After Kiku left Heracles's room, he had to take a moment to collect himself. He had never, not in the seven years he had worked in this field, had a patient that young. He sighed and shook his head as if to clear it. This was unacceptable. He knew what he was getting himself into when he took this job so many years ago. He knew this kind of thing was possible. He should know how to handle it. Maybe he really wasn't cut out for this after all… no. No, he could do this. He had done this for years. Even if this somehow felt different, it should not be. He just needed to be more mindful about overstepping his boundaries. After taking one last deep breath, Kiku retreated back to the staff room.

When he arrived, he was surprised to see Feliciano still sitting at one of the tables. "I thought you said your shift had ended." He said.

Feliciano looked up and smiled at him. "It did, but I decided to stick around and do some paperwork. Plus I wanted to see how it went with your first patient! Would you like some coffee?"

Kiku didn't think he would ever get used to the way Feliciano spoke, jumping from one topic to the next with no breaks in between. Even so, there was something charming about the way he spoke. It made him feel welcome. "Um, yes. I would." He said. After his lack of sleep the previous night and the visit with Heracles, there was nothing he wanted more than coffee right then.

"Okay! Hold on!" Feliciano jumped up and scurried towards the coffee machine on the nearby counter. "How was Heracles, Kiku?"

Kiku sat down at the table. When he heard Heracles's name being spoken, he felt a little jolt of something he could not explain. It was a strange mix of excitement and dread. "He was fine." He said quietly. That wasn't the entire truth, but he couldn't find the right words to explain his feelings towards the visit. Instead, he veered off the subject. "Where is Dr. Beilschmidt?"

Feliciano handed him a mug of coffee and sat down next to him. "When he's not here, you can call him Ludwig." He smiled like he and Kiku were close friends and giggled. "He had to go visit a patient, but he'll be back soon. You can talk to me until then!"

"Alright." Kiku supposed that didn't sound too bad. At least Feliciano would do most of the talking. He took a sip of his coffee, and afterwards could think of only one thing he truly wanted to talk about. "Are you Heracles's nurse as well, Feliciano?" He tried to act nonchalant, tracing the lip of his mug with his finger as his spoke.

Feliciano nodded. "Yep, I take care of him during the morning. He's nice, right? He doesn't talk much, though."

That was one of the nice things about him. "No, he does not." He said. Before he could stop it, the one sentence that had been bouncing around in Kiku's mind finally escaped his lips. "He is very young."

The smile on Feliciano's lips fizzled out and died. "I know. It's really sad." His voice cracked in the middle of his sentence. "I wish I could do more to help him, but…" He trailed off and focused his eyes on the table in front of him. It didn't take long for Kiku to notice the tears forming in his eyes.

Kiku grew immediately uncomfortable. He had never been very good at comforting others, and his coworkers from his previous job were always good about keeping their emotions at bay. Slowly and awkwardly, he reached out and patted Feliciano's shoulder. "There, there," he said, and immediately grew even more flustered when he realized how strange he sounded.

Ludwig entered the room and Kiku was instantly flooded with relief. His attentive blue eyes landed on Feliciano and his brow furrowed. "What happened while I was gone?"

Feliciano waved his hand dismissively and offered a weak smile. "Oh, nothing. We were just talking about Heracles and I got a little sad."

Ludwig nodded knowingly and took a seat. "Yes, Heracles's case is a sad one. Frankly, I'm still baffled by it. He is decades too young for this disease," he said. "Well, at least his condition appears stable. As stable as it can be, really…" He sighed and trailed off.

Without thinking about it, Kiku decided to speak up again. "Does he know?" He asked. "I mean, well, are you sure he understands?"

Feliciano looked confused. "What do you mean?"

Kiku looked down into his coffee. He probably shouldn't have said anything. Regardless, he had to finish what he started. "He appears to be…very content," he said, trying his hardest to put his thoughts into words. "He does not seem upset."

Ludwig nodded. "Yes, I understand what you mean." He paused, and then shrugged. "He's been seeing one of our best psychiatrists, Dr. Williams. According to him, it seems as though Heracles is completely aware of the severity of his condition. It just does not seem to bother him, strange as it may be."

