Okay guys! I love u all!!!!!!!! I got 57 hits! That is sooooo great, especially in 1 nite! Oh n I wanna thank Westerngal1994 and Wayretro for adding me to ur favs! That means sooooo much to me, anyway I'm going to try my best to make this chapter great! So here is chapter 1 (oh and this is set 3 months after her choice…Bella is a senior in high school):
Only Half My HeartChapter 1 Nightmares
BPOVMy mind wandered away from reality when I thought about Edward. I know I shouldn't think about him, but I think of him often. Actually not just often, but always. I missed the way he was always there. The cool breathe on my skin, the way he looked at me when I blushed. Everything about him never left my mind.
I always tried my best to make sure Jacob still thought I loved him. I don't want to know what would happen if he knew that I took his half of my heart and gave it to Edward. He would probably make that beating worse then the others.
Ever since I left Edward, everything about life changed. I wasn't happy anymore. At first Jacob was the perfect guy, always there to hold me and love me and such, but one night, when I dreamt of Edward and spoke his name when I fell asleep on Jake's couch after school Jacob became hateful. He started to hit me, and he never loved me the way he did before.
The beatings have gotten worse. So much worse. Sometimes I cry out for Edward when Jacob hits me. That just causes myself more pain. I knew I deserved it; I should've never left Edward. Never. He was and is the one that my life is devoted to. He is the one that my whole heart belonged with.
"So, Bella, what do you say?" Mike's wishing voice delivered me from my nightmares.
"Huh? Oh, I'm sorry Mike. What did you say?" I could hear the desperate cry for help in my voice. I just wanted so badly to shout to the world that I needed help, but I couldn't. I knew it wouldn't do any good. It would just take away the pain that I deserved.
"Would you like to go down to La Push this weekend? There having a big bonfire and gonna tell some stories and stuff."
"Oh well, I don't know. I can try b-," I couldn't continue. I just couldn't let Mike know that I needed permission. That would just be down right asking Jacob to hit me.
Mike just looked at me and shrugged, "Okay. Just let me know," he looked at Angela asking her to join us. I was so glad to still have some of my friends. Angela, Mike, Ben (well kind of a friend), and sometimes Jessica, if no one else would talk to her. Angela especially, I couldn't tell her everything about my life, but she knew most of my secrets. She could always be there, if I needed to cry, or just talk. She was my only best friend. And I owed her that.
"Yeah, Ang, you should go. I don't know if I'll be able to go, but it would be great to have you there," I tried to sound enthusiastic. The best I could with my life. I looked back at the Cullen's table. All of them together, the way I used to be. Together, what I wished for at night.
Alice looked in my direction, so I quickly glanced at my food. I couldn't handle their attention, all their glances. I thought for sure they hated me because of what I put Edward through. I hated me, why shouldn't they.
The orange on my tray became my sight for the rest of the period. When I finally looked up, Edward walked past me with the rest of his family. Ever since my stupid decision, Edward looked so depressed all the time. Just more of a reason to hate myself. To deserve all of Jacob's beatings. To know that my heart was gone, forever.
So how did you like it? I hope it was good. If I made any errors or typo's, or if there is anything you don't understand, just let me know in a review….and then you can get an invisible COOKIE!!!!!! YAY! Go COOKIES!!!!!!!
I know I'm not the best writer, but I think I can say, my story isn't that bad….blah blah blah. Sorry, I'm just rambling…….. Thanks for reading! Hopefully the next chapter (which will be Edward's point of view [ I just love thinking of his name…) will be posted by Thursday!!!!!
Twilightfreek!