Obviously, I'm not an author, so my stories won't have the clever underlying messages or wit in them as Lewis Carroll's. So there's nothing deep in here. But anyway, enjoy.
***
"What an odd forest this is!" Alice exclaimed. She was walking through the wood, and indeed it was strange. Mushrooms that giggled and danced when touched littered the forest floor, and when the sun dappled light through the leaves onto the forest floor she thought she could see shapes moving beneath the surface of the ground. The shapes were dark and twisted, so Alice preferred not to look at them and keep her gaze up high; this is how she spotted the spider.
The spider was large, purple. and dangling on a thread right above her head, causing her to shriek and jump back.
"Oh, I wish you wouldn't scream so!" moaned the spider, clutching its head. "I have a rather delicate constitution and loud noises upset he me dreadfully."
"Oh," said Alice sheepishly. She had always thought of spiders as nasty, creepy things; she had not at all been expecting such a well spoken bug at all. "I'm very sorry."
"As long as we understand each other, you are quite forgiven." The spider lowered itself to the floor. Alice hadn't noticed before how the spider was wearing a top hat and a tail coat, and it sported monocles on many of its numerous eyes. It held out a leg grandly. "Would you care to walk with me a way?"
Alice accepted the spider and they walked together through the forest arm in arm, Alice listening to the spider talk.
"It is frightfully good luck that you turned up when you did, my dear, for I have an invitation to tea with the Grand Duke this afternoon, my dear, and the gal I had thought of taking with me has a habit of running away screaming whenever I do approach her. Quite a nervous individual she is, I'd say my dear, and she's always dropping her lunch as well, wot?"
All the time the spider had been speaking, Alice had been finding it harder and harder to walk. The ground seemed to have melted to the consistency of treacle, and although the spider, with its many legs, was having no trouble walking over the sticky substance, soon Alice was stuck fast.
"Whatever is the matter, my dear?" asked the spider, concern written all over its spindly body.
"I'm stuck in the ground," admitted Alice, who was beginning to think that maybe it was treacle; the air around her smelt sweet and sticky. "Is it possible for something to smell sticky?" she asked herself thoughtfully.
"Oh! My dear! So you are!" The spider's eyes widened in alarm and all its monocles tumbled to the ground with plink! noises. "Stay right where you are, my dear, I shall run and get help!"
And with that the spider scuttled off through the trees, leaving Alice quite alone and glued to the ground.
"Oh, bother," thought Alice, who had been quite looking forward to tea with the Grand Duke. She hugged herself dolefully. It was getting cold, and dark, and around her the forest creaked and groaned. Alice was starting to feel very sorry for herself when she heard a fluttering of wings and looked up to see a huge magpie sitting in a branch of a particularly old and gnarled oak tree.
"Hello, Mister Magpie," she called, when to her dismay the bird burst into tears.
"Oh! Oh! Woe is me!" It sobbed pitifully, and Alice felt it was her duty to cheer the bird up. As she was a very practical child, she felt the best way to do this was to be stern.
"Now, stop that right now," she scolded, putting her hands on her hips. "A big bird like you should know better than to cry so. Whatever is the matter?"
The magpie swallowed. "The matter, miss, is that there's only one of me. What use is a single magpie? Oh!"
Alice thought for a moment, before a thought stuck to her. "Do you like shiny things?"
"Oh, yes miss, very much miss," The magpie nodded eagerly.
"Well, if you promise not to cry, you can have my hairpin." Alice slid her hairpin out of her long blond hair and held it out to the magpie. "How does that sound?"
As an answer the magpie swooped down and snatched the pin out of Alice's waiting hand. No sooner had it landed on the branch than it was joined by another magpie.
"Oh! I'm so happy!" trilled the magpie joyfully.
"So happy!" repeated the second, and the magpies spread their wings, bobbed their heads and span in circles in their happiness. Alice laughed and clapped her hands appreciatively. At once the magpies turned to look at her. There was a long, ominous pause.
"So what's a pretty miss like you doing in the woods, then? You should be at the Grand Duke's tea party."
Alice sighed. "I would, but I'm stuck in the mud, you see. The spider ran to get help."
The magpies laughed harshly. "He won't be back, you know," said a third magpie as it landed heavily on the branch. It clicked its beak, and Alice thought she saw something purple inside its mouth. She twisted her hair uncomfortably. "Such a pretty girl you are, though."
"Positively the prettiest girl in the wood," confirmed the second, and Alice blushed and tossed her hair.
"But you know," commented a fourth, as it too clasped onto the branch with scaly talons. "I'm not sure it is a girl."
"Yes, you're right," nodded the second.
"Could easily be a boy," observed the third.
"A strapping young boy out for a romp in the forest," cried the first.
"I am not a boy!" pouted Alice. "That is like me calling you a... a seagull or something."
"Heavens alive, imagine that! The boy seems to think we're nothing but common seagulls!" sneered the fourth haughtily.
"But if we were," remarked a fifth magpie, alighting on the now considerably lower branch "We would definitely be the silver-backed kind."
"Oh, but of course!"
"Undisputedly!"
"For sure!"
"That goes without saying!"
"Or, we would be golden eagles," said a sixth, nudging the birds along the cramped branch.
"I agree with him!"
"Absolutely correct!"
"Spot on!"
"He's right you know!"
"Please," Alice addressed the first magpie (or it may well have been the fourth, or the third; she couldn't tell) "Could you help me out of this clearing? I can't move by myself." She felt she must leave soon, before the magpie's constant agreements would drive her mad.
The magpies seem to consider. "Well, miss," one of them spoke up; Alice was sure this time that it was the first. "That would depend."
"On what?" asked Alice curiously; the magpies had stopped their chattering and were looking quite grave.
"It's a secret," hissed a seventh magpie conspiratorially. All the other magpies bobbed their heads in agreement whilst babbling "A secret, a secret." The branch bobbed up and down with them, creaking in a long suffering kind of way.
"I promise I won't tell anyone," Alice whispered loudly. She found the magpies quite funny, but at the same time their blank beady eyes bothered her.
"Oh, well if you promise, we'll show you!" The magpies clamoured their agreement and rose in unison off the branch, flocking around Alice and squawking loudly in her ear.
"We'll show you! We'll show you!" Sharp talons gripped Alice's arms and strong feathery wings cuffed her all over her body. Alice felt scratches appear on her arms and neck, and the magpie's heavy bodies were mobbing and suffocating her.
After a few minutes of this Alice began to beat the magpies off with panicked cries of "Let me go!"
"Suit yourself!" Cawed the magpies, and with a great flutter of wings and loud, rough laughter the magpies disappeared in a cloud of feathers.