Chapter Two
Longing
"Absence is to love what wind is to fire; it extinguishes the small, it inflames the great."
― Roger de Bussy-Rabutin
Penelope's immediate impulse on seeing the text message was to scroll through the whole conversation but she stopped herself. She needed more information first. Whose phone was this? What was it used for? She would need some quality time alone with the little mystery device so she slipped it into her pocket and power walked as nonchalantly as possible back to the privacy of her isolated domain.
A perusal of the contacts, settings and dashboard yielded quite a bit of information but barely any answers. The owner of the phone wasn't identified anywhere. There were no pictures saved, no hints of personality stored in the memory. There were no apps other than a third-party video conference program. The ONLY contact in the entire phone was Lucky. And it was a lot of contact. The phone logs showed phone calls almost daily, usually at one of two times: 7:30 am or 12:30 pm. Then there were random smatterings of evening calls but those were all over the board. Think like a profiler, Garcia. What does this mean? The owner and Lucky both have fairly predictable schedules during the day but evenings are either chaos or totally free.
The phone log went back as far as a month and then nothing. Scrolling the text messages, Penelope found the same pattern. One month of use. What were the odds that just a month ago these two suddenly needed to be in daily contact? Where's Spencer when I need him? She didn't actually need him though because Garcia already knew what she was holding. It was a burner phone. It was meant for one thing, used by and for one person; and it was probably one of many.
Ok, working from the assumption that this IS JJ's phone, time to see why she needs it. Garcia wasn't sure if the pressure in her ribs was a pang of guilt over what she was about to do, or anxiety of what she would find. Thumbing back to the top of the messages she began reading the conversation that started a month ago and seemed to start and stop and wind through all their days.
Miss me?
About time! I was worried you'd forgotten me. - Lucky
Oh? Getting clingy all of a sudden? Maybe I should make you wait more often.
Careful, if you toy with me I may decide to move on. Stick to someone new who doesn't neglect me. -Lucky
You'd never find better. Besides, I thought absence was supposed to make the heart grow fonder?
I think we're beyond that particular stage. Besides, we both know you couldn't love me more. - Lucky
And you're right of course. You are the best. - Lucky
Damn straight.
Garcia mulled over the words. The texts certainly sounded like JJ. They sounded like the confident, easy going JJ that could both dance with the girls and throw darts with the boys. She was being coy and playful, a side she hadn't easily displayed in a long time.
You're impossible.
Good morning. Running late, are you? -Lucky
Traffic is a bitch, it took forever to get out the door this morning and you damn well know I overslept!
Tetchy, tetchy! I'd think you didn't enjoy yourself last night. -Lucky
I did. But I shouldn't have stayed up so late.
Not my fault, I was happy to end at 3-2. You're the one that insisted on evening things up. -Lucky
I didn't hear you complaining. You know how competitive I can be.
I do indeed. Have a great day. I'll talk to you later. –Lucky
Ok. They're obviously interacting on a pretty regular level, more than just phone calls and texts. Garcia knew she had a reputation for having her mind in the gutter so much she'd earned squatter's rights but she was actively working to NOT see anything suggestive in the messages. So why could she feel herself beginning to blush?
How do you always manage to look so amazing at the end of the day? Are you stopping to reapply makeup and style your hair before I see you? Because you know that's not playing nice. -Lucky
When have I ever played nice? But no, I am not primping for you – not anymore anyway. You just have a psychotically biased perception.
I am one hundred percent objective. And I object to being called psychotic. I should not be insulted for simply having pointed out that you're beautiful. -Lucky
Yeah, right.
You are! I know you don't always think so, especially with . . . Look. Take the compliment. If you don't I'll come up with more and make you really uncomfortable. -Lucky
Fine. Thank you. You're not too bad yourself. . . . Psycho.
Maybe it's a weird way for her and Will to flirt? Like role-playing undercover? Adding the elements of mystery and danger could certainly spice up a marriage. Lord knows there were times Garcia wondered if those two weren't taking each other just a bit for granted. JJ talked often and easily about Henry but not so much her husband.
The flirting was even kind of sweet, just the sort of random and spontaneous compliment guaranteed to catch JJ off guard and make her smile. It would be good if Will could reassure her of how beautiful she still was. Penelope knew that some of JJ's scars were physical as well as emotional. She'd changed the way she dressed; she didn't see herself the same way anymore, even if others did.
