I saw your face reflected on the resonant screen
And I watched your mouth moving like a tired machine
Trying to plead with me
Trying to swallow me whole.
It's been a while
Since I've been gone and away
And I watched your eyes reflect me in a terrible way
Discoloration By Dawn Golden
…
Hermione sat at her desk as she flipped through the yellowed pages of the old book, carefully trying to avoid ripping the pages with her bitter disappointment. It's not like she expected an explicit guide on how to destroy horcruxes after a goblin steals your sword of Gryffindor, but it was still a letdown. If she ever saw Gripphook again, she'd rip off his bloody head.
She hated that she still got excited every time one of them brought back another book from a raid. Angry tears burned her eyes, blurring the words in front of her before she slammed it closed and added it to the growing pile of books that were useless to her.
Well not entirely useless.
She had learned a disturbing amount of dark magic from them. Horrifying spells that would creep into her mind and tempt her during battles when she saw her friends fighting for their lives. Organ-eating, skin-melting curses that were made from the stuff nightmares and often made appearances in her own. For every bit of darkness she stumbled upon, she always looked for light.
Counter-curses, protection charms, healing potions
They were all under her belt as well. She just had to make sure those stayed on the tip of her wand instead during her darker moments.
She looked at the list of definite and possible horcruxes for the hundredth millionth time
Ring. Destroyed. Diary. Destroyed. Locket…
She sneered at the small box on her desk holding the offending object. She was always putting horrible things in boxes. When she was working at night she heard the whispers coming from under the closed lid. It was part of the reason she moved her "office" from her room with Ginny to the basement.
It made the nightmares worse
The horcrux hunt had been put on hold as Voldemort's ranks increased in size. Staying alive was hard enough without having to find and destroy evil soul-housing objects.
They had a strong suspicion that the monster's snake was also horcrux since it never left his bloody side.
She massaged her temples, feeling the lingering headache from her concussion the night before.
"Mione! Lunch!"
She squinted up at the silhouette standing at the top of the basement stairs and heard the chatter from the others in the house preparing their food. Truthfully, she'd been avoiding the prying eyes of her friends and the other Order members. She looked like an absolute wreck. Her sleep last night had been an absolute joke as any sort of movement caused her a not insignificant amount of pain. She had finally got out of bed around three and took to her work, hoping it would distract her from the aches and sharp pains in her body.
Like most of her work lately, there was minimal success
"Coming!"
Standing up was no small effort as her ribs protested and she groaned
The stairs creaked and she heard the worry in Ron's voice
"Are you okay?"
Seriously? Even an eye roll was painful?
"Yes, Ronald"
She stuck her wand into her messy bun, or rather a regular Hermione bun, as she ascended the stairs, keeping her face down as she moved past him and headed to the table where loaves of bread, jars of peanut butter, and various jellies waited. A small smile crept on her face at the set up as she was reminded of school days before everything was so fucked up.
"Hermione?"
She didn't look up at her name and continued smearing peanut butter on her bread with a sudden determination to cover every square inch
"Yes Harry?"
"You weren't in your room this morning"
She gave the grape jelly the same amount of attention,
"Mhm. I was in the basement working."
"Hermione…"
Finally she set down the knife and looked up at him expectedly. His green eyes looked over her face that she knew was bruised and exhausted. Harry frowned at her,
"You shouldn't spend all your time around that thing."
Ginny glanced between the two expectedly while Hermione raised an eyebrow
"Well I've been telling you the same thing about Ron for years but you never listened either."
Fred and George laughed from across the table and Ron looked up from his sandwich and gave her a bewildered look, speaking around the food in his mouth
"What the bloody hell did I do?!"
Being around that horrible locket always put her in the worst mood. She softened, finishing the first bite of her sandwich, "I'm sorry, Ron. I'm just tired."
And disappointed. And in pain. And incredibly frustrated with my lack of progress
Remus Lupin walked into the room, carrying two cups of tea and handed one to her
"You look like you could use it."
She gratefully accepted the steaming mug
"You're my favorite professor of all time," he raised an eyebrow before she continued, "don't tell Professor McGonagall."
