OWNER'S MANUAL AND GUIDE Chapter 2: Rand Unit, a wheel of time fanfic

A/N: Thanks to Theresa Green and MetaChi for letting me borrow their idea and formatting! -blows kisses- enjoy, and drop a review by!

CONGRATULATIONS!

You are now the proud owner of our brand new RAND© unit (by the people that brought you the ERIK, MAT, ARAGORN, and BOROMIR© units)! In order to obtain top performance from your RAND© unit, please follow the procedures detailed in this manual to use your new Dragon Reborn to his full potential.

Your RAND© unit should arrive fully assembled. Please check that you have all his accessories (see specially chosen list below). Currently there is only one version of this new creation (though more may be produced in the future):

RAND© v. 1.1 (Copyright Robert Jordan, 1990)

TECHNICAL SPECIFICATIONS

Name: Rand al'Thor (a.k.a. The Dragon Reborn)

Type: Human

Manufacturers: Dragonmount Inc.

Date of Manufacture:1990

Description: gray eyes, red hair. About 6'5 or 6'6" tall and weighs 235 pounds. Approximately 20 years old with dragon tattoos on arms and heron brands on both hands.

ACCESSORIES

Your RAND© unit will arrive fully clothed in authentic red coat in a crate the shape of a mountain. He will arrive with the following accessories:

Dragon Scepter, stainless steel

Crown of Swords, gold

Heron mark sword

Your RAND© unit will arrive to you in his factory condition of travel-stained. It is recommended that you immediately remove his clothing and put him into a hot soapy bubble bath. This will keep his moving parts in pristine condition and fully functional.

CAUTION Married/committed RAND©owners must ensure that their spouses are otherwise engaged in dangerous and/or engaging activities, such as crocodile hunting, television watching, or Sims 2 before carrying out this procedure. This company is not held responsible for divorce costs due to careless execution of any of the following procedures in the company of jealous housemates.

NOTE: Do not make the mistake of activating your unit before bathing, as with our recently released MAT© model. Your RAND© unit, unlike his friend, will NOT appreciate being bathed while activated, unless you happen to resemble either our MIN, AVIENDHA, or ELAYNE© models. If so, you may attempt this procedure after activation, though this company is not responsible for hospital fees due to this attempt.

OPERATING PROCEDURE

Your RAND© has been designed to be user friendly, which means that his temper has been toned down some. His controls are voice activated. Please state your instructions clearly in English. If you wish your RAND© to be fully operational and able to use saidin, you may activate the switch located on the back of his neck. However, this is not recommended for all users, due to the authentic tendencies of your RAND© unit to go insane.

You might have your own ideas about the services that you would like your RAND© to provide and the location in which such procedures should be carried out, which will not be mentioned here as young children could get a hold of this packet. He can also be utilized in a few capacities about the house:

Fencing Trainer

Your RAND© unit is authentically skilled at sword fighting, making him serve as an excellent trainer for your older child. However, he may occasionally lose his temper at incompetent learners, so we have included a release form to be signed and returned with the included envelope, stating that this company is not responsible for bruises, cuts, loss of limbs, or comas induced by your inexperienced child attempting to take lessons from your RAND© unit. This feature is, thus, only recommended for children with some prior fencing experience from ages 10 and up.

House Cleaner

Your RAND©, if his saidin capabilities are enabled, can simply whisk away all your mess in instants. This may be useful if you have very little times, but take note of the cautionary approach for enabling this use.

Note: Your RAND© unit is not recommended for uses with children, and is not as versatile for household uses as your other models you may have used in the past, including ERIK™ and MAT©. DO NOT ATTEMPT TO USE THIS MODEL FOR OTHER USES LISTED FOR DIFFERENT MODELS.

COMPATIBILITY WITH OTHER MODELS

Your RAND© unit is not compatible with most units, except for our MIN, ELAYNE, and AVIENDHA units. Occasionally, LAN and EGWENE units may also be used, along with our new MAT© unit. However, use of the MOIRAINE©, SIUAN or other AES SEDAI models is not recommended under any circumstance.

PRECAUTIONS

Do not expose your RAND© to fire, strong magnetic fields, electricity, or excessive humidity.

If you wish to retain full loyalty of your RAND© model, you may wish to keep him from being exposed to our MIN, ELAYNE, and AVIENDHA models at all costs, as he will immediately fall in love with them and forget about you.

CLEANING

RAND© does not appreciate being washed, unless you resemble our MIN, ELAYNE or AVIENDHA models, as mentioned above. DO NOT CONFUSE YOUR RAND© MODEL WITH OUR RECENTLY RELEASED MAT© MODEL, as their bathing policies are utterly different.

FREQUENTLY ASKED QUESTIONS

Q: My RAND© has begun systematically destroying my house. What is happening?

A: Two possible things may have happened to trigger this violence. Either he has begun to go insane due to this model's chaotic nature, or your house resembles Shayol Ghul, the home of the Dark One. In either case, there is no way of remedying this situation aside from rebuilding your house. In the case of insanity, rebuilding your house will not work, but you may send your RAND©, SAFELY DEACTIVATED, back to the company and we will refund your purchase completely for an exchange of a safer model.

Q: My RAND© arrived without one of his hands. Why is my model flawed?

A: Congratulations! You have received a rare KNIFE OF DREAMS updated RAND© model. However, if you are displeased with this purchase, you may return your model for a full refund.

Q: My model keeps shooting me dark looks and muttering something about "Forsaken." Once, he even tried to attack me! Why is he doing this?

A: SEND YOUR MODEL BACK, IMMEDIATELY. You or your spouse probably resemble one of the Forsaken, who are set in relationships in RAND©'s programming as "Despised Enemies." You are in great danger. We will either replace your model or use a small Memory Revision™ drive to erase his memory of all Forsaken.

TROUBLESHOOTING

Problem: My RAND© keeps asking if he can get married to my MIN/ELAYNE/AVIENDHA© model while still married to me. What should I do?

Solution: Your RAND© has the extraordinary capability of being in love with more than one person at once. If having a fellow wife doesn't bother you, this would be a good idea to keep your RAND©'s happiness as high as possible. If you do not wish to share your husband, you may get rid of your model as quickly and scrumptiously as possible, and RAND© will quickly forget about them due to special programming.

Problem: My husband/wife/partner is ignoring me and has recently filed for divorce.

Solution: Ask yourself whether you may be spending too much time with your RAND© unit and have been neglecting your spouse. If so, you may wish to deactivate your RAND© unit and spend some quality time with your other if you wish to repair this marriage. If that doesn't work, you may wish to purchase a MAT© unit, as the MAT© unit is perfect for comforting recent divorcees – and the RAND© unit is less proficient at this skill.

Solution: We are afraid that he has probably gone to fight the Dark One and may/may not be dead. Check back after book twelve on this one. But you may wish to purchase a different unit, such as the LEGOLAS© unit, in the mean time, as this company is not responsible for RAND© units lost in the fulfilling of prophecy.

FINAL NOTE

Unfortunately, your RAND© unit has no guarantee, due to his tendencies toward insanity and frequent instances of small Tarmon Gai'dones. If this is not satisfactory, or if for any reason you are not satisfied, please send your RAND©'s receipt of purchase WITH A WRITTEN LETTER OF YOUR PROBLEM via Alaska Airlines to:

COMPLAINTS OFFICE

P.O. Box 700

Randland, Norway

Or call at 1-866-375-WOT-COMP ext. RAND