Shuichi approached the studio across the hall nervously, wondering if he should knock. Telling himself that he was being ridiculous, he took a deep breath and opened the door, slipping inside quietly so as to not be a disturbance. The room was so dark he could barely see after the brightness of the hallway, and the thick cigarette smoke in the air did little to aid his vision.
As his eyes finally adjusted, he made out the figure of Sanda Madoka sitting in a leather chair with an odd instrument in his lap, peering up at him with eerily pale blue eyes that almost seemed to glow.
"Um, uh, hi Sanda-san," Shuichi managed under the unsettling scrutiny.
"You ever seen one of these?" Sanda asked in his cool, deep voice, gesturing at the stringed instrument. Shuichi shook his head, staring at what looked like a guitar with two extra sets of strings.
"It's a harp guitar," Sanda said. "Real old, this girl. Had her fixed up for me by this guy I met out in France who was always fiddling around with unusual instruments." Sanda plucked the top set of bass strings, and sat it aside with a grin.
"That's really cool," Shuichi said, looking around, where he saw several other strange instruments he was at a loss to identify. He leaned gracelessly against an odd structure that looked like a small cabinet with a looped wire coming out of its side.
"That's a Theremin," Sanda said. Shuichi pulled away from it slightly, having thought it was just a particularly ugly piece of furniture rather than another of Sanda's odd treasures. Sanda stood, walking over to it and flicking a switch, making the little cabinet buzz with electricity.
"Put your hand here," Sanda instructed, taking Shuichi's wrist and placing it near the wire. A weird, high pitched tone filled the air. "It's an electrostatic field. Your movements control the pitch."
Shuichi laughed, fascinated as his hand movements altered the peculiar sounds, which sounded like something from the soundtrack of an old horror film.
"So, you're that kid that was in that pop band," Sanda said, scratching at the stubble on his chin and studying him.
"Shindou Shuichi, formerly of Bad Luck," Shuichi said, offering his hand. Sanda shook his hand and nodded.
"Yeah, I remember now. You've got nice pipes," Sanda said.
"Um, thanks," Shuichi said. "You wouldn't happen to remember our guitar player would you? Nakano Hiroshi?" Sanda tipped his head back, as if trying to place him.
"No," Sanda said at last.
"Um, well, I was actually coming here to ask you something. You see, Hiroshi's a really talented musician. I mean, I've seen him play piano, too, and his mom used to make him take violin lessons when we were twelve, and I -- well, are you sure you don't need any help around here? Because I was just thinking, how are you going to play live if you're by yourself?" Shuichi blurted out breathlessly and waited. Sanda fixed his eyes on him curiously.
"You're cute," Sanda said, making Shuichi blush.
"Well, thanks, but what I was wanting to know was --" Shuichi started.
"Alright," Sanda said.
"Really?" Shuichi asked.
"Sure kid," Sanda said with an amused half-smile. "Send him in, and I'll find him something to do."
OoOoO
"That Sanda guy is a freak," Shuichi said, shaking his head. "A sort of nice freak, I guess, but he's still weird. I'm not sure we'll exactly be doing Hiro a favor." Suguru shrugged.
"Ayaka wanted me to offer him a job. She wasn't very specific," Suguru said. "My secretary is always late. I wonder if Hiroshi can type?"
"Now that's just mean," Shuichi said, trying not to laugh, as he and Suguru walked into the darkened apartment. "What did you tell him he'd be doing anyway?"
"I told him he'd be working in the studio with one of our artists -- so, essentially, the truth," Suguru said. "It was still a hard sell though. He's so stubborn! I think I managed to surpass his suspicions that I was the one doing the favor eventually, though, because he agreed to give it a try."
"Still, it is nice of you, considering," Shuichi said.
"The light's blinking on your answering machine," Suguru said, sidestepping the subject. Shuichi pushed the play button, expecting the usual message from Tohma or Mika for Yuki.
"Call me when you get home, Shuichi," Yuki said shortly and hung up.
"I'll just be a minute. You can start without me," Shuichi said, setting the takeout food they'd gotten on the way home on the coffee table.
"Yuki?" Shuichi asked, when there was no immediate answer, walking into the bedroom and sitting on the bed.
"Hey," Yuki said, sounding strange.
"Did I wake you?" Shuichi asked.
"No -- No, I haven't been sleeping very well," Yuki said.
