There are always times in your life when you feel you must break the rules to save yourself or someone close you. Yet breaking the rules always has consequences. Karma. What goes around comes around. But then, why does it seem that some people have all the luck and others never get shit? Maybe if you were abused you would never even dream of the idea of karma. You would just accept the world as it is. You would not question it. You might assume that one is treated the same way as you, that it was the norm. Questioning it would be rather foolish. Others would get their jollies, laughing at you. You might feel pathetic, weak, and/or ignorant. Your choice.
I am none of those things, yet even as I was abused I still believed that one day my parents would get it. I never dreamed that the one closest to me would die in the process though. He broke the rules, defied fate, to save me. I should have died along side him and everyone else. Yet I did not. Was it karma finally coming around? If it was, it did not feel good. In fact, I nearly felt worse about the course of events.
Even still, you might want to cling to the past, it was the only thing you ever knew. Or, instead, you may loathe in and push it away. You might become a thespian. A wondrous actor, you might even develop somewhat of a large ego, or if nothing else, you might act arrogant to come across that you have your life put together and that nothing can harm you. That you are strong and that whatever challenges there may be lying ahead will be easy for you to overcome. You would be able to succeed your own predecessor; or at least show your twit of a rival that you are the best.
But that is not who you truly are. You would just never admit that in actuality maybe you are that weak, pathetic, ignorant brat. A fool. A stupid prat.
- - -
I glanced at myself in the mirror. Surveying myself for a moment. I fixed a lock of my golden hair. It must have gotten messed up when I stormed out of Roger's office earlier. Near and I had gotten into another disruptive argument, rather, I suppose I was just yelling at him and he just stared at me with his damn bug eyes... But then I beat up on another kid. Kaiba. Roger was not happy about that.
I was filled with chagrin for a moment as I thought about the look on Kaiba's face. Kaiba was my first friend here. Here at Wammy's. He understood what it was like...
I used to live with my mom, dad, and brother – Lorynn – in a small town. Lorynn was always the favorite, but he was my hero. He was an amazing person. He was the only one that cared about me too.
Verbal abuse, twenty times more effective than physical abuse to my mother and father. I was unwanted. A mistake they often told me. I just about believed it – Lorynn kept me from accepting it completely though. He told me that one day I would change the world. That it was a mistake for mom and dad to treat me the way they did.
But when they began with the mental abuse, Lorynn did not know what to say. He gave me the greatest treasure of all instead.
Rosary beads. Clear crystal and ruby beads. One, six, one, six, one six. There was a simple cross on the end of them, with a hollowed out cross within it. At night I would say my prayers, clutching them in my hand nearly choking myself every night.
Every night that is, until that nightmarish, grave day. It was funereal.
I lay in bed as I did every night, and listened to my parent's yelling. Presumably, they were having another argument about Lorynn. I wanted to resent him so much for him having all the appraisal and love every child should have, but I never could. Anyway, I lay there trying to make out their indistinct words, but could not.
Deciding that I could not sleep, I got out of bed and began to trudge to Lorynn's room. As I passed the top of the stairs, I heard a bloodcurdling scream, or maybe it was just an angry shout. I thought nothing of it as I made my way down the hall in my black fleece sweater and black sweatpants. When I opened Lorynn's door, it creaked loudly, but not loud enough for anyone but Lorynn to hear. I climbed into his bed.
"Hey Mihael." Lorynn shifted, moving closer to the wall. I rolled onto my side in front of him, I could feel his muscular chest on my back.
Inhale
Exhale
Inhale
Exhale
I snuggled closer into his chest. Lorynn rubbed my back comfortingly. He knew that I often could not sleep at night, he understood why. He always did.
I became drowsy, falling asleep nearly instantly, but then we heard the screams of bloody murder and the gunshots. Lorynn bolted upright in bed. Sitting cross-legged.
"Mihael, wait here. I'm going to see what's going on." He jogged out of the room. Almost immediately he ran back upstairs into his room. I was already half asleep again.
"Mihael! We have to go!" Lorynn whispered furiously.
I glanced at the clock groggily. "It's 2:30 in the morning Lorynn! Where are we going?"
Lorynn ignored my question and gathered me in his arms, he ran down the stairs as if it were a race. I had never seen him so panicked in my life. My face was buried in his chest, I was so sleepy. I pulled away looking around and saw my parents lying on the floor in agony. Pools of blood on the floor.
Where was the perpetrator? Who was it?
He was nowhere to be found.
My aunt and grandfather moaned and groaned. I hid my face in my hands once more. Their hands were severed – gone. Lorynn dashed toward the front door jumping over them frantic. I saw behind him his best friend holding a knife and gun and gasped. He followed behind us venom nearly shooting from his eyes. His glare was intent with purpose. He was going to kill us if it was the last thing he did.
