccer because his grades are suffering from it."

Load of bullshit! Nick had a perfect 4.0 GPA. Which he kept up without any kind of effort. He even took extra classes in Art History because Jeff thought he had too much free time on his hands.

It hurt Jeff more than he thought it ever could. He'd lost, not only his boyfriend, but also his best friend.

Jeff cried while Sebastian held him. Trying to calm the boy down by anything but talking to him, because that would only make things worse. They stayed in that same position for quite a long time.

The sky was dark when the boys finally left the dressing room. The ground was covered by a white blanket of snow that hadn't been there earlier, meaning they were in there for a long time. Sebastian grabbed his phone to see it was past seven and they had missed dinner.

"Sorry Seb." Jeff whispered as he rubbed his tired eyes, red from all the crying.

The older boy pocketed his phone and used his free arm to pull his friend closer by the shoulders. "Will you stop doing that?" He asked, not meeting Jeff's gaze.

"Stop what?"

Sebastian let out a chuckle. His feet plowing through the thick layer of snow. "Stop beating yourself up. The last thing you need to worry about right now is whether I get enough food or not."

This created a smile on Jeff's face and he shook his head softly. Both boys followed their path to the main building of the school. They passed the sports fields - that looked someone sprinkled white decoration powder on them -, pass the small Forrest that separated the school grounds from the sports fields, onto the huge ground that led towards the building that served as a home for about 300 students.

Jeff entered the school first, followed by Sebastian who wildly shook his head, trying to get ride of the white snowflakes in his brown hair. Jeff had to keep himself from laughing as the older boy looked at him, his hair completely messed up.

"I'll give it to you this time, blondie." Sebastian smirked and pulled out his wallet. "Coffee?"

Jeff shook his head, strapping his bag a little tighter. "Thanks but I'll pass. I'm pretty tired."

Sebastian gave him friend a knowing smile and nodded for him to go. "I'll talk to you later then."

With a quick wave, Jeff was on his way. He climbed the stairs, following their lead to the second floor. His bag had become heavy and so he swung it over his other shoulder, dropping his lacrosse stick in the movement. "'Course Jeff." He let out a sigh and kneeled down to grab his stick when suddenly, two black shoes stepped into his view.

Jeff's head shot up and as his eyes calculated the pixels to form a picture he felt his throat getting dry and rusty. Right there was Nick standing. Looking down on him with blank eyes and expressionless features. Neither boys spoke for what felt like eternity. Until Nick kneeled down and grabbed the other boy's lacrosse stick.

They both rose at the same time, Nick giving Jeff his stick back with the same non-speaking eyes. It gave Jeff a strange feeling, something that felt different from what he had felt those past two weeks. It was something that was much heavier, coming from a much deeper place, but it didn't hurt like it should. It felt much worse than hurt. Regret? Disappointment? Jeff had no idea as what he could interpreter it.

"Jeff." Nick finally spoke, but even his voice sounded emotionless. Like the Tin-man from The Wizard of Oz. The one who couldn't feel anything.

Jeff wasn't sure what to say. Nick wouldn't continue whatever he had to say but what was there to talk about? Then it hit Jeff.

"What are we?"

It sounded like a strange question, and reading from Nick's frown, it was. But Jeff needed to know. It was the only thing that mattered to him at the moment. He couldn't care less about the reason for the break-up. He just wanted to know where he and Nick were standing. He wanted to know if he had lost his best-friend for good.

"W-what do you mean?" Nick shot the boy a questioning look, clearly not understanding the meaning of the words.

Jeff knew this was hopeless. The feeling deep down growing stronger and stronger with the seconds ticking by. This wasn't his Nick anymore and Jeff was about 90 percent sure that this Nick was nothing from Jeff. Not even a friend.

"What are we, Nick? What is this—" Jeff pointed between the two of them. Ironically, that's one of the questions Jeff had been asking himself a lot before the boys started dating. "—thing between us? What is still left of us?"

Jeff was positive there were tears welling up in his eyes again. He felt the burning in his eyes and that stupid non-explainable feeling getting worse.

Nick shook his head, but when he finally stopped he looked at the ground. A way to avoid letting the other boy getting a clear view of his eyes. It hurt Jeff, to know that Nick wouldn't let him see what he was feeling. Then Nick spoke, and Jeff had rather he didn't.

"There's no us anymore, Jeff." Jeff began to shook his head frantically. He didn't need to hear more of this. "There's just Nick and Jeff." Nick's voice sounded desperately, something Jeff should've noticed but he didn't want hear more of Nick's words.

"But we have a friendship, Jeff, and that's never going away. If you would just give me a chance—" and that's when Jeff cracked. Better said, that's when that feeling cracked. Jeff, suddenly realized what it was. It wasn't hurt, nor disappointment or regret. It was betrayal. Jeff felt betrayed by his best – former best friend.

Jeff didn't care about the tears that ran down his face. He didn't care about Nick's worried face either. When he spoke, betrayal covered his voice, just like it'd covered his entire being.

"A chance? A fucking chance?! After two weeks of ignoring me, avoiding me, acting like I'm not existing anymore, you still want a fucking chance? You know what I want, Nick? I want you!

And hey, news flash, apparently I can't have you. So put that chance where the goddamn sun doesn't shine and leave me the fuck alone!"

Nick was taken aback, Jeff noticed. But Jeff had no idea what just come over him. He thought the first part, the heart-break, was the worst that could hit him. He was wrong, Jeff felt like everything he'd worked for in the past four years was gone. As if someone dimmed his light and he can't find the switch anymore.

He didn't wanted Nick to leave him alone. That boy was supposed to be in his life for how long life would give him.

Betrayal sucked, and Jeff knew it the moment he pushed past Nick and ran for his dorm. He knew that was the last moment he would ever see Nick as the boy he'd met the second day of freshman year. The boy who Jeff was supposed to spent his life with. Until death do us part.

Well, apparently that's what dying felt like for Jeff.