Except . . .Lucky doesn't sound like Will. He would have had to change his vocabulary, sentence structure and even some of his sense of humor. That would take a lot of commitment for the sake of a sex game. Plus, Garcia was pretty sure Will could never disguise himself that well. The man could put Louisiana twang into an emoticon.
Still, just in case it was Will and Garcia was intruding on marital conversations she decided to skip any messages that might invade their intimacy.
What are you wearing? - Lucky
SKIP!
I have the most wicked idea for later.
SKIP!
Red silk or black lace? - Lucky
Black silk.
SKIP!
Tea just isn't the same without you.
Tea? Taking a break from coffee? Is this a body snatcher?! -Lucky
I just wanted to wake up with something warm and sweet and comforting. Tea will have to do since you obviously aren't available.
(Here there was an almost 8 minute break in the conversation. Distraction? Trying to absorb the blatant suggestion? Or just figuring out what to say?)
Uhm – it was a compliment?
Did you have another fight? -Lucky
Stop reading me. Things have just been a bit tense. My schedule has gotten crazier since we're down one –
(Down one and her schedule is harder. She's talking about the team. It did get rough there for a while after Alex left. The stress of the increased work load had gotten mixed in with the sadness of Blake leaving, everyone's concern for Reid and, of course, her own issues with having shot a man. Had no one been paying attention to JJ all that time?)
-And I got a bit of a guilt trip last night for not spending as much time at home or with family. I was too tired to argue and woke up with all the bad vibe clinging to me. It felt like I'd slept in sad Saran Wrap.
There's a visual to ponder. Is there anything I can do? -Lucky
You know what you can do.
Anything other than that? -Lucky
I had to try.
Stop making your pouty face. I know you are. -Lucky
Then make me smile.
Okay. How about a live chat? Call me at lunch. I promise I'll drop everything. -Lucky
I'm smiling already.
It can't be Will. Garcia frowned as she realized JJ was complaining to someone else about fights in her marriage and stress at work. Someone who knew her well enough to know her situation, tastes and habits as well as read her mood through text messages.
Did you finish the book I sent?
I did. I liked the treatment of the characters and the easy variation from bald descriptions to florid language depending on the perspective. -Lucky
Uh-huh. But? Come on. I seriously hear the 'but' on the tip of your tongue.
I'm old-fashioned. I hate reading on a screen. It could be Shakespeare or Tolstoy and it still wouldn't feel right unless I had pages I could touch. -Lucky
I wanted to give you the actual book but . . .
I know. I'm glad there are at least the digital surrogates. -Lucky
How about this? It's your turn to pick the next one. What if you call tomorrow and read me a chapter?
I think I can manage that. –Lucky
Now they're just being purposefully vague, damn it! Penelope growled as she saw how carefully no reference was ever made to ANY detail that she could trace. There were no names, no days/dates, no titles of books or brands or or ANYTHING that she could cross reference in a search!
The small, rational part of Garcia's brain that wasn't summoning up vicious curses to cast and revenges to wreak was quietly murmuring that generally burner phones are meant to keep people and conversations completely untraceable. That was the whole fracking point.
I WILL find out who you are. Bastard.
I really wish I could see you right now. It would make the world a little less shitty. -Lucky
Swearing? You must be having a really bad day. What's going on?
Just that, a really bad day. Ever feel like Sisyphus and the boulder? I think I'm a smear on the hill at this point. -Lucky
Vague as ever, aren't you? One day you'll actually tell me what you're feeling.
Please, I cannot have that conversation again right now. -Lucky
I'm sorry! I was trying to tease. Guess I should've thrown in one of those winking symbols.
No, I overreacted. I'm sorry. I probably shouldn't be talking to you right now, just too worn out. -Lucky
I'm always here for you, no matter how rough or worn you are. For what it's worth? You aren't Sisyphus. You're Atlas holding up the heavens: keeping order for everyone by shouldering tremendous burden.
(Several minutes passed again and Garcia was starting to get a feel for the thoughtful silences that were occurring in the conversations. They were emotional pauses and somehow spoke volumes.)
How do you do that? -Lucky
What?
Always know the perfect thing to say? Make the world a good place again so easily? -Lucky
Because I'm me and I know you. You make my world a good place every day.
Thank you. -Lucky
I miss you.
