First of all, THANKS to the beautiful people who took time to read this fic. And THANK YOU to the beautiful people who took time to review. :)!

Second thing, as maybe you can see, English is not my language. So sorry for the mistakes :P. I'm doing my best and I'll try to improve. :D!

To the three pretty people who reviewed, here it is:

Canis: Thank you for loving it. Yeah, I like that thing about the conflict, you know? They are what they are and that's something always getting in the way. l'll try to update soon, I promise :D.

Megstiel-biggest-fan: Thank you for saying it's amazing. Megstiel's actions will come, you see! Thank you for considering good, I'll try to update soon :D.

Lilitop: I'll update, I'll update ;)! Thanks for your kind words and I hope to keep yo interested! :D

And for those cute people who put me in their alerts, THANKS A LOT.

See you later, boys and girls :).

Chapter Two "Hard to Forgive"

"Look at that." She whispered as her hands held the newspaper and she was reading it sitting down on the chair by the side of the bed where Castiel remained sat down still and silent like if he wasn't in fact a human being (well, he wasn't, but it was kind of creepy to look at). "It seems your old bosses are running quite a show out there."

She looked askance at him trying to give him the idea that she wasn't in fact interested in his reaction when in fact she was. The angel furrowed his brow slightly and lowered his face with pained expression. She rolled her eyes. She had been reading the last news of whatever the plans were of those nasty horrible things called Leviathans and she was quite curious about their actions. The last she had heard about Crowley was that he had been shoved out of their path like if he was dirt on their shoes. She couldn't stop grinning satisfied at it but she knew too that they weren't going to treat her differently. She was a demon too even if she hated Crowley and kept a diary describing the worst and most painful ways to smite him for trying to take a place it wasn't for him and for keeping her running away like a fucking coward. Of course, that diary had a part with some pages describing the ways she wanted to get dirty with the fallen angel.

"I guess you don't mind them anymore when you have your own enemy to fight."

Even if he isn't the real one. Castiel turned slowly at her and tilted his head in his own trademark way with tired and absent eyes. He looked weird wearing those white clothes. He could have looked even vulnerable and human if it wasn't that Meg could still see despite his current situation the spark of power and difference of his species clinging to his meat suit and staring at her through blue piercing human eyes.

"They are there too."

He simply said with that sexy voice of him startling Meg enough to almost drop the newspaper. She stared at him a little caught off guard and frowning shocked but she soon get over it. The angel hadn't talked to her straightly since he had been committed at the nuthouse. He looked fine in his most lucid moments and somehow aware of his surroundings but he hadn't talked in a reasonable way like he was doing it right now. If he had noticed her surprise he didn't show it. She mused over his words kind of glad that at least he was speaking. This wasn't to be boring all the time. She folded the newspaper and leaned a little towards him crossing her legs coquettish and looking at him interested with a little smirk on her red lips.

"You mean your slug friends?"

"They're not… my friends."

He immediately countered back glaring painfully at her. She chuckled.

"It's a matter of speaking, Clarence." She said trying to keep him in a good mood. "You really need to learn some shit about humans, feathers." He nodded once averting his eyes and looking ashamed. "You could have done it instead of being around the planet playing your last role or at least you could have learned how to behave and understand better human ways when you were in your artistic tour. You know, killing people and doing miracles, before letting out free those horrible things with teeth."

She grinned pleased and waited for his heated and angry reaction. How she missed this.

"The little I learned it seems so far away right now."

But instead he just said that with defeat and sadness slumping his shoulders. She looked intrigued at him not really expecting this reaction. She had teased and mocked him about his last actions with irony and sarcasm, expecting him to vent out his pent up anger for being pointed out by a demon but he was like a kicked puppy open to catch with wide arms whatever crap others told him about his bad behavior and little tantrum. Probably there wasn't any anger within his sunny self. And all that it was left was a battered angel resigned, saddened, guilty and ashamed. She had told him lately what the Winchesters were doing in the real world and about the death of their kind of adoptive father, the old man called Bobby Singer. He hadn't reacted at it first and she thought that maybe he hadn't heard her and now she wondered if that wasn't the case.

