A/N: Point of view change in this chapter. This'll be from Coulson's point of view.
When Jemma walked into the room, Coulson could tell by the set of her shoulders that she had come to some sort of decision about something. He could tell by the look in her eyes, however, that it wasn't a decision he was going to like.
"Agent Simmons," he greeted, at the same time hating himself for being so formal. But he really felt it was a necessary distance to maintain as Director.
Sometimes, he wished he could punch Fury square in the face.
"Director Coulson," she responded. "I know you're very busy. Thank you for seeing me so quickly."
Her message had been the first he received upon his return to The Playground this morning and it contained an air of something akin to desperation. He had been incredibly concerned when he first got it and had spent the last two hours going back through everyone's reports to see if anyone mentioned any incidents out of the ordinary regarding Simmons. There was nothing to be found.
"No need to thank me," he gestured for her to have a seat and he did the same. "I'd be lying right now if I said I wasn't a little concerned, though. Has something gone wrong with Fitz? Is his recovery stagnating?"
When he was gone, Skye sent him abbreviated versions of reports in short, untraceable data bursts. Nothing in any of them had alarmed him in regards to Fitz. And he had been unable to find anything in the full reports upon his return. The slight and sudden tension in Jemma's posture at the mention of the name, however, told him that something was going on.
"Not exactly, sir."
Coulson narrowed his eyes slightly at her answer. She looked down and away from him, the first time she had broken eye contact since entering the room. And in the seconds before she spoke again, Coulson felt his heart begin to sink. As if he knew what she was about to say.
"Fitz's recovery is going as well as can be expected, sir. Although it is hard for him to accept, that is the truth. I think, however, that he would be better off without certain distractions. That is to say…I think it would be best if I left The Playground."
So there it was. Her eyes met his own again and he knew in that moment he wouldn't be able to dissuade her from this course of action. He had seen that look before. On a video feed in the moments before she jumped from the plane. Jemma Simmons had made up her mind. But something in him had to try.
"Are you sure that's for the best?" he inquired softly. "You're his best friend, Simmons. He leans on you more than anyone else on this team."
Although that might be part of the problem, he suddenly realized.
"I think it is for the best. I believe I might be something of a reminder to him of how things used to be. A reminder that's too painful. And perhaps, if he wasn't always looking at his past, he might be able to concentrate more on his future."
What a lovely phrased and poetic lie. Because she was lying. He could see that straight away. Jemma had never been a good liar unless she had some elaborate backstory prepared. Coulson actually had to bite back a smile as a memory of train travel and prostitutes rose up in his mind.
She was lying and he should call her out on it. He should demand the truth from her, especially regarding such a huge decision. But he was still looking her straight in the eyes and he saw pain in them. Tremendous pain that she was actually doing a fairly good job of hiding. If it wasn't for years of experience in reading people, Coulson doubted he would see it.
He wanted to help her, to reassure her that things would eventually work out and that she didn't have to do this. He knew better than to try. It was clear to him that she hadn't talked to anyone about this. Not even Skye. And if she was willing to accept help, willing to share her burden with anyone else, she would've done it by now.
Whatever she was dealing with regarding Fitz, she was determined that she was going to do it on her own. That much was abundantly clear. Coulson found that he didn't have the heart to press her on the matter.
"I see," he spoke the words in a thoughtful tone and noted that Jemma now narrowed her own eyes. She was wondering if he knew she was lying. "Did you have any ideas on where you might go?"
"I suppose home is out of the question," she attempted a smile. "Even if I stay with my cousin in London?"
"Yes, I'm afraid home is out of the question," Coulson informed her apologetically. He wished she could go home. She had strong ties to her family, one of the few agents remaining who did. It had been against his better judgment to allow her to contact her parents at all after arriving at The Playground, but he did allow it. Once. After Skye had assured him the brief conversation would be completely secure.
No, home was not an option for Jemma. It was too dangerous. Hydra, as far as he knew, still thought both Fitz and Simmons were dead. But they were too recognizable, too well-known. All it would take was one member of Hydra to spot Jemma in a pub or in the market and everything would come crashing down around her. There would be no one to protect her at home. She could be killed. She could be captured and tortured for information. Coulson couldn't stand the thought of it.
