A/N: Here we are, my little ducklings! The next chapter and more angst! The rating may go up in later chapters because I'm just so bad like that, and also:
Disclaimer: Tsubasa does not belong to me. (If it did, I'd be giving a lot more KuroFai hints--not like there weren't TONS already..)
Enjoy!
Kurogane was sick of Fai's lies.
Yes. Fai.
Not "mage", "that annoying guy", "idiot", or anything else.
Fai.
It had felt so out of place when he'd pulled the mage up from the tatami mat floor. He was never good with words. He had considered using his sword, tipping Fai's face up like in Outo country, but it wouldn't have been enough. He would have just looked away.
So he had been stuck with using his bare hands, gripping that thin wrist, wondering in the back of his mind if Fai actually acknowledged that he needed to feed.
He had brought Fai up right to his face, and saw.
The pain.
The hesitation.
The hope.
The desperation.
Then, the inexplicable sadness that was a coagulation of so many feelings that Kurogane couldn't place well enough to define but reminded him so much of himself.
I will use my power to protect those important to me.
Fai, at first, never had used magic. Kurogane watched closely, so closely that sometimes he wanted to stop because the mask had been so guarded and perfect.
Yet, he saw the tiny change. How Fai's smiles grew brighter as the princess regained her memories. They seemed to have such a special kinship that made Kurogane feel closed off. He had been the one watching Fai in the first place.
But then, the princess and Fai had resonated on a wavelength that he had never understood.
After Piffle country, Kurogane was certain that the mage cared a lot for the kids. Not necessarily himself, but in Shura, there was always that worried expression that he had glimpsed in their shared room.
Back then Fai couldn't talk without him.
That sense of dependency had made Kurogane cringe at the time. It was a bother to have the only thing that he recognized coming out of Fai's mouth being one of those goddamned nicknames, but each and every time, it was coupled with a sadder smile than the last.
How he had known and understood that the mage was sad was beyond him. He had blamed it on the stalker-like quality of tracking every expression Fai had made.
Then, in that world with the mafia, when Fai had stabbed the princess, he had seen him cry.
He didn't even need to see Fai's face for it to have haunted his dreams. He hadn't even needed Fai to scream for it to make him wake up in the middle of night thinking of ghosts. He didn't need to hover over Fai's bed to feel the tremors from the restraint it must have taken to have nightmares in silence.
He didn't need to understand what it felt like--to be unable to protect someone important to him. To blame himself for everything that had occurred. To hide it under a mask.
Back then he hadn't cared. It had been the idiot's business.
It wasn't to say that Fai's past had made all of the difference. He had cared from before. He had still made the decision to make him live.
It only served to make him resolve himself.
He would never let Fai die.
But, he was never one to be able to hide his true emotions so easily as Fai. With practice around a certain subject, he could certainly feign whatever emotion was needed. For example, in swordplay, one didn't go easy on their opponent even if he was a friend. It was a battle--there was no gray area.
You would win or lose.
But… this…
He had never expected Fai to express anger or vengeance or anything that may danger his mask. Not around him, at least. Then, sensing the mage's moods (the same skill he had used in Shura), he got extremely confused.
He had never thought the mage would let him detect so many emotions at once.
And then he had been kissed. Yet, the feeling was much different than the first time.
Kurogane was stunned even though he should have been expecting it. He was the one that had come back, pulled Fai straight up to his face, and asked him what he wanted.
Honestly. At that point, he had no qualms about saying that he was the idiot in this situation.
Lips on his, and this time, he was sure that it had only lasted the length of two seconds because it was over too soon for him to memorize the content within Fai's eyes, the solid determination that Kurogane knew he would take with him to the grave. What he did memorize was the unbearable softness in the gold flecks that he had never been appraised with before. It was achingly similar to Tomoyo's look on him, but hers was more steely, more that of a princess to her trusted subordinate.
It was more like his mother's way of looking at him, and it send a stab of shock running through him, ending in a pain that he didn't know that he would feel again.
