Disclaimer: If I were richer than the queen of England, I sure as hell wouldn't be sitting here writing fanfics. Donownit.

A/N: Hey readers…thanks for the reviews! I got a lot more than I thought I would. You know, I just realized that I suck at writing anything other than something funny. Maybe I should give a serious fanfic a shot. I suppose result will either be the equivalent of a scandalous Kamala Das or an arid Wodehouse.

--A Terrible Sight--

Harry Potter is cartwheeling and singing nursery rhymes down the dark halls of the otherwise very ordinary Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. This highly inconspicuous scene attracts the attention of Peeves, the amiable school poltergeist.

Mary had a huge dragon

Huge dragon

Huge dragon!

Mary had a huge dragon

Who ate her up alive

"What a LOVELY nursery rhyme, Potty! I made one of my own. Want to hear it?"

"Not particularl-"

"TOO BAD! Ahem..."

I see a Potty

Out in the dark being naughty.

He can't do a cartwheel

Oh, how it makes my head reel!

His songs are worse

But luckily, they're terse.

Now this ugly potty

Is sure to be caughty

When I call for the...

PREFECTS!

'Hey..."Caughty" isn't a word!' thought the ever-observant headmaster as he peered into his Scope-a-Potter.

"Potty's gonna be caughty, Potty's gonna be caughty!" Peeves cackled gleefully as he sped away.

"SHUT UP PEEVES! You're going to get me in trouble!"

"Too late for that, Potter."

Harry whirled around to see Draco Malfoy standing behind him.

"Hey, aren't you that albino I met on the train?"

"No, I -"

"You're kind of cute up close."

"Well, I...thank you," Draco said, blushing, "Maybe we could go out for...er, coffee sometime?"

"Sure, I've always wanted to date an albino. I mean, can you imagine what our kids would look like?! I am the Chosen Brat, and you are (or will be) a Death Eater. I want to name our first-born 'The Chosen Eater'…ooh! Or maybe the "Death Brat'"

"Er..." Malfoy shook his head to clear it, "Anyway, you're in trouble, Potter!"

"Why?"

"Because I said so."

"And who are you?"

"A prefect."

"Since when? Only fifth years can hold that position."

"Since my dad bribed the headmaster"

"Oh, ok...how are you going to punish me?"

"Nine-hundred house points from Gryffindor."

"What?! Ix-nay on that coffee!"

"Fine, eight-hundred."

oOoOoOoOoOo

Too disgusted to keep watching, Dumbledore jabbed his wand at the Scope-a-Potter and wailed,

Clear your glass

Do it now

I'll punish that Potter

I'll do it somehow!

"This one's going to trouble," sighed the headmaster, "Usually they wait for a week or two before they wreak havoc upon my school. But right after the opening ceremonies...the audacity of the child!"

oOoOoOoOoOo

Albus did not sleep peacefully that night. Tossing and turning, he dreamt that Harry and Draco were getting married and he was to plan their wedding. After months of hard work, Dumbledore finally finished, and the result was breathtaking. But the night before the wedding, Harry cartwheeled through the tent, knocking everything down. So, the next day, everybody had to sit in the remains of the shambled place. Just as the nightmare was about to end, Ron charged into the tent with his Aunt Muriel and an ancient Bertie Potter.

"I HAVE AN OBJECTION TO THE WEDDING! Harry, you were engaged to ME, see?" Ron held up a giant ring on which a spinning Scope-a-Potter was infixed, "Aunt Muriel and Bertie got married, and we need to do the same! Tradition, Harry, TRADITION!"

"If they got married, Ron, then we're related!" Harry sang, "And relatives can't marry!"

"Yeah, but -"

At this point, a furious (but toothless) Hermione Granger stomped into the tent with decaying buckteeth in one hand, and a long parchment in the other.

"Gay marriages are against the 567th wizardry penal code and -"

"You're lying through your teeth!" yelled Malfoy.

"I DON'T HAVE ANY!" roared Hermione hurling the buckteeth at his face.

"SILENCE! EXPECTO PATRONUM!!" Dumbledore screamed, as a greasy-haired zebra (with disconcertingly beautiful red eyes) burst from his wand and trampled everyone in the tent.

Albus smiled in his sleep and turned over.

A/N: Read+Review, my precious! Tell me what you love, like, dislike, or hate with a burning passion!

Yes, I know I posted earlier than I was supposed to, but the reviews just get me so excited! Chappie 3 is pretty funny stuff...so don't go away!

Stay tuned folks! We'll be back next week with Chapter 3: Firebolts and Firewhisky!