"You are aware that your favorite pets are probably facing the biggest shit they had faced till now and there's a high chance they won't make it this time." She paused and looked him staring down at his trembling hands on his lap. "Just like Bobby Singer didn't make it."

He didn't say anything but she could clearly see how affected he was by her words. He knew that Bobby Singer had been killed by the things he had let out of Purgatory and that Sammy and Deano had lost a powerful and beloved ally. After minutes of silence where he didn't look up and was paralyzed in the same position she remembered the words that had opened this conversation.

"You said that they are there too. Do you mean… in that crazy nerd head of yours?"

He didn't answer but she didn't need his answer out loud to get it. She had guessed right. So it wasn't only whatever crap related to Sammy Winchester's vacation on hell with Lucifer and Michael that he had shifted to his mind to save his friend the thing messing with his mind, but just like she had thought, his personal crap about all the things he had done when he had allied with Crowley and had absorbed all the kind of shit from Purgatory. She didn't know how it worked and why his actions were taking part of the nightmare he had poured out from Sammy's mind but she had expected it somehow knowing the fallen angel. Maybe his own actions and mistakes were tormenting him in some other form while Lucifer and Sammy's hallucinations messed with him in their own way. Castiel was feeling the weight of his conscience and the result of the consequences of his actions and he knew that he had done wrong. He blamed himself, sure, and he knew that he had let himself been dragged to that secret part of his self where darkness lay. She smirked inwardly. You had been tainted, love. And when you had tasted darkness you cannot be totally clean again.

She finished reading the newspaper and didn't talk to him again. The angel stayed sitting there with his face down and his eyes glued to his hands tangled on his lap in that parallel of someone who had been defeated so much that doesn't have the strength to look up ever again. Poor baby angel. She just glanced back at him once to assure that he was ok before going out from the room to look after other cases less important. Later she would come and probably if she was lucky she wasn't to be the only one talking here.

She stood smirking with courtesy at the tall Winchester. It was afternoon and the brothers had come to visit her and their fallen friend. They hadn't called to warn her about it and sure they had shocked her appearing suddenly at the mental institution. They looked like crap. Not like Castiel-kind of crap, but they sure looked like crap. They told her that they had come because they didn't know when they were going to be able to come back and they were close, no more explanations. If it was a part lie or a total lie, she didn't freaking care. She just wanted them to know that she was keeping the part of their deal.

"Do you want to see him?"

She asked faking naivety and smiling staring at both boys. She noticed how startled they were by her suggestion. She rolled her eyes.

"Don't tell me you rode back all the way just to see me and ask me when you could have just picked up a damn phone and call."

Deano glared at her clenching his jaw and Sam chuckled having been caught. Meg looked impatient at both waiting for an answer.

"Would he… be affected by our visit?"

Sam Winchester asked with true concern. She blinked a little surprised. She didn't know.

"I don't think so. But if you're looking for a way to leave and not see him, I won't tell him you come."

Probably. She smirked inwardly. When Sam shrugged letting out a deep sigh and he didn't say anything, Meg looked at Dean regarding his expression but he glared serious at her. It wasn't difficult to read his inner struggling and pain in those green eyes. She turned around and made her way to Castiel's locked room with the Winchesters on tow. They stopped at the door and the three looked through the crystal of the little window on the locked door at the still angel sat down on the edge of the bed facing the wall. At least he wasn't staring at the door yet but he was kind of facing them. He hadn't wanted to look through the window of the room after the little chat they had had hours ago.

"¿Ready?"

She asked glancing back at the boys at her back with a little smirk. Sam pale nodded serious but Dean didn't react and averted his eyes.

"Go, Sammy."

He said to his younger brother with heavy voice. Sam stared at him confused first and then seemed ready to say something but he thought it better and nodded. Meg unlocked the door and opened it coming into the room first followed by Sam. She looked back and saw Dean leaving. Emotional chicken wreck.

