I wrote this a while back, thought I would share it. If you like it that's great! I've been thinking about writing a story around it. I've drafted the events leading up to this scene, and have some idea of where it will go from here.
Part II
~~~~~~~ The Lake ~~~~~~~
Serena stood at the edge of the lake staring down into it. Each ripple of the water flashed a different image to her. Flashes of rejection, loneliness, and her own unworthiness intensified with every moment. As the first rolls of thunder began overhead, her mind rose out of its haze of sadness long enough to recognize the fittingness of the weather towards her current state of mind. The images were now punctuated with harsh words and accusations which only pressed her deeper into her depression. The first drops of rain began, heavy and cold. They flattened her hair to her face and made her jacket weigh heavily on her shoulders. As the weight became unbearable, she pulled off the jacket and let it fall onto the increasingly muddy bank of the lake. The lack of jacket allowed her a temporary illusion of lightness, but then the rain simply soaked through her sweater as well. More images flashed as her tears mingled with the drops of rain splashing the surface of the lake.
He'll never want me.
Why would he?
There are so many other women out there for him.
More beautiful women.
Smarter. More talented. More Desirable women.
The truth of these thoughts was too strong for her to push off, and she sank to her knees in the mud on the side of the pool, pressing her eyes closed to the image of him with another girl.
Why did I let myself believe that he would ever care about me? He never gave any indication of affection or feeling of any sort. Indeed he had made it clear that only the opposite was the case.
But I let myself get carried away with dreams and half-believed hopes that perhaps he was lying when he said all those mean things about her. I let my self hope that he might, maybe, despite all odds against it, harbor some sort of unacknowledged feelings towards me.
She pressed her hands into the earth as the lightning flashed the image of her, laughing at something he'd said and pressing farther into his embrace. The image was inscribed against her eyelids which were still tightly shut. She was too upset to even be afraid of the storm. The thing that terrified her most in the world was nothing to the heartbreak she felt at his dismissive glance, at the way that he had not even acknowledged that she was a person who might have been affected by his kind words to any but herself.
He will never love me.
The thought struck her into a completely clear state of mind. She was hyper aware of each thunderously loud beat of her heart and of each breath that tore through her chest.
She realized, in this new-found state of a silent mind, that she was in fact covered in mud, soaked through, and kneeling at the edge of a most appealing lake.
She removed her shoes and socks which were too muddy and wet to be any sort of use. Her sweater came off too, as it's collar was clinging around her neck and making her claustrophobic. She stood, at the edge of the lake, staring at her reflection wearing only her tank top she wore as undershirt and her jeans.
She walked a short way around the lake, until she stood on a ledge that hung out several feet over the water, to where the water was so deep she could not see the bottom anymore. As another flash of lightning impressed her loneliness upon her she dove into the water, seeking something to wash herself clean of her illusions. As she slid beneath the waters, the option of letting the waters envelope her, and to simply cease caring occurred to her, but was dismissed before the thought was finished. She had very few strengths, she knew, but the one of which she was most confident was her desire to keep going. Others may have chosen to fall into the waters and sink to their depths, but she knew that she would always swim back to the surface, always pull herself back up. As she lay on her back in the water, allowing the rain to strike her face, she sank into a calmer, more meditative state than she had been on the lake's shore, allowing the thoughts to filter through her, but refusing to let the emotions drown her again.
She swam like this throughout the duration of the storm, time moving forward unnoticed by her except by the strokes of her arm which propelled her lazily around the lake. All of the sadness which had earlier seemed inescapable she sealed up inside her until they were minimized to barely existing. Only the occasional tear proved the fact that she still felt as terrible as before, that she felt anything at all. Dimly the sound of her communicator reached her from the shore where she had left it in the pocket of her sweater. Finally she recovered from her reflections and slogged out of the cold water. By now the rain had mostly ceased, and she was at the far end of the lake, far from where her jacket, sweater, and shoes lay discarded.
She had walked half the way to her things when she sensed it. She stopped walking and stood, quite still, for a few seconds, before taking a deep breath and continuing forward again. Her focus never wavered from straight in front of her.
Serena had always had been able to sense when people she cared about were near. If blindfolded in a crowd, she could walk unerringly towards the loved one she sought and lay a hand on their shoulder without any doubt in their location.
This night was no different, and she knew the moment his journey brought him to the edge of the trees on the opposite shore of the lake. She knew he stood there, watching her, as she forced herself to keep walking, and knew when he began walking a parallel pattern towards her destination.
She considered, briefly, the option of leaving her things where they were and putting off the conversation she knew had to come now that he had seen her at this moment of unshielded weakness, but the thought of her communicator and the scolding which would accompany leaving it behind made her shrug off this thought as well. She squared her shoulders, rather than letting them droop as she may have done for many a more trivial dilemma.
His pace was quicker, and he rounded the lake before she did. He stood, a short distance away from her belongings, quietly contemplating the girl walking towards him.
