~ 5 Days Ago

My eyes rouse slowly to dim daylight. My head hurts slightly and I feel hot under the sheets. I sit for a moment looking at the ceiling until I slowly turn to see him, Joey; lying next to me. There I was, in his bed. I just had sex with Joey…Joey! The truth of it all was starting to hit me. I look over at the clock on his nightstand, it reads 4:58. I decide the best thing I should do is get to my room. Avoiding an awkward morning seems like the best idea right now. I lie in my bed completely restless. I was hoping to sleep a while longer especially because I have to be at work soon enough, but I can barely will myself to close my eyelids. The events of the night are rolling back to me over and over again. I'm stunned, frozen; lying there wondering what in the world I'm going to do. What will happen between us, Joey and I slept together! This is crossing a huge barrier line for friends here. And not just friends, but a friend who was in love with me a year ago and I turned him down! Then, to top it off there's Ross, another one of our best friends, who I have a baby with- who would never be okay with this in a million years! Oh my God this can't get any worse! Then, the fear of losing Joey as a friend, of us never being able to get past this enters my mind. It's so dreadful, I see years of us not talking or barely making contact at all. I can't bare it, I finally force my eyes shut to try to block out these visions, which really doesn't make sense since they're all in my head.

The next three hours are the same endless misery until I finally get up at eight am to start getting ready. I'm showered, dressed, and ready in only about thirty minutes. I've never cared so little about my make-up or appearance. So at 8:30 I'm trying to get some simple toast into my stomach, even though there's been a sickening feeling there all morning. I gulp down some orange juice while I almost motionlessly butter a slice of toast in my hand. I have to get coffee on my way to work, I remind myself as I feel the weight of tiredness in my eyes.

The door opens; the door to Joey's bedroom and a sharp pain shoots through me. Here he is; what's going to happen, what will he say? He wearily walks out yawning and putting his hand to his head. I'm on the other side of the island when he slumps down onto one of the island stools and nearly bangs his head to the counter. He finally looks up at me, drained, and my head is spinning.

"I feel awful," he speaks. Hangovers are never fun, but at the moment I want to yell at him that that is not the issue right now. Soon, he's just tiredly watching me butter my toast, which I've been doing for about ten minutes now. His head is obviously not straight, maybe I'll just go to work and we'll have to handle this tonight, I think; partly relieved. Then I watch him as his eyes turn into something else. Confusion or recognition clouds them and I nervously put the bread back on its plate. He looks up at me in an appalling astonishment.

"Wait, last night…what happened? D-did we…" he can't get it out. My mouth is going dry and I'm wondering if any words will come out at all. He's about to form the words, to finish the terrible truth when I blurt out:

"No!"

He looks perplexed at me. I shake my head rapidly. "Wait, what? Weren't you about to ask if we like got together last night?" I sound astounded. I guess the hangover is benefiting me because he just assumes it was that easy to catch on.

"Well, I…maybe vaguely, but at the same time very clearly remember us uh…" he shyly stops and I interrupt his pause.

"Oh my God wait a minute!" I snort in his face with a wide smile. He looks unsure at me.

"You- you must have had a…a…" My mouth is crawling with giggles and I don't even know what's come over me. Joey's expression is covered with question and he impatiently asks "what?"

"A sex dream," I whisper deviously. Then I give him an accusing look and smile. His mouth opens and the effects of the alcohol are clearly prolonging his brain activity to an even long time for someone like Joey.

"Do you really think I… but I mean it's so…clear in my mind?" he coughs uncomfortably at his own words. I snicker at him and unexpectedly feel my cheeks blushing.

"Well, I know one thing for sure Joey, we did not have sex."

"We didn't?" he tries to reassure himself.

"Yes Joey! Don't you think I would know! Look, you have a little dream, I'm flattered really; I am. I mean don't go around gloating about it to everyone, but I can't believe you thought it was real? It must have been reallllly vivid!" My voice is going higher and I think I'm talking the speed of light. I wonder if I've convinced him at all especially when he takes a while to ponder everything I've said.

"Oh well, I'm sorry, I guess I just remembered it really well," he speaks softly and I see his cheeks blush too. I've never seen Joey blush like this and normally would have teased him a little, but my heart was racing too fast. I had to get out there. We said a couple more things and I tried to verify my statement one last time before rushing out the front door.

