Whew, this story is starting to break my heart... (sniff) But I think that I'm really growing with it, so enjoy the chapter, and please remember to review! Oh, and I hadn't intended for the SVU gang to troop in, but they demanded to be involved in catching the bad guy, and who could say no to Stabler's baby blues?

Disclaimer: None of this is mine, except for the bad guy, but really, who wants to own a bad guy? Unless it's a VDO bad guy... (drools on keyboard)

This chapter is dedicated to Infinity Star, for all her help and patience with my story ADD, constant rewriting, and everything in between. Thanks!

She groaned and shifted slightly as she woke, her back screaming and her entire body sore. She groaned again and stretched her entire body, then slowly opened her eyes, gasping at the sight that greeted her.

Mike was laying on his side with his hands tucked under his chin, his dark eyes clouded but focused intently on her, and she blushed under his stare.

She leaned forward and brushed her hand over his shoulder, murmuring, "Hey, Mike. How are you feeling?"

A confused expression came over his features as he looked around the room, and she sucked in a breath and prepared for the emotions that were about to hit them both. But they never came. Instead, Mike's gaze settled on her again, and concern filled his eyes.

"Shouldn't you be in the bed, Car?" he asked, and she froze mid-breath.

"What?"

"Your... shoulder. You were shot," he murmured, reaching out to touch her shoulder.

She covered his hand with hers, saying, "Mike, what are you talking about?"

His jaw hardened. "The Estevez case. We were in his house, and he pulled a gun on us. You were hit. I saw you."

It finally dawned on her what he was talking about. A year ago, she had been shot in the shoulder during an undercover operation. But... why was he talking about it now? That was a year ago. "Mike," she murmured. "The Estevez case was a year ago."

His eyes darkened, and his mouth fell slightly open. "What... huh?"

She thought for a moment, then carefully pushed the sleeve of her shirt off of her shoulder, revealing the healed scar that still remained. He reached one trembling hand out and touched it in disbelief.

"I┘ but-" he stuttered, and she gently clasped his hand.

The memories came back in a flood over him, so fast that he could barely sort through the emotions and sensations that they evoked. "Oh God," he whispered chokingly, and Carolyn clutched his hand tighter in hers. His breaths became harsh and labored as he remembered, and Carolyn rose to her feet beside the bed, knowing instinctively that she needed to calm him down.

"Mike. Mike," she whispered, releasing his hand to frame his face with both of her hands. "Breathe. I need you to relax, okay, sweetheart? Please, relax." His heart was racing, and the incessant beeping of the machinery alerted Carolyn to the fact that something was wrong.

She looked down at her partner, and his eyes met hers, reflecting fear and pure agony. Without even thinking, she wrapped her arms around him tightly and held him to her chest, rocking him back and forth slowly. She could feel his chest heaving almost violently, and behind her, she heard voices speaking medical jargon. Suddenly two hands grabbed her shoulders, and she nearly screamed and attempted to shove them off. But they gently pulled her away from Mike, and she felt like she was in psychical pain when Mike screamed her name.

"Carolyn!"

She wanted to go back to him. No, she wanted to take him in her arms and absorb every little bit of pain that he was being forced to suffer. She would gladly die if it meant that he didn't have to go through this.

Suddenly the machines went erratic, and Carolyn watched with a terror like she had never known as Mike's entire body fell back against the bed. One of the nurses gently pushed his head back, and the doctor carefully intubated him, sending Carolyn to her knees. Slowly the frenzy abated, and Mike's doctor crouched down in front of Carolyn.

"Is he okay?" she asked shakily, and the woman gave a small nod.

"His throat closed, probably from all of the stress and shock of the situation. Did he say anything?" Dr. McKinnis asked, and Carolyn nodded slowly.

"He woke up, and he was so sure it was a year ago," she answered slowly. "I told him that it wasn't, and I guess he remembered, because the next thing I know, he was starting to panic." A small sob escaped from her throat, and she wiped her eyes with the back of her hand. "I tried to calm him down, but then you all came in here and made me let him go." She glared at McKinnis accusingly.

McKinnis had the decency to look partly ashamed, and Carolyn rose unsteadily to her feet and moved back to Mike's bed, where the sight of the tube that snaked from his throat nearly forced her to her knees again. She fumbled for his hand, then leaned down and pressed her lips to his forehead, lingering there for a few moments while she fought to reign in her emotions.

"I administered another sedative, so he should sleep for the rest of the day, and hopefully through the night. We'll try to extubate him tomorrow afternoon," McKinnis stated, but Carolyn swallowed a cold lump of anger and just nodded. "I need to ask you more question, though. Does he have any family that we can contact? Parents, or a wife, perhaps?"

Carolyn ground her teeth, then muttered, "No, his parents are dead, and he's an only child. I'm the only family he's got."

"Alright. And your name is?"

"Barek. Carolyn Barek. And I'm also his medical proxy, in case you guys decide to do something else stupid!" she growled, her fingernails biting into her palms and her teeth sinking into her lip.