"Hey, Clarence, look who came to visit you."

She said enthusiastically and faking joy coming over to the hunched sat down figure and stroking his hair like if she was petting a dog. Sam narrowed his eyes questionably at her but didn't say anything and his eyes were filled with concern, anxiety and guilt. Really. All around there's nothing more than guilt; I'll be drowning soon in a sea of tears. Sam took the chair and moved it placing it in front of Castiel. Meg stepped backwards and folding her arms across her chest remained behind Sam watching the scene intrigued and amused.

"Hmmm… Castiel? Cas?"

Sam started a little nervous and serious sitting down on the chair and leaning towards the angel.

"I don't really know what to say… I mean beside the obvious." He paused breathing deeply resting his arms on his knees. Castiel hadn't reacted and kept staring at the wall with partially lowered eyes. "I mean that I thank you for what you did for me because believe me, I know how much it means." He paused again struggling with his own words. "I cannot say that I had totally forgiven you for what you did, especially to me, but believe me when I tell you that I tried to understand and realize that you didn't want to hurt me so much even when I would like to think that you didn't have the whole picture of how much this was going to destroy me. Anyway, I can start to understand and forgive because I know you know you messed up horribly and that you let us down and we were hurt by your actions and decisions and" He stopped and Meg rolled her eyes at his rumbling words. "you hurt us and make my brother to stop trusting in others and me to hate you so much sometimes when I couldn't cope with Lucifer in my mind." He sighed tiredly and looking troubled at the man in white clothes. "I wish things had gone differently, you know? Because you were our friend and I still considered you one after you became god and we know that it isn't the same anymore. But right now we cannot help you and fix you and we have a lot of crap to deal with, and it has been hard to cope with the idea of you being alive and locked in here."

He paused and rested a hand on one of the angel's shoulders in a comforting way.

"But please, believe me in this, we'll come back and we'll find a way to help you, alright? Just hang in there, and then we would see where this takes all the three of us, Cas."

Sam looked at Meg by the corner of his glazing eyes with serious face and she nodded with a lopsided smile. She could read the threat he was sending to her with that mere look.

"Sam?"

The younger Winchester turned around shocked by the voice calling to him as Meg was surprised. Sam was still resting his hand on the angel's shoulder and he run it along his arm in a reassuring way. Castiel was staring now at Sam tilting his head with tired and grown blue eyes.

"I'm sorry, Sam… I'm sorry…"

Sam didn't say anything and just nodded struggling with his inner thoughts. He stopped stroking Castiel's arm and took his arm back resting it now again on his knee. Meg noticed the way the gesture had affected the angel in the pain showed in his eyes. But she noticed too the hesitance and struggle of Sam Winchester painted in his face. She guessed that Castiel was saying one of the things that would make everything worse here, words that Sam and Dean couldn't hear because they didn't fix anything and were a cruel reminder of the damage done.

"Sam… I'm sorry…"

"It's ok, Cas. Don't worry about it."

The casual tone used by Sam made the demon to realize that this time the Winchester had said some of the words that could hurt Castiel more. This one looked taken aback and then lowered his eyes looking ashamed and beaten. It's amazing how some words could destroy so easily.

"Everything will be fine, Cas. Dean and I will fix it. Just wait. And then, we'll see."

Castiel didn't react. Surely, they were going to see if they were ready to forgive him but that didn't change the fact that you three are going to be the happy trio you were once. Meg huffed inwardly.

"Dean… Dean?"

The angel looked up and stared at Sam asking for his older brother. This one sighed sadly and glanced back at Meg who nodded and got out of the room. Dean Winchester was there standing against the wall lost in thought. His expression was troubled.

"The little tree topper is calling for you."

Meg simply said standing there with her hands on her hips. Dean didn't react at first and the demon waited impatiently and already bored with all this sentimental crap but the older brother took a deep breath and with dead serious expression passed her by and opened the door being followed soon my a curious Meg who closed the door after Dean had almost banged it against her without noticing (she expected). Dean stopped by the doorway while Sam was staring silently at a pleading Castiel. When this one noticed that someone else had entered his room he turned as Sam at the door and the angel landed his exhausted eyes on Dean's still figure close to Meg. Sam looked at his older brother and then at the angel concerned.

