Prompt: Rayna goes to the Bluebird instead of going to Luke
Deacon's Pov
I'm supposed to go on stage in less than 15 minutes and there is still no sight of Rayna. Maybe she's stuck in the traffic, maybe she is unsure of what to wear or what shoes to put on, maybe. She has to come. She will come.
"Deacon, are you ready?"
"I think i am"
"You're on in ten"
"Thanks man."
She still has time. Hell, she can be as late as she wants tonight, as long as she walks through that door. This time i will not screw up, this time i will love her just as she deserves. Rayna only has to give me a chance to show her that i can do it, this time.
I've hurt her more times and in more ways that i'd like to admit. She hurt me too but she had her reasons, what reason did i have for when i couldn't stay sober for more than two days in a row? That my best friend died? That my father and the rest of my family were screwed up and i didn't wanna become like them? Even if in the end i did become just as fucked up as them? Those may have been true, in the beginning. But i kept drinking. I kept drinking because i liked it. And that's it. Rayna put up with so much, not all the sorry in the world could make up for that. And it kills me that i made her suffer like that, she deserved better than a drunk ass back then. I don't remember much of those years, i have no ackowledge of most of the things i've done, to her and to me. But still there were times when i wasn't that drunk, and those i remember, painfully. There's this one memory that always comes up on my mind when i think about those dark times and that is ironic since it is the one that i try the hardest to forget.
Flashback
It was a late night and i was drunk but not wasted.
"Ehy baby"
I started kissing her neck and moving my hands towards her thighs.
"Not tonight Deacon"
"What's wrong?"
"I saw it"
"Saw what? What are you talking about baby?"
"Last night, after the concert. Where were you?"
"I ehm.."
"You don't recall right? And i suppose you also don't recall fucking that blondie that i found in OUR bed when i came in later that night after the party right?"
"What?! Maybe she-"
"Don't fucking try to make up excuses for her being there because we both know why she was naked in that bed"
"I swear baby i didn't mean to, i'd never cheat on you...Sober"
"But if you're drunk then it's acceptable right?!"
And then she started crying, really hard.
"God why do i keep doing this? Bearing all of this crap? Why do i have to love you that much that i just can't let you go? I don't deserve any of this"
"Baby i'm so sorry, so so sorry"
"I'm tired of your sorrys, i'm tired of you trying to make it up to me when you can't make it up to me! You just can't! I'm living my twenties between bars, hospitals and shitty motels, cleaning up vomits and hoping that my boyfriend doesnt get drunk to the point where he can't even remember me and goes fuck some random girl!I'm tired of finding you passed out so wasted that i have to pray that you will make it"
"Ray..."
"You know what Deacon? ... Sometimes i wish i had never gone to the Bluebird that night."
"Babe don't say that, you can't say that"
There was silence for a while. A very painful silence.
"Let me go Deacon, i can't do it myself so please i'm begging you do it for me. Let me go"
"You can't ask me that, you're everything to me"
"If i was we would not be having this conversation right now"
"I'll do better, i can stop this, i promise"
"You can't stop this because you don't want to stop this, not really...So don't make promises you well know you can't keep"
"I want to, i really do, i just-"
"You just can't right?... Well i don't know if im willing to wait until you'll be able to"
"Don't..Baby don't do this, please"
...
"Why am i not enough for you? Why us is not enough for you? WHY?"
She was so hurt, so broken. She was shattered.
Her words crushed me.
"Have a good night Deacon, don't call"
And just like that the door slammed, she was gone and i felt like i couldn't breath. I thought that was it. It's over. And i broke down in tears too.
I called her a hundred times the following day and the one hundred and one time she picked up.
It was not over. She was not letting me go, i wasn't either.
"Deacon you're up next...Deacon...Deacon?"
"Uhm yeah? Sorry i was just thinking"
"It's your turn, go kill them"
"Thanks man"
I went up on stage and she wasn't there, not near the door, not in the crowd. But i sang, i sang for her. I always sing for her.
My broken promises broke your heart, time and time again.
I let everything fall apart, i was such a fool back then
But you loved me once i know, so many sorrys ago.
So here i am and i just pray that you will listen long enough to hear me when i say
This brand new man won't let you down
If you let me show you i know how to love you now
I see that look in your eyes, you're scared and i understand why
But here i am and i just pray that you will listen long enough to hear me when i say
This brand new man won't let you down
If you let me show you i know how to love you now.
"Great performance as usual man"
"Thank you, i'm glad you liked the song"
"It was a nice song, a very heartful one"
"Yes, it was"
"Goodnight Deacon"
"Night"
I went to pick up my guitar and then i got out from the back exit and there she was, leaning against the wall, looking as beautiful as ever with a white dress on. I've always love how white looked on her. And then i pictured her in a wedding gown and i got so carried away that i almost forgot she was there.
"Ehy"
"Ray"
"Sorry i missed the show"
"It's ok"
"I didn't sing with you in there but we can sing now, if you still want to"
"Sure"
We didn't need to ask each other which song, we just knew.
And so we sang the chorus of No One Will Ever Love You and then we kissed and damn it was one hell of a kiss, full of love and full of promises.
"I can't marry someone else"
"No you can't"
"We are bad for each other but we ain't good for anyone else"
"True that, we should write it down in our vows"
"I didn't say yes, yet."
"Then say it."
"Yes."
And we kissed some more, right in front of the place that brought us together in the first place. And it was magical
"I'm so glad i had gone to the Bluebird that night"
"Me too Ray, me too"