PART I
Chapter 1. The Seeds of Doubt
Bidam hurriedly walked towards Ingang Palace after receiving an urgent summons from Her Majesty, the Queen. He suspected that it pertained to the contingency plan he had presented earlier in court. He also hoped against hope that she had finally changed her mind. Silla was now officially at war with Baekje and Bidam, as head of the Royal Inspectorate, charged not only with the internal affairs of the state but national security as well, had designed emergency plans to address this new crisis. Based on the recent intelligence reports, the Baekje armies were already marching towards Amnyangju, obviously emboldened by their continuous victory against the Silla defense lines. News of Lord Jujin's forced retreat to Nam Cheon due to heavy casualty was received with trepidation by the entire royal court.
Silla's capital, Seorabol, was just a day's ride from Amnyangju, and would surely be breached in no time if the Yushin army, known as such because of its famed leader, Lord Kim Yushin, also failed in routing the invading forces. Her Majesty had sent them as reinforcement to Lord Jujin and was just now engaging the enemy. These recent developments at the war front plus the knowledge that it was his sworn duty to protect not only the kingdom but Her Majesty herself, had prompted Bidam to present to the court the boldest plan he had ever come up with –the immediate evacuation of the entire royal entourage to a safe location in Yul Po Heon. Although it ensured the safety of the entire royal family, it also meant forcing the Queen to abandon the capital itself. Bidam had assured Her Majesty that he, together with his troops in the Royal Inspectorate, would remain in Seorabol and defend the capital to the last man.
Conflicting reactions to this bold plan were voiced by the ministers. Lords Seo Hyeon and Yong Chun, staunch supporters of the Queen, advised Her Majesty against it. They insisted that such a move would be tantamount to defeat since it would surely deflate the armies' morale. The two insisted that the Queen's abandonment of the capital would mean virtual surrender, with the capital handed over to the invaders on a silver platter. On the other hand, Lords Mi Saeng and Ha Jong, both members of the Royal Inspectorate and loyal supporters of Lord Bidam, urged Her Majesty to evacuate the capital as soon as possible. Their argument was that evacuating the Queen would secure her from immediate capture should the capital be inevitably penetrated by enemy forces. The Queen patiently listened to the suggestions put forth by the two camps but in the end, her dedication to her troops won out making her refuse Bidam's proposal entirely. She declared that it was a cowardly move and would do nothing but dishearten the people. And so, Bidam was left with the dilemma of convincing Her Majesty to accede to his proposal.
When Bidam arrived at the Palace, he was immediately escorted to the Queen's receiving room where he found her sitting at her desk, going over several documents. Although he knew that she was already aware of his presence, she refused to look up from her papers. Her cold gesture told him that she was not in a very congenial mood. Yet he could feel no animosity towards her for he saw the tell-tale signs of the strain of the war with Baekje. The dark circles under her eyes also told him that the war was beginning to take its toll on her and that she had not been sleeping well lately either. A sudden desire to protect her welled up within his breast and he became even more determined to make her see the wisdom of his plan.
"Your Majesty, shall I go over my contingency plan again?" he asked after taking a seat directly before her.
"I will not leave Seorabol," the Queen said, her voice betraying the irritation she felt at Bidam's insistence. Turning from her papers, she looked up sharply at him and said, "However, I would like you to escort Lord Chun Chu to Yul Po Heon so that if worse comes to worst and the capital indeed falls into enemy hands he would still be able to lead our remaining forces in our campaign to regain it."
Her words, though logical and filled with good intention, frustrated Bidam. It also gave him the impression that what the Queen really feared was the possibility that he would seize control of the capital once she and Lord Chun Chu had been whisked away to a safe location. He felt that the real reason for the Queen's reluctance to leave the capital was her suspicion of his real motives. Her reaction to his proposal implied that she did not believe that what he was doing was really for her own protection but rather borne out of a desire to be hailed as a hero.
