Meredith POV
Meredith checked herself in her bathroom mirror as she put on her makeup she winked at her reflection and felt bold enough to take on the world. A knock on the apartment door reached her ears and looking over herself one more time she ran as quickly as she could in her expensive shoes to open the front door she stared at her two friends Arizona and Callie who just stared back at her. "Hey" Meredith said chuckling, "do you want to take a picture of me or are we ready to hit the town?"
"Where did you get that dress?" Callie said looking up and down Meredith's favourite black one piece attire.
"I've had it for so long I can't remember where I got it."
Arizona looked sideways at the love of her life hanging on her arm, "you know honey you should get a dress like that."
"If it would make you happy" Callie said licking her lips at Arizona before kissing her this went on for a good ten seconds before they broke apart for air and Arizona kissed the tip of Callie's nose. "It would make me feel more than just happy" Arizona whispered seductively.
Meredith looked at her shoes and Arizona spotting Meredith's face out of the corner of her eye gently nudged her girlfriend in the ribs, "Callie I think we're making our new friend feel uncomfortable."
Callie smiled apologetically and then she narrowed her eyes as she looked once more at Meredith's dress, "I suppose I shouldn't say I was wishing you were gay right about now"
Meredith felt like stepping back into her apartment and closing the door, "what does that mean?" she said nervously to Callie.
"Well I was having a fantasy the other night which stared me... my gorgeous Arizona and well..."
"Okay i'm sorry to say it I am feeling a bit uncomfortable...well actually more than a bit could we please."
"Sorry Meredith" Arizona said she gently squeezed Callie's but and then breathed out, "we won't have any more dirty sexy gay talk tonight I promise."
At the foundation nightclub
Izzie walked up to where Meredith was drinking a cocktail and sighed, "you know Meri you might not have noticed it but there has been at least twenty dudes checking you out from the moment you set foot in this nightclub."
Meredith couldn't help but smile at the compliment, "I didn't really notice."
"And you haven't allowed one of them to buy you a drink."
"I don't like people I don't know buying things for me it makes me feel greedy."
"Meredith" Izzie said tapping her hands on her own bare knees, "i've often wondered why you are single."
"Izzie could we not-"
"Now I think I know why, it's because you're too nice."
Meredith stared at the significant amount of fluid left in her alcoholic drink that she hadn't drank in the last ten minutes feeling like she somehow didn't belong in the nightclub, "i'm not...am I?" she said.
"A hot woman like you should have no trouble getting laid." Meredith turned away in embarrassment as Izzie leaned in grinning like a teenager, "but because you are constantly acting like the perfect kindergarten teacher."
"Izzie it's just because I don't want to get involved with someone who only cares about the way a woman looks, I want someone who will love me for who I am."
"Well how will you ever find your prince if you don't give any of the frogs a chance you know just kiss them until one of them turns into the man of your dreams its simple isn't it?"
Meredith had an image of herself smooching green frogs and she shuddered, Izzie noticing her reaction leaned back on the barstool and looked at the dg as he started up a new track. "Okay i'll give it a rest" she said, "I just want to see my friend happy with a dude that's all."
"I'm not your only friend Izzie who isn't with a dude what about Callie and Arizona they're happy right?"
Izzie glanced at the two of them moving intimately together in the middle of the dance floor and she snorted, "those two might as well have signs on their backs saying we're gay get used to it. I knew them for twenty minutes before they told me they were in a relationship with each other."
"It's nice that they're so close."
"Yeah I suppose it is."
"Speaking of which" Meredith shuffled closer to Izzie with a bit of a grin on her face, "how is your love life going?"
"It's going fine thank you for asking" Izzie said simply.
"Well you know it would be better if you went around and did a bit of kissing of your own you see the good looking guy to your left trying to get your attention."Meredith watched her friend turn her head in the direction Meredith was pointing, "go for it girl you know be happy with a dude give the frogs a chance."