He laughed and took a seat next to her
"Your secret is safe with me. Severus stopped by late last night and I put in your request for more ingredients."
She snorted
"I bet he was thrilled."
The small crawled onto her old professor's face
"Practically jumped for joy, that one," he tapped his chipped mug to hers, "cheers."
She took a sip and immediately discerned the menthol and licorice taste of a pain potion underlying the tea and honey. Its numbing effects oozed through her system while her face twisted in disgust
"Yuck. You drugged me."
She couldn't bring herself to feel any true malice as the pain crept away and her limbs became relaxed. Having grown quite a soft spot for his ex-student, he smiled at her as he watch the tension fall from her shoulders and the color return to her skin
"You needed it and I needed a drinking buddy," he took a sip of his own and grimaced, "At least you get honey."
"I thought we already used the last of it," she asked frowning at her mug as guilt caused her a whole different kind of pain. Surely someone else would need this more than she did. She felt someone nudge her foot under the table and she caught Harry's stare again,
"Hermione, it's alright. Snape brought us more. You're obviously in pain"
Her mouth twitched into a quick smile,
"Isn't my job to be worrying about you?"
Harry shook his head and took a bite of his sandwich before gesturing towards her mug
"Drink your bloody tea, you infuriating woman."
…
He refused to open his eyes at the sound of his mother's voice because he knew she was not there. He knew the gentle hands that brushed his hair away from his fevered forehead were actually buried on the grounds of Malfoy Manor.
And he knew this because he and Theo had dug the hole
"Draco, you'll be alright. I'm here. I'm here."
Tears burned his eyes and dripped down the side of his face. Delicate fingers brushed them away
"Shh. Don't cry, my star."
He desperately wanted to see his mother's face, but he was afraid that if he opened them, she'd disappear and he'd be left to die alone.
"I'm so sorry I left you. I'm so sorry you're in so much pain"
This time the sob tore through his throat. He missed her so much.
"Your father and I love you so much. Please understand that. We only wanted to give you the world"
He thought of the world he lived in now. What an ugly, ugly gift.
The press of lips to his forehead felt so real, he opened his eyes to search for his mother's face. No one was there except him and the rats. His mother was back in her grave with his father.
…
"In an hour we will use the portkey for the meeting place to trade some supplies with Neville, Luna, Dean, and Seamus. It should be fairly quick. Fred and George are going to Shell Cottage to exchange information will Bill, Charlie, and Fleur. Lupin and Tonks will be exchanging with McGonagall, Kingsley, Moody, and Sprout. Any questions?"
Ron leaned back in his chair,
"Where exactly are we meeting them?"
She waved her hand dismissively
"It's near some cabin. Luna picked it."
"…Are we sure it exists?"
She slapped his chest, but didn't keep the smirk off her face
"Yes. I've seen it myself."
…
The bare trees offered them little protection from the harsh wind as it whipped through its branches. The ground was hard under their feet as they walked to their meeting point with their old schoolmates, twigs snapping under their feet. The sun was sinking below the horizon and Hermione could make out the waxing moon in the sky as she pulled her scarf tighter around her neck as they climbed up the terrain.
She took Harry's offered hand and he pulled her up
"How're you doing?
She sighed, her breath visible in the air as she reached out to cover the tips of his red ears with his hat
"For the millionth time in the last five minutes, I'm doing fine."
Truthfully the hike was doing nothing to help her bruised body
He reached out and tugged her hat down over her eyes, "Now you know how we feel when you fuss over us."
She pulled it back and hit him
"I do not fuss!"
He laughed and for a moment Hermione could pretend they were all on holiday together just hiking to their cabin to play drinking games by a fire. Ginny stopped, holding out her arm and tilting her head to listen
"Did you hear that?"
A branch snapped in the distance and they all whipped their wands out. A wispy light hopped towards them and they sagged in relief as they recognized Luna's patronus. Harry responded with his own and they watched it leap out of sight. The sound of crunching leaves came moments later as Neville and Luna came into view followed by Seamus and Dean, carrying large bags behind them.