I still have no idea what came over me, but it just happened. One lie on top of another. I couldn't imagine my life without Joey and didn't want to even have one awkward conversation with anyone so I just blurted it out. I wasn't myself and it was stupid I know, but there's no going back now. Its official, it has to be a dream. I wonder if saying it enough will really make him believe it or when his hangover finally wears away he will come to terms with reality and I will just have to face it as well?

I literally creep up to the apartment door. I stare at the number 19 wondering if I may have to leave it soon. I open the door slowly and walk in. The lights are on, but the room appears empty and it's quiet. I put my stuff down and take a deep breath until that very breath and taken from me as I see Joey come out of his room.

"Hey Rach," he greets me casually. I sense his tone is the same familiar one it always is.

"Hey," I try to smile as I hear someone come in behind me. Chandler walks in.

"Hey," he says and then he turns to me with a grin. "Oh, hey Rachel," he gives me a joking face and I don't get it.

"Uh hey?" I respond.

"I didn't know you would be here, are you two still okay, should I go, is it awkward?" he kids around and I fear what he's talking about. I give Joey an anxious look and his face turn serious.

"Hey, cut it out," he instructs Chandler.

"You…you told him," I ask.

"Well, yeah. I'm sorry I didn't think it was a big deal. I mean it's more embarrassing on my part anyway."

The door opens again and Monica comes through.

"Chandler, dinner… oh hey Rach, I heard about the hot dream you starred in," she teases me and my cheeks blush evidently. "So, Joey-" she begins but she stops when we she sees him trying to stop her. I see him signaling her before he quickly shoots his arms back down.

"Um, isn't dinner getting cold?" He quickly says and shoves Monica and Chandler out the door. He shuts the door and turns to me.

"Sorry, I really didn't know you would mind," he shrugs innocently.

"You know what its fine; I just didn't know you would be so comfortable with it."

"Well, I wasn't crazy about the teasing either, but I guess I was still pretty amazed with how real it was and that I dreamt it at all…I just sort of told Chandler without realizing."

I grab a water out of the fridge and take a sip.

"Hey, want some dinner. We have some leftover pizza?"

"Sure," I say even though again my stomach feels as tight as a knot.

He gets out a slice and even heats it up for me. He waits with me by the island. I lean against the counter as he gets a beer out of the fridge for himself.

"So, work good again?"

I just nod because I'm still absorbing the fact that everyone technically knows about us sleeping together, yet somehow they have all believed it was a dream. I force some more water down nervously as Joey senses I'm off.

"Uh, here let me get you a plate," he says. He comes closer and doesn't give me time to prepare when he leans over me to get to the counter above me; his scent envelopes me. When I feel his sleeve brush up against my shoulder, flashes of us come to life before my eyes. I see us stumbling toward his room, lips attached and not breaking. Then the clear image of us intertwined on his bed. The covers flying up, smooth skin hot as fire; wet, warm kisses; the feel of his soft hair; his body over mine. My skins as hot as the memory when a ding sound rings me back to life. The microwave is telling us the pizza is ready.

"Rach?" Joey says and my eyes jet up at him, terrified he might have somehow figured out what I was envisioning. He points in the direction of the microwave indicating I'm in his way.

"Sorry," I mumble and step out of the way. He takes the slice out for me and then hands me the plate. "Thanks," the words barely audible again.

"You okay?"

I look up at him again, probably setting off an alarm in his head with how big and misplaced my eyes must look. I see the concern instantly spread through his face. I'm really only worried that staying here with him will lure in another flashback of us from that night. Or possibly what some contact with him might do if, let's say, he thinks I need a hug or a shoulder rub; which is not uncommon for two people who have known each other for nine years. I try to blink away my obvious expression, but end up just staring down at my pizza as a substitute.

"Nothing, just a long day I guess."

I doubt he wants to accept my answer, but he does. Instead, he stays with me, the one thing I was hoping he wouldn't do. He sips his beer and I nibble on my slice of pizza. I'm chewing some cheese when he coughs, a palpable on purpose cough. I look up as he starts speaking his mind.

