Chapter 2: The Cripple
Kattegat was stunning; colorful and wild with so many different languages being shouted at the market and so many different people trying to force things into her hands. A lot of the words she couldn't understand although the gestures and facial expressions often helped translate the usual lies and drivel that merchants loved to tell. She refused them all, wanting to only have a look around before the beginning of the feast.
At the docks, Harald had presented her to Bjorn as if a trophy and Bjorn had admired her as one. It had reminded her again of her low position in this new kingdom, a puppet to move as her master willed her to. She had excused herself, claiming curiosity at the exotic wares Kattegat's merchants were in possession of and promised to be back quickly.
She had heard Harald's aggravating laughter behind her, "Women and their trinkets."
Her lust for her King's blood grew by the day.
A while later, with a clearer head, she headed back towards the dock and was met halfway by her husband.
"There you are, come on, the boats are all set and we're ready to go in."
As soon as they entered, Bjorn was there to greet them and decided to introduce Svana to to the people already feasting.
"Everybody, Halfdan returns to us having found a wife! Meet Svana, the shieldmaiden!"
Her name received cheers before everyone settled and went back to talking amongst themselves. Halfdan and Harald lingered with Bjorn, sharing words she didn't care to overhear so she stepped away and headed straight for the mead.
"I've heard about you." A female voice came from behind her.
She turned towards the speaker, a horn of mead covering her face as she emptied it before sighing loudly in satisfaction and focused on the woman standing before her. Regal, confident and very beautiful, she could guess who it was right away.
"Yes?"
"Svana, the shieldmaiden." Lagertha smiled warmly, "If you weren't so loyal to Rogaland I would have tried to snatch you away earlier. I did, in fact, try. But your father put a quick stop to my attempts."
The world slowly fell away until all she saw was Lagertha, a representation of a possible future she could have had.
"You tried? And my father stopped it?"
Lagertha's face grew somber, "You didn't know."
"No," Svana croaked and turned around to pour herself some more mead. Lagertha came to stand next to her as she finished the second hornful.
"Would you have liked to join my shieldmaidens?"
"Of course! You've gone raiding, you've joined large battles. I would've joined you in a heartbeat because it would've meant being closer to glory."
Lagertha laughed, "And that is what you seek? Glory?"
"Of battle, yes. Proper battle. Not slaughter."
The woman's smile was radiant as she nodded in understanding, "You would have fit in well. I'm sad your father was too short-sighted."
"Most likely just overprotective," she grumbled into her third hornful. "All this time I thought he was being lenient and good to me by allowing me to be the defender of his realm, but now I realise that it was all just a way to keep me home."
"Do you love your father?"
An uncomfortable question from a woman she'd just met, but Svana allowed it, smiling at Lagertha, "I do. When I was little, he gave me everything I ever wanted, he spoiled me rotten. I owe him a lot. I owe him my shield. He was the one to teach me how to use it after all."
Lagertha seemed happy at the reply, "Then your time as the defender of his realm was not wasted, I'd say. He deserved your loyalty."
Svana sighed, "I'm getting a bit too drunk to be so reasonable. Let me be pissed off at him for a little while, I cool off easily anyway."
Lagertha's laughter was strong and clear and it drew eyes towards them. As she looked around, she couldn't help but notice the young men sitting with another older, regal-looking woman. All of them were glancing their way, one of them, she noticed, was glaring quite fiercely at Lagertha.
The angry one had a steely blue gaze she found herself drawn to. But she quickly moved on and found another pair of blue eyes on a handsome face that had gotten stuck on her legs. Svana smirked at the man's expression. 'Yes. They're that long.'
Then the regal woman stood up and Svana found herself having to look up to meet the politely interested stare, a rarity for her.
When the tall beauty approached them, Lagertha spoke first, "Queen Aslaug, I am glad to see you again. Come meet Svana, the shieldmaiden who is now married to Halfdan The Black."