"What's wrong?" Shuichi asked, drawing his legs up underneath him.
"Look, I've been thinking," Yuki said, and sighed. "This isn't working. You know it as well as I do. We're making each other miserable." Shuichi felt a cold chill come over him.
"It's only been a couple of months, Yuki. I told you this wasn't going to be easy, but --" Shuichi started.
"Listen to me, brat, don't make this any harder than it has to be," Yuki snapped irritably. "I want you out of there before I come back, okay?"
Shuichi sat in stunned silence, his head spinning with disbelief.
"Okay?" Yuki repeated.
"Okay," Shuichi parroted numbly, then added quietly, "But I want you to know, this is the last time, Yuki. Do you understand that? I can't take this anymore."
"Good bye, Shuichi," Yuki said in a tight, strangled voice, and hung up the phone.
Shuichi dropped the cell phone from his ear and just sat there, his stomach churning.
"Shuichi?" Suguru asked, knocking at the bedroom door. Shuichi wasn't sure how long he had sat there before his friend came to check on him. "Is everything all right?"
Suguru walked into the room when he received no answer, looking at his blank expression with concern.
"Yuki," Shuichi said, giving him a dazed glance. "Yuki just told me to get out before he comes back."
"What?" Suguru asked in shock, crossing the room and sitting beside him. "He said that?"
"I knew things were kind of rough right now, but I wasn't expecting him to give up so easily," Shuichi said. "At least not this time, not after all we've been through."
"Did he say why?" Suguru asked. Shuichi shook his head.
"He said we were making each other miserable," Shuichi said. "I guess he's right, in a way, but I thought he understood that we needed some time to adjust."
"Do you want some time off from the studio?" Suguru asked.
"No," Shuichi said. "I don't think that would be a good idea."
"Are you sure?" Suguru asked.
"Yeah," Shuichi said softly. "It's not like it used to be. I should have never let myself get so focused on him for inspiration, not when I was writing music just fine before I ever met him."
"Well, I'll admit, that wasn't a very good survival instinct," Suguru said darkly. "Not with love being as fickle as it apparently seems to be."
"I'm pretty sure he still loves me," Shuichi said sadly. "I guess he just doesn't love me enough."
"But you're trying so hard to change," Suguru said. "It isn't fair for him to give up on what you have. I'd give anything --" Suguru trailed off and looked away.
"But I can't change back. Not entirely," Shuichi said. "I'm not even sure I want to. Not even for Yuki. Of course I need to work on my -- well, my urges to do things that I shouldn't, but it's not like the way I used to deal with things was all that great either."
"Well, I think you've made some really great changes, too, of course," Suguru said, cautiously taking his hand. "For one thing, I'm proud of how well you're handling this."
"Maybe I just saw it coming," Shuichi said with a sigh. "But thank you, that means a lot to me."
"You can stay with me until you find your own place," Suguru said. Shuichi nodded, giving Suguru's hand a gentle squeeze.
"I just worry about him," Shuichi said. "He's so fragile."
"You can't help someone if they won't let you," Suguru said.
"He never let me, not without a fight," Shuichi said with a joyless laugh. "Maybe that's what's changed. I'm just tired of fighting. Maybe I'm just not stubborn enough anymore."
"Oh, I wouldn't say that," Suguru said teasingly.
"Maybe you should talk to him. You're the most stubborn person I've ever met, after all," Shuichi shot back.
"If you don't think you're still a fighter, then you have no insight, Shuichi," Suguru said, shaking his head.
"I just don't want for everything to have to be a struggle though, you know?" Shuichi asked softly. "I just want something in my life that can be -- I don't know -- nice? Stable?"
"Don't we all?" Suguru asked with a shrug.
"Maybe I ought to just find a nice girl, like Hiro did," Shuichi said with a hollow laugh, falling silent instantly when he saw Suguru's expression darken.
"I'm sorry. That wasn't a very tactful thing to say," Shuichi said quietly. Suguru looked up, like he'd been brought out of deep thought.
"What? Oh, that's okay," Suguru said, offering a smile.
"Not even one drink?" Shuichi asked after a moment's silence, pulling his hand from Suguru's, and wiping his nose on the sleeve of his shirt. Suguru shook his head, gently brushing away one of Shuichi's tears with his thumb.
