Author's Note: OMG! I can't believe that we got such a good response for this! I mean, I knew that it was cool, but I wasn't expecting everybody to love it so much! Anyway, we're going to update now, so… BYE!
HP + HG FOREVER!
HMB
A Word from Danbamina: Hey y'all! We liked our reviews so much that we decided to put in a song from Rocky Horror Picture Show and our favorite male stripper is gonna sing it! Enjoy it!
Chapter 2:
Harry and Hermione were walking around on the grounds. They had decided that it would be a good idea for them to go outside whilst Ron was being punished by McGonagall. The Common Room was passé, the Room of Requirement was SO yesterday, and no one ever went to the Astronomy Tower anymore. They were lounging underneath their favorite tree when Ron suddenly ran up to them, mumbling something about McGonagall and the guillotine.
"Ron, what are you mumbling about?" Hermione asked in an exasperated manner when he sat down across from the pair, sat in an ant bed, and jumped up, swearing loud enough to wake the dead.
"I'm mumbling about- OW! Bloody ants…- how McGonagall- BOLLOCKS!- has decided that for my "serious lack of respect for females" I have to do detention every night- MARY, MOTHER OF GOD!- this week polishing different trophies different women won at this school." Ron finally got rid of all of the ants and sat down beside Harry, checking for an ant hill before resting there. Suddenly, a blond, well-built guy in a brilliant gold shirt walked up to them.
"Hey Harry, Ron, Hermione!" He said to the Trio.
"Hey Klaus!" Hermione greeted, while Ron and Harry pretended like they hadn't heard him. Klaus was a bit… strange. He was an exchange student (originally from Transylvania) from Durmstrang who was "secretly" a male stripper. Klaus was a Metamorphmagus, and he was known as Klaus, Claude, or, when he couldn't find work as a male, Claudine. Suddenly, Draco Malfoy walked by, and Klaus got this dreamy look on his face. "Klaus, just ask him! You'll never know till you try!" Hermione said encouragingly. Why she said these types of things to him, Hermione would never know.
"Thanks, Herms, but last I heard, Malfoy was straight." Klaus sighed.
"What're you looking at, freak?" Malfoy snarled.
"Your fine arse, actually." Klaus said matter-of-factly back.
"What is with you?" Malfoy said with a weird look on his face as he started to walk away. Suddenly, electric guitar started to play. "WHO THE BLOODY HELL IS IT NOW???" Malfoy shrieked, only to be answered by Klaus's voice singing behind him:
How do you do
I see you've met my
Faithful handyman
He's just a little brought down
Because when you knocked
He thought you were the candy man
Klaus paraded towards Malfoy, who now had a mortified look on his face.
Don't get strung out by the way I look
Don't judge a book by it's cover
I'm not much of a man by the light of day
But by night I'm one heck of a lover
Suddenly, Klaus whipped off his clothes(exposing his well-muscled torso) and he was standing there in nothing but his crimson boxers with polar bears on them, with his hands on his hips and moving said hips around in a circle and smiling brightly.
I'm just a sweet transvestite
From transsexual Transylvania
Now, Klaus walked up to Malfoy and stroked his chin, talking now to him and Goyle, whom he also… there's no adjective or verb for it.
Let me show you around
Maybe play you a sound
You look like you're both pretty groovy
Or if you like something visual
That's not too abysmal
We could take in an old Steve Reeves movie
Malfoy found himself singing as well.
I'm glad we caught you at home
Could we use your phone
We're both in a bit of a hurry
"Right!" Goyle put in.
We'll just say where we are
Then go back to the car
We don't want to be any worry
Klaus jumped in.
Well you got caught with a flat
Well (Klaus raised one eyebrow.) how about that
Well babies don't you panic
By the light of the night
It'll all seem alright
I'll get you a satanic mechanic
I'm just a sweet transvestite
From transsexual Transylvania
Why don't you stay for the night
"Night!" Harry whispered from Klaus's left.
Or maybe a bite
"Bite!" Hermione whispered from his right all of a sudden.
I could show you my favorite obsession
I've been making a man
With blond hair and a tan
At this, Klaus reached out and took a strand of Malfoy's platinum blonde hair in-between his thumb and index finger and twirled around his finger and raised his eyebrows once and smirked at him-in that suggestive way that only Klaus can do-and then he let go and walked a couple of paces backwards.
And he's good for relieving my tension
I'm just a sweet transvestite
From transsexual Transylvania
I'm just a sweet transvestite ("SWEET TRANSVESTITE!" Ron, Harry, and Hermione chimed in.)
From transsexual Transylvania ("TRANSYLVANIA!" The three sang again.)
So come up to the lab
And see what's on the slab
I see you shiver with antici (Klaus paused for a rather long time, and Malfoy gestured expectantly with his arms) ...pation
But maybe the rain
Isn't really to blame
So I'll remove the cause (Klaus started to laugh.)
But not the symptom
Klaus finished his song and took a bow to his astounded audience. Nothing happened for a second, two, three. Suddenly, Malfoy took off, sprinting for the Slytherin Common Room, yelling that he was leaving the next day. "UNTZ, UNTZ, DRACO!" Klaus called after him. Goyle stood in stunned silence, while Crabbe just stared at Klaus in wonder. Hermione laughed at their reactions until Ron tapped her on the shoulder.
"Yeah, Ron?" Hermione asked, turning toward her friend.
"Who's Steve Reeves?"