"Oh ha ha" Izzie said sarcastically, "but seriously if you're not at least talking to someone who isn't wearing high heels by the time I get back i'm taking some serious action." She straighten her shoulders before walking over to speak to the guy eyeing her and Meredith smiled as she sipped her drink and watched Callie and Arizona walking outside hand in hand. Maybe I do need to get out there she thought to herself, I saw a gorgeous guy at work today and what did I do I got his head squished in an elevator.
Derek POV
Derek was lying in his bed sound asleep until the sound of crying interrupted his dreams, he quickly shot out of bed put on a pair of pants as fast as he could manage in his half awake state and then he ran to the kids' bedroom and opened the door. He saw Josh crying in his bed and Cecilia hugging her brother.
"Josh" Derek said with rapid breath, Cecilia turned her head, "daddy Josh had another nightmare." Derek nodded as he walked over and took Josh in his arms and rubbed his back until Josh hiccupped and stared at Derek, "hey little buddy do you know where you are" Derek whispered.
"In a dark place" Josh said Derek turned on Cecilia's fairy lamp, "okay now where do you think you are?"
Josh looked around the room at his sister and then at his daddy, "home i'm home."
"That's right... okay now i'm going to get you some milk and then all three of us will tell those nightmares to go away and stay away."
"They never listen to you daddy" Cecilia said as she hopped out into the hallway, "they keep coming back."
"Well we'll just keep trying Cecilia" Derek said as he bounced Josh gently on his hip. "I wish I didn't have nightmares" Josh whispered. Derek rubbed his head gently, "I wish you didn't have nightmares either mate but everyone has nightmares, it's just something we got to live with."
"Daddy do you have nightmares?" Cecilia asked as Derek put Josh down in the kitchen and opened up the fridge door, "I have a lot of nightmares Cecilia."
"Who comes to tell your nightmares to go away?" Cecilia whispered.
Derek poured a glass of milk and Josh started to drink it he then smiled at his daughter, "I just say it to myself and hope for the best."
Josh looked up at Derek from his glass, "so I should tell myself not to have nightmares and then they will disappear dad?"
"That's a good idea Josh."
"Should I do that too Daddy." Derek turned his gaze to Cecilia, "when you have nightmares yes, but you never have nightmares."
"I have dreams that are sad does that count?"
"What dreams are those" Derek said as he bended down to Cecilia's level to look her in the eye.
Cecilia looked at her hands before looking up slowly into Derek's eyes, "I dream I have a mommy."
"A mommy?" Derek whispered.
"A mommy who is really beautiful and has eyes that sparkle who loves me and Josh and who also loves my daddy too. I'm always really happy when I dream about her but then I wake up and i'm sad that's she gone."
Derek nodded slowly with wide caring eyes, "do you remember when I told you about your mother how she is in heaven the happiest place on earth."
Cecilia nodded, "even though we can't see her or hear her or hug her she is always watching over us."
"Yeah so you do have a mommy who loves both of you she's just like the wind even though you might be not be able to see her it doesn't mean she isn't there." Cecilia nodded sadly Derek gave her a hug and kissed her cheek and Josh finished his milk, "daddy can we stay in your bed tonight?" Josh asked.
"Josh you know why you can't do that."
"Because we're not allowed unless we're really scared" Josh said. "Like really really scared" Cecilia added.
"It's because you need to sleep without my help, because some day you two will be so big there won't be enough room in my bed for the three of us you two will squish me." Cecilia smirked at Derek's comment.
"And because my bed is lonely without me" Josh said with wide eyes.
"That's also true."
"What if Josh has more nightmares" Cecilia pointed her finger at Derek, "what will you the daddy do then?"
Derek casually shrugged his shoulders, "well then i'll get him more milk."
"What if we run out of milk?" Cecilia said putting her hands on her hips.
"Well then Josh will be on the toilet all night from drinking all that milk he won't get to sleep."
Cecilia laughed "your funny daddy."
