Chapter 2

Risa's Point-of-View

Naturally, I couldn't stop thinking about what happened when I visited Otani. Fukugawa-sensei was especially rough on me and picked on me for zoning out in class. Akemi kept on asking me what was wrong, but I didn't feel comfortable telling her.

I know Otani would never hurt me or force me to do something against my will…but what does he want? What do I want?

Part of the reason why I didn't feel comfortable talking to Akemi is because she assumed that I wasn't a virgin. After all, I had been with Otani for over a year, and if we were like most couples our age we would have done it by now. It's just not something I ever felt the need to talk to Otani about. I figured it would happen when the time was right; there was no need to rush. But does Otani feel differently? Is he hiding his true feelings? After all, the kiss we shared was not exactly innocent. I had to admit that it made me feel really, really good…was that lust? I had never felt lust before, so I was confused.

I know some things about sex, despite how innocent I am for a girl my age. I remember watching love scenes in some movies where the man kept on moving slowly on top of the woman, and it did seem rather romantic (although I died when the TV was showing a scene like that when I was in the room with Otani!). But I also know that it apparently hurts a lot the first time for a woman, which scares me.

I try to picture myself in a love scene – candles on the nightstand and rose petals on the bed – Otani on top of me whispering, "I love you," as he thrusts his thing into my – Stop it! Ah, you dirty pervert, stop it! It wouldn't be like that…it's not like the movies! It will hurt and it will be awkward! What would Otani think of his girlfriend thinking such dirty thoughts? Think about other things…like Umibouzu and video games and I wonder what Otani looks like naked…

GAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH! I bang my head against my desk, eliciting quite a few stares from my classmates.

"Risa…are you okay?" Akemi asks.

"Fine! Just fine," I mutter.

Luckily, I have someone I can talk to about this embarrassing stuff. On Wednesday night, I call Nobu-chan.

"Hey Nobu-chan, what's up?"

"Nothing much – just packing for my flight tomorrow! I'm so excited to see you! It's been over two months!"

"Me too. Listen…Nobu-chan, I was wondering if you were going to have any extra time this weekend? I know you'll probably want to spend a lot of that time with Nakao-chi but I really need to talk to you about something."

"RISA! Don't tell me you and Otani finally boarded the scandal train?!"

I feel myself reddening at the thought. "Wha—no! But it's kind of related to that…"

"Risa, don't you say another word! The second that I land in Osaka I am coming straight to your house and we are going to have a quality girl talk."

" I mean, if that's okay with you, I don't want to take time away from your family or Nakao-chi…"

"Mom's birthday isn't until Sunday and I'll be spending all of Friday and Saturday with Darling. It's only fair I get some alone time with my best friend too! Plus, I need to know what's going on – you haven't told me anything juicy in a long time."

Same old Nobu-chan. "Haha – I guess I haven't! I'm so excited to see you! You'll have to tell me all about school as well."

"Definitely. Don't worry too much until I get there. I'll see you tomorrow night around seven."

"Yeah, see ya!"

Thursday evening couldn't come soon enough. When Nobu-chan showed up at my house, she sprang on me with a giant hug. I made some tea and rice balls, and we caught up with each other; me telling Nobu-chan about Akemi and my classes, and Nobu-chan telling me about her nutritionist program and her grandma. When we were finished eating, Nobu-chan looked at me slyly and asked, "And how's Otani?"

I took a deep breath and told Nobu all about what had happened last weekend: how we were in Otani's dorm room and started making out ("Woo! You go girl!" Nobu shouted, much to my embarrassment) and how amazing it was until Otani suddenly stopped and went to the bathroom. I then told her how I proceeded to make a fool of myself and freaked out when I found his condom, and the awkwardness that ensued. Nobu just laughed.

"Honestly, Risa, you were surprised that Otani has a condom? He's been your boyfriend for over a year now so surely he's thought about doing it with you."

"I guess I never thought about it! Well, maybe I thought about it when we had to share a room at Maity-sensei's wedding but he didn't do anything funny then."

"Well that's because Otani is being a good boyfriend who respects you. But that doesn't mean he doesn't think about it. Just how long was he in the bathroom during the whole condom fiasco?"

Come to think of it, it had been an unusually long time for someone to go to the bathroom. "Five minutes…maybe more…" I say aloud. The realization dawns on me as Nobu starts giggling.

"N-Nobu-chan, you don't think he was –?"

"No, Risa, 18-year-old guys never get excited when they're making out with their girlfriends."

I remember how passionate he had been, and then back to when he had pulled away from me as I wrapped my legs around his waist. He didn't want me to feel his – his –! I get the mental image of an elephant's trunk going up and immediately turn a bright shade of red.

"Risa, you're so naïve! What am I going to do with you? Ah, but honestly, Otani was just feeling bad because he wanted to do sexy things with you but felt guilty about it."

