Disclaimer: I don't own any of the already owned people in this story. Blah.
Advent Children: Revised
Cloud walked through a dim and gloomy forested area, his surroundings being lit up slightly by a mysterious light. It was a creepy place to be, and quite frankly Cloud wouldn't have been there if it weren't for this sudden urge to go someplace unsettling with the slightest feeling that a meeting out of the ordinary might coincide with the defeat of the three silver haired fellows he had met the other day. The feeling was very, very slight, but his thoughts of it were cut off by a rustle amongst the bushes.
The blonde haired man jerked around, just in time to catch a glimpse of a figure jumping upward. Gracefully, the caped man bounded from the ground and acrobatically ascended onto a tree branch.
Or at least he would have, had his torn cape not caught a twig and sent him crashing onto his face.
Cloud gave the man an odd look before laughing at him. "Hey, Vincent? I hear you've been off on 'trip'! HAHA!"
Vincent rose to his feet in a ghostly fashion, and dusted himself off. Glaring at Cloud, he spoke. "I have no time for this childishness. Cloud, a darkness is lurking in the corners of this planet, waiting to overcome the light of our renewing planet's hope."
"This planet has no corners you dumb ass. It's round." The blonde pointed out.
"That is aside from the point; it was just a metaphor…"
"Gods, Vincent, when did you last take a bath? You've been camping in that box again for two years haven't you? You smell like musty garbage!"
"You are acting like a child Strife. I fear the terrible darkness that is spreading across our lush green planet may be browning its surface faster than I thought…" Vincent hung his head in disappointment of his former companion.
"Haha…" Cloud sniggered slightly, trying to regain himself.
"What could be so funny at such a wrong time?"
"Brown…" The blonde haired man grinned like a small child.
The box-dwelling man rolled his eyes at his less than mature companion. "I should have figured the planet would have nothing to depend on once again. Then again, of course the planet did depend that fate would draw together what it did in the past."
"Yeah I always thought that was kinda strange. I mean, how did the planet expect that we were going to go out of our way to bust into some old mansion, run around the house and look behind chairs for a bunch of clues for a safe-code, open the safe and get attacked by some weird ugly thing, magically get the urge to take the key we got out of it into the basement, and then suddenly get this strong urge to pop the lid on a coffin in there. But wouldn't you know it, some creepy 'fuck-in-the-box' like you popped right out to say hello. Then on top of that you slammed the box in our faces, and then came after US to join." The former leader of AVALANCHE smiled at the memory, whilst a vein on Vincent's forehead had just about reached its point of explosion.
"I don't care about that! I've come here to tell you about Kadaj, Yazoo, and Loz!" The dark man interrupted violently.
"Huh? Oh them. Yeah, some cripple mentioned them the other day. That and something about Geostigma and some other stuff I don't really care about.
"Cloud this is important. Those three are very dangerous. They have the head of JENOVA in their possession… And with it they could create another Sephiroth..." Vincent explained in an ominous and overdone tone that made the so called villains seem even cheesier.
"I thought they already were three new Sephiroths…"
"No Cloud, I mean a new Sephiroth. Just like the old one. With the same attributes, the same features, the same soul. The only difference would be an increased amount of power."
"Oh, I guess that is bad."
"Worse than bad… It's… worse-bad…"
"So, Vincent, do you know what Geostigma is?" Cloud asked his dark-haired friend. The man's red eyes narrowed at the sound of this term.
"Geostigma is the Lifestream's way of ridding evil from our bodies…" The man said darkly.
"I thought our bowels did that."
"I honestly don't think I can take any more of this childishness. Cloud, I think I'm going to leave for now. We will meet again soon. Farewell." Vincent turned on his heel to leave, his cape swishing about as he walked gracefully.
"Hey man, take care, and take a bath!" With that, Cloud also took his leave.
When he had managed to make his way for a good ten minutes or so through this forest, he found himself near his motor cycle, which he had conveniently replaced along with all his swords from the other day. After all, what else did you expect him to do with all that extra Gil from two years ago? And besides, how would this story make any commercial impact on the world if it's hero didn't drive a vehicle that could easily be replicated in miniature plastic form to waste all your money on?
Anyway, he got on his motorcycle, The Fenrir, and did the most unlikely thing possible on it. He started it and drove off. Well this was certainly a pretty big forest Cloud soon discovered as driving through it wasn't getting him anywhere. Suddenly, the place grew more ominous feeling, partially because it was getting very dark, and also because a few bullets had just whizzed by his head.