She heard the doctor leave the room, and a few minutes later, she heard someone else walk in. She had had enough.

With fury controlling her movements and thoughts, she whirled around and hissed, "Haven't you done enough?"

Alex looked at her, and Carolyn felt any and all anger flee her body as she looked at two of her closest friends. With a shaky sigh, she said, "I'm sorry, guys. I'm just..."

"It's okay, Carolyn," Alex reassured her, embracing her gently. "We know it's hard on you." Carolyn pulled away and swiped at the tears on her cheeks, then turned and sat down in her chair again.

"What happened?" Bobby finally spoke up, motioning to the tube that snaked down the side of Mike's bed. Carolyn shuddered and bit her lip.

"He... he had a p-panic attack, and his throat closed," she mumbled. "They had to intubate him." She squeezed her eyes shut, hoping that somehow, this was all just a terrible nightmare. But as hard as she tried, she just couldn't make it go away. She reached for Mike's hand, holding it tightly in hers as the tears fell down her cheeks.

Bobby and Alex looked at each other, not sure of how to comfort the crying woman in front of them. For in all reality, they had no idea of what she was going through. Sure, in their respective lives, they had each lost people who were close to them. But they still had each other, and they had never been forced to go through something like this.

Carolyn heard them leave, and in all honesty, she couldn't fault them for going. If it were anyone, anyone else lying in this bed, she would be gone, too. But this wasn't just anyone. This was her partner, her best friend. Her Mike.

She allowed her hand to travel up to his face, her fingertips just barely caressing his soft cheek. Gentle, caring, tough as nails, devoted, patient, hard headed Mike. Why did this have to happen to him? And how could she have let it? She was a cop, for God's sakes! But so was he.

No, she hissed mentally as she continued to stroke his cheek. I'm not going to blame him. I know he fought, and I know that he sure as hell didn't want this to happen. Her gaze drifted down to the rope burns on his wrists, evidence of the fact that he had been unable to defend himself. And that angered her even more.

She pulled her hand from his cheek and clasped his hand between hers, then brought it up to her lips, kissing it tenderly. "Mike," she said, her voice thick with unshed tears. "I'm here for you, and I always will be. I know that you tried to escape those bastards, and I'm so sorry that I wasn't there to protect you."

A tear spilled from her eyelash, and she kissed his knuckles. "But I'm here now, and I will protect you, because you're not just my partner. You're my best friend, Mike Logan, and I'm going to try my hardest to keep you from being hurt again," she vowed, and another tear fell onto Mike's hand. She leaned forward and carefully rested her head on his chest, keeping her hand wrapped around his as she slowly drifted off to sleep.

CICICICICICICICICICICICICICICICICICICICICICICICICICI

"Okay, Mike, they're going to take the tube out now," Carolyn said softly, looking into her partner's dark eyes as she squeezed his hand for reassurance. He looked uncertain, so she bent down and kissed his forehead, then ruffled his hair lightly.

McKinnis looked at Mike and said, "Okay, Mike, I'm going to need you to exhale when I pull the tube out. Understand?"

Carolyn felt Mike squeeze her hand, and she could almost hear him bite out a retort. "He's ready," she stated, and McKinnis nodded.

"Okay, on three," she said as she took the tube in her hands. "One, two, three." She pulled the tube carefully out of Mike's throat, and once it was gone, he began coughing and struggling to catch his breath.

Carolyn grabbed the glass of water on the nightstand and carefully held it to Mike's mouth, which he gratefully accepted. Once he was finished, she put the glass back, and McKinnis checked Mike's heart and lungs to make sure that nothing would go wrong. Satisfied, she looked at Carolyn and said, "He should be fine, but if anything looks strange, or he has trouble breathing-"

"I'll find a nurse," Carolyn finished her sentence, and McKinnis nodded and walked out of the room, leaving Carolyn alone with her partner. The room was quiet again, save for the sounds of their breathing, and Carolyn sank back into the chair with a weary sigh.

Mike looked at her, his dark eyes searching hers for something...

"Hey," she finally murmured, realizing that this was the first time they had talked since his attack. "It's good to see your eyes open again."

He continued to stare at her, and she blushed slightly under his gaze. "Car," he whispered hoarsely, and she leaned forward and looked at him. "Was I... did you... Did they..." His voice cut off, and it dawned on her that he was asking her details about his attack.

Her mouth suddenly felt as though it was filled with cotton, and she reached for his hand, mutely surprised when he didn't pull away from her touch. "Mike, what do you remember?" she asked thickly, and he thought for a moment, his hand reflexively squeezing hers.

"I... It was late. I had just gotten home and... someone was in the living room. I pulled my gun, but something hit me from behind." He paused and took a deep breath, silent shudders rippling through his body.

"What else do you remember?" she gently prodded, and he shut his eyes, as though to wipe away a devastating memory.