"I know that's one of my good points." Derek picked up both of his children in his arms, "anyway the daddy says that the kids need some sleep" as he walked upstairs and tucked his two kids into their beds. He leaned in close to Josh and whispered, "listen Josh if you have any more nightmares tonight you can sleep in my bed."
"Can I as well?" Cecilia said.
"As long as you don't hide under the bed and jump out to surprise me when I get up tomorrow morning."
"I won't "Cecilia said smirking, "it isn't that funny when I do it twice."
"Yeah i'm sure it isn't" Derek said sarcastically before kissing his kids foreheads, "goodnight guys I love you very much."
"Love you too daddy" Josh said smiling.
"What you said times two" Cecilia replied.
Derek smiled and left the room Cecilia looked at the bedroom door and started to wish like she did every night that a mommy would come into the room and smile before kissing her and her brother goodnight. She waited and waited and wished over and over in her heart with her eyes closed and her tiny palms clasped together she opened her eyes and nobody was there. Cecilia looked at her sleeping brother and at the glow in the dark stickers on the bedroom ceiling as a tear slowly slid down her pale cheek, "I wish I had a real mommy" she whispered.
Meredith POV
It was morning the very next day and Meredith was already exhausted she had came home very late from the nightclub because Izzie has stayed true to her word and had gotten Meredith to dance with at least five different men she couldn't remember exactly how many blokes Izzie had invited over to chat Meredith up. Meredith hadn't been interested in any of them she had just wanted a chance to escape which finally happened when Izzie went to the club's bathroom and Meredith pulling away from the man who in her opinion was only looking to get into her pants quickly ran for the exit.
She had come in early to try and cement her place in her supervisor's good books and finish her first week on a good note. As soon as she walked through the entrance doors of Seattle Grace hospital she saw the same gorgeous man she had seen yesterday walking out of the day care unit of the hospital several meters ahead of her. She quickly brushed her hair with her hands and started to walk quickly in the hope that she would catch Derek, walk by his side and then he would notice her and they could have another conversation which would be hopefully much more interesting than the last one they had. Meredith walked quickly then she heard the sound her high heeled shoes were making on the tiles and she stopped not wanting Derek to notice her by turning around to see what was making that noise she wanted to do this as casually as possible. She slipped off her shoes and with one free hand carrying them she walked quickly hoping to walk beside Derek hoping to catch his eye and talk with him hoping to... that was as far as she got as she tripped over her own long stockings and fell in a heap onto the shiny floor. She stared facedown at the clean tiles her face burning like the sun and then she felt two strong gentle hands softly taking her arms and helping her to her feet she looked up at Derek trying her best to look calm and controlled and she saw Derek's handsome features twisted into a cross between concern and awkwardness. "Thank you" Meredith said quickly, "um it's a nice day isn't it."
"Yeah it is" Derek said looking at the rain outside the window, "I guess."
"Well...I got to go see you."
"Wait your shoes."
"Oh yeah um I was just, they're a bit uncomfortable thanks bye," Meredith grabbed her shoes and books from the floor before darting into the elevator at the end of the corridor not looking back. Could that have gone any worse she thought as she pushed a button with her back turned to Derek, as soon as the doors closed she slumped onto the floor and started to put her shoes on. She didn't know why she had been so confident yesterday and such a ditz today. She found herself reflecting back to when she had last behaved like that when she was a fourteen year old kid and had a crush on her high school science teacher who one day had accidently bumped into her in the middle of a playground because Meredith had been looking at a rainbow in the sky.
"Meredith pull yourself together remember last night, I should be putting myself out there more otherwise Izzie will never give me any privacy." She immediately felt guilty she felt like she was chasing after a guy who might not even want to be in a relationship because he was still emotionally attached to his ex wife not to mention his wife wouldn't approve that a woman was behaving like this around the father of her children. She had heard plenty of stories from articles on the internet how ill advised it was to pursue a relationship with a single parent there were so many complications involved.