Turning around quickly, Cloud saw the three silver haired fiends from the other day. Kadaj just smirked and laughed maniacally at the blonde, as Loz and Yazoo fired insanely at him. With a gasp, he made a sharp turn, the bullets narrowly missing him and lodging themselves into a nearby tree. Cloud opened the side compartments of his bike and grabbed a sword, the large blade of Ultima Weapon glowing brilliantly as he drew it from its slot. The side panels closed and Cloud hit the gas as hard as he could, forgetting the speed of his vehicle and almost falling off it. Yazoo and Loz continued their fire, until Loz ran out of ammo. Upon this he tossed his gun blade aside, which knocked Kadaj in the side of the head and rendered him unconscious.
"Oops…" The oldest of the three silver haired brothers looked at his drooling, unconscious sibling.
"Good one, genius. Now I think you're supposed to attack Cloud." Yazoo continued firing at the blonde man, whom was growing closer on his motor cycle every second.
"How come you never run out of ammo?"
"Because I'm magical, brother." Yazoo turned to his brother and laughed manically like a retard.
"Oh…" Loz pondered this, but both of them turned as they heard a loud crack.
"SHIT!" Cloud yelled as he hit a tree root and flew off the Fenrir. He collided into the ground with a sickening crack that made even his enemies wince.
"That has gotta feel pretty fucked up. I wonder if he can bend his leg like that normally?" The eldest of the two questioned aloud with a blank look on his face, resulting in Yazoo giving him a sneer.
"Will you just shut up and get him while he's down!" He snapped.
"Oh, yeah… Right!" Loz immediately lost the stupid look and returned to his ominous and evil face. A crackle of blue electricity flowed through the Dual Hound, the metallic weapon grafted into his left arm. He grinned with malice at the blonde haired man in front of him, who had just gotten to his feet. The two stared intensely at one another for about two minutes, until an impatient gunshot from Yazoo scared Loz into charging at Cloud.
Loz ran up to his blonde haired nemesis, and swung with incredible force, the Dual Hound just missing Cloud's head. Cloud's eyes widened in shock as the man's left arm crackled with energy again, and he swung once more. Another miss ensued, even narrower than the first and Cloud decided to now do something about it instead of staying mesmerized by the pretty blue lights.
Cloud started swinging the sword as hard as he could; his foe simply dodged all of his attempts by acrobatically flipping over the wide blade. Loz countered Cloud by swinging straight for his chest, a move which the blonde blocked with his blade. Unfortunately he was knocked back about forty feet or so from Loz's somewhat overwhelming strength. Cracking back-first off a tree, Cloud slumped to the ground in a heap, blood trickling from his mouth.
Loz laughed at his opponent, and moved aside slightly. "Hey Yazoo, you can finish him!"
Yazoo gracefully spun around and took aim at Cloud. The shot was perfect, and this would surely be the end for Cloud. His finger caressed the trigger of the Velvet Nightmare, and then in a sharp jerk pulled it…
But nothing happened besides a small clicking noise. Frustrated he pulled the trigger again, and still nothing but a small click sounded from the gun blade. He rapidly began pulling the trigger like a maniac.
"What the hell!"
"I think you ran out of ammo, 'Mr. Magical'." Loz laughed sarcastically at his brother.
"Shut up will you!"
"You asked me to talk!"
"I was talking to myself!"
"No you weren't!"
"Yes I was!"
"I'll tell Mother you were arguing with me again!"
"And I'll tell Mother you clocked Kadaj in the head with a gun!"
"You wouldn't tell that to Mother, would you Yazoo!"
"I just might."
"NO!"
The two brothers continued arguing, even as a very sore-headed Kadaj came around. He sat up looking around and then pondered out loud. "Hey guys what's going on…?"
"I'm going to tell Mother!" Yazoo grinned maniacally at his older brother, whose eyes were getting teary.
"Nooooo, Yazoooooooo, anything but that!"
"Oh yes, and you'll get into such deep trouble."
"Yazoo, shouldn't you be shooting at Cloud with that gun blade of yours?" Kadaj piped up in the midst of his siblings little argument, getting up in the process.
"Wow, that small voice in my head that sounds suspiciously like Kadaj is right. I should reload my gun blade." Yazoo pulled a few bullets out of his pocket, obviously a very safe and warm place to keep bullets. He ran his hand up the shaft of the gun to find the opening to reload it, but pricked his finger on the blade. "OW, STUPID PIECE OF SHIT!"
Yazoo cursed his weapon and then tossed it behind him, knocking Kadaj on the other side of the head. The youngest yelped and succumbed to his subconscious with his second concussion of the day.
Cloud just watched the havoc up ahead from the three silver haired guys. He saw another perfect opening to sneak away from his enemy's sight, so he put the skills he never learned in SOLDIER to use, and crawled army style over to his bike.
Somehow without the two conscious men noticing, he had managed to start the bike and get it going. He was far enough away that he didn't have to worry when he finally heard them start hollering, signalling they had noticed his escape.
"That bastard got away from us! We have to chase him!" Yazoo shrieked, while shaking his fist at the moving vehicle.
"But… What about Kadaj?" Loz whined, resulting in his younger sibling to gaze over at the youngest.
