When Nelaros, my husband-to-be who never was, died, I took the wedding ring he would have given me and wore it around my neck. I had a habit of worrying at it with my fingers when anxious and sometimes I would just take it off and flip the ring from finger to finger. It was a reminder of all the things I had left behind in the Alienage and of the choices that had brought me to this point.

You came and found me there in the camp, staring into the flames of the campfire, lost in thought. We were on route to the Circle of the Magi, as they were the only ones who could help us remove the demon from Connor. I refused to let someone die to rid the boy of his demon, it was not his fault that he was born a mage, it was not his fault that his mother had foolishly taken in a maleficar to teach him. I would not see Isolde die for making a bad decision and had said as much.

You seemed hesitant to approach me and in the firelight I saw a blush creeping across your features. You reluctant met my gaze and despite my brooding thoughts I smiled. This seemed to reassure you and you gave me a rose, I'd never received a gift from a man before, wasn't sure what to make of it. I wanted to give you something in return, something that would make you smile, but I had nothing to offer. I made myself a promise that I would find something to give you that would mean something, that would make you feel the warmth I felt when I was close to you.

I was annoyed with myself for feeling drawn to you, but you were the only one amongst our company who was also a Grey Warden. I tried to make friends with the rest of our companions, but Morrigan resisted all attempts and I could not bring myself to trust her regardless. Sten and I spoke but rarely, he did not seem to care about us or our mission. The dog was well, a dog, good for affectionate drooling, but not a great conversationalist. Leliana and I did manage to form a bond, but it was a simple friendship, being close to her did not make me feel so... human. Human is not really the word I want, being with you made me feel warm, wanted and safe, it might have been merely an illusion as we were fighting against a great and terrible evil, but whenever you were near, I breathed a little easier.

We were trapped in the Fade by the Sloth demon, I fought my way through nightmares to find you, tearing through the fabric of dreams. I found you dreaming of family and you seemed to want me to be with them. I could see how it would be tempting for you to forget about duty and your father's blood and just be. But it wasn't real, Grey Wardens don't get to settle down and raise kids, or at least, not for long. I broke the dream for you and ripped you out of the demon's clutches.

Afterwards I wanted to ask you about your dream, about this sister of yours, but that was private information and I was not the type to pry into personal matters. You told me of growing up among the Templars, though I could scarcely imagine you hunting down maleficarium. When Wynne had purged Connor of the demon I found your mother's amulet in the Arl's rooms and knew that this was the gift I should give you to rival that rose.

I found you on the battlements of the castle at Redcliffe, it was a warm night and it was hard to believe that this place had recently been overrun with monsters. I remember that you had been a child here, it seemed a much nicer place to grow up in than the Alienage, I envied you a little, even though you had been sent away to the Templars and had been miserable there.

"Couldn't sleep either, huh?" you asked me.

"No, it's like those dreams are just waiting for me to close my eyes," I said.

"It does get better," you replied, patting me on the shoulder.

"I wish we could have woken the Arl," I said, "I do not like leaving things half-done."

"But you have already done so much, not everyone would have tried to save Connor,"

"That was an easy choice to make, what kind of person would I be if I let demons roam free in children?"

I bit my lip, why was I so nervous? I hadn't felt half this distressed on my wedding day, I was just giving you a present, it shouldn't make me tremble from head to foot and make my stomach tie itself in knots.

"I have something for you," I said and thrust the amulet towards you, clumsily. You'd told me about the amulet, of course, but neither of us had ever expected me to find it. You stared mutely at it for a while then suddenly pulled me into an embrace. You hugged me fiercely and quickly, letting go before I had realised I was in your arms.

You were blushing and, I realised, so was I. It was silly to get so worked up over a gift, we were both grown beings and here we were acting like teenagers. I pushed away the embarrassment and took the amulet up in my hands.

"Here, let me put it on for you," I said, reaching around his neck. I hadn't thought this through, as the movement brought us nose to nose. You reddened again as I fastened the clasp of the amulet. I smiled and impulsively let my hand rest at the base of your neck once I had finished, reluctant to move away.

You swallowed hard and then ran a tentative hand through my hair, my brow and then finally my cheek, tracing the path of my facial tattoos. We stared into each other's eyes for a time, reluctant to move apart or press forward. Then you began to move away from me, disengaging from our sudden closeness.

"No," I said, making a choice for myself for once, and pressed my lips against yours.