"R-right…but I'm so confused Nobu-chan! How do I know when it's the right time? I love Otani and I want to make him happy, but I'm also scared! What if it hurts a lot? What if Otani thinks my body is really gross? Nobu-chan, what did you do?"

"Welllllll…" Nobu-chan begins, with a grin on her face.

Oh my, she's wanted to tell me this story for ages, hopefully she won't give me too much information…

"First of all, it's not like all of a sudden we decided one day, 'Today is the perfect day to do it!' Darling and I started out slow. We did lovey dovey stuff like kissing mostly, sometimes going a bit further. We started becoming more comfortable with each other's bodies bit by bit, and theen one day before going into our second year of high school, I asked Darling if he wanted to go all the way with me…he was so sweet! He pretended he didn't care but I knew he really wanted to do it! One weekend, his family was out so we had our first time…kyaaaaaa, I'll never forget it!" Nobu-chan squeals.

"So it was really good for you then…it didn't hurt that much?"

"What are you kidding me?! It was awful! It was sore between my legs for days!" Nobu-chan says grumpily.

My mood darkens. That wasn't very encouraging.

"But that's usually going to happen when you're a virgin. Even though it hurt and Darling didn't know what to do, it still made me very happy because I became so close to him. He was so gentle with me too!" Nobu seems to get lost in a lovey dovey thought, much to my discomfort. "Anyways," she continues, "my body just had to get used to it. After a few times it became enjoyable for me – I just had to let Darling know what I wanted him to do and what felt good. Now he finally knows how to give me an orgasm…"

"Okay! Okay! That's enough! Too much! Too much!" My face is as red as a tomato.

"Sorry Risa! You know how carried away I get sometimes…" Nobu-chan sticks her tongue out and giggles.

After a long awkward silence, I hestitantly ask, "…so what does it feel like? An orgasm?" The word sounds so foreign coming out of my mouth.

Nobu-chan giggles again much to my annoyance, "Don't tell me you've never had one, Risa!"

"Well of course I've never had one! I'm a virgin!"

"Tsk-tsk, Risa, so many things you do not know! I think I have the perfect solution to your sexual repression…"

"What? What is it that I need to do?"

Nobu-chan gives me a perverted stare. "You need to do very naughty things to yourself."

"Ehhhhh? Stop confusing me!"

"It means you need to masturbate."

I can't believe Nobu-chan would just say that so freely! "WHAT?! B-but, that's only something that guys do!"

"Not at all! Many women masturbate…but then again, you're still a child, aren't you?"

"Hey!" I feel extremely embarrassed. I guess I just never really thought of…touching myself. I awkwardly ask, "So…you…touch yourself down there?"

"Duh! How do you think I survive without Darling when I'm in Hokkaido?"

"Ahhhhh…I don't want to know!"

"Risa! Your problem is that you never feel comfortable with your body. You've always been so self-conscious about being tall that you do not see yourself doing sexy things. That's why you have to become comfortable with your body first, that way you will figure out what you like and how you like to be touched so you can feel comfortable having Otani touch you."

She's right. Nobu-chan knows me so well! I almost want to cry.

"Nobu-chan, you know me so well! You really think that will work?"

"Yes! I can tell that you want to do sexy things with Otani; you're just feeling insecure about yourself. You're a very pretty girl, Risa, and you know Otani feels the same way! In fact, he may be thinking about doing naughty things to you right now, heehee."

"NOBU-CHAN! Don't make me have a heart attack like that!" I feel my entire body blushing at the thought, but then I finally sigh and say, "Okay…how should I masturbate? What do you do?"

"You know the clitoris, right?"

The word sounds vaguely familiar. "Is that part of the…you know?" I can't quite manage to say "vagina."

"Sort of; it's like a bump on the outside, at the very top. If you feel around, you'll find it, trust me. Anyways, most girls have orgasms by touching that. You can also put your fingers inside your girl parts too but since you're a virgin, that might not feel very good."

All of this talk about clitorises and orgasms is making me feel a bit hazy. I probably won't remember this.

"Ehhhhhhhh…"

"Don't worry – I know how weird it sounds, but you'll feel a lot better after you do this, trust me," Nobu-chan reassures me as I just stare at the floor.

Even more amazing than kissing Otani?

"So Risa, promise me that before you see Otani on Saturday, you'll try this out. You still have that shower head Seiko-chan and I got you for your birthday?"

"Yeah— why do you ask?"

"Tomorrow, take a nice hot bath. Just relax and start to think of doing romantic things with Otani. Then do what I just told you to do, and I dare you to tell me that you don't want to board the scandal train with Otani!"

I'm still a bit embarrassed, but I know that I have to do this. If it feels as good as Nobu-chan says it is, then I may be able to get over my sex complex…and then maybe I'll be able to make Otani really happy. Now that I have my new goal, I cannot give up!