"Hmmm…" Yazoo put his thumb and index finger under his chin and pondered for a second. "Meh, just leave him there. He'll just slow us down."
"True, but where do we put him so that we remember him?" The eldest questioned, while gathering his 'baby' brother in his arms.
"Uhhh… Umm…" Looking around, yellow-green eyes fell on something promising. Yazoo's eyes lit up and he tilted his head to the side with a smile. "There!"
"What?"
"There's a river there! If we put Kadaj in there, we can remember where we put him!"
"Good idea! There's no possible way he could get misplaced by doing that!" Loz ran over to the bank and tossed Kadaj in. The boy flew and smacked off a log, guaranteeing he would at least stay unconscious for a while longer.
"Alright let's get going, we've got a Cloud to catch!"
" Haha…"
"What is it Loz?"
"Hehe… cloud… That's a funny word."
"Yeah…" The two hustled over to their motorcycles and hopped on, starting them up and tearing off after their target.
-
A phone rang inside a bar, the noise echoing around the empty, wooden building. It was just after last call, and the Seventh Heaven had just cleared out all of its regular alcoholics and drunks. Tifa Lockheart had just finished drying the last glass of the bars dishes for the night, and after a couple of bar fights happening that evening and the place getting partially trashed, the last thing she wanted to do was talk to someone on the phone.
"He's not here." She said aloud, having had received plenty of calls lately asking for Cloud. The phone still persisted with its ringing however, and finally she gave in.
She picked up the black receiver, and with a sigh she answered. "Hello, this is Seventh Heaven, and it's currently after hours, so I can't service you right now."
"You have seven days." Said a creepy muffled voice.
"Excuse me?"
"Seven days."
"Seven days? Until what?"
"I am your father."
"What? What the hell are you talking about!"
"I can see you right now Tifa Lockheart."
"Where are you?"
"I'm in your house."
"And I'm not there."
"Oh…"
"Yeah."
"Well, I can still see you."
"How?"
"With my Kaleidoscope…"
"You mean telescope?"
"Er... uh... yeah… OH FUCK THIS SHIT!" The creepy person hung up, and Tifa just hung up her end of the phone with a huff.
Suddenly, the phone began to ring once again. This time Tifa was even more irritated, and she was not going to answer it. She was too busy to, for she had a job to do.
Tifa grabbed hold of her coat and slipped it on. Putting on a pair of black shoes and grabbing the key to the bar off the counter, she locked the place up and left for the orphanage down the street.
Yes, Tifa had become a caretaker of orphans. She was a daycare lady by day, caring for puking, screaming kids and a bartender by night, caring for the puking, screaming drunks that it brought. Walking down the ruined street of what had once been the great city of Midgar, she soon found herself at the door of a small building, which revealed it to be her destination.
Little did she know that the second call was a distress call from Cloud, whom now had two VERY angry Sephiroth people after him.
-
Now having reached the highway that had been paved around Midgars ruins, Cloud closed his cell phone frantically and pressed the gas harder. Looking behind him, Loz and Yazoo were rapidly gaining on his ass, and he knew he was going to have to fight soon. The longer haired of the two pulled out the Velvet Nightmare and aimed it straight at Cloud, firing a few shots at him. Cloud felt one of the shots hit the metal exterior of his bike.
"Fuck you! That's my paint job bastard!" He swerved suddenly and went straight for Yazoo, who seemed taken back by this.
Cloud grabbed another sword using his convenient sword panel and drove at Yazoo in a rage holding the swords in a scissor like fashion. The middle child of his enemies just smirked and held out his gun blade.
The blonde man laughed at this, expecting by far to just cut the thing and his opponents arm off. Instead, the man actually pushed Cloud's pathetic ass back and the two bikes started spinning out of control in the middle of the highway. Cloud let go and steadied himself on the Fenrir, turning and driving straight now. He had dropped one of the swords and kept his Ultima Weapon at hand.
Loz drove up beside Cloud and swung his Dual Hound at him, with an evil grin. "Where is Mother?"
"How the hell should I know, don't you know where you put your own Mom dammit!" The blonde responded, narrowly dodging the blow.
"You've been hiding her from us haven't you, brother?" Yazoo questioned, raising his gun blade.
"Yeah, I've been keeping her in my ass this whole time!" Cloud said sarcastically, rolling his eyes which was answered with gun fire.
Glowing, blue eyes met glowing, yellow eyes which were full of hate. "How could you do that to her! Sealing Mother in your rectum is no way to treat her!"
" I was being sarcastic."
"Oh." Yazoo looked calm again, but suddenly flared back up. "Oh well. DIE!"
Both silver haired men swerved their vehicles, trying to slam into Cloud. The blonde haired man mad e some evasive movements until they were in a dark tunnel under a roadway. The younger of the two enemies engaged in another death dance with Cloud, only to be cracked in the face with the flat of Ultima Weapons blade. Yazoo whined and held the side of his face.