"You look like shit."

Dean just said in his common way. Castiel hang his face entangling his trembling hands on his lap like he used to do and hunching his shoulders. Sam's eyes grew scolding and motioning to Dean to do or say something else and this one just frowned silently communicating with his brother. Finally the older Winchester sighed thoughtful and got closer to Sam and Castiel.

"Just hang in there, ok? Don't let that son of a bitch win, alright? We'll come back, Cas."

Meg snorted amused and causing both Winchesters to glare at her for a second. Wasn't that the same shit Sammy had told already to the angel?

"In the meantime, you'll be safe here with the whore bitch and don't force the people here to hurt you, do you understand?"

The demon narrowed her eyes and sighing rolled her eyes but she was focused in the angel immediately. Sam and Dean exchanged a silent meaningful look.

"I'm sorry Dean… sorry, Sam…"

Castiel looked up again and with pleading blue big eyes stared at both boys. Meg remembered that in fact when Dean and she had found him as Emmanuel the part of the forgiveness hadn't been talked over, so probably that was why the angel was so fixed in it now. Dean had looked around for someone or something to save his brother's life and in that moment it had been logical for her that he only minded that, after all she had her own agenda concerning the angel that came along with her own protection. But it was pathetic how Castiel pleaded at them for their forgiveness when she could see and tell that the brothers weren't totally ready to talk about it. The friendship they had with the angel for years it was the main link keeping them here and facing him, wanting to fix him and help him but the damage Castiel had created due to his decisions were enormous. That was what she could tell looking at the troubling expression of the Winchesters.

"I'm sorry… Bobby died…"

And that was the final straw. It would have been better if the angel didn't say that name. Meg watched the instant reaction in both brothers, both stiffened and clenched their jaws in sadness and sorrow with glazing eyes. Sam got up from the chair and Dean opened the door to leave.

"We'll keep in touch with Meg by phone till we can come back, Cas." Sam just said casually looking concerned at the angel who had perfectly understood the reaction of his last words and seemed a little confused and ashamed at the same time. His eyes were filling with that panic Meg recognized so well. "We'll see you later."

"When this is over, we'll talk. Please, hang in there and wait."

Dean finished after watching silently at the crashed figure of his angelic friend and somehow showing worry and guilt. Sam nodded agreeing with his words. Dean was the first one to leave the room and Sam followed soon glancing back a last time to the angel who was staring disbelieving and resigned at them and Sam smiled softly at him. Meg followed Sam and locking the door faced the Winchesters with serious expression. Here it come the threat and menace.

"Thanks Meg, I guess." Sam said emotionally drained. She raised her dark eyebrows a little surprised. "For taking care of him."

"Does he talk?"

Dean asked her getting into business and she knew it was his way of coping with whatever had happened within the room and within his own self. She explained that he used to talk in some weird language, more whispering than talking, something Sam called enochian and that his healing ability was weaker. But she told them the truth, that till this morning Castiel hadn't talked in a straight way somehow, being more focused and aware of his current situation. They worried when she mentioned the way he had mentioned the Leviathans being there in his mind. They were silent a moment after that.

"Maybe we could have said it."

Sam intervened cautiously and staring serious at Dean. This one shocked his head with battered expression.

"We can't lie to him even if he's like crap." Meg observed both intrigued and quiet. "I'm not ready Sammy, I mean, even if I can forgive everything he did and believe me, since I met him again it had been kind of happening, you know, the damn forgiving thing, the damn thing about caring about him but what he did to you…and… there's so much…"

"I know." Sam said landing a reassuring hand on Dean's shoulder after noticing his distress. "I think we all just need time."

Dean nodded with furrowed brow and Sam gave him a little sad smile. Soon the both were gone just like they had come after of course; menacing Meg and thanking her at the same time for being there to watch out the broken friend that only wanted the mere thing his former friends couldn't give him yet.

