Thank you so much for the kind reviews, I have a few chapters planned out now, we'll see how it goes... Enjoy!
"Wow, how does Hetty find these places?" Kensi remarked. She was flicking through the brochure of their new home for the forseeable future. It detailed the finer elements of their beautiful four bedroom house with two bathrooms and vast outdoor entertainment area. It came with all of the modern fittings, was situated in a posh neighborhood, and was a very short drive from ops. Only the best would do for a hot-shot lawyer and his firm partner and wife - Mr and Mrs Wilson, the generic suburban couple, Kensi and Deeks' new aliases.
Yet there was nothing generic about these two.
Deeks didn't bother replying to Kensi's comment, he simply sat in the passenger seat twisting the golden wedding band around his finger, deep in thought. He contemplated the mission and wondered how he was going to get through it. Ever since the episode with Sidorov he had barely been holding it together. A barrage of sleepless nights plagued by nightmares had become his new routine. Unable to shake what had happened to him as he replayed the graphic violence over and over again. The haunting sound of his own screams overwhelmed him. The accompanying imagery of Sam being electrocuted flashed before his eyes. The only solace he gained was the fact that he hadn't allowed himself to breakdown in front of the others. Yet how much longer could he keep up his charade?
Kensi offered to let him drive desperately trying to spark something in her partner, a smile, perhaps a conversation. Yet Deeks was quite content to sit in the passenger seat. A far cry from the man who used to challenge her at every step to get behind the wheel.
"Look Deeks, we're supposed to be a happily married couple, you can't just not talk to me like this." Kensi frowned watching as he continued to fidget in his seat, avoiding eye contact with her.
"We're not undercover yet, I'll start pretending once we're at the house." Deeks' tone was harsh, almost cold, as he continued to stare out the window.
"Fine..." Kensi replied frustratedly, focusing her attention on the road in front of her. The excruciatingly silent drive to the house just made her even more uneasy. This wasn't the Deeks she had fallen in love with, he wasn't quiet. He was always driving her insane, never shutting up. There was always a ridiculous article in an obscure magazine that he just had to talk about. Filling the silences was something that he always felt the need to do.
Sometimes you don't know how lucky you are to have something until it's gone.
She would give anything to hear his non-stop babble again.
"We're here." Kensi announced, breaking the uncomfortable twenty minute silence as she pulled into the driveway.
"Home sweet home." Deeks mumbled in a monotone voice, there was no hint of emotion as he unbuckled his seat belt.
"We better hurry up unloading the car, it's going to be dark soon." Kensi tried to focus on saying things in a matter of fact tone so as to not spark an argument.
A moving truck had already brought the big items of furniture earlier in the day per Hetty's request. Sam and Callen had been stuck with the heavy lifting duties much to their displeasure. Hetty insisted that they did the work together, seeing the task as a team building exercise.
"I'll get the boxes" Deeks announced, walking around to the trunk of the SUV.
"Are you sure you're okay carrying them?" Kensi asked, concern heavy in her voice, she couldn't help it. Deeks had taken severe trauma to his mid-section thanks to Sidorov. She had no idea what state of healing he was currently in as he refused to talk about it.
"I'm fine." Deeks said in a stern tone.
"Okay, thanks." Kensi wasn't going to offer her help, if he wanted to take the boxes in she would let him.
Kensi busied herself inside unpacking the smaller items as Deeks began bringing in the things from the car.
"Hello there." A blonde woman, approximately in her 30s sauntered over to Deeks as he bent over to pick up another box. She shamelessly admired his behind with an appreciative smile as she approached him.
"Oh hello." Deeks put the box down on the driveway, extending his hand to the woman.
"I'm Mary, I live across the street."
"Matt, nice to meet you." Deeks shook her hand, noticing the expensive jewelery dangling from her wrist.
"So you are moving in here I gather?" Mary pointed at the box on the driveway, her heavily manicured nails catching Deeks' eye immediately.
"Duh captain obvious" Deeks bit back the reply in his head as he smiled "Yep just signed the papers today." Casually he put his hands in his pockets, wondering how long the formalities were going to last.
"Oh wow, you don't waste anytime" Mary laughed, slightly exaggerating for Deeks' benefit.
"No ma'am, my wife was very insistent." Deeks wanted nothing more than to shut himself inside and be done with the conversation. Dropping the 'w' bomb would hopefully see the woman on her way.