"My face! You jerk! You hit me in the face!" He complained like a whining schoolgirl.
"Yeah, I know I did." Cloud then throttled his long haired nemesis in the abdomen and knocked him off his motorcycle.
Yazoo wiped out and started to cry, bring his knees to his chest and rocking back and forth like a child. Upon seeing the defeat of his younger sibling Loz knew he had to do something drastic. With incredible force, Loz hammered his fist into the ground to stop his vehicle, instead of just hitting the breaks and leapt off. He grabbed it and hurled the bike at Cloud.
Cloud's eyes widened in shock and he quickly got out of the way as the bike collided with Yazoo and clocked him into the wall.
"Oops." Loz just grinned sheepishly as the blonde man escaped their villainous clutches once more onto the open highway.
'That was close…' Thought Cloud, as he continued on his merry way. Unfortunately as he gazed ahead he saw a familiar figure, with shoulder length silver hair blocking his path.
Kadaj smirked at him, a look of pure malice and evil, and then raised his left hand. Glowing blue energy began to pour from the black band around his wrist and into his fingers, crackling around him. He let out a yell and sent streams of blue energy flying at Cloud.
The beams looped around and made their way behind him, blowing up and creating a huge explosion that Cloud's Fenrir just couldn't outrun. The vehicle was forced skyward, and toward his enemy ahead. The blonde man readied his sword and swung downward, steering the bike in Kadaj's direction.
The younger man smirked and spun with grace, whipping out Souba in the process. The two mighty blades collided and a shower of sparks flew in their wake.
Kadaj then let out a cry of anguish as one of the sparks proceeded to jam itself into his eyeball.
"AHHH! MY FRIGGIN' EYE!" Kadaj started to frantically flail and rub his eye, sword still in hand.
"Ouch man," Cloud said as he walked over from the wreck that once was the Fenrir. "You should put some water in that."
"Do you see any water around here in this barren, rocky wasteland you fool!"
"Nope."
"Of course not! AND MY EYE STILL BURNS!"
Loz and Yazoo emerged from the highway tunnel on their vehicles. Loz was ahead and he halted to a stop, this time by hitting the breaks, a look of concern plastered to his face. Yazoo on the other hand was coming up behind and he was not happy. He approached with a glare in his glowing eyes, which were now red and bloodshot, and his gun blade glinting from his vehicles light. His hair whipped about in the wind, and his trench coat fluttered wildly behind him, as he grew closer to the trio ahead. It would have been would have been a most intimidating sight to Cloud, and he might have actually soiled himself…
Had Yazoo's trench coat not caught itself in his back tire and thrown him off the bike. The silver haired menace flew of the bike and thumped onto the ground like a rock.
Cloud and Loz stared in bewilderment, and Kadaj stared through one eye at the heap of the ground. After a couple of minutes, it let out a small, pathetic cry which caused both Cloud and Loz to laugh hysterically at it. Kadaj on the other hand was not amused. He pointed Souba directly at Cloud's throat, which cause the blonde to shriek.
"Strife, it is time!" He tried to say in an ominous voice, but then he gazed at his right wristband, which apparently had the time on it. "Holy shit! Mother is gonna be so pissed off at us! Er well…" His eyes darted, and he cleared his throat, his voice becoming low and ominous. "My brothers and I must take our leave for now… But beware Strife! The planet is about to experience a great calamity! AHAHAHAHAHAAHA!"
"Huh? You aren't going to kill me? But the chance is perfect!" Cloud tried to speak but was cut off once again by Kadaj.
"What kind of villains would we be if we didn't run away at every chance we got to kill you? Hello? All powerful and unbeatable villains do this! We haul ass just before we are about to wipe the floor with you and your friends, and we do it every time, that way it is ensured that you grow strong enough to defeat us and then we get to be all like 'Oh no! How did you become so powerful!' and then we die! MWAHAHAHAHAAHA!" With that Kadaj turned on his heel and scurried off maniacally, at a hyperactive speed which made Cloud wonder if he was pumped with sugar all his life and not mako.
"Well ok…" The blonde haired man turned towards Loz, laughing slightly once more at the heap that was Yazoo. "I guess I'll see you guys around then?"
"I guess so!" Loz chirped.
Cloud waved goodbye to the duo, and Loz gave a cheerful wave. Yazoo simply twitched his hand and made some retard noise, which he decided meant good bye in some odd way. Heading over to his wreck, he climbed on and was off on his way once more.
-
A/N: Meh I know, not a very funny chapter. I hope more people give feed back so I can try and make it funnier, or at least write more nonsense! I need encouragement! But I do give thanks to those of you who liked my last chapter and reviewed! It's really appreciated! As always REVIEW!