Watching without seeing anything at all
Chapter Two
I felt the familiar warmth of bed. A bit of the sunlight had found its way through the curtains. I was home and it felt great. Smiling to myself I stretched my muscles. Suddenly the reason why I was home came back to my mind.
The funeral was going to take place in two hours. Enough time to get up and have a bit of breakfast. Too bad I didn't feel like breakfast at all. Getting up I turned on the music. It was ok to have it a little louder, nobody else was at home. It was just me – and the funeral ahead.
The music somehow managed to push all the depressing thoughts away. But time was not about to pass any faster – I felt like the clock mocked my impatience every time I took a look to check the time.
Twenty minutes left. It's time to get going.
When I was about to put on my jacket the telephone rang.
"Shusuke? You're going downtown today, right? Could you please get some vegetable at the market place. I …"
"Mum, I'm in a hurry. I'll call you as soon as I'm back, ok?"
"But – "
"I really need to –"
I did not even finish when the door bell rang.
"Mum, there's somebody at the door. I'll call you."
Without waiting for a response I switched of the phone.
Opening the door I stared at a post man who held a package in his hands.
"Good morning. This is for Fuji-san. Is he at home?"
"Uh, no he isn't. But I can take it for him, I'm his son."
The post man agreed. I gave signed some paper for him to prove that he had delivered the package. I placed it in the entry hall, got my key and – and the phone rang again. I decided to ignore it and left the house.
My mum had left me her car, so that I was not forced to walk all the way. I'm glad she did, because even though I had planned to be there a lot earlier, it's would have been hard to be there in time otherwise.
When I arrived at the parking lot, Taka-san was already waiting for me. We had agreed to meet there and walk the few metres to the hall, where the ceremony would take place. Seeing him made me feel a little more comfortable.
Last time I saw him we graduated. Some good friend I am…
"Hey, Fujiko-chan."
I have no clue when he had started to call me that every time he sees me. In the past he only used to call me that, when we were standing on the court. The others called it his 'Burning-mode'. But to me it was just a sign, that he was serious about something. And somehow he became serious about what he did beside tennis when he stopped playing.
"Taka-san."
A small smile formed on my lips and I nodded at him. Together we walked in silence towards the crowd of people that had already gathered in front of the hall. There were a lot of students who were just as old as we had been, when we were still attending Seishun Gakuen. Among them I saw some of my former teachers. I smiled at the thoughts of my time at school. I felt the urge to greet them, to talk to them.
But suddenly I felt guilty. I felt guilty for the small sparkles of happiness that had lit up my mood. This was a day of sorrow, there was no place left for something like happiness.
I saw Oishi and Eiji standing at the edge of the crowd. Eiji looked rather pale, his eyes were red from too much crying. Eiji had always been the more emotional type. But Oishi did not look much better, even though he had one arm around the shoulders of his friend and former doubles partner.
"Hello.", was my rather short greeting.
The two of them looked up at us and Oishi gave us a nod. Eiji on the other hand just looked at me with his watering eyes. I lifted my hand and stroke his cheek, trying to give him an consoling smile.
But it didn't work. I was happy, that another voice distracted Eiji before he could start to cry.
"Fuji. Oishi."
Turning around I looked at Tezuka. He was still much taller then I was, but his face was just the way I had remembered it. Vaguely I realized, that he had said my name first. I felt honoured at happy at the same time without knowing why, but showed him a smile.
And then there it was again: The guilty feeling deep in my stomach was back and I lowered my head. Why did we all have to meet again on an occasion like this?
We didn't talk at all, everybody was busy with his own thoughts. Time after time the rest of our team arrived. Echizen was the last to come.
"Sakuno wants me to tell you that she'd be glad if you would join friends and family inside the hall."
"Don't you think it would be rude?"
Momoshiro asked carefully. Echizen shook his head.
"No. Please follow me, we left you some seats."
And so we entered the hall. There were already a lot of people sitting on the wooden benches. Everybody was deep in thoughts, only some elder people were talking quietly.
I cannot imagine how anybody would ever be able to get used to something like a funeral, to losing somebody.
In silence we took our seats. Eiji, who was sitting at my left side was again sobbing silently. It hurt my heart to see a usually happy person so broken.
But he'll get through it. Oishi will help him, he'll take care of him.
At my right side Tezuka looked – no he almost stared – at the front, where a lot of flowers, among them stood a golden cup. I realized it was the cup we had won at the nationals. Our way of showing our respect. She was probably the only one worth having it. I smiled at the thought of our victory at the nationals.
Suddenly the doors behind us were closed and a man in a black robe walked to the front. When the music started I realized that there had been sitting a woman behind the piano all the time. She was quite small, which was probably the reason, why I had not noticed her.
The music was slow and felt heavy on my mind. Every attempt to keep my mood up was pointless. Immediately pictures of my former sensei appeared before my inner eye. I heard Eiji sobbing harder. I hated the sound. I felt like it could not become any worse. I was not sure how long I would be able to stop myself from crying.
Just think about something else. Try to think about something positive.
But I failed. So I tried to think about nothing at all, which was not much better either. I just hoped it would end soon. Finally the music ended. Relieved I sighed thinking that the worst thing was over.