Meredith finished putting on her shoes and rose to her feet trying to dismiss all of these thoughts that were swimming around in her brain, "get a grip Meredith this is just a normal reaction," and it was wasn't it thought Meredith doesn't every single woman have these thoughts when they want to talk to a dreamboat who is working in the same job. "That's it" Meredith said, "I just want to know more about him that's it, all of these silly thoughts don't mean anything I just want a new friend and that's it." The elevator doors opened and Meredith saw a confused woman outside the doors looking around. Meredith for the second time in five minutes felt highly embarrassed that her talking to herself was much louder that what she intended and she quickly flew out the doors.
She sat later in the cafeteria looking at the uneaten food on her tray trying not to think about her morning. She hadn't been able to concentrate on her work, she was distracted by the thoughts of the humiliating incident with Derek and she had been told to leave by her supervisor right in the middle of an operation. This was only Meredith's first week she wanted to finish on a good note not finish up getting into trouble with her supervisor this job meant the world to her she had worked so hard to get it. A thought in her head also told her that if she was let go from her job she would never see Derek again and her heart ached. She breathed out trying to calm herself, "there is just a few hours left Meredith" she said and then she realised she was talking to herself again and she put her forehead in the palms of her hands.
"You are one distracted surgeon" Meredith heard Cristina say as she sat down on the opposite side of the table.
"I can't believe I messed up like that, I mean I handed the supervisor a mouse mat when she asked me for a retractor."
"She thought it was funny Meredith."
"Great that's me, Meredith Grey the worst nurse."
"Surgeon sweetheart and a dam good one if you ask me." Meredith looked up from her lunch tray, "I told the other workers that you were just stressed from your first week and they understood. Your new here Meredith this takes some getting used to you weren't focused today that doesn't mean you'll get fired."
"Thanks Cristina I don't know why i'm like this."
"Well somebody told me you decided to run into the hospital without shoes this morning."
Meredith shot up like a rocket and started to wave her hands around in circles as her brain struggled to say something clever, "I was just taking them off because my stockings are too long and I wanted to pull them up."
Cristina giggled, "Derek was very concerned."
"Well" Meredith felt warm inside and she tried her best to ignore the feeling, "he seems like a nice guy."
"He's a very nice guy even if he isn't the best talker with the ladies."
"Yeah" Meredith said feeling a bit calmer, "I guess that's true does he always tell lame jokes when he meets someone new?"
"All the time and even when he knows you for a long time he still tells the same bad jokes."
"How long have you known him for?"
"A while for quite a few years actually we went to medical school together and we ended up here."
"That's a long time," Meredith said as she drank her water.
"Yeah I know him very well, for example I know when he has his eye on a special lady."
Meredith spluttered as the water in her mouth spilled onto the table she cried out and Cristina trying hard not to laugh handed her some paper towel. Meredith quickly wiped up the mess constantly saying sorry until she finished and sat back down on her chair wishing the floor underneath her would just swallow her up so she could be done feeling like an idiot for the day.
"Like I was saying he looked like he was on another planet when I saw him this morning and I haven't seen him look like that since the day he met Addison."
"His ex wife?"
"Ex wife?" Cristina said looking confused.
"Well didn't you say they were divorced?"
"No honey" Cristina leaned in close Meredith took the cue and edged closer listening intently. Cristina took a deep breath and whispered, "Addison died in a car accident three years ago."
Meredith stared straight ahead feeling her heart swell up with sorrow and guilt. "Meredith" Cristina whispered.
"Um I think I should go and get ready for the afternoon."
"Okay but Meredith-"
"Can we talk later?"
Cristina nodded quickly, "sure honey sure."
"Thank you" Meredith got up and walked out of the cafeteria feeling a new range of thoughts building inside her head she had never even stopped to consider if Derek was a widower and she didn't even care about what Cristina said about Derek having his eye on a woman. All she could think about was how sorry she felt for Derek and the pain he must have gone through and was more than likely still going through. "Meredith you should never have tried to mess him around like this" she said to herself.
