Chapter 19: Outtake

Bella and Jasper's Conversation

JPOV

As the door clicked, I observed Bella quietly for a moment.

"I apologize for springing the idea of my colleague on you so suddenly. It was never my intention to make you feel like you didn't have a choice."

As I'd hoped, my words set her off, and she exploded at me.

"Well, how am I supposed to feel?! Everyone's dropping their lives to take care of me around the clock, and no one's asked me once how I feel about any of it! I know I sound like an ungrateful wretch right now, and I'm sorry, I really am, but honestly! Ever since I woke up, I've been told where I'll be living, what I'll be wearing, take this medicine Bella, let me take you shopping Bella, this is what you'll be eating Bella, this is who you'll be talking to Bella…I don't want to talk about it! I just want to forget about it and move on! I don't need to cared for like an unstable invalid. I'm not. I've taken care of myself my whole life. I took care of myself when I was stuck in that God-forsaken hellhole and nothing's changed. Nothing!"

I listened calmly to her tirade, trying to remember each key point she made.

"May I sit, Bella?"

"Don't be a smartass, Jasper. You don't need to start asking me before you do every single little thing," she snapped.

I smiled slightly at her. "I was actually just being polite. This is your room, after all."

She bit her lip in embarrassment. "Oh. I'm sorry. Please, sit."

I moved the chair Lily had been using to the head of her bed and sat down, thinking my next words through carefully.

"Were you aware that Lily won't allow anyone to call her 'baby' anymore?"

She shook her head, and I saw her look at my face through the corner of her eyes.

I nodded, continuing. "It's true. The first time Edward called her that, she froze. The next time, it was Esme, and she almost had a panic attack. She used to call herself 'the baby'. But now…she can't stand it."

"James always called her 'baby'," she murmured softly.

"I assumed it was something along those lines. That is one small example of how Lily has changed, just in those few short weeks. There are many other subtle differences in her, like how she is able to tune out conversation around her and focus on a task. Her ability to amuse herself quietly. Trust me, that's something she could never do before." I laughed as memories of Lily bouncing as excitedly as my Ali filled my mind.

"My point is, is that Lily has changed. Quite a bit. She's young, and her mind is resilient, and I have no doubt she will go on to have a completely normal life. But she is going to have to talk about her experiences at some point. Because if she doesn't the memories will hide themselves in her subconscious, and attack her when she least expects it, in ways she won't be able to guard herself from.

"What Lily went through was second-hand torture. She knew you were being hurt, yet she could do nothing to stop it. You did an excellent thing in allowing her to know that he was…How did you phrase it? "being mean to you". But you didn't go into specifics, and for that I applaud you. It couldn't have been easy to keep her from seeing what he did to you.

"You on the other hand, Bella, received that torture first-hand. We were told by Victoria's brother that she was punished nightly for her 'mistakes'. From what I've heard Lily say, that seems to be the same thing he did to you."

She flinched slightly, and I proceeded with caution.

"I have no intention to try to get you to talk about any of this with me. Not now, not once we're back at the Cullens. That is if you still want to stay there. No one will force you Bella. You can go back to your own apartment if you prefer, you know that."

Her lip trembled. "No, I want to go there. I don't want to be away from Lily. I'm just so up and down, I hate snapping at everyone all the time. I don't understand what's going on in my head. I feel like I should be so happy all the time, but no matter how hard I try to be, I can't help but just cry sometimes. And at night…" she shuddered.

She met my eyes for the first time, and hers were shining.

"That's why I'd like for you to meet my friend, Siobhan. She has experience with both women and children. She's someone you and Lily could discuss your trauma with, both separately and together. Don't feel like you should be anything other than what you are right now Bella. Let your mind and your body heal at the pace that is right for you. No one can dictate or predict how that will go. I'll talk with Emmett and Alice both, and they'll back off, I promise."

"No, no, no," she muttered, shaking her head. "Emmett and Alice both just want to help, and they're helping the only way they know how. I get it, I do. I just hate feeling so different from before. I'm taking it out on everyone else, and I'm sorry I'm being such a bitch."

"Please. Rosalie's a bitch, and she'd be the first one to tell you that. You are a woman who recently went through a traumatic experience, whose body is still recovering, and is currently being weaned off of very powerful narcotics. If you were all sunshine and smiles, I'd be worried. So bring it on, little lady, we can take it. We're all family now, and you can't get rid of us that easily."

A smile broke across her face, and I returned it with one of my own. "I've never had a big family before. It'll take some getting used to."

"We've got nothing but time, Bella. What say we ease all the worrying minds outside in the hall?"

"Sure. And thank you, Jasper."

She truly had no idea how amazing she was doing, how incredible of a person she was to have survived through the horror of James. Lily was the light of all of our lives, and she protected her with the fierceness of a mother lioness for her cub. She was selfless to a fault, and I felt myself as determined as Edward to make sure she returned to normality as soon as possible, although I doubt he saw her as a sister the way I did.

"Anytime, Bella."

I rose from my chair to open the door, letting our blended family back in, smiling at them in reassurance as they filed back in. Edward looked like he hadn't stopped running his hands through his hair, and I was awed that it hadn't started to fall out yet. He met my eyes, and his grief and shame was palpable.

Boy, he's got it bad.