They greeted each other with tight hugs, relieved to see each other alive and unharmed. Neville smiled brightly as he shrugged the bag off of his shoulder,
"Long time, no see."
Ginny put her hands on her hips unable to contain the grin on her face
"That was a bloody trek"
Dean held up his hands in surrender with a smile as equally wide
"It was Luna's idea."
The blonde rocked back onto her heels, a dreamy smile on her face as she looked around
"I thought you could use the fresh air."
They walked a little longer and Neville pointed off in the direction of the old cabin. Ron tugged his hat over his ears.
"Well why aren't we there instead of freezing our asses off out here?"
Seamus crinkled his nose in distaste,
"Because it's haunted and the slightest gust of wind will send it to the bloody ground."
Unconvinced, the older Weasley rolled his eyes as he rubbed his arms
"Plus Ron," Ginny continued with a grin, "there'd be hundreds of spiders" she crept her fingers across his arm and he paled
"Piss off," he grumbled and shoved her away as the group laughed
After casting a disillusionment charm and lighting a fire, the old Hogwarts students traded supplies. Darkness quickly fell around them as Ginny handed Neville, Luna, Seamus, and Dean a scarf Mrs. Weasley had knitted for them in their respective house colors. They accepted them with laughs as they gratefully wrapped themselves in them. When the final cans of tuna were traded for a vial of blood replenishing potion, Hermione pulled a backpack from her charmed bag, and handed it to Neville who flipped it over in his hands
"This bag has an extendable charm on it. I have one of my own but it's saved us so many times…I had to make one for you."
The four crowded around the object looking at it in wonder. Neville shook his head and holding it out to her
"We can't…"
"I know it's not exactly legal…"
Neville shook his head, giving a small breathy laugh "No Hermione it's not that. It's just…this is too valuable. We have nothing to trade you for it."
Hermione gave him a small smile and pushed it back towards him,
"This isn't a trade. It's a gift."
She let out a surprised yelp when he pulled her into a hug, but quickly recovered and hugged him back. Bruised body, be damned. Tears prickled her eyes
"It really is good to see you guys."
He gave her one more squeeze before letting go
"We'll see you soon, yeah?"
They watched as their classmates apparated from their sight and Hermione fought the urge to cry. There was always the possibility that it was the last time she saw her friends, felt their beating hearts against hers as she held them tightly. A hand on her shoulder jerked her from her depressing thoughts,
"Let's head back."
"What's the rush?"
Figures stepped out of the trees and Hermione felt slight relief when she recognized them as snatchers.
Cattle not quite good enough to be branded
The relief quickly vanished when she saw that they were outnumbered. Harry pulled her closer to him and she watched as Ron did the same with Ginny. She was immediately grateful for Mrs. Weasley's insistence that they wear hats and scarves, hiding their recognizable features and Harry's scar.
Hermione stuck her hands in her pockets, wrapping her hand around her wand. Ron shrugged, nonchalantly, "Just getting dark is all."
She watched as a sweet smile stretched across Ginny's face,
"How can we help you?"
The Snatcher scanned Ginny's body and Hermione's grip tightened on Harry as he moved to step forward
"I can think of a few ways you can help us."
"Oi! That's my sister!"
The Snatchers laughed as Ron pulled Ginny behind him. The apparent leader stepped forward. They were a lot more organized than she remembered
"Someone around here said the taboo. Just need to clear your name and blood status and we can all go on our merry way."
The four glanced at each other in confusion. None of them had said the name. They had avoided it like the plague ever since their first run in. Ron feigned annoyance and crossed his arms, "Right then. Jonathan Bones, half-blood."
The Snatcher scanned the list and nodded before looking towards Ginny
"Susan Bones, half-blood."
Another nod after a pause and a look towards Harry
"Roger Davies, half-blood."
Finally his eyes settled on Hermione and he gave her a yellow smile
"And you, pretty girl?"
She heard Ron grumble and the Snatcher shot him a look
"What? Is she your sister too? Is this a bloody family hike?"
She spoke quickly forcing the Snatcher's attention back to her
"Penelope Clearwater. Half-blood, sir."
He looked down the list, the pause longer than the others. Her chest was coiled in tension before giving her another smile
"There you are, love."