The visit of the Winchesters had done more bad than good to the angel, Meg was pretty sure. He retreated to his silent and still shell and didn't spark a conversation again. He didn't succumb to her effort to make him eat something like few other times. It was creeping the way he could probably stay eternity sitting down in the same spot and drifting away if she wasn't there to change that. Late that afternoon it had been raining and the wind was a little cold and it was the first time he wasn't totally doped when she had to bathe him. That was going to be weird and interesting. So there she was in the bathroom of his room while it was raining heavily outside and he was sitting on a chair and she was bathing him in their common silence. She washed his hair with a shampoo she personally liked how it smelled (the fact that she was going to be close to the angel didn't have to mean he had to smell bad or disgusting to her) and then she proceeded to wash his body (yummy, she smirked evilly) and she hummed all the while the lullaby she had previously sang to him just for fun. Silence wasn't a thing of her anyway. The angel just stared with eyes partially opened at the wall lost in his inner thoughts with tiredness all over him. The warm water seemed to soothe him. She had finished and lifted the movable showerhead off its hook running it over his meat suit soaking it completely washing the soup away when she grinned playfully staring mere inches away from his face.

"Hey Clarence, don't be sad. I'm still here." She said faking hurt and laughing ironically. She was leaning over him and had the idea to sit down on his lap but soon knew it would be wrong due to his naked circumstances. But she couldn't help to cup his face with one hand and caress his lips with her thumb softly as her other hand landed on his shoulder gripping it softly. He didn't react. "Do you want to feel a little better?"

She asked teasingly winking an eye and leaning forward till her nose could touch his. Her thumb opened slightly his lips but his blue eyes were not with her. What a disappointment.

"I can make you feel a little better, choir boy."

She closed the gap between both and fairly touched his parted lips with her own in a teasing and testing way. She could feel the old known sensation there, the weird and awkward electricity that came from touching something that her own self considered an enemy: dangerous and disarming, and when she was ready to deepen the kiss a thunder was heard resounding so loud that made her flinch and jump startled. Damn electrical storm. She laughed sarcastically at her bad luck. She just sighed and slightly slapped his wet shoulder.

"It will be in other time, darling."

After she dried him and dressed him with his white uniform of the psychiatric ward she took him to the bed. The angel immediately fell slept and soon Meg was staring at his heaving chest. He seemed calm. Then she proceeded to take a shower, something she always had to do after bathing him but this time she did it in the bathroom of his room. She decided to stay a little longer than going to her own place right now. She always kept some clothes for her in his room, hidden of course, just in case, so she took a quick comforting shower, a thing of some she enjoyed of humans and got dressed and combed her hair while outside it was raining, thundering and lighting. When she returned to the room she decided that she was going to stay on the chair just a while before smoking out to her place. So she kill the lights of the bathroom and walked to the chair stretching her meat suit and glancing distractedly through the window when suddenly a very loud thunder appeared after a damn freaking lightning that almost blinded her and the light in the room disappeared. She stopped on her tracks just about almost sitting on the chair and turned to the bed where the angel had awakened. Thanks to the lighting coming through the window she could see his panicked expression and huge alert eyes and before he could react she went over to the bed and sitting down took his wrists tightly.

"It's fine, Clarence. The electricity will come soon."

She nodded at him wanting him to stay calm. She didn't need him having a crisis and screaming, bringing the night workers to the room, discovering she was here when she shouldn't, and giving explanations and all that shit, so she didn't let him go while he was shaking confused and looking around distressed. "Calm down, dear. I'm here. Shhh."

Well, it wasn't the best a demon could say to an angel to ease him but whatever. It was all she got. Castiel stared at her with distrust growing into terror and that she didn't like. She didn't have at hand the pills she could give him and she couldn't risk leaving him alone even for seconds. Who knew what he could do, probably his wings were going to spring out again. Sighing annoyed and thinking seriously, she let go of his wrists and started to caress the left side of his face with the back of her hand. She used her other hand to run it through his right arm soothingly.

