A Midsummer Nightmare

by Kimura

Could have made this PG if it weren't for two unnamed bandits ... anyway. This is a crossover of A Midsummer Night's Dream and FY. If I get an enthusiastic response, I'll post more and maybe even finish it. ^_^

2. 2

A Midsummer Nightmare
by Kimura

A small group of townspeople gathered to begin the production of a play for the royal wedding.

"Is everyone here?" Peter Kouji asked loudly.

"It would be best to call off everyone's name, according to the script," Nick Tomo suggested loudly.

Kouji glared at him, holding up a scroll. "Here is the scroll which contains the names of all those fit to be in our play."

"First, Kouji, you should tell us what the play is about, and then read the actors," Tomo said.

Kouji looked up at the sky. "Do I have to put up with this? Can I beat him?"

(BY ALL MEANS. WHY ELSE WOULD I HAVE PUT YOU IN THAT ROLE?)

Kouji grinned, thwacking Tomo solidly on the head.

Tomo glared at him, not having his precious shin or feathers to use to defend himself.

(AND YOU'RE JUST GONNA TAKE IT, FREAK BOY.)

"But that's what the script said for me to do! I'm supposed to be annoying!"

(*grins* I KNOW.)

"Great," Tomo muttered. "I play my part and he gets to beat me up for it."

(THAT WAS THE PLAN.)

"Anyway," Kouji went on. "Our play is the tragedy of Pyramus and Thisbe. Now, answer as I call you. Nick Tomo."

"Ready. Name what part I will play and proceed," Tomo said, hoping not to get hit again.

Kouji made a face. "You will play Pyramus."

"What is Pyramus? A lover or a tyrant?"

"A lover that kills himself gallantly for love."

"Hm," Tomo said thoughtfully. "That will require some tears. But I will move the audience and arouse their pity . . . but I'd be much better playing a tyrant."

"If it was up to me, you'd be six feet under," Kouji snapped. "Francis Flute?"

"Here, Peter Kouji," Flute said, standing.

"You will play the part of Thisbe."

"What is Thisbe? A noble knight? A musician?" Flute asked excitedly.

"She is the lady Pyramus must love," Kouji said sympathetically.

"WHAT?!" Flute cried. "I'm in love WITH HIM!?!?!"

(SORRY ABOUT THAT . . . THE NAME FIT. YOU'LL SURVIVE. IT'S ONLY A PLAY!)

"Wait, I've got a better idea!" Tomo cried. "Let me play both roles! I can talk in a high voice for Thisbe and low voice for Pyramus! I --"

"NO, Tomo," Kouji said sternly. "You play Pyramus and Flute will play Thisbe. Robin Tetsuya?"

"Yeah," Tetsuya replied nervously.

"You will be the Moonshine, for it is written that Pyramus and Thisbe meet by moonlight," Kouji told him.

"Great," Tetsuya muttered.

(WOULD YOU RATHER PLAY THISBE?)

"No," Tetsuya squeaked. Geez, it's bad enough that she took away my sunglasses.

"Chichiri?"

"Ready no da!"

"You have a very important part," Kouji said. "You play the Wall."

"Nani no da?!"

"Pyramus and Thisbe converse through a chink in the wall between their houses. You will play the wall."

"Daaaa, I think I got gypped in this story."

(SORRY, CHICHIRI-CHAN. THERE JUST WEREN'T ENOUGH GOOD ROLES TO GO AROUND!)

Chichiri pouted.

"And finally . . . Tom Keisuke," Kouji said, standing in front of him. "You will play the lion that frightens away poor Thisbe. You see, she drops her scarf when she runs away. Pyramus sees the scarf, which the lion has covered in blood and assumes that his love is dead. Mortified, he kills himself. When Thisbe returns and finds him dead, she also kills herself."

"Well, this will be a cheerful play no da," Chichiri remarked.

Keisuke looked up at the sky. "Do I have to say this line?"

(YES. IT'S GOOD SHAKESPEAREAN HUMOR.)

Keisuke sighed. "Have you the lion's part written yet? I need it soon, for I am slow to learn."

Kouji sweatdropped, patting him on the shoulder. "Fear not, it is nothing but roaring."

"Let me play the lion, too!" Tomo cried. "I will roar so fiercely that the Duke will say, 'Let him roar again!'"

"But if you do it too well, you will frighten the ladies no da," Chichiri pointed out.

"Of course," Tomo said quickly. "So as not to frighten the ladies, I will roar as gently as dove . . ."

"TOMO! You will play no part BUT PYRAMUS!" Kouji shouted. "GOT IT?!"

"Got it," Tomo eeped.

Kouji cleared his throat. "Now, we will meet here tomorrow to rehearse. Study your parts. Show up or you're in deep shit."

(WHAT AN INTERESTING TRANSLATION OF THE SHAKESPEAREAN, KOUJI.)