"But he is-" Kiku stopped speaking almost involuntarily before the last word passed his lips. Dying. He pushed the thought away. "I suppose I don't completely understand."

"Neither do we," said Feliciano. "I talk to him in the mornings when I check on him, but I don't really want to bring that up since that's such a downer."

Kiku nodded. It was definitely a 'downer;' more so than he would like to admit. He adverted his eyes and spoke without considering the consequences. "I could take on the time you spend in the morning with Heracles." He surprised himself when he said it. Was this what he wanted? He came to the conclusion in an instant: Yes, because Heracles was his friend now.

Ludwig looked at him dubiously for a moment, and then looked at Feliciano. "Feliciano, would that be alright with you? You do have a lot of patients to deal with."

Feliciano only hesitated for a moment before nodding. "Sure, Kiku can take care of him in the mornings. I have been working a lot, I hardly even have time to paint anymore!" He said. "But Kiku, why do you want to take my patient?"

Kiku wondered if he was unfairly taking Feliciano's hours. "I do not wish to take your job from you, I…" want to see him again. "I think we get along well."

"You're not taking anything from me! We're so understaffed right now, less work in a huge relief, actually." Feliciano said with a reassuring smile. "Just keep me updated."

"It might actually be better for Heracles to have one consistent nurse. Try and get to know him. Maybe then he will feel more comfortable opening up to you." Ludwig said. Kiku hoped so. "Well, I suppose now would be a good time to go over the rest of your schedule."

After a brief rundown of the patients Kiku would be taking care of, he was dismissed.

After a ride home that seemed to take longer than an eternity, he found himself in front of his computer during an Internet search on congestive heart failure. Kiku wasn't completely sure why he was doing it. He knew what the condition was. He had dealt was patients in end-stage plenty of times, and after years of spending most of this waking hours around doctors, he knew almost all there was to know. But he had never seen it happen to someone so young. Surely there was an explanation somewhere online… In his quest for an answer, he read personal stories from people who suffered from it, the gritty details of their pain, and the grief of their family members- something he was usually able to separate himself from.

The longer Kiku read, the more his mind filled with images of green eyes, of soft features and feathery brown hair. The sound of Heracles's soft voice filled his ears like a catchy song, and the warm touch of his hand continued to linger on his skin. The pain on his face burned into Kiku's mind like a bad dream.

It wasn't until he switched off the monitor that Kiku realized his eyes were bleary.

.

Kiku had never had less trouble getting out of bed when his alarm sounded. Despite the fact that he was still adjusting to his new schedule and had trouble sleeping because of it, he was filled with a raw, boundless energy unlike anything he had felt in months. The beginning of his morning passed in a flurry: A breakfast he did not taste, A drive to work during which he did not think, a meeting with Dr. Beilschmidt that he had to force himself to pay attention to. Before his mind woke up along with the rest of him, Kiku was standing outside of Heracles's room.

Before he opened the door, Kiku felt what was like a frantic bird fluttering spastically in his chest. For a moment, he was sure it was indigestion. No, that wasn't it. Was this…nervousness? Kiku was taken aback. Not once in his seven years of nursing had he been this nervous before he saw a patient. This was truly unprofessional. Doing his best to stifle the unfamiliar sensation, Kiku knocked on the door.

Heracles's response was immediate, though soft as ever. "Feliciano?"

Kiku managed to swallow the anxiety rising in his throat. "No, it's Kiku."

"Kiku." Heracles said his name softly, with only a faint trace of shock. "Please come in, Kiku."

So he did. Heracles was sitting in a nearly identical position as he was the day before, and for a brief moment of madness Kiku wondered if he had moved at all, if he ever did. He seemed to be transfixed with something on the other side of the window, something in the world he was barely a part of anymore. The thought rendered his body useless, and he barely heard Heracles when he spoke again.

"Kiku. Look," he said. Kiku just stared at him for a long moment, lost in his own thoughts, lost in the concentrated look in Heracles's eyes. When he failed to respond, Heracles only repeated himself without a trace of impatience in his voice. "Kiku, look. I have something to show you."

Kiku came back to reality. He walked carefully to the window, peered out…and saw nothing. "I do not see anything," he said, all while continuing to search for the thing Heracles seemed to be so fascinated by.