I miss you too. –Lucky
Garcia really was blushing now. The conversation hadn't been at all flirtatious or teasing the way some of the others were. It was just . . .intimate. It managed in sadness to reveal more depth of their emotional connection than any of the happy, playful banter could convey. They reached out to each other for comfort and this was the first bit of revelation that made Penelope feel like a snoop. That sort of vulnerability obviously wasn't meant to be shared by anyone other than the two.
I'm going to hell. The tech mumbled, too far invested to stop now.
I assume you wanted my attention? -Lucky
What makes you say that?
I got the Snap chat picture. Which, by the way, I'm certain was never meant for anyone over the age of 22. -Lucky
Just because you're out of touch with your inner child . . .
Your inner child is a juvenile delinquent. Albeit a cute one. -Lucky
Why thank you. Charmer. I almost forgive you for missing the morning call.
Sorry, got stuck in a meeting with a particularly loquacious blowhard. You know the type. -Lucky
God's gift to comb-overs and halitosis?
Like W.C. Fields in an Armani suit. But I digress, why did I get a 10 second picture of your tongue? -Lucky
Hello? Because I wanted your attention! It happens I'm free tonight. . . .
Free? What about . . .? -Lucky
They're going to a ball game. Normally I'd go with them but you know I hate basketball.
Ah yes. Football, soccer, rugby and even golf are all acceptable entertainments but for some reason that orange ball just offends you. -Lucky
It's all the jumping up and down! At least in soccer we have the sense to only get on our feet when something IMPORTANT happens. Damn basketball fans are up and down so much they might as well be doing a permanent wave. Besides, I was thinking we could watch some of that series you sent me?
Now you're just being evil. You KNOW you're going to pass out on me and I won't sleep until I finish every episode. -Lucky
So? It's the weekend! You can sleep tomorrow. You know you want to.
Yes. I do. Damn it. Call me when they're gone? -Lucky
Instantly.
Penelope stared at the words on the phone, trying to find a meaning – any twist, distortion or hint – other than the plain truth staring at her.
"She's cheating on Will." She whispered aloud, the words sounding even more horrible on her lips than in her head. It wasn't possible. JJ loved her family. She believed in being open and honest in everything and had promised to never again keep secrets after the Hastings debacle. She wouldn't abandon Henry and she'd never hurt Will. How could this happen? What could she possibly have found in someone else that she didn't already have either at home or with her BAU family? Was she in some kind of emotional break or having a crisis?
Pushing her shock and confusion down Garcia shook herself. She'd started this crime for the purpose of finding out what was wrong with JJ and if an affair was part of it, it was still only a part. Whatever - whoever – this relationship was, it went back further than the recent change in JJ's mood. She needed to look more recently for clues of what had happened. She didn't have to scroll far to see a change.
Starting two weeks ago, only Lucky was making contact.
Missed you last night. -Lucky
No good morning? Is everything ok? -Lucky
If you're grumpy I have a whole list of funny videos on youtube for you. -Lucky
Did you lose your phone? It's my turn to swap numbers but I won't until I hear from you. -Lucky
Are you out of service area? Must be something important. Call me when you get back. -Lucky
Saw an awesome documentary is going to be on this week – do you want to catch it? -Lucky
It's been 5 days. Something is wrong. What's going on? -Lucky
Imagination getting a bit overworked now. Are you sick? Injured? Did someone hurt you? -Lucky
Please. Please just tell me you're ok. -Lucky
A four second voice mail left while I'm obviously in the middle of work isn't very reassuring. -Lucky
Nine days. I'm now pretty sure you're mad at me. What did I do? -Lucky
I'm sorry for whatever it is! I can't make it up to you if you won't talk to me! -Lucky
I have now called you over 100 times. I don't know which of us wins the prize for being stubborn. -Lucky
I want to fix this. I NEED to fix this with you. I can't lose you. Talk to me, Please! Please tell me what happened! -Lucky
I know you're in pain. Call me when you're ready to let me help. –Lucky
The last message had been the first she found. Sent barely over an hour earlier. The worry and pain was all but glowing off the phone (although that was actually the back light) and Garcia couldn't deny a stab of pity for whoever this home wrecker was. No one deserved two weeks of silence. If JJ had made the mistake of having an affair, this wasn't the way to fix it. This was the way to make things even worse and pretty much guarantee a crazy person showed up on her doorstep to do something stupid.
Penelope wasn't going to let that happen.
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