"Oh you're married?" A slight hint of disappointment was conveyed in Mary's tone as she took a slight step back from Deeks.
"Afraid so." Deeks held up his left hand for emphasis, the shiny golden band in clear view.
"All the good one's are taken." Mary joked.
Deeks laughed, it was a genuine laugh, perhaps the first real laugh he had had in months. The comment brought him back to the last time he had gone deep undercover married to Kensi. One of the 'RobaBob's' had said the exact same thing as they flirted with him.
"I thought I'd try my luck anyway." Mary smiled, slightly embarrassed "I won't hold you up, it was nice meeting you."
"You too, I'll see you around." Deeks sighed in relief as the woman left, continuing on his mission to unload the car. He was impressed with how easily he had fit into the new cover. He had always been good at putting on a facade, some would say it was what he did best, undercover was his thing afterall. He didn't mind pretending to be somebody else, it was afterall easier than being Detective Marty Deeks, almost tortured to death three months earlier.
Kensi was in the kitchen unpacking when Deeks walked inside the house.
"Just met one of the neighbors." Deeks casually said as he poured himself a glass of water.
"Already? We just got here." Kensi was a little surprised, hoping that it hadn't fazed him too much.
"I know...I guess she saw something she liked" Deeks joked. They were married now, it was time to put on the facade or at least try to.
Kensi smiled brightly at him, appreciating his use of humor, it was the first time he had said something remotely funny in a while. For the first time in a long time it felt like the old Deeks was back.
"Look..."
"I gotta unload the rest of the stuff" Deeks spoke over the top of her leaving to collect the remaining items from the car. He couldn't face her questioning if he was alright or her checking to make sure things between them were okay. He couldn't deal with that conversation, not yet at least.
"What do you want for dinner?" Kensi asked casually walking over to Deeks who was currently sitting on the couch relaxing in front of their ridiculously oversized television coutesy of Hetty.
"Whatever, I'm not fussed." Deeks continued to stare at the basketball game flashing before him in crystal clear HD quality.
"Pizza okay?" Kensi couldn't be bothered attempting to cook.
"Yeah, fine." Deeks took a swig from the beer in his hand almost dismissively.
"Okay good, I'm going to finish unpacking my stuff." Kensi turned to walk away but was interrupted by a knock at the front door. Looking through the peep hole she could see that it was their new next door neighbors.
"Great..." Kensi muttered to herself waving for Deeks to come to the door. Deeks turned the television off making his way over to her.
"Showtime" Deeks smiled at her before opening the door up.
"Hello" Deeks cheerily greeted the husband and wife standing before him with a small child in tow.
"Hi there, we just wanted to come over and welcome you both to the neighborhood, I'm Jeff and this is my wife Rebecca."
"And who is this little cutey?" Deeks interrupted Jeff before he had the chance to introduce the little girl currently smiling brightly at him. She was exposing her cute gummy grin to Deeks.
"This is Alyssa" Jeff said proudly kissing his daughter's forehead.
"She just turned six months old." Rebecca added.
"Well she is adorable." Deeks commented. "Almost makes me want one of my own" Deeks added turning towards Kensi with his trademark grin. A look she had missed so much as Deeks put his arm around her, pulling her into his side.
"Did he really just say that?" Kensi thought to herself as she tried to retain her composure. The butterflies currently fluttering in her stomach were not helping the situation. Neither was the firm hold Deeks had on her waist, the warmth of his hand penetrating through the soft material of her dress.
"This is my wife Jennifer" Deeks announced breaking Kensi's trance, she desperately needed to focus on something other than the contact she was currently sharing with Deeks. Warmth and contentment radiated from her as she looked up at him lovingly. The sparkle that had been missing in his crystal clear blue eyes had returned. He seemed genuinely happy in that moment.
Kensi reluctantly turned her attention towards the neighbors, feeling the need to acknowledge their presence. Hopefully they hadn't noticed her staring at Deeks too much.
"And I'm Matt." Deeks extended his hand towards Jeff adding a polite "nice to meet you" for good measure.
"Likewise" Jeff nodded his head, he had a firm handshake and judging by his haircut he clearly had a military background.
"We won't hold you up, I'm sure that you have a lot of unpacking to do... you should come around for dinner sometime" Jeff offered.
"That'd be great." Kensi replied.