If Svana had been drinking mead, she might've choked on it. First Lagertha, now Queen Aslaug. Who would be the next walking legend she'd get to meet, Ragnar himself?!
"Oh, married already? My boys showed much interest in you as soon as you walked in. I had hoped at least one of them would catch your eye."
Two already had, but she refrained from mentioning that. "My apologies, Queen, had I known I would have this many choices, I'd have come as a single woman."
Aslaug chuckled, "A recent marriage then?"
"Less than two moons old."
"To be young again!" She sighed wistfully. It was then that she noticed the Queen was already drunk. And that Svana was quickly following in her footsteps.
She figured she didn't have to be awake for anything that night anyway, so might as well drink herself to oblivion. She grabbed a fourth hornful and left the two legends to their tense conversation, hearing something about sons and sacrifice as she walked away from them. Mead giving her courage and confidence, she headed over to the group of young men who she now realised were the sons of Ragnar. Almost as good as the man himself, she reckoned.
Three of them stood as they saw her approach. She admired their height, all of them tall young men but only one of them actually taller than herself. She placed herself in front of the handsome blue-eyed lad who had stared at her legs earlier, smiling politely at the eager faces.
"I am Svana, if Bjorn's shouted introduction did not reach you."
"Ubbe," he held out his arm and she grasped it in greeting. Hvitserk and Sigurd followed suit.
Hvitserk gathered himself and was about to speak when she took a step back so she could see the angry one actively trying to ignore them all, caressing the hair of the girl sitting next to him. By the girl's downturned gaze, solemn expression and tense shoulders, Svana identified her as a slave.
"And you are?" She spoke clearly, refusing to flinch or be moved in any way when the boy turned her steely glare onto Svana. After a tense moment, he visibly relaxed and smirked mockingly.
"Ivar." His voice gave her chills. It was higher than his brothers' but there was a lower undertone she liked..
"The Boneless," Sigurd added quickly.
Ivar rolled his eyes and proceeded to murder his brother with his mind.
"Quite the glare you have there, saw it aimed at Lagertha earlier."
And now she was the one being murdered, this young man seemingly overflowing with anger.
"What's it to you?" He snapped.
"Just making an observation. To be honest, just wanted you to glare my way again. Pretty eyes those, nice to look at and all that." She muffled any further ramblings with her mead, realising she was currently on the loose-tongue stage of drunkenness. Best to try and excuse herself.
Ivar's face made her pause as the anger just dissipated, leaving uncertainty and wariness in its wake.
Ubbe interrupted with a rough chuckle, "My eyes are blue too and I'll happily keep them aimed your way."
She took in his roguish charm and all of a sudden felt an incredible hunger. And not for food. Truly, it was time to leave.
"Would you like some music? Do you dance?" Sigurd asked, picking up a stringed instrument and playing a short melody as an example.
"Ah..."
"Yes, let's dance!" Hvitserk exclaimed, grabbing her hands and pulling her towards an open space near the table.
The mead had a strong hold over her so she laughed and agreed, shaking off her coat and throwing it onto the table along with her axe. Left in her leathers, she enjoyed the admiring looks from the brothers (all of them, she noticed) and then gestured for Sigurd to play something. Hvitserk led her into a jolly and energetic dance, more about having fun rather than flirting, which she appreciated. Ubbe joined in and she hopped from one Ragnarsson to the other, clasping hands and twirling. Other people around them immediately joined and the outside world soon disappeared from view as all she saw was moving figures and faces full of joy.
When the voice in the back of her mind reared up again to remind her of King Harald's eyes on her, to whisper 'puppet' as she felt her strings being pulled, Svana excused herself and went back to the mead. She wanted more drink, more oblivion, more joy. Having felt out of sorts ever since her wedding, she figured it was about time for it all to come crashing down on her.
Better to drown in drink than in her sorrow.
"You dance gracefully, I'm surprised!" Ubbe laughed, wiping sweat from brow. He reached to fill a horn for himself and then leant his hip against the table, eyes set on Svana's face.
"Surprised?"