"When I came to... I was on my bed, and I couldn't move my arms or legs. Someone... someone rolled me onto my stomach..." He shut his eyes tighter, and Carolyn felt sick as the pieces came together in her mind, forming a movie that she was helpless to stop. Forgoing all rules and regulations, she found his hand and held it, and she was surprised when he grabbed it and clung to it like a lifeline.

"What happened then, Mike?" she questioned, squeezing his hand gently. He shivered a little, and Carolyn nearly choked on the air in her lungs when she saw the tear on his eyelash.

"They were laughing," he whispered, and she winced and weaved her fingers though his. "When the first one... when he was done, he asked me- he asked me if I liked it." His other hand balled into a fist, and she moved her chair closer to his bed, so that her elbows were resting on the mattress.

A coppery taste filled her mouth, and Carolyn realized belatedly that she had been biting her lip until it drew blood. She quickly wiped the unsavory taste out of her mouth. "Mike, you were on the floor of your living room when... when you were found," she stated quietly.

"I know. I remember." He opened his eyes slightly and looked at her, his hand tightening around hers. Of course he remembered. She had been the first thing he had seen when he came to. He remembered how she had spoken to him, how fiercely protective of him she had been, and still was, even now.

She looked in his eyes, desperately searching for something, some semblance of her cocky, imaginative, flirtatious, protective, loyal partner. But there was none. The man in front of her was quiet, shy, and withdrawn, and that chilled her to the core. She desperately wanted to wrap her arms around him, to hold him like she would never let go, but she settled for running her thumb over the back of his hand as he haltingly continued the horrific tale.

"They... they did that all night, knocking me out and..." His voice trailed off, and Carolyn realized with a wrench of her heart that he couldn't even say it, let alone accept what had been forced upon him. And then it finally hit her, like violent waves crashing against a sandy beach. Her partner and best friend had been raped. He had been forced to endure what no person, woman or man, should have to endure.

Mike noticed when his partner suddenly froze in her chair, and for a brief moment, he thought he saw disgust and loathing in her eyes. And a part of him couldn't blame her. He had been attacked, an NYPD cop, for God's sakes! He felt a wave of disgust wash over him, and he thought, This must be how she feels whenever she looks at me.

She recognized the look in his eyes, and she could almost hear his doubts and self loathing. She needed to take action. "Mike, none of this was your fault," she murmured soothingly, and his eyes flickered through feelings, almost as though he was searching through a rolodex of emotions. "You didn't ask for any of this to happen, and I know that you fought like hell. Anyone can see that." Her gaze dropped down to his wrist, where the rope burns were a ghastly mixture of red and purple against his tan skin.

His eyes watered, and he blinked in an effort to dispel the tears.

Against her better judgment, the hand that was previously resting in her lap rose up, and the tips of her long fingers brushed against his cheek, barely making contact. But he felt it nonetheless. He felt the impulse to pull away, but he fought it, and he was disheartened when she pulled her hand away and returned it to her lap.

"Is that all, Mike?" she asked quietly, and he nodded, even though it was far from the truth. He just couldn't handle it right now. "Maybe you should get some sleep, partner. I think Alex and Bobby are going to drop by later," she said lightly, though he could hear the hesitation and worry as clear as day in her voice. He shifted until he found a comfortable position, and Carolyn rose to her feet.

"Where are you going?" Mike asked worriedly, and Carolyn's brows knitted together.

"I'm just going to get a drink, Mike," she explained, but she returned to her chair and looked at him. He felt guilty and clingy for wanting her to stay, but the truth was that he simply didn't want to be alone. She could see the fear and hesitation in his eyes, and in an attempt to assuage his fears, she said, "Don't worry, Mike. I won't leave, okay? I won't."

He relaxed, and she knew that she had said the right words as he laid his head on the pillows and yawned, his eyes drifting shut. To her quiet surprise, he opened his eyes again and smiled at her, his hand reaching out for hers. "Thanks for staying," he whispered, and she took his hand in hers and squeezed it affectionately.

True to her word, Carolyn stayed by Mike's side until he was dead to the world, her fingers rhythmically tracing the lines in his palm. After another hour, she carefully laid his hand on his stomach, then quietly slipped out of the room.

In the hall, there was a group of people talking quietly. Among them, Carolyn noticed Bobby and Alex, and her heart sank at the conflicted looks on their faces. Alex was the first to notice Carolyn's arrival, and she stepped away from the group and said, "Hey, Car. How is he?"

"Sleeping," she answered crisply, eyeing the group of strangers who surrounded Bobby.

Alex followed her stare, and she took a step closer, the somber look on her face making Carolyn's stomach drop. "They're from Special Victims," Alex stated, and Carolyn had to swallow the acidic taste of vomit that rose in the back of her throat. "They're here to talk to Mike... and you."

TBC...

A/N: Uh oh, cliffie! (ducks flaming sporks thrown by Podie1 and Essy) Review!