As they drove toward the BAU, they didn't really talk as JJ was feeling more and more guilty and Emily was even more nervous than when she was at JJ's. When they arrived, they sat in the car for a couple of minutes, trying to gather some courage until JJ broke the silence.
"They won't hate you."
They'll be too busy hating me.
The pair squeezed hands before making their way out of the car and heading into the FBI building, Emily sneaking her way past the glass doors leading to the BAU. She stopped suddenly when she saw her face staring back at her from the wall of 'Killed in Action' agents. She closed her eyes briefly before rushing into JJ's office as JJ hurried into Hotch's.
Hotch looked up from his paperwork the moment his door opened and closed without warning— only two people ever did that, Rossi and JJ.
"Hotch. It's over."
His stomach twisted with dread, mind instantly going to Emily Prentiss, as JJ stood stock still in front of him.
"She's back."
He felt the weight on his shoulders instantly decrease as he processed the good news. He had been told that Emily was recovering in hiding but very much at risk from a number of things.
"Alive? She's okay?" He asked.
"In the BAU, she's in the BAU. Before you see her we have to tell the team." JJ paused as she considered her next words. "They're going to be so angry and hurt."
"It'll be okay. They'll have missed Em too much and when they learn she had no say in the matter they will forgive her 100%"
"What about us? Me? You? I mean, they still need to have some respect towards you, besides you were only told an inkling as an emergency measure. I was the one who knew everything and lied to their face, hell, I'm the one who told them she was dead."
They turned away from each other as the room fell into tense silence as they processed what would be happening in the next few minutes
"So what about you?" Hotch finally broke the silence.
JJ tucked her chin down and her shoulders drooped further, "hopefully they'll get over it within months."
"Months?"
"Yes months," she turned with tears in her eyes, dark shadows cast over her face even in the brightly lit room, "I lied to their face, I told them she died, I ruined their lives, and I caused them this pain. I did."
Hotch looked at the normally infallible agent, shocked, she looked on the verge of breaking. Before he could wrap her in a hug, she turned back around to compose herself.
"Bring in the team, we tell them today, right now. This ends today," she said.
He walked to the door and motioned toward his team who had come back from their group lunch and were trying to act as if they hadn't been staring at the door and window all this time. They stood and walked into the room confused, stomachs filling with dread as they sensed the heavy atmosphere in the room.
JJ immediately began to speak and Hotch knew from the look in her face to keep quiet for now.
"You all should sit down." They all sat except Reid who tried to get closer to her. "Don't. You need to sit," she said, moving toward the front of the room.
"A few months ago I told you that Emily Prentiss was pronounced dead. We attended her funeral, said our goodbyes, and leaned on each other as we grieved. You all were grieving for very different reasons." JJ just continued. "I want to apologize in advance for what I am about to tell you, I know you'll be angry and hurt but I had no choice."
"JJ what's going on?" Rossi asked.
"Emily Prentiss isn't dead, she's been in hiding for the past seven months."
"JJ what the fuck are you on, how could you joke like that?" Morgan seethed.
As if on cue Emily walked in, tentatively standing next to JJ. Ashley was the first one up and Emily thought she was about to get smacked across the face, instead she turned towards JJ and struck out. JJ's head whipped to the right, a harsh slap the only thing heard.
JJ took a few steps back and when Emily tried to follow, she waved her away to focus on the team who had already turned their eyes back to Emily.
"I am so sorry you guys, I wished I could have told you guys but—"
"Did you have a choice?" Reid interrupted.
"No she didn't, the Marshall came to me and the plan was set in motion." JJ answered instead.
"That's not entirely true, I was set as an emergency contact sort of thing and I knew that Prentiss had survived." Hotch insisted.
"But you were the one who did everything, who told us Emily was dead?" Penelope asked, turning a steely glare toward the media liaison.
"Well yes but—"
Emily could sense everything going downhill but wasn't able to get a word in about how JJ couldn't have said anything and how she wasn't sure she would have survived without her.
"So you let me cry on your shoulder for ten weeks, you lied to all of us, you let us believe that Emily was dead?" Reid stood up before storming from the room, not letting JJ answer.
Like Emily, she couldn't get a word in. All the walls she had put up to basically work two high-stress jobs with a smile on her face were crumbling down and all of a sudden, all she knew was that she had to get away from here.
Emily, who had been silent this whole time looked to her former team with thinly-veiled anger.
"Do you have any idea what JJ has been through for the past seven months? Hell, I don't know the half of it but I know that there's not one person in this room that could have handled it the way she did—"
"She lied," Morgan whispered.