"Haven't seen a woman as tall as you with such a light step," he amended.
She didn't know whether to take offense to that so she just shrugged, "Well, I am and I do and I have. Tall, step lightly and grace, that is." That made more sense in her head before she spoke it.
Ubbe's smile remained, "Yes, I'm even more regretful now that I'm staying behind. Would've loved to see you in a fight."
"You'll see it someday. I'm sure of it." Svana reached over to give a friendly push, but her hand stayed on Ubbe's strong shoulder as the world tilted. "Oh, too much mead..."
"Do you want to leave? Go someplace else, where it's quiet?"
"Oh, Ubbe, I'm flattered, but I can't. Married and all that," she waved broadly to the left, where she thought she saw Halfdan before.
His smile dimmed but the kindness in his eyes remained, "I thought as much, but wanted to try anyway."
"Again. Flattered." She patted his shoulder, a good strong pat that made him huff out in mock pain. "But now I should leave. Mead, music, dance, my eyes are losing focus, bed is good. Bed sounds good. I'll dream of your eyes, no doubt." Or someone else's.
Ubbe's flirtatious grin reappeared and he leant forward to kiss her cheek quickly. "I'm honored to be in your dreams, shieldmaiden." With that he left, leaving her to stare after him, hungrier than ever before.
She grabbed her coat and axe from the table, clumsily pushing past people and excusing herself as she exited the Hall. Outside she draped the fur onto her shoulders and let her axe fall back onto her hip before heading out towards one of the many houses set up for Harald and his best warriors. She didn't see him because her gaze was high, set upon her destination and unwilling to see the ground move beneath her feet.
"My brothers liked you."
The voice made her stop and look around in confusion.
"Down here."
Her head swivelled to her left where Ivar was sitting against one of the guest houses, legs straightened before him.
"Why are you sitting here of all places?" She blurted out, swaying as she responded to the pull of him and stumbled over to his side, slumping down and mirroring his position, their shoulders a breath away from touching. Her mead-addled brain barely noticed how tense he got from her nearness.
"Back in the Hall, you looked at me the same way you looked at Ubbe."
Svana blinked at the hope she saw on the other's face. She tried to quiet her drunken mutterings and put together a proper response. "Well, yes. Out of all your brothers, you two are the most pleasing to my eyes. I hope I didn't cause offense or discomfort."
"No." Ivar quickly said, eyes flicking away from her. "It's just never happened before."
"What hasn't happened before?" She was missing something, surely. She found him attractive, she found Ubbe attractive, why was this so unusual for Ivar? With a handsome face, pretty eyes and strong arms, he'd surely...
Her gaze had strayed down over his body and met the harness around his legs, tying them together.
Svana remembered the stories she'd heard of the youngest son of Ragnar, born without the use of his legs, a cripple. The Boneless, Sigurd had said. Her shock at having missed such a huge detail sobered her up enough to realise it would definitely offend if her reaction was caught by Ivar. Maybe even hurt.
He wasn't used to being looked at as an attractive man, an attractive warrior, like Ubbe.
Svana calmed herself and acted as if she'd known about his legs all along. Fortunately, during her panic inside her mind, Ivar hadn't looked her way, he was instead staring off into the distance and as she eyed his face, she saw a storm gathering there, his expression growing more distant. He was trying to hide his true feelings from her, no doubt unwilling to be vulnerable.
"Never mind." He finally said and moved so suddenly, she jumped. He started to crawl away when she reacted before thinking, grabbing ahold of a foot and gently refusing him his escape.
Ivar snarled when he turned around, fury spiking up quick and unforgiving, "Release me!"
"You came here because you wanted to talk. Or ask something. Please. I'd like your company." There, that sounded friendly. She could do this. Although why she wanted him to stay so much was unclear still.
Ivar was calculating something in his head, perhaps going over the possible outcomes of staying versus going, but soon he rolled his eyes and returned to his former position, this time pushing his shoulder against hers as if to tell her 'There. You wanted me, now have me.'
