A/N: Alright I confess when I said this would be a series of one shots, I lied. Bjanik and Mutti helped me to unearth a plot!!!! So for some reason this will now have a plot. For those of you who mind, let me know. Other than that, stay frosty if you live in the Southern Hemisphere, and toasty if you live in the Northern Hemisphere.

Oh and the song that's being sung near the middle was basically the inspiration of the second half of my NaNoWriMo.

Disclaimer: I don't own FFVII, all SE's property. Nor do I own "Bark at the Moon", all Ozzy Osbourn's property.

Lucy: Age 7

Sephiroth frowned as he leaned over his secretary, Sylvia, while his eyes glared at the screen. They had accessed the forums, and discovered that someone had posted his daughter's report online. Someone he had never seen around before, Bladestar Runner. He knew everyone who could possibly have dirt on him, and their usernames, but this was a foreign one to him. He scrolled down the comments, Sexiest Turk Alive, aka Reno had taken the first reply. 'DUDE LOLZZ!!!!!' Following him were several posts from other Turks, Cissnei had posted with her name Shuriken. 'Rather amusing, incriminating, but amusing.' His annoying new sister, Kamui, as Abominable Princess had of course left another comment. 'Whoever posted this is a genius.'

"How did this even leave my house?" Sephiroth snarled. He had no other comments to go on to get the jump for who could have possibly posted this. "No… I know… Zack!" Sephiroth snarled and ran from his secretary's desk.

Sylvia sighed, "you know it is days like this that make it all worth while." And on that note she posted a comment on the embarrassing report.

Cccccccccccccc

"Seph! I can understand you're upset but calm down!" Zack shouted as he came face to face with the death glare. "Listen, you know it wasn't me." He made a puppy face at his commander, "you know me. I may put the eraser above the door sometimes, but this is way over what I would do."

Sephiroth considered this for a long while. After all it really was outside of Zack's expertise, he would never publicly humiliate Seph. Sure there were the minor pranks like the eraser but this wasn't Zack's style. No this person had a vendetta against Sephiroth, and access to information, they clearly knew how to get it without much effort. The General heaved a sigh, "I suppose you're right… I overreacted thinking it was you."

"Hey no worries, whoever it is, we'll get 'em!" Zack grinned and almost tackled Sephiroth with a hug.

Cccccccccccccc

Meanwhile out in Sector 5 of Midgar, not two miles from the Shin-Ra main lobby, two silver haired people sat basking in the sun enjoying a nice round of ice cream by the window of the shop. Kamui grinned as she took a chunk out of her chocolate chip ice cream cone. Lucky for her she'd drawn guard for Lucy today. She was singing quietly as she swallowed, "They cursed and buried him so long... now he's returned to prove them wrong... so wrong..." She trailed off at a strange look from Lucy, "never mind me. Go on."

Lucy smiled and hummed slightly as she colored in a picture on her napkin, her half eaten cookies and cream clenched in one hand. She had just been picked up from school and they had a few minutes before they would head anywhere. As she colored she frowned and started to eat her ice cream. She set down her crayon and fished around her backpack. Her hand plucked out a piece of paper and set it down on the table, "Auntie Kami, I needa do another report. But I can't do Daddy again, who should I do?"

Kamui's eyebrows went up and she picked up a strand of hair, twirling it between her thumb and forefinger. "Hmm, well who do you want to do?"

Lucy's lower lip stuck out in a pout as she thought about who she could do, "I wanna save Mommy for last, so I can do an extra special job on it. Hmm…" Her thin, silver brows pulled together as she thought long and hard about it. "I know! Uncle Zack! But… he's probably busy…"

The Turk smirked, "oh I know someone who could give you some information about Uncle Zack."

Cccccccccccccccc

Lucy sat down at the family table after dinner and held up her report a few days after her ice cream encounter. She smiled, "I got another A on my report!" She set it down triumphantly on the table. Vincent picked up the paper, he cocked an eyebrow and handed the paper over to Zack. "..." Was all Vincent said as he glanced around the table of his assembled family.

Zack's eyes widened as he stared at Sephiroth across the table. "H-How could ya do this to me Seph?!" He accused as he handed over the report.

Sephiroth scanned the report, his eyebrows furrowing as he did so.

My Uncle Zack by Lucy Valentine

I really like my Uncle Zack. He works with my daddy in SOLDIER. His official title is Lieutennant General, but I'm not quite sure what that is. Must be real important though, cause he always works hard. Sometimes he sneaks me snacks for my lunch. That always makes me smile. He also acts like a puppy sometimes, I want a puppy but Mommy and Daddy say we can't get one. I guess that's why we have Uncle Zack.

Mr. Shin-Ra told me that one time one of Daddy's friends put shaving cream in Uncle Zack's shirt when he was in the shower and that Uncle Zack got really mad. But then he tripped and fell in chocobo doody! Also I don't think Uncle Zack is really human, cause his hair is really pointy like a chocobo's feathers. I think he must be part chocobo. But Mr. Shin-Ra said that his hair doesn't stick up like that on his own. I don't know about that but what I do know is that I love my Uncle Zack.

Sephiroth frowned, "well I know that this wouldn't be self incriminating in the least." He set down the piece of paper while he faced Lucy, "sweetie, did anyone ask you to see your paper without you around?"

She shook her head, "nu-uh. Auntie Kami read it so she could make sure it was good, but no one apart from the teacher took it!"

Sephiroth and Zack sighed, maybe it was just a one time incident by some fluke. They decided to retire for the night, the only way to know would be at work the next day.