"Are you afraid that I will seize control of Silla? Don't you really trust me anymore?" he quietly asked, his voice cracking with emotion.
"It's not that," the Queen answered, averting her eyes.
"Then why can't you look at me when you say it? Have you forgotten that I am the person who brought about Mishil's death? Have you forgotten that I drove my own mother to her death? For your sake!" he cried.
The Queen quickly turned to him, clearly hurt and upset by his words, her eyes flashing venom and boring into his very soul.
"Are you now blaming me for that? Are you beginning to resent me for what you've done?" she replied.
Bidam was taken aback by her answer. Her words stung him and painfully he realized that he was no longer speaking with the Deokman he once knew.
"You have changed. When I first met you I had tried to turn you over to your enemies in exchange for medicine. Instead of hating me for such a deed you even thanked me. I was not aware of your reasons, then, but it did not matter for that was the first time that anyone had ever thanked me. That was the first time that someone had not reprimanded or blamed me for my actions," he paused and took a deep breath, dying slowly inside.
He could never forget the first time that he met the young princess and for him, it did not seem that long ago; in fact, it still felt like it happened only yesterday.
It all began fourteen years ago when a mysterious plague had been ravaging several of the remote villages just north of the capital. Medication was scarce and most of the seriously ill were either abandoned by their families or were already the last living member of theirs. He and his master, Geokson Munno, were just passing through the village but since the Geokson was quite knowledgeable in rare diseases, he took it upon himself to care for the neglected sick and the dying. Several days after their arrival at the village, Munno instructed Bidam to gather as much wild ginger root as he could from the surrounding forest. He was told that it was the primary ingredient in the concoction needed to cure the rare disease. Bidam searched the surrounding forests and gathered as much as he could find. It turned out, however, that the much sought-after herb had already been harvested by the local apothecaries. After failing to gather the required quantity he had no choice but to seek the village merchants who were apparently hoarding the highly in-demand ingredient.
And so it was that while he was pleading with an extremely difficult merchant for the medicinal herbs that he was forcibly taken by a group of men, whose leader, he later learned, was no other than the much-feared Lord Seolwon, Silla's Minister of Defence and Lady Mishil's[1] right-hand man. Upon reaching the Minister's temporary headquarters, Lord Seolwon's aide told the Minister that he had heard Bidam say to the merchant that he was one of the last remaining residents of the ill-fated village and so he surmised that Bidam might know of the presence of the persons they were pursuing. The Minister, after learning of his predicament with the herbs then promised to give him whatever he needed if he helped in getting hold of two fugitives, a young man dressed in a Nangdo[2] or Army Trainee outfit and his companion, a runaway officer of the King's army.
From the Minister's description of the wanted men, Bidam concluded that the men they were seeking were the same ones he had helped escape from a group of armed men the day before. Little did he know that the young man was actually the long-lost princess of Silla, disguised as a man. But because of his desire to get hold of the herbs, he decided to help the Minister. He surmised that the lives of two hundred people who would be saved by the medicinal herbs the Minister promised to give him for his services far outweighed the fate of the condemned men. After striking a bargain with Lord Seolwon, and after being told that the Minister was really only after the young man, he immediately went back to the village to look for them. In order to get the young man alone, he tricked and incarcerated Yushin, Deokman's companion, and self-appointed protector, in an old cell inside an abandoned prison camp. He then tied Deokman, whom he only saw as an unfortunate "young man", to an ancient Yew tree inside the camp. He expected the young man to fight him nail and tooth but was bewildered when Deokman, instead of getting angry at him, calmly accepted "his" fate and even thanked him for his kindness when he brought them their food.
