A/N: This is sort of an AU, so of course, it's before Barney gets someone pregnant, and before Ellie ever comes into existence. I don't plan on adding her to the story but send me some thoughts on it! Please don't forget to review, fav and follow!
Rule no. 1
"Alright, rule numero uno to staying friends with an ex-" Barney starts, as the pair stroll back to the party, Robin's pumps swinging by the straps in her hand. The heel gets caught in the momentum in Barney's pocket, tugging his slacks down a bit. She notices he's lost a bit of weight, because all his suits had been specifically tailored to him. She wonders if he ever starved himself out of longing, or pain, and dismisses it. Robin would probably die before admitting it, but the man was indeed, the most awesome person ever.
Barney turns, grin smug and wide, clicking his tongue."Already trying to get back into my pants, Scherbatsky?" he playfully jeers, wiggling his brows.
"You wish." She retorts, rolling her eyes, but fighting a smile for the fifth time tonight. She doesn't want to think of the effect her ex husband still has on her. It's unsettling really. That's all.
Barney clears his throat uncomfortably, and stretches the tie around his collar, loosening it a bit. Maybe he does, she hopes, a tiny part of her deep down, hopes he still does want to get into her pants. She gets another whiff of his cologne and all the while wondering if he's atleast feeling a little awkward.
"You look really nice tonight." He says, and he sounds sincere, and for some reason, it makes her heart flutter.
"Don't i always?" She snorts instead. Never let your weakness show, Scherbatsky. He hahs, but doesn't rally back.
"Wanna pretend like we're angry divorced people who want to get laid to make their ex jealous?" Barney perks up, adjusting his cuffs.
She guffaws.
"Too soon?" He asks, chuckling. She shrugs loosely.
"I don't know. I mean, i don't know how this works. Post divorce friendship. It's weird, but weird good, you know? I guess, at some point- we could beat the system-"
Robin is highly aware she's rambling, and it feels alot like word vomit is going to be a thing around him now, and she wants him to do something to shut her up.
If they were still married, he'd kiss her, she thinks. Its only a fleeting thought.
But he shoves his hands in his pockets, kicks the dirt in the ground and listens, a small smirk on his face, and it doesn't feel like they're friends for a second. Friend Barney would never listen. The constant reminder that things aren't the same keep ringing like an alarm. But you can turn alarms off. She snoozes her doubts.
They're almost at the entrance again, when Robin's phone buzzes from a random place. She flits her eyes back and forth before she reaches into the dip of her dress and pulls it out. She hears Barney's vague strangled choke and a leering "Scherbatsky" which she chooses to ignore as she hits accept.
"This is Robin Scherbatsky, WWN lead news anchor, how can i help you?"
It's only a lower news channel trying to pass off some of their interns onto the show, and Robin has to switch on her charm and by the end of the call, she's gotten them to take three of her worst interns, and taken one of their best. She gets off the phone only once they're back at the table, and Barney's looking at her with some sort of admiration.
"Impressive, dude. I didn't know you were such a wolf." He says, flicking a table napkin at her.
Its not even that big a deal really, she wants to say. The channel wasn't huge and the managers were gullible. But she likes the praise. Hasn't gotten the praise, in a really really long time.
After all these emotions though, she's more than a little hungry, and more than happy to find a plate of gouda and fruits. Did Marshall plan the menu?
Ted's at the table now, jostling around the flower arrangement, kissing his newly wed wife, and having the best day of his life. It suddenly strikes her she's made this day about her, and it's not.
"Teddy boy! It's your wedding day! Your story's finally complete." She ribs, raising her flute of champagne toward him. Tracy laughs. "Oh i don't think so." She scoffs "This one's got alot of stories up his sleeve." She pokes him with a perfectly manicured finger and he laughs and kisses her again, splaying his fingers across her cheek. Robin looks at Barney in the moment and her chest feels a little hollow again. She ignores it again.
