"Come up to meet you

tell you I'm sorry

you don't know how lovely you are

I had to find you

tell you I need you

tell you I set you apart"

-'The Scientist' Coldplay-

The Quiet Watcher

Traveling with Duncan helps to take Ember's mind off of the aching hole she feels deep in her heart. She can't remember life before she came to the tower. Everything is new to her now and it feels good to be headed somewhere with a purpose, the wind at her back. Duncan was interesting to say the least. He had knowledge and experience etched in every line of his face, and in every scar which there were many that she had caught glimpses of during their time together. She wanted to soak up any and all information that he could share with her. He was mostly very secretive about things, but he did tell her stories. He told her of past grey wardens and of the previous blight. It is all so fascinating to her. She has to admit At first she was wary of the man who had taken her away from her home and him… but they had been traveling together for more than a week now and she had grown to like him quite a bit. Even though she is an elf and he a human she can't help but think that if she had a father that she knew of, she would want him to be like Duncan.

"We will be in Ostagar before nightfall, there you will rest and in the morning you are to see Alistair, he is one of our junior members and will accompany you and two other recruits through the joining." Duncan announced , breaking the silence and interrupting her thoughts.

"Oh…"

The Joining… the word echoes in her head…

She expected there to be some sort of test akin to a harrowing before becoming a true grey warden, but this is different it isn't something she can study for or practice. She suddenly feels out of her element and wonders what to expect. It is all so secretive. She has been for most her life a mage apprentice and now a mage. The realization hits her that she has no idea how to be a Grey Warden or what will be expected of her. The thought makes her stomach turn uneasily.

" Duncan... Is there anything you can tell me about the Joining ? Before my harrowing I studied and practiced for weeks… I feel so unprepared for this… " She wants to say scared, but she doesn't want him to know all the worries and doubts that fill her mind.

He gives her a reassuring look.

Holy maker, do I wear my feelings on my sleeve ?! Damn it woman! You are now in a world of men, armored warriors, and … Darkspawn!

Ember gulped.

Yes you are a woman and an elf , but you are strong and not the meek and mild apprentice anymore… be proud of who you are… and for goodness sake stop doubting yourself…

Duncan smiles at her as if he can hear her mental pep-talk.

"I chose you for a reason Ember. I had picked you out before Greagoir threatened to punish you for following Irving's orders. You have rare, promising talent and I have every confidence that you will make it through the joining. All that I can tell you is that you will be going into the korcari wilds."

The Korcari wilds… And my day just keeps getting better…

His words fill her with confidence though, and a little sarcasm.

"Sooo Let me see if I got this straight… your sending me into the legendary korcari wilds where I will meet Maker knows what, crazy apostate mages, darkspawn, chasind wilders, and hey maybe even throw in a few ogre's and a couple werewolves JUST to make things interesting. BUT do not worry fearless mage, you will be accompanied by our JUNIOR member of the order. Do I have that right" she says smirking.

Duncan chuckles.

"Well I highly doubt there will be ogres or Werewolves."

Ember grins.

"Oh well perfect, very reassuring, piece of cake then."

"I do think that you and Alistair will get along quite well" Duncan remarks.

"Oh Goody, Darkspawn AND new friends. How is it that you find it hard to get new recruits, I wonder." she laughs.

It feels good to laugh again. It reminds her of days in the past and the carefree banter between her and …

Jowan…

her heart sinks at the thought of him. Anger creeping at the corners of loss.

How could he be so stupid…

Her thoughts are interrupted by the sight of ruins coming into view just beyond the horizon. Ember sucks in a deep breath of awe.

Ostagar .

As they get closer she can see how expansive the ruins are.

So much history here. These buildings tell so many stories.

"I… I've never seen anything like this." she gushes as they reach the bridge.

Duncan just smiles at her, a hint of reminiscence flashing through his eyes.

