Author's Note: I can't believe so many people wanted me to write another one of these! Well, I'm here to entertain, so I wrote another episode of Past Your Bedtime! I think this one requires a bit of background, though. For some strange reason, I have this fascination with the absolutely hilarious way the dubbed version tries to cover up all the gay/lesbian stuff in Sailor Moon. That was basically the inspiration for this one, and the reason I use the dubbed names. And I'm also taking suggestions on what characters you the reader would like to see on the show. Just drop me a line in the review and I'll try and do it if I watch that anime. Anyway, on with the fic!
Past Your Bedtime!
With Hosts Jess and Lauren
Special Guests: Amara and Michelle
[Lights go up on the set and the audience cheers. Jess, seated behind a desk, waves enthusiastically. Lauren, who is seated on the guest couch next to the desk, also waves.]
Jess: Welcome once again to Past Your Bedtime! I am Jess, the grand host, and this is my associate, Lauren, the sidekick host.
Lauren: I can't believe we're actually doing this again.
Jess: what makes you say that?
Lauren: All we did last time was badmouth the Amazon Trio.
Jess: Don't forget that you ran offstage screaming. That pulled in some really high ratings. People like that "real life" stuff. It's kinda like Survivor.
Lauren: (Raising an eyebrow) Right, except without all the backstabbing, stupid games, prize money, and naked gay guys.
Jess: Well, we're going to fix our lack of gays right now! Please welcome tonight's guests, Amara and Michelle from Sailor Moon S!
[Audience cheers wildly as Amara and Michelle walk onstage. They wave and take their seats on the couch, with Amara sitting next to Lauren.]
Jess: Welcome to the show, anime citizens!
Michelle: It's wonderful that you invited us.
Amara: (In a very deep voice, more suited to a man than a woman) Yeah.
Lauren: (To herself) Geez, why do I always get put next to the freaks?
Jess: So, I understand you two are part of the Outer Sailor Scouts.
Michelle: That's right.
Amara: Our powers are far greater than those of the Inner Scouts.
Lauren: We know. You say that every freakin' chance you get!
Jess: Amara, I was wondering something. Don't you get sick of people mistaking you for a man? I mean, if that happened to me, I'd be pretty upset.
Lauren: Yeah, it's all well and good for you to be individual, but come on! You race cars, ride a motorcycle, and dress like a man! Shouldn't you at least show a little femininity?
Amara: It doesn't bother me. I don't care what other people think.
Lauren: (Mutters) Well, maybe you should.
Michelle: I think Amara is fine the way she is.
Jess: And that brings me to my next line of questioning. You two live together, right?
Michelle: Yes.
Jess: That's nice and monogamous.
Michelle: What do you mean by that?
Jess: Huh? Oh, I'm not trying to be patronizing or anything. I just think it's sweet that you guys are together. You really are a cute couple.
Amara: Now wait a second…
Jess: Don't worry about us making fun of your sexual orientation. We're pro-choice!
Michelle: What? When did we start talking about abortion?
Lauren: Um, I think Jess means that we're straight, but not narrow.
Amara: What are you talking about?! Why do you keep acting like me and Michelle are together romantically?!
Jess: Um, 'cause you are…
Amara: NO! We are NOT gay! We're just cousins!
Michelle: Very close cousins.
Lauren: Geez, gimmie a break! It's obvious that you're lesbians. There's no need to hide it.
Amara: But we're not! We're just cousins!
Michelle: Very close cousins.
Amara: We're both straight! It's a requirement for being a Sailor Scout.
Jess: Oh, I see what's going on. It seems like a DiC got between your love.
Lauren: Jess, what that really necessary?
Jess: Hey, I never get any dirty lines. I just wanted to see what it was like.
Amara: For the last time, we are in no way gay! We have never been, nor will we ever be gay! We are just COUSINS!
Michelle: Very close cousins.
Amara: Stop saying that!
Michelle: Sorry.
Jess: (Grinning) Why don't you kiss and make-up?
Amara and Michelle: WE'RE NOT GAY!!!
Lauren: This is ridiculous. Jess, you booked the dubbed Sailor Scouts instead of the real ones.
Jess: It was an honest accident. Look, we'll just toss these two into a closet and get the real ones here. That sound like a good plan?
Lauren: Yeah.
Amara: Hey, I know what you're saying! We are not closet cases!
Jess: Right. And I'm not clinically insane. Now get lost!
Amara: Why you little--!
Michelle: What she, being my cousin and not gay lover, said!
[Michelle and Amara both jump up and transform into their Sailor Scout selves.]
Jess: Uh-oh.
Lauren: I think we may have pushed them a little too far…
Uranus: I am Sailor Uranus. Uranus is my guardian, and I am going to make you pay for insulting me!
Neptune: I am Sailor Neptune. Neptune is my guardian, and I am also going to make you pay for insulting me!
Jess: Ohhhh, crap.
Uranus: Uranus World Shaking!
Neptune: Neptune Deep Submerge!
Jess and Lauren: AAAAAAAAAAHH!!!
[The two hosts run offstage, followed very closely by the Scout attacks.]
Neptune: Come back here! We still have to punish you!
Uranus: Yeah! I'm gonna make you pay for all those stupid "your anus" jokes people tell about me!
[Sailor Neptune and Sailor "Your Anus" Uranus charge off after Jess and Lauren. With the stage now empty, the audience claps (although slightly hesitantly). The sounds of explosions can be heard in the darkness as the lights fade out.]
END
Author's End Note: Hope you like that as much or more than the last one. Remember, post a review and request a character to be interviewed. Yay! Interactive is fun!