AN: Hi everyone! Firstly, I'd just like to thank all of you who read/followed/favorited/reviewed, you're all absolute stars!

Before I get started I'd just like to give a quick recommendation: I recently read 'To Be a Malfoy' by 'TheQuietAwakening' and I really enjoyed it… go check it out…once you've left me a review :)

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, it belongs to J.K Rowling although if anyone's interested I'm currently in the brainstorming process of a plot to steal the ownership rights…

WARNING: This fic will contain descriptions of child abuse, Anorexia and other behaviour associated with disordered eating…. please do not read if you think it will trigger or upset you!

Enjoy!

The car pulled up gracefully near Kings Cross Station, but no one moved to get out. Lucius turned his head slightly and Draco tried to stay calm as he felt his father's eyes sweep critically over him – nothing less than perfection would be allowed out of the car.

"You're ok. You're ok. You're ok" He chanted internally; this happened every year, he was always so sure that at the last moment Lucius would send him back to the manor - only once the train was moving would Draco allow himself to relax.

The car door suddenly swung open, it seemed he had passed Lucius' inspection. Draco got out with as much elegance as is possible in such manoeuvres and moved to stand next to his father while a house elf (under glamour charms of course) struggled to lift his trunk from the boot.

Once the elf had managed to collect the trunk without being crushed underneath it the Malfoy's started to move towards platform 9 ¾

They all moved with the same aristocratic air of superiority although every gait was slightly differently: Lucius strode through the crowds, sneering as he did, subtly brandishing his cane, Narcissa was the epitome of grace, she seemed to glide through life in the path left by her husband, extravagant gown swishing by her ankles and Draco… to the inexperienced spectator Draco seemed identical to his father; from the way he stepped to the unimpressed sneer, but if you looked carefully the differences, "weaknesses" were revealed.

Because as much as Lucius tried, Draco was different. His eyes weren't yet hateful and when he was too close to Lucius Draco seemed to fold ever so slightly, his steps were also lighter; more careful, they betrayed his deepest wish to just disappear.

They stood as a unit facing the wall to the platform - Lucius stalked calmly through, Narcissa just behind him.

Draco simply stared at the wall in nervously; he knew of course that it was safe to run at it, after all he had just witnessed his parents walk through with no trouble, but despite that Draco had always struggled to truly believe that the wall would let him through.

So every year he stood there, waiting, until he remembered that his parents… his father was waiting on the other side.

Draco sighed and charged at the wall, easily plunging through it when they met.

The platform was chaotic: children laughed, parents worried and animals protested noisily about their cages.

Surrounded by all of this life the cold, collected Malfoys stuck out like sharks in a shoal of fish. They stood together in triangle formation in front of the scarlet train; Lucius and Narcissa took the back while Draco stood in front of them, Lucius' hand crushing his shoulder.

Lucius always did this, Draco thought, always needed to show his son that, no matter who was there, no matter what he did "no one would care, they probably wouldn't even notice" and absolutely "no one would ever think you worth helping". And Lucius was right, it seemed, no one ever did say anything at the station and, to Draco, if one of his father's statements was true, the others probably also were.

The clock hands slowly waved and finally Lucius released his grip on his son. Draco picked up his trunk and turned to face his parents. Narcissa forced a smile, appearances had to be kept after all, and wished her son a good year. Lucius' eyes raked over his son and then he took an aggressive step forward, cane swinging angrily.

Draco flinched and took a scared step back, surely Lucius wouldn't try anything so obvious here?

Lucius, rather pleased with the fear he could cause, raised his hand slowly… and patted his son's shoulder.

"Goodbye Draco, we'll see you at Christmas. Try not to forget us before then." Draco remained motionless as he processed the coded threat; to everyone else Lucius was just being a caring father, but Draco knew the truth, this was a reminder to him that Hogwarts was not quite safe, that in reality they could call him home at any time as soon as they felt he was 'forgetting' their standards.