Heracles lifted his hand and pointed towards a tree in the far distance. Finally, Kiku saw what he was looking at. It was a little orange blob of fluff, scampering between the branches. "It's a kitty. A tabby." He said it in a faint breath, as though he could hardly believe it.

"How can you tell?" When Heracles did not respond, Kiku realized with a jolt that he might be in pain. When he broke away from the window and looked at him, however, he realized his suspicion was the opposite of reality. A wild smile had broken out on Heracles's lips, his eyes wide and bright. Kiku felt his heart thump hard in his chest for reasons he wasn't sure of. After a long moment, he could only state the obvious. "You really like cats."

Heracles finally looked away from the window. "Yes, I do. Cats are wonderful." His bright smile faded into a subtler one that could hardly be seen, wavering for only a moment when the orange ball of fur leapt off the tree and scurried into the distance. "Do you think I will ever see my own cat again, Kiku?"

Kiku could not be sure what upset him more: the words themselves, or the pointblank, unaffected way Heracles had said them. After no time at all, Kiku decided he had a new goal. "Yes, I believe you will."

"Really? Wow." Heracles sounded genuinely surprised. "I didn't think they would let me."

"This is a hospital, not a prison." The moment Kiku said it; he realized that this building could very well feel like the latter. Heracles had only these four white walls to look at all day, or at least most of the day. Neither of them spoke as Kiku began to take his vitals, and he finally decided to ask the question that was gnawing away at him. "Do you ever leave here, Heracles?"

"Sometimes I go out to the courtyard, if I'm not too weak."

Kiku frowned. Even if he didn't know what he had wanted him to say, he knew this was not the answer he was hoping for. In fact, it was an answer that he simply did not want to believe. "Is that all?"

"Where else would I go?" Heracles didn't ask the question with dejection. He sounded like he honestly had no idea.

Kiku could not think of a word to say back. He barely knew Heracles; how was he supposed to know where he would go if he wasn't here? Then he realized he and Heracles were, to some strange extent, friends. Not only that, but it was his job to get to know him better. He had been told specifically to do so. Finally, he thought of a response. "You could visit your old roommate."

"Sadiq isn't around much." Heracles looked away. "Besides, I don't believe he really likes me."

Kiku was surprised when the statement took him aback. It was true that he barely knew Heracles, but he couldn't see how anyone would actively dislike him. Maybe there was a side to him that Kiku had not seen yet, but he somehow doubted it. Heracles seemed as though he was nothing if not kind and agreeable. "Oh," he said, words having left him. He decided not to ask. After Kiku finished with Heracles's vitals and handed him a Styrofoam container of food, he spoke again before he had time to reconsider the question. "Does it upset you that you have to stay here?"

Kiku wanted to kick himself. What an insensitive, not to mention likely unprofessional question. Heracles looked up from the food he was picking at, and Kiku almost expected him to get upset or even angry. But as per the usual, his words were as calm and emotionless as ever. "No."

He was already in this far; he figured he might as well continue to test his luck. "And why is that?"

Heracles set the container down on his lap. "Because this place is beautiful."

Kiku looked around, taking in the plain white walls, the beeping machines, and the general blandness his room was made up with. He saw nothing beautiful about it. For him, this hospital was just a place for work, not for wonder or beauty. He must have looked confused, because Heracles continued to speak. "Come over to the window again, Kiku. Could you please open it?"

"Oh, yes, of course." Only growing more confused, Kiku walked over and opened the small window next to the bed. He was hit with the warm, early June air- a welcome change from the constant chemical smell and stale air of the hospital. It was something he had grown accustomed to, but never quite stopped noticing. As if to ask for further instructions, he turned to Heracles again.

He took a deep breath, seemingly enjoying the fresh air, before glancing outside again. "When was the last time you looked outside, Kiku?"

Now Kiku was truly, completely confused. He caught himself wondering if Heracles's condition was beginning to affect either his memory or just his brain in general. "I looked out the window just a minute ago."

"No. When was last time you really looked outside?"

