Chapter 2 Edited
DISCLAIMER: I do not own Harry Potter. I don't own the characters. Anything that is recognizable belongs to J.K. Rowling or the authors I credit in my quotes.
"You are frightened of everything. You call it caution. You call it common sense. You call it practicality. You call it playing the odds, but that's only because you're afraid to call it by its real name, and its real name is fear." –Mick Farren
Breathe. Remember what Andi said. Inhale. Exhale. Breathe slowly.
Narcissa struggled to maintain her composure once again. This is the second time today, she thought bitterly to herself. She pressed her painted fingernails into her palm, trying to regain her focus. It's just a test. Nothing to worry about. All will be fine, if I can just calm down.
As she was mentally chanting this to herself, she felt herself grow more panicked. It is just a test. I. Will. Be. Fine. She had pulled her knees up to her chest in a fetal position, rocking slowly back and forth with her head resting on her knees. She couldn't stay like this for long before someone would notice her strange position.
Ten minutes had elapsed before Narcissa felt calm enough to move away from the secluded corner of the library where she had been studying before she had her anxiety attack. She gathered up her belongings, making sure her papers were lined up and organized according to subject. Arithmancy was the first subject, followed by Care of Magical Creatures, Charms, Herbology, History of Magic, Potions, and Transfiguration. She took care to make sure she had all her quills in order as well before making her way back to the dormitories.
The Ordinary Wizarding Exams were scheduled to take place tomorrow, which was the primary source of Narcissa's anxiety. When she was being rational, she knew that she would do fine. She was one of the top students in her year, receiving high marks in every class that she took. Narcissa did so well in school that she was offered the position of Slytherin Prefect last year, a title that she respectfully declined. Her reasoning, publicly at least, was that she would lose valuable time that could be allocated towards studying if she became a Prefect. Her actual reasons, had more to do with her anxiety issues than anything else.
No one alive other than herself and her sisters knew of her anxiety disorder. Her mother took her secret with her to the grave when she died four years previous. Andromeda would guard her secret with her life, and because of this she was who Narcissa chose to confide in when she felt so inclined. Bellatrix, on the other hand, would easily tell others about her secret should she feel the need or desire. At the moment, Bella felt that telling the world that her younger sister had an anxiety disorder would reflect badly on her. This could change as Bella's whims are subjective to her mood.
There were times Narcissa wished that Bella would say something. Then she could do away with her pretense of the perfect pureblooded girl. She wore a mask, a mask of perfection, whenever she was in the presence of others. The only people to see through this mask had been her sisters.
"It is essential," Her mother had told her soon after the healer had diagnosed her, "that no one knows of what just transpired. It is to remain a secret, and should this secret get out, it will bring shame to the family name. No child from the house of Black has had an anxiety disorder before, and no child will have one as long as we remain." She could still remember her mother's distress. She could still hear the fear of being discovered ringing in her voice. Druella Black made sure that her youngest appeared out in social events as often as she could and looked as normal as possible. She taught her youngest daughter to keep up the appearance of perfection, until she died. When she passed away, the task was given to her two older sisters. Bella had told Narcissa that on their mother's deathbed, she had made her and Andromeda promise to keep the youngest in line, and that they had agreed to do so.
Narcissa entered her dorm room, sighing in relief when she found that it was empty of the three other girls she shared it with. She then carefully placed her bag inside her trunk, which was kept at the foot of her bed, and pulled out her sketchbook and pencils.
She occupied herself by drawing for the next few hours, only stopping when the light began to fade from the room.
It is probably time for dinner, she thought to herself. To keep up appearances, she would have to attend. It was always easier for her to go directly to the kitchen for her meals. There was a lot less people and noise in the kitchen. She was, however, unable to skip too many public meals. The more meals she skipped, the more people would talk. The more people that talked, to more people would speculate that the youngest daughter of the Black household was not all as she appeared. She couldn't allow that to happen, so she would eat the majority of her meals in the Great Hall.
Narcissa was only a few minutes late when she made it into the Great Hall, so all the 'good' seats were taken. The 'good' seats were in the center of the table, where the most elite Slytherins would sit and gossip. Because of this, it was one of the loudest areas in the entire Great Hall. If it was up to her, she would prefer to sit at the edge of the table, as far away as she could get from the ruckus that the elite would make. Unfortunately, like her attending the dinner itself, she usually had to sit with them to keep up appearances. Today, they were too distracted to notice her taking her place at the end of the table.