With the farewells and threats completed Draco picked up his trunk, trying not to show how heavy it was or how much picking it up made his bruised arms ache, he walked nonchalantly to the train, again trying not to betray his desperate need to get away.

Once on the train he moved towards his usual compartment. As he began to struggle through the corridors with his trunk a seemingly obvious idea struck him; he could simply levitate his trunk!

"Idiot" he whispered to himself, "call yourself a wizard but don't think of something that simple!"

The truth was Draco was just so used to being without his wand that being allowed it felt strange, dangerous. Over the course of the school year this feeling would subside but any extended stay in the manor would always drag it back out.

Once he had the trunk floating securely he continued his journey to his preferred carriage, with much more ease.

When he reached the compartment he found Theo and Pansy already sitting there – they didn't look pleased.

"Draco" Pansy wailed, "My father is just the absolute worst!"

Theo frowned slightly at this hyperbole but made no comment, that was just how Pansy was, she didn't mean anything by it.

Draco sat down, ready to pretend to listen. Pansy could be a real drama queen sometimes but he liked it really…. it made him feel more normal and it felt safe.

"What's happened now?" Draco moaned jokingly

"I've been promised…." She started

"That's not that bad, I mean, wasn't it expected?" Questioned Draco. He knew this was a big deal but surely Pansy had known since she was a little girl that this was her future and that it would happen a lot earlier than any mudblood would even start considering marriage.

"….. to Flint!" Pansy shrieked.

"What?" Draco snapped out of his fairly relaxed state and stared intensely at Pansy. "I didn't know Marcus had a younger brother."

"He doesn't." Theo cut in.

"Ok, that's fine… you've got years before anything happens and by then the age gap won't mean anything at all. It'll feel normal!"

Theo winced, and tried to catch Draco's eyes before he said anything else.

He didn't quite get there in time: "Honestly Pansy, stop being so dramatic, didn't you learn anything in our etiquette classes?" Draco followed this with a dismissive eye roll and sank back into his seat expecting the conversation to fade away.

Pansy's face crumpled slightly and she fled from the compartment.

"You are such an idiot!" Theo snapped. "Why the hell couldn't you just let her finish?"

"What?" mumbled Draco. "I'm not the one completely overreacting here!"

"You don't get it, do you? She's really worried about this and you've come in and acted like she's pathetic for being upset that her life has been literally signed away!" Theo was almost shouting now, he knew that things with Draco were complicated, particularly after a long stay at the manor, but that didn't excuse the way he'd treated Pansy.

"But… she's still got years before any- "Draco started

"No. She hasn't. And if you'd been bothered to listen for more than 5 seconds you would have found that out! The betrothal contract gives her until her sixteenth birthday, after that she has 2 months in which the wedding must take place."

Draco looked up, shocked, "But, that's, that's only a bit more than a year!"

"Exactly." Snapped Theo, "Maybe listen next time before you come up with stupid comments." With that he got to his feet and followed Pansy out the door.

Draco slumped back into his seat feeling like an idiot, Theo was right, he was so clueless sometimes! He hadn't meant to upset Pansy or make Theo angry but he couldn't help it…. sometimes things just came out wrong.

"Anything from the trolley dear?" A voice interrupted his jumbled thoughts and forced Draco to float back to the present.

Draco frowned internally, when had he last eaten? He thought it had been Saturday morning, or maybe Friday evening, any way it had been a while and he really was hungry.

"You'll be at the feast soon… just wait until then." Something in him reasoned.

"No thank you," Draco politely told the trolley witch before looking away quickly, hoping that she'd just leave.

Sure enough, the witch simply trundled away to tempt the students in the next carriage.

Draco stayed perfectly still; he was confused, very confused. What had happened, he'd been hungry and here there was no danger that could come from eating… so what on earth had that been?

Draco sighed, he was probably just stressed and anyway, the voice was right; they were nearly there and the first feast of the year was always ridiculously extravagant - it was probably for the best to save his appetite for that.