"Shhh, everything's ok, Clarence. It's just a stupid storm. It will pass."

The angel looked at her like if he didn't believe it entirely, with frightened blue eyes and shaking, with his breathing coming in little gasps. The room was almost in shadows if it wasn't for the lighting coming from the window. She soon heard some voices and footsteps outside the room.

"Shit."

Thinking quickly she forced him to lie down and then she did the same putting herself on the side by the window, covering both with the blankets completely, almost covering their faces. She maneuvered her own body to be hidden by his if someone looked through the window at the door and maneuvered his body to lie on his right side while she lie down in her left, both facing each other. She tried to hide under the cover the best she could and let him be noticeable for anyone who dared to look at the door. The angel's shaking was worse now that he didn't seem to understand her actions and found her close presence threatening and before he could scream she quieted him with her index finger over his trembling lips.

"Shhh… it's alright, Clarence. Be a good boy and be quiet." Noticing his distress she rolled her eyes a little jumpy with the adrenaline running through her meat suit and got closer to him encircling her arm over his waist and putting her hand on his back. She started to run her fingers in circles in a rhythmic way. "Don't get any ideas, love. I'm not putting any moves on you."

Well, not at this precise moment. He just stared still a little panicked at her but seemed ready to fall sleep again. "Close your eyes, cloud hopper, and try to sleep."

She went hushing quietly and running circles on his back till he couldn't stay awake and finally closed his eyes. His breathing started to slow down. Meg noticed how close they were, their meat suits were touching. Great, this wasn't the kind of intimacy I wanted with you, Clarence. She chuckled sarcastically. She noticed he was dreaming probably when his eyes seemed to be moving behind his purple eyelids. Someone looked quickly through the window at the door and she didn't move. She was grateful that the human didn't use a lamp. It was difficult to see her without it. Whoever it was left and she sighed so deeply that Castiel opened his eyes again looking drowsy. She huffed softly annoyed. He tried to move not realizing his surroundings with clarity.

"Come on, Clarence, you're worse than a baby."

She paused rolling her eyes. She guessed it could work again. She cleared her throat softly a little disgusted for being forced to do this. Again.

"Hush, little baby, don't say a word, papa's gonna buy you a mockingbird…"

In the passing of the night she fell slept. She was a demon but it didn't hurt her to sleep from time to time. She was still aware of whatever was going on in the room and outside it. The light announcing a new day was still soft coming from the window when she opened her eyes and noticed that sunrise was coming. Castiel's head was rested under her chin and she could feel his breathing on the skin of her neck. He was warm just as she was for him. It only this had a different meaning… she laughed inwardly. You must stop trying to get into the hot pants of an angel, girl. She slowly and carefully started to pull away her body from his till he was the only one resting on the mattress. After she got up she noticed the frown in his face even in his sleep. Seriously Clarence, not even in sleep you can't stop your act of martyr. She smirked amused and then stretching her body left the room quietly not before leaning down and whispering in his ear.

"I'll see you later, baby."

"Come on, Clarence." She whined annoyed holding the spoon with soup. "Try to eat something."

It was midday already and she had come moments ago to his room with the intention of forcing him to eat something. He was sitting down on his favorite spot on the bed and she was in the chair with a bowl with soup in one hand and a spoon in other. He didn't open his mouth and his eyes were fixed in a distant point above her shoulder.

"Deano was right. You really look like crap. I don't want to be blamed for it."

She said smirking and giving up putting the spoon back inside the bowl and watching his reaction. She knew he was going to have one; after all she had named Dean Winchester. His eyes looked sadder. But Deano had been right. Looking at the angel Meg found him thinner and paler, with black rings under his eyes and purple eyelids. This only gave some special charm to his blue eyes but it wasn't healthy at all. His hair was combed thanks to her and he didn't need to shave frequently.

"Anyway. Suit yourself."

She shrugged and put the bowl on the floor by the right side. It seemed today was going to be a boring day.

"Why did you kiss me?"