While Narcissa was largely ignored, it did little to compensate for the fact that the purebloods at the center of the table made significantly more noise than usual. The sound emitted from the Slytherin table by far overshadowed the noise of the other three tables in the room. In fact, she couldn't hear anything outside of the noise from the Slytherins.
As Narcissa listened to what was going on, she realized that the noise wasn't caused by the whole of the table. In fact, the majority of the Slytherins gathered were stunned into silence.
The source of the noise came from Elisa Goyle. She was louder than a banshee as she shrieked and raged at her boyfriend. She screeched insults and profanities at Lucius Malfoy. Elisa was turning red in the face, and was very obviously distressed. She shouted expletives and descriptions of Malfoy, most of which were very unflattering. Malfoy, who was known for his ego and defensiveness of his pride, remained eerily calm stoic. He sat almost peacefully in his seat, delicately slicing into a slice of beef.
"You are so full of it, Lucius! I am sick of this, your stupid pride and even stupider friends!" Elisa yelled. Her face was red. Narcissa wondered idly that if she would prematurely get wrinkles from her creases on the forehead and nose created by contorting her face in such a manor. Before she could form a conclusion, Malfoy spoke.
"You are making a spectacle of yourself." Lucius was absurdly calm, considering his girlfriend was screaming at him at the top of her lungs. He raised the goblet of water to his lips and drank before continuing to finish his meal.
His comment only seemed to further enrage Elisa, who turned from a red to a deep purple. "Is that all you can say? That is absolutely pathetic! You are pathetic!" While she was saying this, she leaned over the table so she could jab him with her index finger. Malfoy's only response was to block her finger with his hand. "Did it ever occur to you that you caused this?" She jabbed him once again, connecting her index finger to his palm with viciousness. She was almost screaming, and her words hissed through the air loud enough for the whole of England to hear her.
"You are causing a scene. Calm down and we will discuss this later, after I finish my dinner." Lucius pushed her hand away from him, then picked up his fork and resumed eating.
"You know what, I don't think we will be discussing anything. It's over. We are finished. Don't talk to me anymore." Elisa screamed these words in between sobs, tears dripping down her chin onto the table cloth. She sniffed rather loudly, and used the back of her palm to wipe her nose before she ran out of the room. Aside from the loud BANG that came from the door as she slammed it closed behind her, the entire Great Hall was silent.
Despite Elisa's shameful conduct, Narcissa couldn't help but feel a twinge of pity for the girl. Not only because she just broke up with her boyfriend, who was the same boy whom she had claimed just yesterday the love of her life. She pitied her more because anyone worthwhile would not forget her disorderly and unbefitting behavior this evening. She ignored this pity, however. Whatever repercussions that the girl would get, she deserved. She didn't deserve her pity.
She looked back at the group of Slytherins around her. Now that the spectacle had ended, she was able to get a better view of her surroundings. Lucius Malfoy was at the center of the table, in the middle of the elite purebloods. It was a fitting arrangement, because he was among the highest of the elite. On his left sat Evan Rosier, and on his right sat one of the Crabbe boys. Andromeda and Emily Parkinson were across the table from them.
Then Andromeda looked up and saw her little sister, she beckoned her to come sit next to her. She gestured for Narcissa to come to the seat that Elisa Goyle had left. Narcissa briefly considered acting like she didn't see her, and staying where she was already sitting. But when Lucius and Evan Rosier looked up, and noticed Andi waving her hand like a madwoman, they began clearing the things from Elisa's vacated seat.
Sighing, Narcissa supposed that she might as well go. She tapped the boy next to her, saying in her most authoritative voice "Take my plate for me. I am going to sit over there." She pointed to the seat she was moving too.
The boy, whom Narcissa couldn't remember his name to save her life, obliged immediately. He immediately dropped his own fork and picked up her plate and goblet. He walked with sharp movements, trying to move as quickly as possible. He jostled a bit of water out of her cup in his haste, but Narcissa didn't really care. As soon as her things were set down on her new seat, he ran back to his seat and refused to make eye contact with the blonde girl.
Narcissa chuckled a bit at the haste and urgency that the boy showed. She had learned a long time ago that almost everyone will do anything she or her sisters tell them to. This wasn't because of anything that she did herself, but the reputation that Bellatrix left behind. Where there is Bellatrix, there is talk of her fury, her violence, and her rapidly changing mood. While Narcissa was not as prone to violence as Bella is, and Andromeda a very peaceful person, the majority of the students at Hogwarts didn't know that. For the most part everyone is afraid that they would curse or hex anyone that dare tell them no.
