If only I could love again. If only I could begin to feel again; instead of feeling constantly numb as if my emotions are truly frozen. Yet I know ultimately that I'll never get to experience that again. For he took away my firsts, my seconds, even my thirds; so that ultimately I'm hopelessly dependent to him- to a man or more commonly a boy who is neither weak nor pathetic but beyond anything I could have ever imagined for myself, though through his power he makes me weak, my sharpened tongue sanded down to a smoothened edge.
For who would have believed that the one who I felt was to be my prince, and who I believed one day would make me their queen, would in fact be the one who made me a shadow of my former self. For I who could have been a pyramid is merely now just a grain of pathetic sand; not even remotely strong or able to be something alone; he is my life raft even though I once believed I could swim.
He was not always so prudent he used to let me live but now beyond anything else he is purely my guard; and I'm too weak to even think of breaking free of the restraints he gifts me with like kisses. He never let me mope even when I was so awfully down, he wanted to love me- that I actually know. But my poor man just didn't know how so instead he became overbearing instead of loving; torturing instead of nurturing; a set of handcuffs instead of a helping handhold. I became a prisoner before my very own eyes, and still I'm too suffocated to escape it's like I was blinded when only too clearly were the road signs that showed I was leading to danger paved in front of me.
It wasn't always like this, if you could believe it. It started off sweet, too sweet if I'm being honest but then who really cares when the world spins so beautifully on its axis; that you no longer feel the pain of life…
Stupidity brought me to this place in life…
And its stupidity still that makes me not regret that decision.