"It won't help," Suguru said. "I don't know what will, but I do know that much." Shuichi sighed heavily.
"I've lost my appetite. I think I'll just turn in now," Shuichi said. Suguru nodded.
"I'm not too hungry myself now, really," Suguru said, sitting up and sliding off of the bed, looking as tired as Shuichi felt. "I'll just put the food in the fridge for tomorrow then."
"Hey, Suguru?" Shuichi called as Suguru reached the door.
"Yes?" Suguru asked. Shuichi pulled the covers over him.
"Sleep with me?" Shuichi asked in a small voice, his pink hair just visible above the bedspread. When he was greeted with silence, he peeked over it to find Suguru staring at him, gaping.
"No, no, that didn't come out the way I meant it -- I --" Shuichi began, sitting up and waving his hands.
"Um, sure. I'll be right back," Suguru said, his expression unreadable.
Shuichi's head swam as he laid back, trying to fight the urge to scream with frustration. The bed smelled like Yuki. His mind seemed to cycle madly through feelings of love, anger, pity, and even the slightest ugly stab of hatred when he thought of the man, and it made him feel ill. He wanted to replace this confusion and pain with something else. He would try to sleep. It was the only option for now, he thought, biting his lip against more tears.
"Shuichi?" Suguru said softly, as though he were hoping his friend had already fallen into slumber. He hadn't heard him come back into the room, and turned to face him, his eyes pleading.
Suguru slid into the bed with a heavy sigh, and allowed Shuichi to burrow against him before cautiously placing an arm around him.
"Thank you," Shuichi murmured sleepily, feeling Suguru finally relax and resume breathing normally.
"I hope you're not expecting a bedtime story," Suguru said, his breath tickling the top of Shuichi's head. "The only one I can remember right now is one cousin Mika told me when she and Tohma were keeping me one weekend when I was a kid. It was some Chinese ghost story that scared the piss out of me. I didn't sleep for a week."
"No, but you could have at least brought me some warm milk," Shuichi said with a giggle.
"Good night, Shuichi," Suguru said, reaching back to turn off the light.
OoOoO
Shuichi's brow furrowed in concentration, Pocky stick dangling from his firmly set jaw, as he fiddled with sound loops on Suguru's sacred instrument, the one synthesizer in the building that no one was allowed to mess with under stern penalty of -- well, Shuichi wasn't sure. But Suguru was in a meeting, and if he could he could just get this one thing out of his head and into reality…
He seemed to be moving backwards, he thought distantly, as his fingers scrabbled for keys that were no longer in reach.
"Okay, that's it," Suguru said, pulling him, chair and all, across the room. Shuichi watched his work grow smaller with a whimper, hands still stretched uselessly before him. "You've gotten worse than Sanda-san. And don't deny you've been eating in here rather than stop for a break. I've got witnesses. Witnesses that may or may not have brought you said snacks. "
Shuichi saw Eiji mouthing an apology at him behind his hand, with one terrified eye still fixed on Suguru as he was pulled past him. 'Traitor', Shuichi mouthed back with a pout.
"So, I'm here for your intervention. Hiro's been here a week, and he hasn't even seen you but once," Suguru said, spinning the chair around and rolling him into the hallway.
"So your solution to me being in the studio too much is to wheel me into another studio?" Shuichi asked skeptically. Suguru sniffed indignantly.
"Well, at least you won't be working yourself blind in there. I doubt Sanda-san will even let you touch anything," Suguru said, kicking open the studio across the hall, and startling both Hiro and Sanda, who blinked blearily at the light being let in from the hall into the smoky room.
"Which reminds me, don't think you're getting off the hook about touching Benzaiten just because I'm in a generous mood right now," Suguru whispered sweetly into his ear, before rolling Shuichi into the studio and closing the door behind him. Hiro gave a low whistle.
"You touched Benzaiten didn't you?" Hiro asked, with a look somewhere between amusement and admiration.
"How did you know?" Shuichi asked.
"Let's just say the couch in Suguru's old place had this spring that dug in right about here. It took about a week for him to come around," Hiro said with a grin, reaching back to pat his lower back.
"I see," Shuichi said tightly, not particularly wanting a reminder of one of the reasons he wasn't happy with Hiro right off the bat. Especially not after several days ago, when he'd fallen asleep in his friend's arms on that first difficult night after leaving his and Yuki's apartment for good.