She relaxed and loosened her grip on Harry's arm as the man tucked the list back into his pocket. A carefully borrowed name usually did the trick
"Now which one of you is fucking lying to us?"
Red light whizzed by her ear and knocked the snatcher to the ground while Ginny and Ron took down another two. Harry pulled her along as she sent her own stunner towards the men just before the Weasley siblings were whipped from sight. She pushed Harry away from an oncoming curse and watched as he reached into his pocket, grabbing the wrapped portkey.
"Grab my hand!"
Her fingers barely brushed his before a boulder exploded into front of them and knocked her away just before she caught Harry's widened eyes as he disappeared.
No portkey, no headquarters
She wracked her brain to think of another place to apparate when the old cabin popped into her mind
"It's near some cabin. Luna picked it."
"…Are we sure it exists?"
"Yes. I've seen it myself."
With a sharp tug, she was whipped away.
…
His father came to see him too. Draco could hear his voice coming from the far corner of the room
"Get up, Draco."
"What? Am I not dying good enough for you? For once, father, give it a rest"
He was aware he was talking to a hallucination, but it was oddly peaceful to have one more argument with the late Lucius Malfoy.
"You're giving up. How unsurprising"
"That is a characteristic of dying, yes," when he didn't hear an answer, he felt a swell of panic and pushed harder, "Where's mother? She's much nicer."
The sneer in his father's voice almost made him smile. The man could never resist a good prod
"She always did coddle you. It's probably why you're giving in so easily."
"See? Much nicer."
"You cannot die, Draco. You must carry on the Malfoy name."
Draco frowned
"What left is there to carry?"
This time when his father spoke, his voice was closer
"This is my fault. I shouldn't have brought the Dark Lord into our home."
The admission hung heavy in the empty cabin. He'd heard this before, shortly before the man was murdered. Draco swallowed
"Voldemort didn't give us much of a choice did he?"
"No"
"You really fucked things up but at least you were always there for me"
He thought the words might've been too sentimental for the stoic man. Moments later he heard the response
"I'm still with you, Draco."
…
The cabin had seen better days. It had been a couple years since she'd stumbled across the place with Luna and Neville but those couple of years had done a number on it
She knew the feeling
The light from her wand guided her towards the door as she listened intently to her surroundings. All she had to do was get inside, send her patronus, and get a portkey home. The door nudged open easily and her light flooded the decaying cabin. It settled on a heap in the corner. She walked closer to it and stopped, almost dropping her wand
It had been a year since she'd seen him but she'd know that pale blond hair anywhere.
"Malfoy?"
…
The sound of her voice made his heart sink. It was how all the nightmares started.
"Malfoy?"
The image of her brown eyes begging for death pushed its way into his mind one last time. He felt her cold hands on his face, cooling his fevered skin.
"Open your eyes. Draco, please."
"Draco…please"
He was gripped in the all too familiar terror of reliving that horrible night in the Manor. His hand grabbed the one resting on his cheek. The very real, fluttering heartbeat under his thumb forced his eyes open.
The same girl that haunted his dreams that forced him awake night after night stared down at him with wide eyes. He knew she saw death creeping into his eyes. A former lost cause knows how to recognize a lost cause.
"Granger, please…" he could feel the heat radiating from her body as she sat so close to him. He could die like this, he decided. Even if it was with her. At least he was not alone,
"Please just kill me..."
The world was almost rid of its Malfoy's. At the hand of a Mudblood, no less
"How could you ask that of me?"
He felt a sickening wave of shame as he forced himself to look up into the same brown eyes he had stared down at a year ago.
The familiarity of the request was not lost on him as he begged whoever or whatever was listening that Granger didn't leave him to suffer just as he did her. Though there would be a certain poetic justice to it all. His hand gripped her sleeve
"Don't leave."
He expected to see disgust in her eyes, maybe even anger crackling in the gold of her irises. Instead there was sorrow.
It was a thousand times worse.
"I won't leave you, Malfoy"
A burst of bright light filled his vision and he heard her speak urgently before it danced away and he slipped away, leaving her behind once again.
….