"Come I will show you to camp, you need food and rest"

~*~

Later that evening Ember sits outside her tent her arms wrapping around her legs and her chin resting on her knee's. She watches the fire dance and flip and feels it's warmth. She had a good meal earlier and her body tells her that everything is at ease. Her mind is telling her a different story though. So much has happened… in so little time. A month ago she was a different person. Her eyes were opening now to the world. Her heart experiencing love and loss all in one breath. The pain of goodbye is slowly, so slowly fading. She keeps telling herself she will see him again. She will return and everything will be ok and his love will still be there.

Ember he's a templar… you can never have the full extent of his love. He is bound by duty and you of all people know that fact. What do you plan to do ? Kidnap him and run off into the sunset ? Your being silly… he can never be yours…

She's told herself this before, countless times, but the reply to her own mental argument has always been

In my heart he will always be mine, and I will always be his…

And really how can she argue with that ? She'd cursed herself a million times over, but her heart never gave up the claim.

She fights back the tears and retreats into the tent behind her. As soon as she settles into her bedroll she can hear the words of the chant floating in from the sister nearby who had been offering them to the soldiers. She knows the verse well and as she listens the memories, like the wind, come swirling around her once again.

~*~

"Blessed are they who stand before The corrupt and the wicked and do not falter.

Blessed are the peacekeepers, the champions of the just."

Ember sat in back pew listening, all the way to the right in the most shadowy place of the chapel. No-one knew that she came here. Most apprentices and mages avoided the chapel like the plague. She didn't believe in everything the chantry said, in particular it's skewed view on what is right and wrong when it came down to the particular's. She did feel the pull to believe in something though. She didn't like to put all of her hopes in mankind alone, she was comforted in believing in something more. She knew a lot of her friends; Jowan especially would disagree and chide her for her beliefs so she came in secret wearing a hooded cloak when she knew not a lot of people would be around. She was eighteen and ahead in all of her studies so Senior Enchanter Irving had granted her a free period for independent study. While all of her peer's were in class or in the library, she snuck up to the chapel once or twice a week. It was about two weeks after she had started her visits there when she discovered that he came too.

"Blessed are the righteous, the lights in the shadow.

In their blood the Maker's will is written."

She listened and watched him kneeling, reciting his normal verses. She wondered what he was thinking… his hands were clasped so tightly and his brow wrinkled as he concentrated, pouring his heart and soul into the verses. These were the moments she loved the most from him. Who knew that such passion was contained in all that armor and seriousness? His passion moved her and without knowing it she started coming to the chantry on the days she knew he would be there. She waited there in the shadows unnoticed hoping to see him. Those little moments where he did not guard his emotions were too delicious to miss. Her heart broke into pieces with love for him.

Ember knew he watched her, she could feel his eyes on her back as she passed in the tower. He took up all the posts where he knew she would be. She didn't mind it, not at all. On the contrary she was happy that he did it. She tried talking to him every chance she got. She loved to hear him stutter. It was all she could do not to smile when she heard him say "g…g… good morning Ember" each morning as she went to breakfast. He guarded her hall in the morning, the library in the afternoon and the senior mage's quarters in the evening, the only time of day she didn't see him. What he didn't know, what no-one knew was that she watched him too. She couldn't help herself. He was her distraction from life, from studying from feeling like a prisoner. She relished in any small conversation, every look and each uninhibited moment she saw from him. On occasion she saw him joking around with his fellow templars when they would spar out in the courtyard in the back of the tower. She watched from her window ,seeing him smile and laugh left her with a smile on her face for the rest of the day.

Ember, you are turning into one of those sappy doe-eyed girls you and Jowan are always making fun of you know… and for a Templar no less… This will not end well. There is no happy ending here.

Her sensible side kept telling her as much, but the side of her with it's head in the clouds countered.