Suguru had stirred, and talked in his sleep that night, waking Shuichi with a soft murmur.
"I'm so glad you've come back to me," he'd said, a look of contentment coming over his usually tense and guarded features. Shuichi was pretty certain he wasn't dreaming about Ashia Raiden.
"Well, since you're here, do you want to hear what he's working on?" Hiro said, seeming not to notice Shuichi's discomfort, and nodding over towards Sanda, who hadn't looked up but once since the door opened.
"I guess," Shuichi said with a shrug. "What exactly have you been doing then?" Hiro coughed and shrugged.
"Um, well, I'm learning to play the saw," Hiro said. Shuichi raised an eyebrow as he followed Hiro's eyes to the large, flexible blade on the table.
"You've been doing his landscaping?" Shuichi asked uncertainly.
"No, silly, watch," Hiro picked up the saw, securing the handle between his legs, and holding the other end. He grabbed a what looked like a violin bow from beside him and placed it to the edge of the blade. A strange, wavering sound sang from it as he drew the bow across, bending the metal to change the pitch. Shuichi had just begun to think he recognized the tune when Hiro stopped, grinning self-consciously.
"I'm not very good at it yet," Hiro explained. Shuichi wasn't quite sure what to say. They'd given Sanda one of the best guitar players in Japan, and he was training him to play hardware tools?
"No, that sounded, um, interesting," Shuichi said.
"Hey, you cats can split for a while, if you want," Sanda said, his strange blue eyes regarding them suddenly. Hiro smiled.
"You just want me to get you some coffee from that shop I brought you some from the other day, don't you, asshole?" Hiro asked. Sanda grinned, giving him a thumbs up.
"I like a man who can call my bullshit," Sanda said.
"Come on, then. From what Suguru's been telling me, you haven't had any fresh air or sunshine in a while anyway," Hiro said.
"You guys seem to have hit it off," Shuichi said, as they waved at the receptionist on their way to the front door.
"Yeah, we really have," Hiro said. "Coolest boss, ever, really. We both just do our own thing, and he asks my opinion on something every now and then, and that's it."
"That's great," Shuichi said. "So how are Ayaka and Masa-chan?"
"They're good," Hiro said with a smile. "Yuuzi slept on our couch for about a week, and she wasn't too happy about that, but everything's cool, now."
"Poor Yuuzi," Shuichi said, shaking his head.
"Poor Yuuzi, my ass," Hiro snorted. "He's practically made vagrancy into some sort of profession. He has a blast mooching off people he meets and traveling around, while I got to do the dirty work and make everyone happy."
Shuichi looked at Hiro in silence for a moment, surprised at how bitter he sounded. He bit back the retort that he'd hardly made everyone happy, when he saw the frown on Hiro's face.
"Worked out in the long run though, you know?" Hiro said, his easy smile returning. "Ayaka and I -- well, we work together. And we sure made a good looking kid, didn't we?"
"Sure did," Shuichi said. Hiro nervously pulled out his cigarettes, and placed one to his lips, lighting it and inhaling deeply before looking at Shuichi.
"Look, I'm sorry I screwed you over, okay?" Hiro said. "Believe me when I say it was the hardest thing I've ever had to do. But I did have to do it. You -- you didn't see how broken she was when they told her it was cancer. Dad was already gone, and Yuuzi and I had let her down so much. She had nothing left to hold on for, and I just didn't want that to be the way she left."
"I'm sorry, Hiro," Shuichi said, hugging him, his eyes welling with tears. "You had already put me first all that time, because -- and then I turned my back on you. I've been a really lousy friend, haven't I?"
"The lousiest," Hiro said, laughing through his own tears, and hugging him back tightly.
"I -- I actually thought about coming back, you know, about leaving her, after I heard that you had given up music. I was really worried about you, and you never would answer my calls," Hiro said.
"Oh, no, Hiro --" Shuichi said. Hiro waved his hand dismissively.
"I didn't though, obviously. It was actually Suguru that talked some sense into me when I started calling around trying to find out about you," Hiro said.
"Suguru?" Shuichi asked with surprise. Hiro nodded.
"I know. Funny, huh?" Hiro said with a sad smile as they reached the outside of the coffee house.
Inside, the girl at the counter's eyes grew large as they approached to order.
