Objective 1: Grab shampoo bottle.
Syrus wrapped his fingers around the blue plastic container.
Objective 2: Open the bottle.
Mechanically, Syrus did so.
Objective 3: Squirt into palm.
The aroma of vanilla reached his nostrils.
Objective 4: Work into lather in wet hair.
Numbly moving his fingers through his silver blue hair; Syrus heaved a great sigh.
Objective 5: Try not to lose mind in process.
Syrus' brain worked haltingly. Anything more would be overload. Just like every damned time it happened.
Trembling from the invasive cold that hovered around the border between him and the steaming water; Syrus steeled himself to finish rinsing his soapy locks. Still, as soon as he turned the knob that shut off the showerhead flow; the tears he had locked inside himself came out in huge wracking sobs.
It happened again, and I couldn't stop it. I'm weak. That's what I am.
And, it had been nearly over two months this time too. Syrus had been hoping against hope that Zane had in fact moved on. A fool. He had been a fool as usual.
I can't take this anymore. Not one more time…
Once more, that feeling seized him again. Mindlessly watching the remaining water swirl down the metal drain and desperately hoping he could disappear with it; Syrus entertained the unthinkable.
Why don't I tell someone the truth?
Right now, everyone he knew was most likely grazing on fried shrimp and noodles. How easy it would be to intrude upon this often customary late-night snack and simply break down into a puddle of tears in front of their bewildered eyes.
But how can I be so selfish? I'd ruin their lives. Mine too. It's for the best if they don't know.
If only there was a neutral third party that would listen, keep his secret, and give him some furtive advice. Then, maybe Syrus would feel better somewhat.
Grappling for a towel, Syrus wasted no time in swathing it around his now overexposed waist and hips. Though he had cleaned himself thoroughly, he still felt Zane's touch all over him. No, there were some things that scented soap couldn't remove.
Sniffling a bit, Syrus walked over towards the mirror—intentionally avoiding his reflection—and picked up the comb.
Wash your hair. Wash it clean. Untangle it now. Make it smell pretty for him…
Ignoring his morbid thoughts, once dry, Syrus dressed himself. Wiping his silver eyes a final time, he attempted to exit the bathroom unnoticed.
It was not to be.
"Sy?"
No sooner than he had stepped into the hall there was an obstruction in his path. A ceramic plate that bore a single sandwich had been thrust at him. When Syrus' gaze settled on the giver, he cringed inwardly. The one person he didn't want to see.
"J-j-aden?"
"Here, Sy. I thought you'd be hungry. You missed dinner, you know." Those brown eyes shone in earnest.
"Yeah. I was…catching up on homework!" This last part came out like a squeak. It was so obviously a lie.
Yep. It was homework, Syrus. Memorizing your brother's…
"Well, then, I brought dinner to you. Do you want to join us in the cafeteria, buddy?"
Syrus shivered. Noticeably.
Jaden was immediately on alert. "Hey…are you all right?
"Sure. I'm just cold from the shower." Syrus made considerable strides to lighten his tone so that he would sound believable. It wasn't working as well as he had hoped.
"Then, you'll warm up in the cafeteria." Jaden was all but ready to forcibly seize his hand.
"Actually, Jay, I was thinking of going to bed early. I don't feel all that well." Syrus was desperately hoping Jaden would catch the hint.
"Oh. Is it that flu going around?"
"Yeah…probably. I just want to rest."
I just want to die
Jaden seemed disappointed. "That's okay. Another time then."
A wave of anguish swept over Syrus, yet he managed to bottle it in time.
Jaden, it's not your fault. It's mine…
"Here." The plate was again launched at him. "You need your strength. You can eat it in the dorm. I'll be there in a bit, all right?"
"Thanks, Jaden."
As Syrus' timorous gaze held Jaden's steady one, he very nearly spilled his guts right there on the floor. But, Jaden was so kind. So concerned. He didn't need to hear…that.
Besides, what if he thinks I'm bad? Corrupted? My best friend. My only friend. And, what would Zane do? Jaden can't keep a secret.
Without further conversation, Syrus went on his not-so-merry way back to the dorm. Usually, he tried his best to avoid his friends, acquaintances, teachers, and even his enemies after an encounter with his brother. He just felt dirty. Used. As if everyone could see what he had been doing.
On this occasion, he hadn't been so lucky in remaining secret.
Slowly, he shuffled into his bedroom and resignedly closed the door before promptly bursting into tears.
Author's Note: Thanks to all reviewers. I can only guess at the number of chapters I'll write here. Still, I think it's going to be a lot.