He asked suddenly with tired hoarse voice and Meg stared at him raising her eyebrows with a pleasant grin spread all over her face. He tilted his head looking back at her with fatigue but showing curiosity.

"Because I wanted to."

She simply said. And it was the true. The angel frowned and looked down at his clasped hands.

"Why?"

"Because I was bored." She started. That was true but it wasn't the entire true. "Because kissing is nice. And if I remember correctly, you opened the door when you kissed me back that time."

He looked startled by that and Meg basked in his discomfort. He wanted to say something else.

"Do you… bathe me always?"

She couldn't help to chuckle at that. Castiel looked up from his slumped form with blank expression.

"Well, yes, Clarence. It's part of the job." After the words left her mouth he blinked and looked quickly down with shame. She smirked funnily. Was little Clarence blushing? "Are you blushing, Clarence?"

She leaned towards him and noticing it laughed slyly. He glared at her with an air of hurt dignity.

"I'm sorry you have to do it."

"Oh my, Clarence. Don't be sorry. I enjoyed it. Each time." Castiel stiffened and looked down again. Meg snorted amused. This was so fucking funny. "Don't get me wrong."

She winked at him dangerously and he now looked utterly nervous. She sighed after staring at his discomfort and uneasiness rolling her eyes with exasperation.

"Don't start now not looking at not talking to me. I'm doing my job and well, I hadn't done anything to you that you might considerate invasive. Last night it was a tiny little thing and it wasn't a real kiss. Like the ones you and I shared once." She paused shrugging and taking off importance to the matter. "I hadn't kissed you more than last night. I swear." She said solemnly. "And if it helps you to sleep better, I won't do it again. I'll only do what it's related to the job."

When he didn't react and seemed still disbelieving of her words, looking up at her with serious eyes covered by his eyelashes she snorted a little exasperated.

"Look, Clarence, what difference makes that I had seen you naked a lot, lot, lot of times?" She told him casually. "What difference makes that I had washed your hair and your body a lot, lot, lot of times? It's just your fucking vessel, right? It's just your damn meat suit. At the mere end, you're a freaking bulb of light and I'm a hellish black smoke." Sort of. "You're my little bulb of light." In fact a damn burning bulb of light for what I can guess. "So stop it already. And I guess your beloved wife did some nastier things with it."

She grinned devilish and laughed a little. The angel looked up and shifting in his spot he looked like if he wanted to say something but he thought it better. Meg watched him mischievously narrowing her eyes intrigued and with a little smirk on her lips.

"You sleep with her, right?"

"Yes, we shared the bed."

"Tell me you fucked her." She said freaked out and amused after his sincere answer. Castiel frowned apparently offended by her use of words. "Alright, tell me if you made love to her. Or in your particular case, my feathery friend, that she made love to you." She kept waiting staring disbelieving and funnily at him while the angel shifted uncomfortably and looked down. Holy crap. "Weren't you married?"

"Yes." He said without looking up. "But it was just to keep me safe. We really didn't… have intercourse."

"Intercourse?" She snorted containing her desire to laugh her head off. "Who are you? Sheldon Cooper?"

He glared at her with that questioning expression he used when he didn't get what others were saying. Meg laughed a little looking at him shameless and making him to shift nervously and glare at her strongly.

"So, this marriage wasn't… consumed. She just married you out of the goodness of her heart. And for what I can conclude knowing and observing you, Clarence, that means that you hadn't had… intercourse ever."

"Shut up."

She snorted amused after he keep glaring at her with shame and a soft blush covering his cheeks.

"You have died many times, Clarence. And you hadn't enjoyed life. Oh my, now I feel guilty for kissing you last night. I'm going to feel like I'm raping you whenever I put my hands on you."

She teased grinning widely and when he narrowed his eyes set on a deadly serious face and turned to the window she knew that she had gone too far. She sighed rolling her eyes. You need to relax and laugh a little, virgin Clarence. I better not dare to call him like that.

"Alright, alright, I won't bother you anymore with it. At least we're talking. That's a cool change."