"Just wanted to see if you'd look at me the same way when I wasn't sitting at a table, my legs hidden away."
"And did I? I think I did... I don't see you differently right now," Lying. "I see you as I did before." Still lying. "A handsome young man with pretty eyes and a mouth I'd like to-" Svana cleared her throat. Too truthful. "I shouldn't finish that thought," she laughed nervously.
Ivar was intrigued, a clever smile appearing that showed a lot of teeth and made Svana feel oddly more charmed than ever.
"I think you should finish that thought."
"I'm sure you can guess," Svana grumbled, nudging his shoulder with hers playfully.
Uncertainty shadowed Ivar's eyes before he shrugged and rolled his head to the side, his smirk and the slump of his body making him seem confident. Too confident. Hiding something again, she assumed.
"Of course I can," he replied, sounding self-assured and very, very young at the same time. For the first time that night, Svana wondered at his age, but thought it best not to ask. Ivar seemed unpredictable and easily provoked. And yet she was intrigued. A cripple and a son of Ragnar sounded like a hard combination to live with. No doubt there was lots of competing among all the sons and in most things, Ivar would always lose by default because of his legs. She felt for him and she admired him; to have lived this long, seen by most as a lesser man and despite of that, looking strong and in possession of a keen mind that was always calculating something, even as he was just looking for a single win over his brothers.
Because that's what this was, she realised. He'd noticed that she had specifically sought him out over the others, had complimented only him and not his brothers. He wanted to be her favorite of them all, the one she'd choose.
As silence settled around them, Ivar's jaw clenching while he waited for her to say something, she thought to herself... 'Odin, did you send me here for this? Was this why my path was suddenly forever changed, so I would find myself here in Kattegat, at this exact moment, offering comfort to Ragnar's youngest?'
The thought brought comfort. It was a destiny, something she was meant for, even if it wasn't what she wanted it to be. It was better than just being a puppet, better than just being a wife. She could be a friend. She could be needed.
With that in mind, Svana steeled herself with a silent breath before reaching out and touching her fingers to his jaw. She saw him swallow, frown but he refused to turn and look at her, which she thanked the Gods for, because the mead had left her and her courage would surely flee too if her eyes met his.
Not knowing if she was doing the right thing, if she was following her destiny or ruining her path even further, Svana leaned in closer to him, their sides completely pressed together now.
"Your mouth," she whispered against the skin of his cheek, his breathing loud in her ears, "is soft and wide," her fingers trailed upwards to ghost over his lips, which parted. "It's a mouth I'd like to..." She paused, felt his anticipation in the tenseness of his body and then grinned as she finished the thought, "Sit on."
She returned to a neutral position but left their shoulders touching. With sick pleasure, she took in his wide eyes, flushed cheeks and wonder.
Then he frowned and tilted his head, "Sit on?"
Svana bit her lower lip to hold back a laugh, not wanting him to think she was mocking him, "You haven't heard of women sitting on men's faces?"
His frown remained, "No?"
He was growing frustrated and she knew she would lose him to his anger if she let him continue thinking for too long. Svana sighed and sat up only to swing around to straddle him. Ivar thumped his head against the wall in his haste to back up.
"Easy. I'm just teaching you something about women, alright?"
His gaze was young and trusting as he nodded, hands tentatively coming up to rest on her hips. She grabbed one of them and pulled it to her crotch, placing his fingers against the core of her. Now, he looked absolutely dumbfounded as his hand twitched in her hold.
"Do you know what's between a woman's legs?"
"Yes," he replied, arrogance quickly returning, "I've seen it. Touched it."
"Have you tasted it?"
Ivar hesitated, "... No. People do that?"
"Yes. Imagine, my mouth, or any mouth really, wrapped around your cock. Warm, wet and intimate. Wouldn't you like that?"
He looked as if frightened, yet she could see the wonder. Once again she felt there was something happening here that she was missing, but she continued on, ready to finish the lesson.
