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I stalked into the room that was covered in white, blinding my eyes. Ruka had let me have some alone time with him, so I was grateful for that. The sound of his steady heartbeat filled the room.
Natsume lay on the hospital bed, unconscious with bandaids wrapped around his head and arms.
"Mr. Hyuuga hit his head quite hard, so he might have some memory loss."
Tears welled up in my eyes unceremoniously from the thought of him having amnesia. The words of the doctor replaying in my mind like a pest that I desperately wanted to get rid of.
I wiped my tears frustratingly as I sat down on a chair next to Natsume's bed.
"Natsume?" I whispered and winced, hearing my voice crack.
"Natsume, can you hear me?" I continued on anyways, my voice so hoarse and soft I barely recognized it as my own.
"Natsume please, wake up. Natsume?" I was about to break, shaking in the small chair as I tried to hold my tears back.
I saw his hand flinch, and I quickly stood up, calling his name over and over again. Ruka heard me from outside and he ran into the room quickly, staring wide-eyed at Natsume.
Slowly Natsume's eyelids slid open, revealing his beautiful crimson eyes. My heart instantly fell as I saw how blank his eyes were, how hallow and dark they looked.
"Natsume?" Ruka asked hesitantly, his voice shaking.
Natsume's eyes trailed from staring blankly at the ceiling to staring at the face of his best friend, who he doesn't recognize.
"Natsume?" Ruka repeated, staring at the empty eyes of his best friend. I wanted to run away after looking at how depressed Ruka looked.
"Natsume, do you remember me?" Ruka asked cautiously, only to sulk when Natsume shook his head slowly, his face blank as ice.
"N-Natsume?" My voice squeaked and my heart jumped quickly as he hesitantly turned his head to face me.
"Natsume?" I whispered again, trying to calm my raging heart down.
Those cold eyes and emotionless voice pierced though me, even more painful than anything else.
He blinked.
"Who...are you?" It felt like a slap in the face, waking me up.
"Natsume..." I couldn't help it. I dropped onto the floor and started bawling like a little girl. I heard Ruka's heavy footsteps as he crossed the room to me, gently soothing me. I felt his hands shaking as he soothed me.
After a while of silence, just the sound of my cries, I finally calmed down a little.
Natsume stared at us, confusion clearly written on his face.
"Why...are...you crying?" His voice was soft and slow, it seems like he forgot a lot of his vocabulary as well.
"Natsume." Ruka said, so calm it surprised me. He made his way towards the bed, sitting in the chair I sat in only a moment ago.
"My name is Ruka Nogi. I'm your best friend." He said slowly, like he was talking to a three year old child. Natsume blinked and nodded slowly, showing he understood.
"That girl is Mikan Sakura. She's your fiancée." Ruka said again with the same speed, only to get the same reaction as before before Natsume's furrowed his eyebrows.
"Fi..an...cée?" He asked, his voice barely a whisper.
"It means the girl you were going to marry." Ruka explained gently. Natsume nodded again.
"Do you remember your own name?" Natsume shook his head before trying to say his own name after hearing us say it so many times.
"N-Nat..su...me..." He pronounced his name slowly, staring at us as if waiting for us to tell him the rest of his own name.
"Natsume Hyuuga. You are Natsume Hyuuga." Ruka said, giving him a warm smile. I stood silently, watching Natsume learning his own name.
"Hy...uug...a..." He furrowed his brows in concentration.
"Natsu...me...H...yuu...ga." I couldn't watch anymore. A small whimper broke out and I quickly covered my mouth. Ruka turned around to look at me, and I gave him an apologetic look before running out the room, giving Natsume one last look.
I never went straight up to him again after that. I went to visit him everyday, bringing him flowers. I would peak in through the door to see if he was awake, sneaking in when he was asleep to put the flowers down, saying a few words before sneaking back out. If he was awake, I would ask a nurse to help me give him the flowers.
Ruka asked me many times why I never went to talk to him and I answered each time with a simple shrug. After a while he didn't push me anymore. I guess the reason why I couldn't talk to him, or even look at him, was because I couldn't bare seeing him so vulnerable and weak. So different.
Where was the old Natsume who always teased me, called me stupid names and acted as arrogant as ever? Why after one accident, did he completely change?
Frustrated tears welled up in my eyes whenever I thought of that, remembering how he used to be, how amazing he was.
He shined like the stars at night, but now the stars were hidden by heavy fog and it won't be clearing up anytime soon.
Ruka was a good friend to me, as well as Hotaru in the time Natsume was still in the hospital.
I went to their house often. Though I always said that I was bothering them, I went anyways because I felt so awfully lonely, with no one else to go to.
Ruka would tell me about how Natsume was, how he was slowly improving. Hotaru would encourage me in her own way, cheering me on and I was very grateful for them.
It was almost a month later and a half later when I found Ruka and Natsume coming to the small café that I owned.
It was obvious I was surprised, shocked, because Ruka cracked a lopsided grin at me and motioned Natsume, who was quietly looking around the place, to come over.
He obeyed without any hesitation, probably because Ruka spent time with him everyday, unlike me.
"Do you recognize this place, Natsume?" Ruka asked.