"How has your day been?" Andi asked her sister as she settled at the new seat.
"A bit monotonous and mediocre. There isn't much to tell." Narcissa said this quietly, as was her way of speaking. These words coming from anyone else may have sounded rude, but her tone made it so that it was not offensive. They were also sisters, so they could get away with saying things a bit more bluntly than most others would.
Before Andromeda could respond, a snicker interrupted her. "What do you expect? An adventure every day? You do realize that you are at Hogwarts, not one of your books that you always have your nose jammed in. right?" Lucius interjected, gesturing at the young blonde seated across from him with his fork.
He is just joking, she thought to herself. I think. They tease each other like this all the time. I think.
Narcissa sputtered a bit and looked down at her food awkwardly. She answered quietly, her voice barely audible to Malfoy. "I don't read fantasy books."
"Good, then. Fantasy is for fools, and people who can't adapt to the real world." Lucius kicked his feet up on the table and leaned back in his chair. He started to toss his wand into the air and catch it in his hands, like a baton. "Would be a shame if you were a fool, little Narcissa."
Good, he was joking. She blushed and looked down at her plate of food. She ate a bit, which helped her do something other than talk. If she wasn't careful, she would ramble and stammer her way around a conversation. Her mother hated it, and Bellatrix would compare her to the loathsome younger brother of her husband.
"Did either of you finish your potions homework?" Andromeda asked of Evan and Lucius.
Narcissa tuned out, not really looking up from her plate. The conversation no longer required her attention, and no longer interested her. The topic had moved on the discuss people who were older than her that she had never met before, so she couldn't contribute even if she wanted to. Anyways, just sitting there in a large group of people simply stressed her out. She needed to reserve her energy for something that actually mattered. Like the OWLS. The thought gave her another bout of anxiety. She tried to ignore it and eat her food. Unfortunately for her, the topic turned towards the upcoming tests.
"I remember when I took my OWLS. Didn't study, really," Emily Parkinson said with a flick of her hair. "Mum nearly lost her mind when she found out my scores."
"You didn't study?" Narcissa gasped, her voice louder than it usually is. "How- ah- you didn't fail?" She continued, quieting and blushing when she realized her blunder.
"Why would I need to? I am already rich. All of us are, so why study when we have money?"
"Um, yeah… I guess," Narcissa mumbled again, looking away. She ducked her head so that her hair would hide her reddening ears away.
"You would think that the darling daughter of the Black house would be a little better a conversationalist." Evan commented off-handedly. "Didn't either of your sisters teach you how to hold a conversation?"
Narcissa's attention was immediately snapped back to the conversation that was taking place. "What? Oh. I'm just tired. I have been studying all day. Um, yeah," She felt her ears grow red and was grateful that her hair covered them. "OWLS are tomorrow."
"Everyone knows that the tests are going on tomorrow." Evan gave her a patronizing look. "But you really aren't that good at talking to people, tests or otherwise."
"I'm just tired." Narcissa tried her best to keep their suspicions away, but her attempts were futile. All her claims actually did was spur those around her to recall, in surprising detail, specific instances where she wasn't as talkative that they deemed necessary.
"All she needs to do is practice a bit." Lucius said.
"You'd think that she would have practiced," Evan scoffed. "Who would Bellatrix talk to when they are away on breaks, the wall?"
"No she just needs to be trained a bit more. I imagine that Bellatrix's conversations are a bit one sided."
"Yeah? Care to back up your claims?" Rosier crowed, leaning towards Malfoy in anticipation.
"Must I?" Malfoy looked hopelessly bored, and tremendously unimpressed.
"Yes. You are just talk, no proof. So prove it, or I won't believe you." Evan looked smug as he crossed his arms across his chest. "I say that she is awkward, and unsociable, and the facts of the past are on my side."
Narcissa wished that she could curl into a ball, or hide in her room. If she was blushing red before, she wondered what she looked like now. She looked around her from behind her hair.
Lucius seemed to contemplate the situation. Narcissa imagined that he was equally disgusted at the thought of taking his personal time to help a socially inept girl as he was at the thought of insulting his own dignity. Everyone knew that the Malfoy's, really were a lot of talk, but they had the money to back up anything should they need to. But money couldn't really fix his current situation, and no Malfoy would take a blow to their own personal dignity if they could avoid it.
"Fine. Fifty galleons says that by the end of next year, she will be a social butterfly."