Later, after Hermione had finished drooling over Steve Reeve's, the Trio were sitting in the Common Room. They were just lounging on their respective chairs and couch. While they had been walking through the halls, Romilda Vane, a girl who wanted Harry to ask her to the dance, burst into song singing:
I did cause a commotion
I can't help but make a scene (Romilda winked at Harry.)
I ain't lookin for somethin'
Preeminent to get at me
Tell you what it's gonna be
You better step up your game
Before you can step with me
Can't you see me walkin through the door ("DOOR!" Some girls sang.)
Maybe I should turn it up a little but more ("MORE!")
I can't help but feel responsible
For what the girls hate
And the boys adore
Say hey what's it gonna be tonight
Romilda sang by herself.
Come hit me up
Come hit me up
The same girls chimed in.
Say hey party with me tonight
Come hit me up
Come hit me up
All three just ignored this strange turn of events, leaving Romilda to sing to an enraptured Neville.
"OK, Hermione, what the bloody hell is going on?" Ron asked bluntly, sitting up from his lazing position on the plush couch.
"How am I supposed to know?" Hermione asked, giving him an angry glare for his language.
"Well, come on, it's not like you don't know anything! You know absolutely everything that's going on! You're a know-it-all for Christ's sake!"
Hermione opened her mouth to retort, but Harry beat her to it. "Do you actually listen to what comes out of your mouth, or is it just some big roaring sound?" Harry growled. "Hermione isn't all brains, you know! She's beautiful, and funny, and caring, and sweet, and she's more of a woman than you or I could ever deserve!" Harry stopped to take a breath. Ron was staring at him in shock, and Hermione was blushing as red as a beet. Suddenly, Harry realized what he had said. "I didn't mean that. Arrgh… I mean I did, but… bollocks." Harry ran his hands through his hair. "What I mean is… Alright, I'll just shut up now…"
"Harry," he looked up from the "fascinating" carpet. "Do you really think I'm beautiful?" Hermione asked, Ron forgotten. The uncertainty shone in his eyes.
"I…" Conviction suddenly appeared in his gaze. "Absolutely, and without a doubt." Hermione looked down in embarrassment and stood to escape to the Girl's Dormitory. "Hermione, don't go," Harry said in panic, jumping up after her.
"Why?" She asked, rounding on him.
"Because…" He stated to the floor as he turned red in the face.
"Harry, I can't fall in love. I have to study" She said to him.
"You can't fall in love? That's terrible! Love is like oxygen. Love is a many splendored thing. Love lifts us up where we belong, All you need is love!" He replied enthusiastically, following her towards the stairs.
"Please don't start that again," Hermione groaned.
(Hermione, Harry, Both, Talking)
All you need is love! (Harry sang.)
"A girl has got to eat!" Hermione put in.
All you need is love!
"She'll end up on the street!" Hermione continued.
All you need is love!
Love is just a game.
I was made for loving you baby,
You were made for loving me
Harry sang deeply, jumping in front of the bottom stair, which she was standing on.
The only way of loving me baby,
Is to pay a lovely fee
Just one night
Give me just one night
There's no way
Cause you can't pay
In the name of love!
One night in the name of love!
You crazy fool
I won't give in to you
Don't, leave me this way.
I can't survive, without your sweet love,
Oh baby, don't leave me this way.
You'd think that people would've had enough of silly love songs...
Hermione looked away, towards the window.
I look around me and I see it isn't so
Some people wanna fill the world with silly love songs
Well what's wrong with that?
I'd like to know.
Cause here I go... again...
Suddenly, Harry jumped up onto a table, spreading his arms like wings.
Love lifts us up where we belong!
Where eagles fly,
On a mountain high!
Love makes us act like we are fools.
Throw our lives away,
For one happy day.
We could be heroes...
Just for one day.
You, you will be mean.
No, I won't. Harry laughed.
And I, I'll drink all the time. Hermione threw up her arms.
We should be lovers...
We can't do that.
We should be lovers!
And that's a fact.
Though nothing, would keep us together.
We could steal time...
Just for one day.
We could be heroes,
Forever and ever,
We could be heroes,
Forever and ever,
We can be heroes...
Just because I... will always love you...
I...
...Can't help loving...
...You...
How wonderful life is,
Now you're in, the world...
Harry and Hermione smiled shyly at each other as the music ended. Harry opened his mouth to say something. "Will you go with-"
"WOW! That was sappy!" Ron suddenly said, ruining the moment. Harry glared at Ron, and Hermione turned a brilliant red and ran off to the dormitory. All that Ron saw to show that he did wrong was an extremely large fist that looked suspiciously like Harry's, and then he was examining the ceiling in the Hospital Wing.
DISCLAIMER: SWEET TRANSVESTITE IS OWNED BY ROCKY HORROR PICTURE SHOW, HIT ME UP IS OWNED BY GIA FARREL, THE ELEPHANT LOVE MEDLEY IS OWNED BY MOULIN ROUGE!, AND HP AND ALL OF ITS CHARACTERS AND PLACES ARE OWNED BY JK ROWLING. OTHERWISE WE WOULDN'T BE CONTRIBUTING IT TO A WEBSITE FOR ALL TO SEE!!!
A/N: Wow, that was fun:D Anyway, hope you guys liked the chappie!!!
HP + HG FOREVER!
HMB
A Word from Danbamina: HEY YALL! Well, y'all are probably wondering WHY Klaus said he was from TRANSYLVAINIA...see he was BORN in Transylvania and then he moved to Bulgaria and from there to Scotland. so now you know! See y'all in the next chapter! Please review! No flames!