"Fantastic, well we'll see you around." Jeff turned towards his daughter "Are you going to wave goodbye sweetie" Jeff asked.
Deeks accepted the challenge of making the little girl wave at him by flapping his arm wildly to see if she would copy his motion. The grin on his face only widened as the little girl waved back at him.
"That a girl!" Deeks smiled.
Kensi watched the interaction between the two, a smile tugging at her heart, he really was amazing with children.
"I think she likes you." Rebecca laughed, watching her daughter giggle with joy.
The neighbors said their goodbyes shortly after.
"They were really nice" Kensi smiled as she shut the door, their neighbors retreating down the path.
Deeks withdrew his arm from around her waist replying with a quiet "yeah" as he returned to the couch.
Kensi instantly missed the contact knowing that he was returning to his default setting. He was shutting down on her again and quite frankly it broke her heart. Seeing how happy he was just a few minutes earlier she knew that it had all just been a facade.
She hoped that this case would bring them closer together. That somehow it would allow Deeks to finally open up to her about those two days he was tortured by Sidorov and his goons. That maybe they could finally talk about the kiss they had avoided talking about for three months.
*Later that night*
They had barely talked since the neighbors had left. They shared dinner silently on opposite ends of the couch using the television as a distraction to avoid each other.
When the silence was eventually broken, it unsurprisingly involved the topic of further isolation. "I'm sleeping on the couch." Deeks announced rather abruptly as Kensi finished the last slice of pizza. He was sitting as far away from her as possible.
"Deeks..."
"We're not under surveillance, we haven't made contact with our target yet, so I'm gonna sleep here okay?" He wasn't asking for her permission, he was telling her.
"Yeah okay..." Kensi sighed, heading upstairs without any further discussion on the matter. She would allow the tears that had been threatening to fall to do so in the shower, away from him.
Deeks was relieved that she hadn't pushed him on the matter. He could tell that she wanted to yet wasn't able to find the words as she rushed upstairs. He knew that he couldn't sleep on the couch once they had made contact with their target. There were too many risks involved. He would have to deal with the sleeping arrangements when the time came. For now he was content with sleeping on the couch. It was the preventative measure he had to take. He couldn't risk having her see him break down after a nightmare.
Surely enough once 3am rolled by Deeks was in the midst of a full-blown nightmare. This one consisted of Sidorov threatening to inject him with a needle if he didn't answer his questions.
Deeks violently shook from side to side in his sleep as he struggled and tried to pull against the ties holding him in place. The dream was so vivid that he could recall the smell of his own blood as he begged Sidorov not to inject the needle into his arm.
Deeks was covered in sweat and panting for air as he woke up. Throwing the blanket off himself he removed his t-shirt, feeling like it was constricting around his throat, suffocating him. He used the dry portion of his shirt to wipe the beads of sweat from his face. The only comfort he found was in the fact that he hadn't screamed the house down, something that often happened when he was at home. Several nights he would find Monty terrified and barking up a storm to try and help his owner wake up.
Perhaps there was some kind of subconscious recognition on the part of Deeks whereby he knew that screaming would alert Kensi and so he was able to keep it at bay. Yet the question remained - how much longer could he hide this from her?
Walking over to the fridge he poured himself a glass of water, wondering how long he could go on like this. Rubbing a hand slowly down his face, Deeks tried to recover from the haunting images running through his head.
"Hey you're up..." Kensi quietly announced herself before entering the kitchen so as not to startle him.
"Huh yeah, couldn't sleep." Deeks replied, drinking down the water quickly, trying desperately to gain his composure. It had been ten minutes since he had woken up yet the adrenaline was still pumping through his veins, his heart racing.
"Me neither..." Kensi confessed, "you want a hot chocolate?" She offered putting the jug on.
"No thanks" Deeks replied distancing himself from her as he leaned against the dining room table.
"Are you okay?" Kensi asked, the moonlight streaming inside the window revealed his dishevelled features, his hair was a mess, she could see the large bags under his eyes.
"Yeah just need to get some sleep." He replied, running a hand through his wayward hair.
Kensi nodded, knowing that he was far from alright.
"Is the couch comfortable enough? You could always..."
"The couch is fine, night." Deeks cut her off knowing that she was going to offer to share the bed with him. Returning to the living room he collapsed on the couch with a deep sigh.
"Night." Kensi whispered, quickly making her hot chocolate and returning to the bedroom upstairs alone.