"I don't know all the details of my case but I do know that she dropped everything in her life to protect me. Not only was she here working, she was out there with you guys, traveling and doing field work. She was leading a team of agents she had never met in her life, she was looking for Doyle and looking out for me. And she went home every night to an empty apartment except for when one of you needed a shoulder to cry on and not once did she complain or ask for anything."
"She lied," Morgan repeated, this time less sure.
"I'm not even going to delve any deeper into that comment Morgan, other than this: when have you ever known JJ to lie? If I had just come to you before everything blew up, none of this would have happened."
"Yeah but you had no choice." Reid said stepping back into the room.
"And you think she did?" She scoffed. "I need to go find JJ, but please. Meet me at her's today, okay? Do it out of curiosity if not for me because I plan to figure out what's been going on these past few months and if you want to figure out why your frienddid what she did, then come to her house at 6 PM."
Emily walked out without waiting for a reply from the team but arriving at the parking garage, she saw JJ had already fled. She sighed and called the familiar number for a taxi.
For the second time that day, Emily approached JJ's door a bundle of nerves. Knocking once, but not receiving an answer, she frowned. Thinking JJ might be in the bedroom, she rung the doorbell to no avail. Luckily, she happened to know about the key that JJ had hidden in a crack in the door frame for emergencies.
Letting herself in, she called out for JJ, "JJ? Sweetheart, it's Emily."
As she walked through the house calling JJ's name she came upon a horrifying image; the first person to have welcomed her into the team, the woman who had quickly turned into a best friend and then something more, the one who kept her sane for all those months, was curled up on the cold bathroom floor, muttering something she couldn't hear, ears covered bloodied hands.
Emily bent down in front of the curled up blonde, slowly taking her hands away from her ears and holding them in her own. "JJ? It's Emily, okay? You're okay, you're safe, no one can hurt you right now." She repeated mindless comforts as she gathered JJ up in her arms, ignoring the fact that she still had a faraway look in her eyes and was muttering the same thing over and over.
"Jay, what are you saying?"
"All my fault. All my fault. All my fault. Everything's my fault."
"No no no, JJ. JJ come here," Emily wrapped her arms around JJ tighter, trying to get her to calm down but she just sobbed.
Some time later, JJ had stopped muttering though it did little to soothe Emily's worry. "Jay, why don't you talk to me? Just relax, I'll get you some tea and wrap your hands so we can talk." Emily spoke softly so as to not further spook her.
"I-I can't move," JJ stuttered and more tears ran down her cheeks.
So the brunette grabbed her bridal style and carried her to the couch, minding the glass that must have come from the mirror on the floor. Reluctantly leaving JJ on the couch, wrapped in a fleece blanket, Emily worked her way around the small apartment as she prepared tea and gathered some medical supplies. While she made her way back to the blonde she spotted a pile of case files in a cardboard box, but only sighed tiredly and made her way back to JJ's side.
She handed JJ the warm tea, if only to warm her, and while JJ complied, she didn't say a word, only winced as Emily pulled small bits of glass from her cuts and dabbed at them with alcohol before bandaging them.
"Jay bird, I think we need to talk about what's going on and about what happened. I told the team to meet me here at 6. I want to know about my case, and I thought they should know too. Is that okay?"
"Yeah, Em. I'll tell you the personal things and them just the details? But—, can we head to bed first?"
They made their way to the bedroom where Emily curled up behind JJ in an attempt to comfort her when she wouldn't turn to look at her.
"Jay. You've lost a lot of weight and I know you haven't been sleeping. Last time I saw you, you had promised you were taking care of yourself. What happened?"
"I was too worried to eat and then I— you know I really shouldn't tell you because then you'll feel sorry, or guilty, or—"
"But I want to know. Please JJ. I know this is hard but you have to talk about this."
"I felt really guilty about lying, and then I felt really sad for you so I just stopped eating most of the time, and I kept having nightmares where Doyle would find you or the team would find out and hate me. Sometimes about my sister," she said haltingly. "Em. I don't want to talk about it, please. Can I just sleep?"
"Of course, I'll start some dinner. And by that I mean order Chinese."
For the first time in a while, JJ cracked a smile, causing Emily to chuckle but as she got up to order dinner, a hand shot out and gripped her hand.
"Stay?" JJ whispered.
"Of course, sweetheart," she whispered back as she laid back down.
"Em?"
"Mm," she grumbled, dozing off.
"I missed you a lot."
"I missed you too, Jay," Emily replied but it fell on deaf ears, her girl was sleeping.