Deokman's demeanor disturbed him and caused him to have second thoughts about his deal with Seolwon. However, his need for the herbs was more urgent and so he brushed aside his apprehensions and escorted the young man to Minister Seolwon the very next day. After surrendering his prisoner to the minister, he went back to Munno and presented him with the herbs that he received as payment for the capture of Deokman. His doubts, however, would not leave him in peace and so he confessed to his Master what he had done to get hold of the herbs. The older man rebuked him for his callousness, telling him that he did not have the right to sacrifice the life of one man even if his intentions were noble. And so, with a palpable sense of dread aggravating his guilt, he went after the Minister's entourage and risked his own life in rescuing the young princess whom he had inadvertently betrayed. He had no idea that that single decision would change his life forever. He never even imagined that from that moment on, he would never be the same again.
Pulling his thoughts away from his sordid past, he turned back to the young Queen before him as, with a voice barely hiding his pain, he continued, "You were the only one who looked at me differently. What other people called insolence, you called confidence. What the world saw as cruelty, you called courage. What everyone saw as vile underhanded tricks, you called brilliant strategy and on the day that Lady Mishil killed herself[3] and I had admitted to you that she was the mother who had abandoned me as a baby; the mother who never even acknowledged me as her son, you did not condemn me but instead embraced me and comforted me."
"Stop it! I don't want to listen to this anymore!" the Queen said, turning away from Bidam. Bidam, however, could not help but voice his despair.
"So, why do you question my motives now? Why then is my sincerity suddenly regarded as just a ruse to take control of Silla? Why is my genuine desire to protect you so unbelievable? Are you now so oblivious to my true feelings? Have you really changed that much?" he cried, the agony of his soul overpowering the last vestiges of his self-control.
Unable to take the pain that was gripping his heart Bidam did not wait for the Queen to answer but instead hastily stood up and fled the room.
The Queen, startled by the intensity of Bidam's words, remained seated at her desk, feeling more confused than ever. Strangely, she understood the anguish that plagued the man. She and Bidam, both having been raised outside Seorabol and unaccustomed to palace life naturally gravitated towards each other. They were both strangers to the politics of the palace and they found comfort in each other's company. She recalled the countless times that Bidam had been at her side. She remembered how he had been there to unquestioningly support her in her bid to reclaim her place as the long-lost daughter of the King after her twin sister Chong Myeong had been assassinated. She remembered how he had risked his life countless times in her arduous journey to re-establish the political clout of the Royal Family and gain the throne. She remembered how after she had been finally recognized as Princess and had returned to the Palace, he brought her wildflowers that he had picked along the way only because he thought it was her birthday.
Having lived most of her life disguised as a man, she never had much chance to act like a girl and it was the first time she had ever received flowers from anyone. Even Yushin, after confessing his deep feelings for her, never did that. It was a simple gesture that had made such a deep impression in her heart.
She remembered how Bidam came to rescue her when she bravely went back to the Palace to face the false charges that Lady Mishil had fabricated to discredit her, how he held her trembling hands after she had, as a young princess struggling to impose her authority, unwillingly executed the rebellious farmers she had entrusted with their own farmlands, how he had always come running to her side to comfort her whenever she felt like crumbling from the pressures of her position, how he would crack jokes and act silly just to make her laugh and forget all her worries, how he had always been there to sit quietly beside her and make her feel human again.
All of a sudden, the Queen felt a deep longing for the Bidam she once knew; and just right then she realized just how much she really needed him. Slowly, she picked up the contingency plan Bidam had drawn up and slowly read it with new eyes.
[1]Lady Mishil was the leader of the Royal Family's strongest opposing clan. She was the Keeper of the Royal Seal and had used her influence to manipulate the royal courtiers. Her ultimate goal had been to wrest the Crown from the King and proclaim herself as Supreme Ruler of Silla.
[2] Hwarang (officer of the Royal Army) trainee
[3]Lady Mishil, in a desperate last-ditch effort to wrest the throne from the King, instigated a coup d'etat and captured the fortress outside Seorabol. When the coup failed, she sequestered herself inside the fortress and killed herself by taking poison. It was rumored that it was actually Bidam's threat to reveal Lady Mishil's secret that actually pushed her to commit the fatal act.