Chapter One

"Why is Cat upset?"

A frequently asked and overused question in Robbie's opinion- because really? What was the point in asking about the ever changing moods of Cat Valentine? She was always overreacting to something, just yesterday she found herself lost in a temper tantrum because André had innocently asked why she was dressed up as a Victorian gentleman. Her appalled expression was always followed by the same response:

"You're so mean to me!"

It had gotten to the point now where the gang would always say it in chorus with her, and they would snigger as she rushed away, her matted and worn purple giraffe underneath the crook of her arm as she stomped away from her friends. They always looked to Robbie to go and find her, he would always have the role of tracking her down, because that was one of the jobs that where mandatory when you where the "best friend". You are the one who has to try to make her laugh, but in reality, he actually quite enjoyed that part, because Robbie could always make Cat laugh, even when she was upset.

He felt like his body had been in split clean down the middle, because the guilt that coursed through him wanted so badly to locate her and apologise for being so frigid with her this morning, he didn't like not speaking to Cat, and he was almost about to rise from the table, until Tori Vega added:

"She told me it was because you shouted at her."

Raising his eye line to meet the girl across from him, he slowly chewed his sandwich, contemplated what he had just heard. The other half of him; the intense anger had won, because now he wanted nothing more than to remain where he was. Cat had a habit of doing this, blaming other people for her obvious mistakes, and normally Robbie would have let it slip… but she chose the wrong day to mess with him.

"I made her cry?" he scoffed, "No, it was lucky boy number 13 who made her cry."

A long time ago Robbie had given up trying to remember the names of Cat's conquests. They became nothing more than numbers to him, because he knew that they were not long-term fixations. So why should he waste his precious mental capacity remembering the names' of the assholes that Cat dated?

Tori Vega groaned as she snapped open the lid of her salad. A new addition to group, she joined the school just a couple of months prior to the summer of senior year. It was a long story that involved swollen tongues and an annoying past pupil: Trina Vega. But Tori was pleasant, inexperienced with performing arts, however she was adapting quite well in her new surroundings, she hadn't been mauled to death by Jade yet, so that was a very good sign that she would last until the end of the school year. Cat had recruited her the very instant she got her foot in the door, handing the latina a lolly, she informed her that she liked her shoes, then invited her to lunch.

She had a habit of doing that too.

"What's wrong?"

Beck Oliver, who had his hand woven tightly around Jade's who had just sat down beside the pair, Jade acknowledged Robbie with a slight nod of her head, but made no effort to greet Tori… that pair still had to work on their relationship. They all looked to Robbie for an answer, but he made no effort to give it to them, instead he took another bite of his sandwich and avert his gaze, choosing instead to focus on André who was performing at the rooftop stage.

When she realised Robbie was in an antisocial mood, Tori took it upon herself to fill the pair in.

"Cat's boyfriend broke up with her."

Like Tori, the pair grimaced, Beck shaking his head like a ragged dog as he unzipped his bag. Jade on the other hand, just took a sip of her coffee and smiled.

"You owe me 5 bucks Vega." She stated, "I told you this one wouldn't last a month."

This news pricked Robbie's ear like a set a pins, snapping his head back, his eyes narrowed.

"You placed a bet on her?"

Recognising his mood shift to sudden anger, Tori tried to placate him, "It was nothing! Just a bit of fun Robbie."

"I can't believe you would do that." He said as he rose from the table, "How is that going to help her?"

They watched as he stormed off, leaving his sandwich abandoned on the table. Beck turned to the girls, Tori bit her lip, clearly ashamed of herself. But Jade just shrugged as she leaned over and grabbed the other half of his sandwich.

"Jade" Beck said, "I know you said that just to tease him, it's not funny you know. Robbie is having a really rough time."

Jade West smiled cruelly, "It's not my fault he is too scared to even admit it to us. I wouldn't tease him half as much if he just told us the truth, you know that I hate liars."

"But Jade, Robbie isn't lying to us." Tori stated, "He's just— "

"I know he's not lying to us Vega." She replied, "He's lying to himself."

""""""""""""""""""""""""

Robbie spent a lot of time staring at his reflection in the boy's bathroom, ignoring the fact that he was ditching Sikowitz's class, mainly because he wasn't ready to speak to Cat yet, but mostly because he wasn't going to leave this room without spotting every imperfection. He wanted to be more like Beck, if only he could look more like Beck. It was difficult to be friends with someone so handsome and charismatic, the girls always flocked around them, they reminded Robbie of those seagulls that you see at the beach when someone leaves their food unattended, they attack, all desperately pecking for a piece of food.

No one was ever like when Robbie was around, Jade frequently pointed out how nerdy he was and teased him about how girls would never want to kiss him… which so had been an accurate hypothesis, because Robbie was seventeen years old, and not once had he been on a date, so kissing girls was just out of the question.

He needed to change, he wanted to change… but it was difficult, how would he go about it? How could he change the shape of his nose, or the size of his ears, his awkwardly big feet? He couldn't imagine himself being bulkier; it would make his head too small for his body. But he didn't want to be stuck like this, every day it weighed him down a little bit more… the fact that no girl found him attractive.

The clang of the school bell spooked him; it shocked him out of his thoughts. Turning on the water he removed his glasses and splashed his face, trying to focus on the things that made him happy, rather than the things that made him upset. Naturally he thought of Cat's laugh, the melodic ring to it when he made her giggle; she made him happy…

But then he remembered how it was like a punch in the gut whenever he saw her with another guy, whenever this other person made her smile.

She also made him incredibly sad.

She was waiting as he pushed the bathroom door open, but he didn't notice her until her slim arms were wrapped around his legs, she was a ball and chain, she dragged Robbie down and he wondered if he could handle it anymore.

"I'm sorry." She wailed, as she clamped on to his leg, "Please don't hate me."

He stopped, allowing her to clamber to her feet. He didn't hate her. He was angry at himself. Mainly because no matter how hard he tried he just couldn't bring himself to stay mad at her; she looked so innocent, biting her soft red lips as she twisted her luscious hair around her fingers in coils.

For the second time today he walked away from her, where he rushed straight out the entrance and made a beeline for his house. Slamming the door shut he rushed straight up to his room, ignoring his mother's questions about why he was home early. He stood in front of the mirror, his thoughts rattling around his head. It was true; he didn't hate Cat, how could he when he was full of such self-loathing. He hated himself, he couldn't bear to look at himself anymore, his reflection was so unkind to him.

He yelled as his fist collided with the mirror, relishing at the pain in his hand, watching as it shattered into a thousand little glittering pieces.

hey, don't really know what to say... it's not going to be dark this story... I don't think.

No I don't think I am going to go down that path, but I wanted to show that boys can be insecure too, yaknow because us girls always think we are the only ones who hate the way we look.

Anyway, if you want an input I am more than happy to listen to ideas :P

Love, Sweeney7760