"No." Natsume answered flatly, staring at a painting in the corner of the room. I followed his gaze only to find that he was staring at the same painting he drew, the painting of our sakura tree.
Tears welled up in my eyes again, but this time I was determined to control it.
"You painted that." I said it so calmly I wanted to pat myself on the back.
His gaze shifted to me and I saw a shift in his aura from before. Back in the hospital, he seemed so lost, so hollow. Now, a small twinkle was in his eyes like he know a little more about the world he woke up to.
But it wasn't Natsume. The boy standing in front of me had the aura of a harmless boy, a child that was still growing up. The Natsume I knew had a calm demeanor, a mature aura of a boy who grew up too fast.
"Really?" He asked. His voice sounded smoother than before, he was obviously tutored on his pronunciation and flow of words.
I nodded at him, giving him a small smile.
"We used to spend a lot of our time there. It was really fun!" I unconsciously laughed, making Ruka laugh as well, but Natsume stayed as silent as ever. For a while there was only silence, and I suddenly felt very uncomfortable.
"A-Anyways..." I looked around desperately for something else to talk about.
"Do you want some cake?" I felt stupid the second I asked it. Natsume had told me millions of times before he hated sweet things.
"Uh...I mean..."
"Sure." I was surprised at his answer. After years of forcing him to try some of the cakes I baked, I finally gave up after his persistent rejection.
I took out a strawberry shortcake that was still left and brought it over to their table.
Natsume ate it slowly, savoring the taste with the same twinkle in his eyes. When he was done he gave me a large grin.
"That was delicious. Thank you." I just stared at him, not moving at all, just staring. For a while he started fidgeting uncomfortably.
"D-Did I say something wrong?" He asked innocently, staring right back at me. I shook my head slowly before muttering quietly.
"No. Not at all." Apparently feeling the tension, Ruka quickly butted in, his voice feigning cheerfulness.
"Hey, maybe you two should go take a walk around the park. After all, there must be a lot Natsume doesn't remember." Ruka said excitedly before pulling Natsume up his chair and motioning me to follow.
Natsume looked confused, but I was nervous. Very. Of course, I was glad that I had some alone time with my fiancé, but was this really the person I was going to marry? Was the engagement even still on?
I didn't have a chance to reject the offer because Ruka had already pushed us out the door and mumbled something about being late for a meeting before disappearing.
"W-Well I guess we should just go take a walk and maybe...just talk." I said nervously, laughing awkwardly.
Natsume seemed to have lost the twinkle in his eyes after Ruka left, but followed me silently.
This was weird. Very, very weird, and not to mention awkward.
We continued walking, a fair amount of space between us and absolute silence, the cool wind blowing through my hair. What a great weather. I was humming a small tune before I knew it, my mood lightening.
"I know that tune." Natsume muttered beside me, stopping in his tracks. I stared at him and beamed, though I didn't know why.
"It was a song that you sang to me on our first dance!" She stared at the sky dreamily, remembering the warm memory.
There was silence again, but somehow it felt less awkward.
"I know you're my 'fiancée' and all..." Natsume started again, walking towards a tree and sitting down. I followed his example, waiting for him to continue.
"...but I'm sorry." He whispered.
"I don't remember you at all. Ruka spent the last month and a half talking to me and all, he told me a lot about you too." He turned to look at me. I had no idea what to say, or how to react.
"I remember a few things about Ruka. The time we met, when we went to this...'Gakuen Alice'..." He continued on, staring at the swaying leaves of the tree.
"But I just...I just can't remember anything about you, no matter how hard I try." Natsume stared at me apologetically. A lump formed in my throat and I cry was making it's way up.
"I don't love you." He finally said, and it felt like my world had shattered. I spent 12 stupid long years trying to get Natsume to finally love me back, to propose, to finally have something in my life that was heartwarming and permanent.
I never in my whole life thought that Natsume Hyuuga, the boy who claimed to love me more than I could ever think of, say those four words.
I don't love you.
I choked, but I continued to smile anyways, trying my very best to hide the tears and sob that was breaking through.
I was starting to put up an invisible wall between us, because I knew he was no longer the Natsume Hyuuga that told me he loved me.
No longer the person that gave me the happiest moments in my life, no longer the person that needed me like I needed him.
"Of course." My voice cracked and I let out a whimper unwillingly, but I continued to smile that fake smile.
"Of course." I repeated again, as if to reinforce what I was going to say, as if to reassure that I was saying this out loud.
"I'll call off the wedding. There's no reason for you to marry me, a person that you don't even know." My own words hurt, like stabbing myself in the heart a hundred times, and then pouring salt all over it.
Natsume stared at me, his face sad and guilty. I knew he wanted desperately to remember about himself, about his friends and family, but wasn't this better? Wasn't forgetting sometimes better than remembering? In his case, it was.
He wouldn't have to remember the time his mom died, the time the academy kidnapped his sister, the times he was forced to go on missions against his will.
This was better.
"Let's start this over. Hello, my name is Mikan Sakura. Let's be friends!"
I can't help but feel like this story is going to be amazing. :P Maybe it's just me. Antways, I really enjoyed writing this chapter and it personally made me want to cry.
R&R Please!