The pain of wanting to protect but not understanding how.
And then the moment was over, Fai pulling back, giving him a smile that was more genuine than any that had been directed his way. However, it wasn't sadness or some underlying mischief that made Kurogane look twice.
It was…
Happy.
Kurogane still agreed with himself that he was an idiot, even as he could have sworn there was some movement in his chest--even as he felt that sense of pride that he had been able to bring about that emotion from Fai.
"Ne, Kuro-tan? You there?" Fai waved a hand in front of his face slowly, as if expecting him to lash out.
…
Kurogane mentally bashed himself on the head. He was an idiot for staring like he had seen some strange phenomena. It was just Fai smiling, like he did all the time.
He raised a hand to brush over his lips once, grumbling, "I'm here."
I will always be here.
Fai was smiling again.
An awkward moment passed before Fai poked him.
At that point, Kurogane swore, if he teased him about the kiss then he'd--
"Kurogane, I'm hungry."
Kurogane didn't exactly get the connotations of the statement until Fai's smile diminished.
Blood.
Fai's halting voice came again. "Can I…?" He had never asked before.
"You don't have to ask. Just bite already," he said gruffly, offering his real arm.
Fai smiled at him, the first time he had shown any sign of cheerfulness at this act.
And then he fed.
It had been a week since the kid had left via the Sakura tree. The bastard Seichirou had warped somewhere, and his younger brother left almost the day after.
Tomoyo and Souma had informed him of the situation in Japan, or, rather, the lack of any. It was completely peaceful, moreso than when he had left. Truthfully, he hadn't really expected it to be this tranquil considering how his absence meant the absence of the strongest man in Japan. He assumed his training of the recruits had been enough (even though that only entailed beating the hell out of them).
The white manjuu refused to leave, saying that Syaoran would most likely come back the way he had went, and if they left, there would be no guarantee that they could return.
That was fine with him.
It had allowed him more time to think. The topic of leaving had troubled Kurogane as soon as he had seen Tomoyo again, hovering over him after he had woken from the loss of his arm.
He still had to kill that bastard who had murdered his mother. However…
He had set out on this journey to return here, and now that he was, he was still restless. Was it necessary to leave again once the kid got back with the princess? This was his home. To leave for some obligation to someone else…
The problem was, was that it was no longer "some obligation". Through some sadistic fate, he had grown attached to the kid and the princess and Fai and the journey that had brought him people that challenged his skill. He already knew to stay in Japan was to stay the same. To stay in Japan was to protect Tomoyo. She was the only person binding him here.
"Kurogane, have you learned the meaning of true strength?"
Unconsciously, he touched his wrist, running over the slight scar tissue from the fangs of a vampire.
What was true strength? What the hell did she mean by learning it? Strength came with training, not learning.
Why the hell couldn't she have given me a definition?
"Kurogane, Tomoyo-hime is calling for you," Fai said, his head appearing from the sliding door with, amazingly, a lack of a smile.
Kurogane sighed from his position on the floor next to the window, appraising the magician with a stare before getting up and walking to the door.
Fai walked with him without a word, his blank yukata matching his facial expression almost eerily.
With the only sound being their feet padding across the wooden floor, Kurogane started, "Fai."
It was amazing how many emotions darted across his face at the mention of his name. It was almost worth the uncomfortable feeling that stabbed his tongue.
"What is it?" Fai still wasn't smiling.
"What was the meaning of that kiss?"
Kurogane nearly flushed--he had never felt this type of embarrassment before. However, just because he had no experience in the world of intimacy didn't mean that he would be any different.
He was a little surprised with the lack of shock on Fai's face, but his reply was much more frustrating: "You'll have to figure that out yourself, Kurogane."
They had reached the princess' throne room, and Fai smiled his fake smile, waved, and left.
Would anyone give him a straight answer?
A/N: Poor Kuro-puu. He's so confused and everyone expects him to figure it out. :)
The more reviews, the more he gets closer to figuring it out! Yes. I'm bribing you. So sue me. :)