"So, uh just to be clear we won't talk about this dream again. I tell the guys to lay off completely- forever?"

"Well, it would be nice to avoid the teasing all together, but you what it's fine really. I was just surprised at first, I told you."

He shakes his head, understanding, and then continues with his beer. I can sense he doesn't believe I'm actually fine with it.

"Joey really, I don't care anymore. In fact, you can talk about it all you want," I justify.

"Hey, I don't need to talk about it or anything I was just, you know, making sure," he defends himself. I nod and take another bite of my food when unfortunately my mind starts wandering. Now, I'm debating whether I could use this 'little trick' I pulled off to my advantage once again. I mean now that it's settled it was all in his head – which still blows my mind- I did want it. I was crushing on him, which I guess I technically still am; this whole thing has just had me distracted. When I think back to the how the flashbacks I just encountered virtually tuned me on, I verify my attraction to him is still very much alive. The fact is I ultimately enjoyed every waking minute of our evening together; even the parts where our clothes remained on. The sex wasn't just great, but it was ten times more incredible because I had been fantasizing about the moment for weeks. The build up is what can really add to a wonderful occurrence. So, of course I know what I felt, and it wasn't just three orgasms that night, but now I wanted to hear his thoughts.

"So…" I begin like a little school girl. He looks over his beer at me. "Since we are talking about it, we might as well…talk about it," I wince at my own failed speech. His eyebrows knitting together are enough to ask me what I'm doing. "I was just wondering what you…thought?"

He lowers the beer down from his mouth as he gulps down his last sip.

"Uh, about what?" his voice is tinted with a laugh, directed at me clearly.

"Your thoughts, you know…how was I in the dream?" I finally ask. His eyebrows rise in a mischievous manner.

"Oh," his lips crack into a wide smile. I try to keep my ground and keep my head high. I wait for his answer.

"Well, let's see. It was obviously pretty hot, but you are so that's a given," he starts. Even though he's commented on my body and hotness, as he might call it, before I appreciate it so much more now. Hearing him say he's fond of me invites a welcoming tingle inside. I hold back any sign of a smile and keep a sturdy face.

"But it got pretty intense I must say."

Well, yeah, we did do it twice!

"I uh never thought I would be talking with you about how our sex was, but yeah you were pretty awesome." He nods. "At least, that's the feeling I got from it," he adds.

Thank God! Almost instantly enters my mind and I've never had such an easy sex review while reassured it was honest.

"So, do you really remember that well, like uh details of exactly what we did?" I continue against my conscience and then immediately wonder if he will get uncomfortable with this talk now.

"Yeah, some, I mean it was like it really happened, but I was so drunk the alcohol blocked half of it out. That's what it feels like anyway. But yeah, I don't think we did anything too freaky, which is a shame really," he smirks at me and I glower quickly back.

"Hey, well if we did I don't know if I would want to hear about that."

"Why you're not into that stuff?"

"What, Joey! I'm not going to talk about that with you!" That was the most ironic thing I could possibly say at this point.

"Okay, okay, well there was this one thing I actually remember."

I practically lean in to hear it until I realize and try to casually slouch back against the counter.

"You uh, would give me these like massages. I can remember your hands on my chest and my ear a lot. I thought I liked that," he tells me firmly, but I can hear the hint of uneasiness at the back of his throat. For me, I'm getting all this fabulous insight to our night, but for him he's reliving what he believes was a dream, and most likely a wet one, and sharing the fine points with me. He's also revealing tidbits about his sex life with someone he thinks he never has nor ever will have sex with, which can only be strange for him. I'm surprised he's told me that much and decide I'm quite satisfied. I shouldn't make him suffer through any more embarrassment.

"Okay then, well thanks for the suggestion," I play it off as a joke and it works yet again. I smile back as I throw away my pizza and then tell him I'm heading in for the night.

"Hey Rach?" He stops me as I'm about to walk through my bedroom door.

"Yeah?" I turn around.

"At least, promise me one thing?"

"What's that?" I reply sweetly.

"You'll fill me in when you have a sex dream about me?"

I bite my lip trying to conceal the smile that's erupting. I finally give in.

"You got it Joe. Goodnight."