A few hours later and Meredith with sheer grit and determination had made it through the day without any more huge blunders the supervisor had talked to her afterwards and assured her that she was not angry with her for her previous mistakes and that she had nothing to worry about. Meredith knew better than to assume that all was right with her job, she knew she was going to have to pull out all the stops to impress her workers next week. She checked over the things in her locker making sure her valuables weren't inside it and straightening out her clothes she walked out the door with the intention of going home to unwind but at that moment she saw somebody she wished she could get out of her head bending down to tie his shoelaces. Meredith thought about turning around and walking the other way then she bunched her fists up enough is enough she thought to herself. She walked over to Derek "hi" she whispered, Derek looked up into Meredith's eyes and Meredith felt her knees tremble, "thank you for helping me this morning" she blurted out.
Derek stood up and started to scratch the back of his head, "um yeah it was, I mean no problem your welcome."
Meredith relax she thought to herself, "seriously it was very nice of you and to say thank you for not laughing at me I was wondering if I could don't say buy you a coffee... but then again.
"Actually um" Derek said smiling nervously, "I got to pick up my kids they hate it when i'm late it's just cause they hate day care."
"It isn't as fun as the day care people say it is or."
Derek nodded, "I guess its cause they hate being stuck in there all day every day."
Meredith smiled widely, "it must be because they miss you terribly."
"Yeah I suppose" Meredith saw the man's face light up and she felt happier with herself that she was somewhat responsible for his mood lift. "Do you mind if I walk with you?" Meredith asked.
"Yeah sure I mean" Derek cleared his throat loudly and finished his sentence, "of course its fine."
Meredith just smiled warmly making someone feel better is never a bad thing. Meredith walked silently beside Derek until she decided that once again she would have to make the first move, "so have you always lived in Seattle?"
"I was born in New York and then I moved here when I grew up and I went to medical school. I'm guessing you know all of this from Cristina huh."
"She is very talkative which I love and she is someone who I would like to be good friends with."
"Well she's a great friend" Derek said Meredith saw him smiling presumably at the thought and her fondness of the man increased, "Derek if it's alright with you I would like to be your friend too," and something more than that no stop thinking these thoughts. "It's just that i'm new to Seattle and I have met a few friends in the hospital but you can never have too many friends."
"I would like that" Derek said simply stopping in his tracks to look at Meredith. Meredith noticed the lack of comfort in his eyes and she tried smiling as her way to make him feel more comfortable with her but all she could do was stare into them they were so warm and kind. Derek looked at his watch "shit um sorry I am just late."
"Sure no worries" Meredith muttered reluctantly stopping her view of Derek's face and resumed to walking beside him, she saw Derek looking even more uncomfortable than before no wonder he's so on edge Meredith he doesn't want you to see his kids maybe if you just walk out the door while he's distracted.
"Daddy your late again" a little girl's voice said.
"Sorry petal" Meredith saw a beautiful little girl and she stopped to watch her running towards her daddy she had long dark hair, eyes that Meredith assumed had been inherited from Addison and a pretty face with rosy cheeks and a smile showing several missing front teeth which made her in Meredith's firm opinion absolutely adorable. She watched her giving Derek a hug and her heart melted. "Josh" Derek called and Meredith's heart melted even more into gooey mush as a small boy with long dark hair and a face as cute as a button ran into Derek's embrace holding him with a large smile stretching from ear to ear. Meredith had seen them the day before walking along in the corridor but this was something else.
"Daddy can we have McDonalds again" the girl said.
"Cecilia do you remember the meal I prepared for us this morning?"
"But you are late" Cecilia replied frowning slightly with her arms crossed, "and the punishment is two happy meals with toys and chicken nuggets for the kids."
Derek rolled his eyes, "if I give you too much junk food you're going to end up like the neighbour's fat cat."
"Okay" Cecilia said sighing in defeat, "sorry Josh I tired."
"It's okay Cecilia" Josh said patting Cecilia on the shoulder.
"Yeah it's more than okay actually" Derek said grinning, "because vegetables are so tasty and good for you and-"
Cecilia stuck out her tongue and Josh laughed at her. Derek sniggered too before he stood up and reached for the children's hands, "okay you two ratbags we're going home."