Oh practical good doing Ember will you please be quiet and let me have my fun, you know I can't help it… look at him up there so focused. We are the same, I'm sure I look exactly like that when I'm studying or practicing magic. Actually I KNOW I look that way, as Jowan has teased me about it many times. Every time he caught me studying he would walk up smooth the wrinkles in my forehead. She hear almost hear him now.

"So serious Em … really your forehead is going to stick like that if you don't give it a break, then no-one would think your so beautiful" he would say while mocking the look on my face.

Ugh, if that man wasn't her friend she'd curse him…

Ember sighed.

What time is it ?

At that exact moment, as if someone had read her mind, she heard the bell ringing signaling the start of her next class.

Oh damn it all to pieces…

She stood up in a hurry and made for the door, but as she turned her foot caught on the end of the pew and sent her flying into a tall candelabra. With a muffled scream she went soaring, her head making a loud crack as both it and the candelabra went crashing into the stone floor making all sorts of loud noises.

Cullen sprang to attention at the loud crashing sound from the corner. He was a little embarrassed that he hadn't realized anyone else was in the chapel with him. He rushed over in the direction of the noise hand on the hilt of his sword anticipating the worst, but relaxed as he knelt down to the figure laid out on the floor, their upper body covered by a hooded cloak that had twisted in the fall.

"Maker, are you Ok ?!" He asked the covered figure as he moved to help them untangle themselves.

He heard a low groan of pain as the person lifted its arm in a weary attempt to free themselves. Cullen gasped as he lifted the cloak off the figure's face.

"E… Ember w… what are you d… doing ?! A… are you OK ?!" he said in surprise as He reached for her arm to help her to a sitting position as she grabbed her head in pain.

Damn this cursed stutter… he thought as he shook his head and looked at her with concern in his eyes.

"Urrrghhh … I was just… Ah I come here every now and again, I just don't tell anyone about it…" She blubbered out shrugging her shoulders.

He looked at her in surprise…

Of all the people… is this a test ? Did the Maker put her there because he knew Cullen had been thinking about her just now as he prayed. This was just too much…

His stomach whirled and his heart raced.

Was it possible to love her more than he did five minutes ago ? When he was praying to the Maker to let his heart forget her ? When he was praying for forgiveness for his sin ? Oh sweet Andraste she is beautiful. Maker forgive me…

and he felt the need to pray again, as his arm, as if acting on it's own volition wrapped around her back to steady her.

"I think I'm ok Cullen, I'm sorry I startled you, I just … can this be our little secret ? I mean I just don't want any of the other apprentices giving me any grief and … ooh …. ow.. I must have really hit my head. Can you help me stand up, maybe I just need to walk it off."

" Y…yes I… of course M'lady" and he took her other arm in his hand as he slowly stood up letting her steady herself against him.

Goodness she smelled wonderful… He had never been this close to her .

"You can call me Ember, Cullen…"

She looked up at him, his heart suddenly racing again as he wondered what it would be like to bend down and softly kiss her lips. He shook the thought out of his head immediately and reluctantly let go of her arms so that she could try and walk. She took a step forward before dizzily losing her balance and falling into his arms again, her hands resting against his armored chest.

He let out a big long breath and wondered how much more he could take. He needed to get her somewhere else and get away from her before he lost himself.

"I … I think I should take you to the infirmary… Ember…" He said smiling slightly as her name rolled off his tongue.

"Mmmm" she murmured, while nodding in agreement.

"Well at least I won't be getting into trouble for missing class" she said chuckling.

"Cullen… you won't say anything… about me being in the chapel will you" she looked at him her eyes pleading.

"No I won't, I promise" he replied leading her out of the room.

She smiled up at him in thanks, her cheeks turning pink. He savored being this close to her, his arm around her. It felt like lightning went flowing through his veins when he touched her. He drank in the moment knowing that as soon as he left her with the healers he would be running back up to pray again before taking up his next post.

It's no use though you fool…

He knew that no matter what he did he would never get her out of his head and especially not out of hi heart…