So, here's how I'll do this: I'll take one idea from each review and use it as a clue to the…bigger picture. We'll see exactly what kind of obscene torture poor Fangy has gone through at the end of all this…improvisation. Teehee, don't you love impulsively ruining the lives of fictional characters?

So, you know how I said I was going to chase down Iggy and his photographs of The Incident, and, I quote (myself, which is kind of pointless), "MURDER HIM AND SAVE WHAT'S LEFT OF MY DIGNITY"? Yeah…about that…well, let's just say he's still alive. Mission failed, huh?

In my defense, though, Iggy runs fast. Like, crazy fast. Like, if you took Nudge's rate of words per minute while she's all high on Skittles and turned that into miles per hour, that'd be Ig. Of course, he's taller than me, but I swear to god he jumped over the god damn table, grabbed a chair and used the leverage to swing around the corner. (I honestly don't think his feet so much as brushed the ground.)

And this was after he freaking bolted down the stairs TWENTY AT A TIME.

And he's blind. Which means he was pretty much guessing the entire time. Needless to say, I ended up staying at the top of the stairs, watching awestruck, as he got out of the house in two seconds flat. And we're talking a pretty decent-sized two-story house here.

…Now I feel kind of insecure about my body. I mean, Ig must be pretty toned if he can run like that.

…And now I feel gay. Great, first I hack into some chick's fanfiction account so I can rant about how much I fail at life – and this is fanfiction, where insane people pair up Ari and Jeb and actually enjoy reading something that makes me want to bleach my brain – and now I'm wondering about Iggy's muscles.

I'm going to go cut myself now.

Um…if you're gay, don't be offended. And if you're a cutter…I hope that reading fanfiction helps distract you from whatever you're cutting yourself about? I sort of forgot to include a clue to The Incident in here, but Fang was a bit too busy drooling over Iggy's skinny self to listen to me. -_-

Someone criticize me (with love, of course)! I don't like how…well, I'm not really sure what I don't like, which is why I want some constructive criticism. Not like this is a thinly veiled attempt to get more reviews...