"I can't believe it!" she said excitedly, addressing Shuichi. "I thought when I saw him in here the other day that he was that guy who played guitar from Bad Luck, but now I know it's him if he's with you!"
After signing several autographs for the staff and patrons, and promising to bring back a signed photo for them to frame on the wall, they stepped out onto the sidewalk with their coffee. Shuichi laughed.
"That hasn't happened in a while," Shuichi said.
"Well, you're still Shindou Shuichi," Hiro said, smiling warmly. "And I'm still that guy who played guitar!"
"That's right!" Shuichi cried, nearly dropping the tray of coffee he held.
They returned to the lobby of GL, laughing like they'd never been apart, and it felt wonderful.
"I can't believe you got a moped," Hiro said, shaking his head.
"Hey, I have to get around somehow, you jerk," Shuichi said, punching him in the arm. He looked up to see Suguru at the front desk, regarding them with an enigmatic glance from where he was in a discussion with the receptionist.
"Hey, Suguru. I got you a cappuccino," Shuichi said upon seeing him.
"Oh, hey. Thanks," Suguru said as he crossed the room to hand it to him, giving a polite smile before returning his attention to whatever it was he was doing before. Shuichi turned away, feeling strangely rejected, and fell back into step with Hiro. He looked back before they turned the corner, and caught Suguru looking after them before quickly looking away again.
"Do you think he's still mad about Benzaiten?" Shuichi asked as they reached the studio. Hiro shrugged.
"It'd take someone with psychic powers to read Suguru sometimes," Hiro said with a sigh, opening the door.
"Hey bro," Sanda said, eagerly taking his coffee and turning back to the mixing table. They sat and talked idly between themselves for a while, before Sanda slowly lowered his cup and regarded them again.
"So, Shindou," Sanda said, placing the cup aside and rubbing his hands together. "Think you might be able to lend me those pipes?" Shuichi regarded him with surprise.
"Do what now?" Shuichi asked, looking from Sanda to Hiro, who was smiling.
"Hiroshi here and I were just discussing the other day how you might could lend a little magic divine to an old dreary tune," Sanda said with a toothy grin.
"Really?" Shuichi asked. "That sounds great. What's the song like?"
"Lemme see here," Sanda muttered, rummaging through a haphazard stack of papers, before pulling out a battered sheet and handing it to him.
"Um," Shuichi said, scanning over the unfamiliar writing with a nervous laugh. "I can't exactly read this. I mean, I know a few words --"
"Shuichi sucked at school," Hiro said with amusement, earning himself a glare.
"Oh, right," Sanda said, scratching his chin. "It's in English. Think you can handle that alright? We can practice the phonetics," Sanda said.
"I guess so. What does it mean?" Shuichi asked.
"Oh yeah," Sanda said, digging some more before handing him another sheet. "I wrote out a translation for you. May as well let you hear it while we're at it."
A slow, jazzy tune with low tuned cellos playing in a detached but mournful way came in from the speakers, Sanda's recorded vocals deep and tender as they faded in.
Shuichi began to read, feeling a strange clenching in his stomach as he took in verses that eloquently painted a story of loss and longing. He felt Hiro tense slightly behind him as he read over his shoulder, hardly noticing as he began to mentally place the words to song.
"This -- this is beautiful," Shuichi said, overcome. "Sad, but beautiful."
"Glad you dig it, baby," Sanda said, looking pleased. "I think your dulcet poetry might uplift mine considerably, if you're willing."
"I'd be honored," Shuichi said quietly.
"You've made my day, songbird," Sanda said, his gravelly voice warm.
"Please -- if you don't mind me asking, that is -- who did you write this for?" Shuichi asked. Sanda gave a sad smile, sitting back in his chair with a wistful look.
"She was a waitress. Saw her through a café window while I was changing trains. She just stood there, wiping off the counter and looking like she were waiting for something good to happen for the first time in her life. Most beautiful woman I've ever seen," Sanda said. Shuichi shook his head.
"You wrote this for a woman you never met?" Shuichi asked. "Why didn't you go in and talk to her?"
"More beautiful that way," Sanda said with a shrug. "Sometimes getting what you want, isn't getting what you want at all."
The three men were silent for a long moment, Shuichi noticing Hiro looking pale as he tried to nonchalantly switch off the music and organize Sanda's sheet music.
"Guess we all got that waitress in one way or another," Sanda said, shaking his head and turning back to his work.