"Don't you think a woman would like it too? If you kissed these lips," She pressed his hand firmer against her, "As if you'd kiss these..." She leant forward ever so slowly, giving him ample time to stop this if he didn't want it. His eyes were going wild all over her face, unable to focus on any one spot. Her lips softly grazed his and she felt his mouth purse up, meeting her kiss with a reply. She pressed down once, firm and wet before quickly pulling back.
They were both breathing hard, Ivar looking as if he'd discovered an amazing secret, so wild was his gaze.
"There. Now you know why I wanna sit on your face," she quipped lightly, giggling and slumping sideways, to rest against the wall, her chest against his shoulder this time.
There was a moment, where her stomach was falling and she felt wrong all over, sure that she had made a mistake. Ivar was tense and unmoving, eyes cold and distant. But her regret disappeared when it all seemed to fade away as he started shaking with silent laughter, mouth opening wide with a grin so blinding, she closed her eyes for a second to gather herself.
"I see," he replied with the same airy tone she'd used. "And why don't you?" He slyly asked, tongue sliding over his lower lip as if getting a taste of her and imagining how she'd taste elsewhere.
Svana kept her smile, but answered sincerely, "I would. A year ago, I would've already done it twice I imagine, but I'm married now."
"I've seen married men and women do a lot of things they shouldn't do. Never seems to stop them, if they want it bad enough." Ivar's voice went high, joking and yet serious at the same time.
"I... do not love my husband." The moment it left her lips, she felt both lighter and buried. Ivar straightened, head swaying on his neck mockingly.
"Now you're not making any sense, woman."
She smiled at the attempt at scorn. "My father was king of Rogaland. It belongs to Harald now. I... belong to Harald now. My father's life depends on my actions. As does my own."
Ivar processed this for a minute then scoffed at her, "So you're no better than a slave."
Svana could see that the word left a bad taste in his mouth, remembered the frightened girl back at the Hall and started to make some connections in her mind. Perhaps the slave had preferred his brothers, perhaps he had frightened her, perhaps...
Her mind was growing tired, yearning for sleep and yearning to be away from Ivar, who seemed to suck her into his life and his pain as if she was air and his misery were his lungs.
"I guess. But a slave you hold no power over." The point was valid. He agreed with a nod, eyes shadowed over by thoughts she was too weary to wonder about.
She'd allow him one more moment of weakness before she left. Svana moved before she could question herself, grasping his face in her hands and kissing him softly, feeling his lips part in surprise but denying herself the chance to devour him like she wished to.
She pulled back just as suddenly, smiling at his confusion, "I wish I'd met you when I was free. Truly."
Svana rose up, sobriety reminding her that Halfdan would also come this way, as would Harald or anyone else from their guest house. To be seen kissing a son of Ragnar, would surely mean saying goodbye to her father's head and maybe to her own.
As she was stepping away, Ivar spoke up again, "Would you like to meet my father?"
She turned, unamused, "Right now, I'd really just like to sleep, Ivar."
He flashed a grin at her and damn him, she was warm to the bone, "I didn't mean now. Tomorrow, once you've rested. Meet me at the Hall when the sun's at its peak." He paused, and as if suddenly realising he'd ordered rather than asked, he winced and offered a weak, "Yes?"
Svana shook her head in disbelief, "You'd seriously just invite me along to meet your father?"
"What's so strange about that?"
"Not strange, just... " She grinned at him, "Kind. You don't seem like the type to be kind."
For a brief moment, he pretended to be offended but it quickly faded away, his sly smirk making its return, "I'm not. But it's not about kindness if there's something in it for me."
She appreciated the honesty but made an exasperated face at the words themselves, "I'm too tired to figure out what you mean by that, so I'll just agree to come with you tomorrow."
"Don't be late!" he called out and turned to crawl away.
Svana stared after him for a while, head spinning at her actions, his responses.
"Allfather, am I walking true? Or am I stumbling around in the dark?" Whispered words into the night, that remained on her mind until her head hit her pillow and sleep overcame her.