When he didn't turn to her and remained silent she didn't say anything else for a moment. Looking at his weak appearance brought back the initial part of the conversation.

"You need to eat something."

"No."

He just said and she pouted angrily. Damn stubborn little angel.

"I don't want to be smitten by Sammy and Deano if you starve to death."

Again the names caused a noticeable reaction in the angel. He was again saddened and guilty.

"Hey, I'm doing my job here, even bathing you and dressing you when I could be sued for sexual harassment." He didn't like that joke but she smirked happily. "I deserve a little of contribution from your part and not the tantrum of a little angel who is stubborn as hell."

"I don't need to eat."

"Aha. Yeah, sure. And looking that crap is the best way to show it, right?"

She rolled her eyes annoyed at him and went to pick up the steaming bowl again. She took the spoon and moved it within the chicken soup absently.

"Look, I'm not fool, Clarence. I know there's something off with your healing ability and from what I can guess it had affected the maintenance you had over your meat suit. And I think a way to counterattack that is for you to help your poor battered and yummy vessel eating and taking care of it more."

He seemed thinking it for a moment and Meg knew that she had said something meaningful when he turned to her and reached out for the bowl and the spoon with serious expression. She smiled widely satisfied and put the items on his hands and watched him eating it slowly resigned more than anything, like if he was eating something horrible.

"I don't need to eat either but some human food and drinks, especially alcoholic drinks, are fun to enjoy from time to time."

She noticed how his hands trembled a little. She needed to take good care of him. He couldn't die on her. He was her insurance. And the thing that keep her from killing herself out of boredom.

"They… aren't coming back… right?"

He suddenly asked when he had given up finishing the soup. Meg noticed that he had eaten at least the half. She was satisfied with it now. She took the bowl and spoon from his hands and thought in his question. She knew to whom he was referring.

"I don't know, Clarence. They were your friends, not mine." She answered frankly regarding him curiously. Castiel nodded slightly once. Meg knew that he truly believed it and sincerely she didn't know either. "Why do you think it?"

She dared to ask just because talking to him it was way better than being bored with him all silent.

"I don't… know. I just… feel it."

You think they aren't going to forgive you. What she could say? She didn't give a damn and more important she didn't have a freaking idea. She had thought that maybe it was possible to happen but with the last visit the things looked unclear and difficult. It's hard to forgive; she guessed remembering the eyes of the Winchesters whenever they landed on the angel's battered ones. Suddenly she was pulled out of her reverie when the angel jumped on his spot and was again hallucinating whatever he was and looking terrified. She watched him getting up with shaking body and hard breathing and walking backwards till his back smashed against a wall and he was soon sliding till he was sinking heavily on the floor in a pathetic way.

"Don't… please… stay away… please…"

He whispered like a damn prayer with broken voice and he folded his legs against his chest wrapping tightly and desperate his arms around his knees, cradling himself back and forth. Meg left the bowl with the spoon on the bed and walked towards him staring serious and intrigued. He had buried his face in the crook of his arms. She could hear him being his voice even muffled.

"Get away… please… I'm sorry… I'm sorry… I didn't mean to… I didn't want to…"

"Shhh, Clarence."

She said kneeling down and looking in her uniform for his pills.

"You'll feel a little better."

But she knew it was a lie. The pills helped him, it was true, but they weren't useful to make him feel better. She took a bottle of water from the nightstand and opened it after getting two awful pills on her hand. She got closer to him and putting the bottle of water on the floor she used that hand to force him to raise his face. After doing it and noticing his tormented eyes and quivering expression she forced the pills into his mouth and then forced him to drink water. He swallowed them and Meg closed the bottle leaving it on the floor waiting for the pills to take effect on him.

"I'm sorry… I'm sorry…"

But there wasn't anyone who could grant the kind of answer he wanted, Meg knew. Castiel looked at her saying the words but she knew they weren't meant for her. So she didn't say anything and remained silent and still with blank expression in front of him listening to his constant plea.

There wasn't anything she could say to make it easier anyway.