Kiku blinked. He was sure he had never been this lost in his life. "Uh…"

"Here," without warning, Heracles grabbed Kiku's hand, pulled him gently towards the window, and led both of their hands outside. "Sometimes I like to just feel the breeze on my hand. Isn't it nice?" It wasn't until he finished speaking that he let go.

For a split second, Kiku thought to himself that feeling the warmth from Heracles's hand on his was a nice thing all on it's own. Then, he took a moment to actually consider what he had said. The gentle breeze through his fingers was rather calming. He moved his hand a bit, allowing it to float against a gust of wind. "Yes, I suppose it is."

Heracles lowered his hand and let it rest on the windowsill. "Other times, I just like to stare outside and notice all the little things," he said. "Sometimes I watch the people walking in and out, and I make up stories about them in my head. Sometimes I even see cats, like today. If there are no people or cats, I just look at the trees. The leaves are very green this time of year. Have you noticed that, Kiku?"

Kiku couldn't say he had. But now that he was looking outside, truly looking, he did. He noticed the way the leaves swayed gently in the wind, heard birds singing in the distance, and felt the warm air on his face. He could not remember the last time he took the time to notice these things. Whether he was rushing to get to work right on time, rushing to see his next patient in a timely matter, rushing to fill out paperwork, or rushing to get to bed on time so he wouldn't be exhausted the next day- he was always rushing to do something. He barely had time to breathe, much less stare out windows for long periods of time. Over the past few years, he had completely forgotten how amazing nature was.

"No," said Kiku finally. "No, I did not notice that until now."

There was a long pause, during which neither of them spoke. They only stood in silence, gazing out the window, noticing all the little things. It wasn't until nearly five minutes later that Heracles spoke. "Oh, Kiku," he said, snapping both of them out of the daze. "You never did tell me why Feliciano isn't here today."

Kiku felt the calmness he had been feeling leave him. He never did think over how he was going to explain that. "Oh." He grasped for the right words, and finally came up with something that sounded professional. "He was overworked, so I took this shift."

"Does that mean you will be here every morning?" asked Heracles. Kiku nodded. "And in the evenings, too?" Kiku nodded again, and Heracles nodded back in understanding. "I think I am glad you switched with him."

An inexplicable happiness caused Kiku's chest to tighten. Still, the question remained, "Do you not like Feliciano?"

Heracles leaned back against the pillows, sighing heavy as if sitting up for a couple minutes had exhausted him. "He is fine." He took a second to breathe. "But he talks a lot…too much. Even early in the morning. It makes me even more tired."

Kiku smiled slightly. That much was true. "Yes, he does tend to do that."

"I think I will like seeing you twice a day." Heracles said simply. "I like seeing you in general. It makes me happy."

The statements caught Kiku off guard. He was still getting used to how blunt Heracles could be. At the same time, it was a relief that he didn't have to guess what he meant. People these days had an annoying habit of being terribly unclear. One thing, however, was still as unclear as ever. Why would he say something like that? Heracles felt like a friend, but they barely knew each other. "We just met yesterday." Kiku was not sure what else he could say.

Heracles paused, shrugged, and looked Kiku in the eye. "Two days is a long time when you have less than a year." He said it so casually- far, far too casually.

A sudden, painful shock shot into Kiku's blood and coursed through every part of him. For whatever reason, he had somehow managed to forget the circumstances again. He was beginning to believe that he would need to tattoo a reminder on his forearm, reminding him every time he looked down that Heracles was living on borrowed time. If he didn't remind himself every day, every hour, every second- his mind would refuse to remember, to believe.

He finally looked at Heracles again, but this time, he looked at him through a medical standpoint rather than a personal one. This time, he noticed his chest rising and falling too quickly rather than the feathery hair that fell around his slumped shoulders, the way his eyes couldn't seem to stay open rather than the pale green color they held, and heard the labor in his breathing rather than remembering the softness of his voice.

Kiku had to clear his throat, swallow the lump of sadness residing in it. "I think I should give you your medication now."

Heracles nodded weakly. It was easy to tell he was fighting to stay awake. When Kiku gathered the slew pills he had to give him, took away the food he was barely able to eat half of, went back to noticing the beeping machines and chemical smell rather than the trees and birds outside and finally stole one more glance at Heracles, he could only wonder why the world was so cruel.

To be continued...