"Daddy who's that" Josh said pointing at Meredith. Meredith realising there she had missed her chance to escape before the kids noticed her bent down and smiled warmly at the pair of them. Derek gave Meredith a look of appreciation and then he nodded down at his two children, "Meredith this is Josh my son and Cecilia my daughter, Cecilia and Josh this is Meredith she's a friend of mine from the hospital."
Meredith looked at the two children half expecting a response the other half of her knowing that they would probably just ignore her. The response from the boy was totally understandable he put his fingers in his mouth and walked behind Derek's legs. The girl's response was something out of the blue she just stared at Meredith with wide eyes and an open mouth as if Meredith was an alien from outer space.
"Well I think we should get going" Meredith saw Derek picking up his son and taking her daughter's hand and she looked up to wave goodbye at Derek. "Bye Meredith" Derek said before looking at his daughter, Cecilia we need to go." Cecilia just continued to stare at Meredith as still as a statue and Derek waved a hand in front of her face, "earth to Cecilia we need to go home." Cecilia just pointed at Meredith who felt the same uncomfortable feelings that had haunted her too many times today already returning. "Cecilia" Derek said firmly, "it's rude to stare and point at people now if we don't go home now you're getting a double serve of the veggies I have made." Cecilia at last nodded with her mouth still hanging open and walked backwards holding her daddy's hand staring at Meredith. Meredith stared back trying to smile at the little girl until she saw the family walk out the door and she closed her eyes trying to free her mind so she could finally stop thinking about Derek for the day.
Derek's POV
Derek put Josh into the car seat and then he turned to look at Cecilia still staring at the hospital, "okay magicians" Derek said sighing, "why did you put a spell on my daughter she's frozen stiff."
"Merrobut" the girl whispered.
"What" Derek said bewildered.
"Merrobut" the girl repeated.
"You mean Meredith Cecilia?"
"Merbastuff" the girl said trying to pronounce the name.
"Its Meredith Cecilia, the woman you just saw in the hospital."
Cecilia looked up at Derek with wide eyes, "is she a princess?"
"No she's a nurse."
"But she's so beautiful she must be a princess."
"Well last time I checked she's a nurse" Derek said as he strapped Josh into his special car seat.
"But her smile is so big" Cecilia pulled her mouth at the corners with her fingers to show her daddy how wide Meredith's smile was "and it was a really really really nice smile, so she must be-"
"Cecilia can we go home" Derek said sighing not wanting to think about how embarrassed he had felt when Cecilia had stared at Meredith like she was Santa Claus, "before it gets dark" he added.
Cecilia nodded as she hopped into her own car seat and Derek strapped her in he looked at his sleeping son before he felt Cecilia's hands grabbing his shirt to get her daddy's attention, "are you friends with her daddy?"
"Yes" Derek said as he got into the driver's seat.
"Good friends?"
Derek turned around to look at her, "we've only just met we can't be good friends that quickly."
"Will you be really good friends?"
"Well perhaps" Derek said noticing a strong feeling of hope inside of him am I hoping I will see Meredith again? he wondered.
"Like really really good friends?" Cecilia said.
"What do you mean really really good friends Cecilia?"
"Like" Cecilia smirked before she puffed up her lips and made kissing noises. Derek felt butterflies in his stomach and he started up the car, "okay i'm taking us home right now."
"Daddy is she married?"
"I don't know probably" Derek said not wanting to think about the possibility of Meredith not being available, "i'll put on your favourite cd."
"Daddy is she your girlfriend?"
"Cecilia can you please not give your daddy a headache."
"Daddy is she-"
"Cecilia Shepherd" Derek said in a raised voice, "that is enough do you want to go to bed when we get home?"
"No daddy i'll be quiet" Cecilia said feeling very disappointed. Derek gave another loud sigh and started to drive in the direction of his house trying to think about nothing except getting his family home safe and sound.