Deciding to leave it at that Draco allowed himself to succumb to the general exhaustion that always followed holidays at the manor; he leant back into his seat in a casual yet aristocratic manner and carefully shut his eyes planning on a short power nap.

Meanwhile Theo hurtled through the train searching for Pansy; eventually he found her curled up in an empty carriage.

"Pans? You ok? …. sorry, stupid question."

"I hate him!" She whispered.

"Who? Your father?"

"No…. Draco…. He's just so wrapped up in his own stupid little life!"

"He didn't mean it Pansy, he just wasn't thinking, he didn't understand how soon the contract had to be fulfilled by," Theo reasoned.

"That's not an excuse, I'm fed up of making excuses for him, it's not our fault that he's such a self-absorbed brat!" She choked out through the tears.

Theo sighed, clearly she wasn't in a reasonable state. He put his arm around her carefully and let her just pour out everything: her tears, her worries, her anger - anything and everything that she needed to release.

In times like this Theo felt so helpless, so useless, because his friends were hurting and there was nothing he could do to help. He wished that he could just sweep it all away, like specks of dust off an ornament. And sometimes it was all so frustrating because no matter how much he wanted to help and understand, the world wouldn't let him: his friends hardly ever talked about this stuff and he knew that their families were simply too powerful, particularly when who's side the law would come down on was not at all reliable.

A couple of hours later and they had arrived; Theo helped Pansy up and rushed back to their normal compartment to get the trunks. There he found Draco, asleep in his seat.

"Draco? You need to get up, we're at Hogwarts, everyone's getting off the train."

Through his hazy sleeping state Draco's brain struggled to process the words; it had so far managed to identify that there was someone there who was talking to him but he was still working out who it was.

"Draco?" The mysterious words were heard again, but Draco still couldn't match them to anyone.

A hand gently touched his shoulder and the physical contact did what the words could not, Draco was forcibly dragged from his calm semi-conscious state into one of fully awake, paranoid, over awareness.

He scrambled backwards in a desperate attempt to get away as words tumbled out of his mouth: "Please…. I'm sorry…. Don't, please don't"

"Draco, Draco calm down… It's me, it's Theo. You're on the Hogwarts express, it's ok, you're safe."

Draco's terrified brain latched onto the person's name: Theo, suddenly everything snapped back into clarity and with the terror gone all he felt was shame.

"Sorry," he mumbled.

"It doesn't matter." Theo cut in, sensing that Draco didn't want to linger on it any longer.

The boys collected their trunks as well as Pansy's and made their way out onto the platform. Pansy was in front of the train talking to Daphne while Blaise looked like he'd drop dead from boredom if he had to endure another second with Crabbe and Goyle.

Theo handed Pansy her trunk and then the boys made their way over to Blaise, ready to rescue him from imminent death.

Blaise saw them coming and excused himself as fast as he could from the idiotic rambling that Crabbe and Goyle seemed to think constituted a conversation.

They greeted Blaise and then the three of them made their way to one of the thestral drawn carriages. Once seated Theo and Blaise started an animated, if a little pointless, debate on what the best dish at the feast would be while Draco tried to look interested through the exhaustion that threatened to take over again.

He didn't understand why he felt so drained, after all, he'd just had a rather long nap. It was probably just relief at being back at Hogwarts, he decided, it'd pass soon. So he leant back in his seat and let his friends' words wash over him, soon they'd be there and he'd need his energy for the chaos of the great hall and the impending feast.

He let his thoughts drift away and within minutes the castle was in sight; he was almost home.

AN: Thanks for reading…. I know it's been more than 2 weeks but better late than never :) I should have the next chapter up within the next week as school's out for the summer on Wednesday.

I'd love to hear any thoughts you have; reviews are much appreciated particularly as I'm still working things out.

Next time we have a feast and visit the Slytherin dorms,

See you then!