I did not see him pull the trigger, I just heard Lorynn grimace as he fell to his knees and collapsed. "Go! Mihael! Run away. Run as far as you can. I love you. Don't worry about me. Just go!"
I felt a knife in my shoulder; Lorynn's friend threw it at me. I was destined to die as well! It stuck in my shoulder but I kept running, my breathing ragged and scared. I ran until I fell. I quickly jumped back up trying to jog, but could not even manage that. My lungs felt as though they were on fire...
When it was finally light out again, I made my way back to the scene of horrors. In my house, my mom remained. She was alive. Bleeding to death, not fast enough. She was beyond saving.
"Damn it Mihael! You let Lorynn die! You bastard!" she screamed. "You let Lorynn die! You should have died not him! You were such a god damn mistake! I can't believe it. Be useful for once!"
I stared wide eyed at my aunt and grandfather.
"Mihael! You dumb ass! Look at me when I talk to you!" she attempted to grope along the floor, dragging herself towards me. I twitched back.
"You worthless piece of shit! You are going to be useful for once! You weak, clueless bastard! Go the counter! Go! Fetch the largest knife! Right now!"
"A-Are you g-going to kill me?" my eyes filled with tears. Someone at the mere age of six and a half should not ever have to see this side of the world.
"Kill you? No! You will live with the guilt upon your shoulders. You let your family die! You're going to kill me damn it! Fetch the knife now! Now!" she growled.
I abided. I wanted her to shut up. I wanted to kill her. I wanted to. I grabbed the butchering utensil in my small fist. I did not try to kill her though. I wanted her to suffer the way I had. She deserved to feel the pain she inflicted upon me. I used the cleaver, slamming it down at her ankles. I almost felt a rush of relief as I marred her body. She howled in rage and in infinite pain. I was not going to kill her easily.
"How dare you Mihael! How dare you!" She could no longer even attempt to get up to follow me.
I drained oil from her car outside into a glass, and walked back into the house where she was sprawled across the floor, cursing at me. In a steady stream, I poured it over her body.
"What in the devil are you doing Mihael? Bloody hell! What are you doing?"
I stepped up onto the counter where I opened a cabinet containing matches. I struck one and held it to the curtains above the sink and lit another, dropping it onto my mother's body.
"Mihael! Mihael!" she cried out in bitter anguish, "Oh Mihael! Stop it! Put it out! Please!" she begged. How pathetic. I could not even find it in me to spit on her.
"I'm sorry Mihael! I.... I never should have treated you..." she began coughing and screaming. Smoke inhalation, the bitter fiery flames of hell licking at her skin and house. She could not get the words out, nor could I find pity for her.
I turned away and stalked out of the house, hopefully leaving the past behind me.
Minutes later reality struck, I had nowhere to go and I was a murder. I should have died too. Why? I longed to run back and burn myself as well, but lost the will... I slept on a park bench that night, clutching Lorynn's rosary in my hand, screaming inside. Tears fell from my eyes, my head pounding. I stopped after a moment. What was I crying for? Had I suddenly become masochistic? Did I long for the pain and abuse? Yeah right. I smiled. I was free. I was—
"Are you a runaway?" a young, innocent looking boy inquired.
"Er me? No. My parents are dead." I nearly laughed.
"You're an orphan?" he repeated.
"Yes." I studied the boy. He was short, but taller than me with shaggy brown hair. It was a lighter honey color. It was nearly touching his shoulders in the back, but was not so long that it looked feminine. It looked rugged. It was parted far down to the right side, covering the left half of his face. He had eyes as clear and bright as the aquamarine color of the Caribbean seas. His face was thing, yet round with a pointed chin. It was sharp, but still soft. It made him look older, more mature.
Was he a "runaway" like me?
For a "runaway" his clothes were awfully clean and looked quite new. He wore a white collared jacket, dark blue skinny jeans, and a tight black t-shirt.
"Who're you?" I asked, anger and arrogance in my voice.
"Kaiba. And you?"
"Mihael." I lifted my chin slightly. I felt superior to this street rat.
"Huh. You need somewhere to stay?"
"No!" I had a look of disgust painted on my face.
"Sounds to me like you do." He was forceful. My cocky attitude did not even affect him. He sounded confident and demanding.
Maybe he saw through my charade. Could he see that this was a simple act so I would not look like a lost puppy?
"Seems to me that you don't understand that I don't need help."
"Oh, trust me, you do. Come back with me to Wammy's."
"What the hell is Wammy's?!"
Kaiba looked straight into my eyes for a moment, "An orphanage. I think that's were you need to be."
When he stared into my eyes, his penetrated my barrier. He could read me like a book. What choice did I have but to follow him blindly? What was he going to do to me?
Nothing.
I agreed to follow him...