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Disclaimer: Yep still not mine! The lovely Julian Barratt and Noel Fielding own The mighty Boosh.

Oh no I did not just say that.

I did not just think that I'm in love with Howard Moon.

That's just plain crazy! He's my best friend!!! And not too mention he's a bit of a ball-bag (well, as Naboo would say anyway!). These weird feelings are just because he was driving me crazy with all that lovey-dovey talk. Ew! If I'd have had to spend one more minute listening to that, I'd have blow dried my own brains out! And anyway, I'm The Confuser - that's me! NOT him.

"Is he a boy? Is he a girl? Who cares?! He's hot!" That's what people say about ME! Not Howard. I'M the one who makes people question their own sexuality. Not that I'm questioning my sexuality. I AM NOT! Oh, quit your smirking!

Vince paced around the empty kitchen. Obviously, he was freaking. Why did he feel so weird at the mention of Howard's "true love"? And even more bewilderingly, why hadn't he pulled with the girl he'd met at the party? He hadn't even taken in her name. All he could think of as they chatted was something along the lines of this...

"Howard's rejecting me? HOWARD'S rejecting ME?! HOWARD'S REJECTING ME?!?!?!?!?!?"

Needless to say, he did not pull. Especially after calling her Howard!

"Morning Vince", Yawned the tiny blue shaman.

"Oh! Alright Naboo?"

"Been better. You know a good dry cleaner?"

"What?"

"Dry cleaner. It seems someone threw up in my turban. Not me of course." He lisped hastily.

Vince tired to repress a smile. "Sure it wasn't"

"Where's Bollo? I'll have him run it over."

Vince shrugged unenthusiastically. Naboo leaned closer in concern, "Are you OK?"

"Sure why wouldn't I be? I'm fine. Nothing's new with me. Nuh-uh. No weird changes at all. I'm as happy as Santa in a poncho...yeah...", he trailed off lamely.

"Now I know there's something wrong."

"How come?" Asked Vince, giving him the old I'm-An-Innocent-Electro-Puppy-Dog-Look. "Im made of sunshine. I'm always ok!"

"Well, first of all your hair's a mess and - quite frankly - you're speaking like a deranged turkey. Gibbering away. And I'm a shaman so don't bother giving me that look of denial! It just won't work."

Vince frowned. First of all in horror (his hair!), then in annoyance (though I guess "turkey" is better than being called "ball bag"!) and finally in frustration of being read so easily.

Better tell him the truth. Before he reads my entire mind! Jeez, imagine that! Creepy blue puma man he is... Thought Vince, marvelling at the little guy's powers.

He let out a sigh. Say it! Say it now!

"Howardandmekissedlastnight!"

Slower you Jack of Clubs!

"Hooww-arrd- aaaand-"

"You and Howard kissed last night?" Interrupted Naboo. There was a slight trace of shock in his otherwise lucid expression.

Oh forget it - stop saying it!

"Yeah-yeah. So what? I was drunk. Well not really. But it really was a life or death situation! Head Shaman had gone flipping mental! He was gonna kill me," Gabbled Vince in a panic.

"But still..."

"Yeah like you're so innocent. I saw you. Flashing your lack of privates about the place! Yikes, what was with that by the way?!"

"You 'aint seen nothing," Insisted Naboo undistracted (Damn!), "And that's not all of it. I can tell."

Vince was cornered. He was going to confess all when suddenly (and luckily! Don't forget luckily!) the phone rang.

But Naboo was blocking the path to it with a determinedly intense look that seemed to say, "You will confess all to me. We have ways of making you talk Mr Noir. Ball bag."

So the machine got it.

"Hi Howard. It's me, Old -I mean- Nina. I was thinking, maybe you'd wanna come over to my place. For lunch or something. Or not. Later is still good. You remember the address right Howard? 13 Hallow Road. Come by when you like. Bye Howard."

Vince's face crumpled. Guess he wouldn't have to say anything to Naboo after all. His face said it all really.