Dances happen, music plays, cakes are smashed and eaten, and its almost two am. Lily and Marshall have already left to relieve the babysitter, and Ted and Tracy manage to sneak off to the nearest broom closet, with Barney singing 'bangity bang' as the two speed up. He laughs, flapping his tie and scraping the chair closer to the table. The buzz of music and thrumming happiness fades, and all that's left are the two of them. She's starting to get sober again, and the waiters seem to be sparse and nowhere near her table.
"McLarens?" She says
"So-i should um-" he says, over her. He panics, waving his hands.
"No, no, no, i just, thought it'd be awkward to -um, stay." He admits sheepishly, rubbing his hand behind his neck.
"No no no no no no no no no no no no no no no-" She pooh poohs, leaning back and trying to be casual.
"One more and i'll believe you." He says, lifting his scotch up to his lips.
"No." She says, warmly.
"Well, no means no, so that means you've officially got me for the night!" He exclaims, and his face falls as he realises the content of what he's said.
"You know that's not what I-"
"I know." She laughs, and he suggests it again with a 'but' and a shit eating grin and its returned with a swift kick to his shin under the table.
They can do normal. Or whatever this is. They've done it a thousand times.
She whips out her phone to send a text to Ted, telling them she'll see them tomorrow, and to 'tap that good' . She makes sure to read it aloud to Barney and he laughs and high fives her in approval.
He offers her a hand as they're getting up and she thinks its a welcome into this new friendship. Grabbing it, is a symbol. God, Ted is turning her into a sap, who believes in stupid fate and dumb miracles.
As the two walk down towards the main entrance again, he turns to face her again.
"Robin. This is awesome. Like, legendary, awesome, cool, incredible. That's we're friends again. And, i promise, i'm notice gonna mess it up again." Barney promises, in a very un Barney way. Over the years, she's seen sincere Barney make an appearance very rarely, and it stuns her every single time. Sometimes she forgets the man's not a robot.
"Way to lay on the cheese, dude." Robin says, throwing her hands up in defense.
Barney winces. "Ech, i'm catching the Ted bug. Come on, let's get outta here."
He pulls her by the arm and they both walk towards his limo.
"It's gonna be great, two bros, out on the town again, painting it a cooler colour than red, because red is so last year, and -"
God, he's annoying right now and she's trying. She's really trying.
"Oh, what the hell."
"What?" She kisses him.
Two hours later
"People backslide all the time." Barney comments, breathing heavily. The ceiling looks incredibly interesting right now. Did he always have those lamps? Maybe he should consider getting LED's. You know, to save the environment.
"Yeah." Robin breathes. He watches her brush the hair out of her face and twiddle her thumbs.
" I just didn't expect it to happen so soon." He chuckles, sliding under the covers toward her.
She whips her head around, confused.
"What?"
He contorts his face in a 'come on' way.
"Robin Robin Robin, one of the rules of being divorced in the modern day is that you always, always backslide." He says, moving his finger about like he's a professor.
She wants to argue, and she's always hated proving Barney right but he has an incredibly fair point right there.
"You're thinking about how i'm right, right?" He asks, grin firmly in place. She hits his face with a pillow.
He rubs his nose and pouts like a child as she climbs out from under the maroon silk. Her dress is crumpled under a chair in the room, and as she bends down to pick it up, she can feel a pair of eyes burn a hole through her ass. She looks up in a huff.
He looks thoroughly unashamed to be caught, and this feels all too familiar too soon. A wave of unwanted emotions wash over.
"So" she starts, "This is how it goes. We're friends from here on out, right?"
He's got a pair of boxers on now, and she's grateful because it's way less distracting.
"Right. Another rule of divorce, never backslide into another backslide." He points out, and damn it, has she known him for so long that his theories started making sense?
"Okay, so i'm gonna-"
Okay, here comes the awkward phase
"-but, see you at the bar tonight?" She doesn't want to notice how hopeful he sounds.
"Yeah." She nods. She's almost out the door when he speaks again.
"Hey Robin? Everyone's going to be really happy you're back."
Sincere Barney's back. She smiles, turned away from him. Her hand is on the handle.
"Also Robin?"
"Hm?"
"Relapse-five!"
She slams the door.