I've tried sober, I've tried drinking. I've been strong and I've been weak, but I still miss you
Bending over the toilet bowl, Remus horked up his entire stomach and silently wondered if forgetting Sirius for a couple hours one night was worh the next morning's hang over.
"Remus?" came tonks' voice through the Grimmauld Place's bathroom door.
"I'm fine, Nymphadora," snapped Remus irritably. He hated to be so PMSy with Tonks. She was, after all, one of his best friends. Remus also knew she fancied him,and he really loved her too. But the fact remined that he had loved Sirius and Sirius had died. It was all too much to deal with all at once.
"Remus, don't make me break down the door! You can't hide forever!" threatened Tonks, her wavering voice patternted with sniffles. Remus wiped his mouth with toilet paper and unlocked the door.
"What?" Remus asked, much too harshly, leaving Tonks looking quite put out.
"Remus!'' Tonks half screamed, half sobbed,"Just stop it! Stop drinking and yelling and crapping out on me cuz you miss Sirius! We all miss him!" Brushing past Tonks, Remus walked into his bedroom, dropping onto the bed and grabbing his old, leather photo album. Tonks watched him from the door. Inside, she wondered if Remus even wanted to be with her. Risking it, Tonks tip toed quietly in, sitting delicately next to the werewolf. He didn't acknowledge her pressence.
After a few minutes of flipping through pages of pictures of the Lupin family, the Marauders, the Order and Lily and James' wedding, Remus extracted a moving photo. In it was Sirius and Remus, years younger, holding each other, kissing, and drinking. Tonks took it from him, turning it over in her hands, examining the two young Marauders.
"You realy loved him, didn't you?" asked tonks, looking at her friend sideways. He simply nodded and burried his face in his scarred hands.
"Why didn't you tell me?" Tonks cried angrily.
Remus sighed and took his head out of his hands. "I was ashamed. James was the only one we ever told. You're my best friend, Dora, and I should've told you the truth from the beginning but I was embarassed."
Confused, Tonks asked, "But, why? I mean, Sirius isn't a bad --"
Remus cut her off. "Not ashamed of Sirius," he explained, "I was ashamed I'd let myself fall for someone who only ever screwed with my head. Dora, I -- I guess I was just embarrassed cuz I'd never loved anyone, and I'd expected to fall for a girl. I was just a confused kid. Now I'm just an effing messed up adult. I just can't get over him." Remus had expected Tonks to agree, to give up on him and leave. But instead, she put an arm around him and kissed his cheek.
"I'm not Sirius, but I could make my hair look like his," Tonks told him, screwing up her face until sleek, ebony hair was cascading down to her shoulders, a few strands falling before her eyes. Remus laughed, slightly letting his depression go.
"I love you, Remmy," promised Tonks, "I'm always here."
"Thanks Dora, I owe you one," responded Remus.
Tonks cuddled the Marauder, resting her head on his shoulder. "You don't owe me anything. Just promise you'll stay."