Agent Blake, still recovering from his own run-in with Deathlok and still very loyal to S.H.I.E.L.D., had his own covert team in another facility about two thousand miles from The Playground. Jemma would be a welcome addition there. But he didn't know how comfortable she would be answering to the man who once delivered the order to have her killed. Oh, she would understand. Blake had simply been doing his job. He was one to follow the rule book, as Coulson had once been. But Coulson didn't want her to be uncomfortable.
There were precious few facilities she could go to. Blake's was the nearest. The rest were scattered across the globe. All other teams he had managed to cobble together were basically nomadic. Sleeping and eating wherever and whenever they could. Scraping by with a minimum of complaint. They were good agents, but Jemma's talents would be wasted with them.
One solution presented itself to him and he was fairly unsure of it, but it seemed better than any other alternative. Appearances could be altered somewhat. Hair dye, colored contacts, things of that sort. And even if she was discovered, she would certainly be protected.
"How would you feel about working for Tony Stark?" he asked.
The widening of her eyes indicated that his suggestion wasn't a possibility she had considered. He continued.
"We could get word to Hill somehow. She's not an agent anymore, but I know she'll help. She and Pepper could get you an alias and we'll make some small changes to your appearance. What do you think?"
She sat there for a moment, clearly taking a moment to ponder what he was proposing. Coulson was confident she would be safe there. Hill could handle almost any threat there was. Failing that, she had a direct line to Iron Man should a situation arise that was somehow beyond her. And wherever Jemma stayed was certain to be top of the line in terms of security.
When she still hadn't answered, Coulson kept talking.
"Hill knows you, knows what you are capable of. She can easily find a job for you in one of Stark's labs," he detected a flicker of interest in Jemma's eyes. "Now, I'll leave the decision of whether or not to tell Stark you're a former agent up to you. The man can keep a secret. Although he's not so keen on doing the secret identity thing, I suppose."
Jemma started to nod slowly and then stood up, prompting Coulson to do the same.
"I think that might be just the right thing, sir," she admitted. "Thank you. Any thoughts on when I might be able to leave?"
She was more eager than he thought. Again he wondered what had occurred to bring her to this point. And again he didn't push.
"Let me speak to May and Skye. We'll contact Hill, let her know you're coming. And then I'll figure out a safe way to get you there without calling too much attention."
May's team was still too hot after their last foray above ground to risk going to Stark Headquarters. The various individual agents and other teams were pretty far from The Playground to get back in any decent amount of time. He needed someone who could fly under the radar and protect Jemma adequately. An individual would be preferable and he had an idea who he could get. Not a S.H.I.E.L.D. agent, but Coulson trusted him. He couldn't say that about many people these days.
"Within the week, I think? Before I have to leave again," he decided.
Her expression softened slightly as she regarded him.
"You need to get some rest, sir. You're pushing yourself too hard."
"No need to worry about me, Simmons. I'll be fine," he tried to brush off her concern as they made their way to the door. He reached for the handle to open it for her and she startled him by putting her hand on top of his.
"Please, sir. Promise me you'll take care of yourself."
She was worried about him. Something serious had been eating away at her for weeks and she was worried about him. How typically Jemma. Coulson acknowledged in that moment just how much he would miss her. Throwing caution to the wind, he wrapped both arms around her and pulled her in for a hug. She returned the sentiment without any hesitation.
"I wish you would stay, Jemma," he said without pulling away.
Jemma trembled slightly and Coulson knew she was trying not to cry. The waver in her voice when she replied confirmed his suspicions.
"I wish I could, sir. I truly do."
They remained in their embrace for a moment, knowing this was the only informal goodbye they would get. When they pulled away, they were Agent Simmons and Director Coulson once more.
"I'll…I'll go tell Skye. She should be the first to know I'm leaving, I think. I'll tell Fitz once we've decided on a day."
"If you think that's best," Coulson told her as he began to open the door. "I'll leave it up to your discretion."
"Thank you, sir."
She walked out and turned back to him just outside the doorway.
"Shall I send May up to see you, sir?"
Translation: Could you be the one to tell May? Coulson nodded. He was of the opinion that he should probably be the one to tell May at any rate.
"Yes. Please send her up before you go see Skye. And we'll let you know as soon as we have a firm date in mind."
Jemma merely nodded in response and left. Coulson stood there for a while with the door open, listening to her retreating footsteps. When he could no longer hear her, he shut the door and sank into his chair with a sigh. He couldn't help but think that he was quite possibly the worst director in the history of S.H.I.E.L.D. at this point. If he couldn't even keep his flagship team together, how in the world was he supposed to rebuild an entire organization?