He had been walking home from the arcade when the thought occurred to him to take a shortcut through the park to get home. It had already been raining for quite some time, and he didn't want to be walking through the rain any longer than he had to be. When he got close to the lake in the middle of the park, he became aware that something was out of place, and as he stepped out of the trees and up to the lake's shore he realized that 'something' was the figure of a petite girl standing on the opposite shore. As he stared at this phenomenon she began walking. He took in her soaked clothing, and the way her hair was drenched and clinging to her face and shoulders. He looked around the bank of the lake, looking for any reason for her to be walking around the park like this during one of the heaviest rainstorms of the year. He spotted a pile of clothing at a point about halfway around the lake between them, and his mind told him that this must be her destination.
Darien's feet took him towards that place without a conscious order from his mind. He stood there, staring at the mud covered sweater and shoes for a moment before looking up again at the girl who walked towards him. Her jeans were completely soaked through, and her tank top as well. As she got closer, he noticed the goosebumps on her arms and slight blue tinge to her lips which she either did not notice or care to acknowledge with shivering.
"Serena?" He asked as she knelt to gather her clothes into her arms. "What..." He broke off. She rose to her feet; her clothes now neatly folded in her arms, and raised her eyes to his.
"What are you doing?" He completed the question.
"Nothing." She said quietly. He noticed her hands grip more tightly to her belongings, but no other feature of her moved even the tiniest bit.
"Why are you out here in the rain?" He asked. "You're completely soaked Serena. You look as though you fell in the lake!" He found himself angry with her, although he did not know why. It was true that he and Serena weren't on the best of terms, but he'd never gotten the impression that she would disregard her own self in such a manner as to jeopardize her health in this way.
Her eyes flashed at his words, and he saw an anger behind them, quite different from the usual glares he got from his teasing or mean words. Her eyes seemed almost to harden from a deep crystalline blue to the coldest shade of grey he had ever seen. Something was different about this girl right now, a detached part of his mind realized. Something about her had changed, and he wished, though he didn't know why, for her to return to the way she had been earlier in the day.
His words stung Serena, as hard as she tried to not let them. His questions sparked a hope that he cared about her, out in a storm unprotected from the elements. But then she became angry with herself and remembered the earlier scene that had caused her flight from the arcade. She berated herself for allowing such a hope to be created from such a question anyone would ask. The inner turmoil from the day's events began to rise back to the surface.
"So what Darien!? So what if I'm out in the rain? So what if I'm completely soaked? What would that matter to you!?" She had thrown her clothes back down to the ground, and took a step towards him, gesturing wildly with her arms. "It isn't as if you had ever cared about me." She practically hissed the last. She continued to glare at him for a moment more before turning to pick up her things again.
"Serena, I just..." Darien began, but she cut him off.
"You just don't know Darien alright?" She turned back to facing him. "You are quite happy in your own, self-centered world, without a care in the world to be given to paying attention to the things which go on around you." He opened his mouth to protest, but she silenced him again. "Darien it's okay, alright?" She almost shouted. "You're allowed to be the way you are! You haven't done anything wrong! I'm the one who's been swimming around in the lake during the thunderstorm not you! There's nothing here you need to concern yourself with!" She was shouting now, and backing away from him. The swelling emotions threatening to overtake her again were stressing a need to put distance between herself and him. Immediately. She sought for a way to make him leave and not connect her being in such a state to himself.
"I'm just on my way home in fact, so really there's nothing to worry about." She turned and began to walk back to the trees in a direction that would take her back to the street. She forced herself to walk at a normal pace, determined not to give herself away by running, sobbing back to her house as her body was screaming for her to do.
She continued to walk, at that desperately controlled pace, all the way to the sidewalk, where she stood for a moment, her eyes pressed shut, and breathing deeply.
It was over she knew. Her goal of achieving his notice, which had been a pursuit of hers for the past several months, could be let go. As she felt him finally stirring from his shocked state of immobility on the side of the lake her resolve crumbled and she began to run down the sidewalk towards her home. She would have to behave the same as always, she knew; at the risk of someone discovering her longing should she be different now. She would have to force herself to continue to see him; no matter how painful it was, knowing that he would not care for her in any manner exceeding a slightly hostile acquaintance.
And, although she hated herself for thinking it, and only forced herself to run harder in the anger which resulted from it, the thought came unbidden to her that nothing is set in stone, and if she worked hard enough at it she may still have a small hope.
This hope, and her self disgust in her inability to banish it, kept her running all the way home, and enabled her to keep her face dry as she went inside with plans of reforming herself into someone worth caring for.
Unknown to her, the man with dark hair stood watching her run down the sidewalk towards her home, his deep blue eyes deep with concern for the young women whom he could tell was hurting. Darien didn't know why Serena was upset, but he resolved to tread carefully around her emotions for a short while to keep from causing any additional stress. He didn't know why the sight of her so forlorn and unprotected from the elements had affected him so much, and he pondered the memory the rest of the way home. His last thought, as he entered his apartment, was that he wished he had had an umbrella he could have offered her.