Kouji grinned.

~~~

Puckski wandered through the forest aimlessly.

"Does that have to be my name?" the redhead complained to the sky. "It sounds stupid!"

(YES. NOW GO ON WITH THE SCENE.)

Puckski sighed, muttering about how it was bad enough to have lost his precious tessen.

A fairy floated into view. "HEAL HEAL FIX FIX!"

(THAT'S THE WRONG LINE, YOU BABBLING BUBBLE-BRAIN!)

The fairy blinked.

Damn, what I wouldn't do to have my tessen and be able to whack that stupid "fairy" into orbit, Puckski thought. He sighed and got on with his lines. "Fairy, where are you going?"

"I wander everywhere!" the fairy squeaked back excitedly.

Puckski rolled his eyes.

"I serve the Fairy King, Hoteron!" the overly cheerful fairy continued.

Poor Hotohori-sama, Puckski thought.

"You'd better go," the fairy told him. "He is coming here soon."

"The Queen of Fairies is going to rest here tonight and she desires that the King stay out of her sight," Puckski warned.

"The King does not fear her. He is angry at her for keeping a changling boy to herself. The king desires the boy to raise in his own image. But all the Queen does is crown him with flowers instead of training him to be a man. Hey . . . aren't you that sprite Puckski?"

Puckski smirked.

(AND THE AUTHOR SWOONS . . . )

Puckski sweatdropped.

(DON'T MIND ME, JUST GO ON . . . )

"I am he that sits beside the Queen Nuriania and makes her smile," he answered.

They looked up as two parties approached.

"Make room! The King is coming!" the fairy cried.

"Here comes my mistress," Puckski said. "I wish the King were gone."

Hoteron and Nuriania stood on opposite ends of the clearing, staring at each other.

Nuriania glared at her husband. "Puckski, let us leave this place, for I have forsworn the King's bed and company."

"Wait, you disobedient woman," Hoteron snapped. "Am I not thy lord?"

Nuriania turned to face him. "Then I must be thy lady, but I know that when you leave the land of the Fairies, you can be found at the bedside of that Amazon, Soippolyta."

Hoteron blinked. "I am?"

(YES. YOU ARE. NOW KEEP GOING; YOU WERE DOING WELL UNTIL THEN.)

"But I don't like arguing with Hotohori-sama!" Nuriania complained, teary-eyed.

(NURIKO, YOU GET HIM IN THE END, SO BE QUIET FOR NOW!)

"KAY!"

Hoteron sweatdropped, then continued with his lines. "You should not talk of such things, Nuriania, when you yourself have been known to often be found in the company of Nakagus."

"Ewww," Puckski muttered.

"These are only words of jealousy," Nuriania replied. Her face softened. "Don't you see that as we argue, brooks overflow, flowers wilt, and trees lose their leaves? We are the keepers of the forest."

"Will you end it, then?" Hoteron asked, stepping forward. "All I ask is the boy, to raise in my image."

Nuriania turned away. "I will not give him up. He belonged to a follower of mine. She died giving him birth and I swore I would keep him for her." She looked at her husband hopefully. "Will you not forget this and prepare with me for Nakagus's wedding day?"

Hoteron ran a hand through his wife's long hair.

Nuriania fainted.

(WAIT, NURIKO. THAT'S NOT IN THE SCRIPT.)

Puckski hauled her back to her feet. "Wake up, gay boy! It's only a play!"

"BUT HOTOHORI-SAMA TOUCHED MY HAIR!" she screamed, accidentally hitting Puckski and sending him flying.

(NURIKO, PLEASE GET ON WITH THE SCENE BEFORE I CHANGE YOUR ROLE ALTOGETHER.)

Nuriania eeped.

"I will go with you if you give me the boy," Hoteron continued.

Nuriania glared. "I wouldn't give you him for thy entire fairy kingdom."

Hoteron scowled. "Come, fairies. Away." He and his followers left the clearing.

Nuriania fumed, looking for something to hit. Puckski had just managed to return from wherever the Fairy Queen had sent him flying to.

(DON'T EVEN THINK ABOUT HITTING MY TASUKI AGAIN, NURIKO.)

Nuriania pouted and knocked down a few trees instead.

"Uh, Your Majesty?" Puckski queried nervously.

"WHAT?!"

Puckski jumped. "Um, maybe you could make the King forget about the boy . . .?"

"How?" Nuriania asked.

Puckski shrugged. "Cast a spell on him or something."

Nuriania smiled evilly. "Hm, sounds like a good opportunity to get some revenge at the same time."

Puckski sweatdropped. What've I started? he wondered.

(OH, I DON'T KNOW. MAYBE . . . THE PLOT!)

"Puckski, do you remember that time we saw Cupid aim at a virgin queen in the distant west?"

"I remember," Puckski answered warily.

"He shot a golden arrow from his bow, but it pierced not the queen. Instead, it fell on a small white flower, made purple with love's wound. I want you to get me that flower. When you place the juice of it on a sleeping eyelids, the person will fall in love with the first thing it sees when it awakens. Now, go and fetch me the flower!"

Puckski saluted. "Hey, my seishi power is speed, ya know."

(UMMM . . . *sweatdrops* TASUKI, YOU DON'T HAVE YOUR SEISHI POWERS IN THE PLAY.)

"WHAT?!?!?!?"

(YOU'LL BE FINE WITHOUT THEM. NOW DON'T KEEP YOUR QUEEN WAITING.)

Puckski muttered something about the stupidity of fanfics and crossovers and left the clearing.

Nuriania smiled to herself. "Once the juice is on Hoteron's eyes, I hope the first thing he will see will be some horrible creature like a lion or a bear." She burst into tears. "No, I can't be this mean to my Hotohori-sama!"

(NURIKO, I TOLD YOU: YOU GET HIM IN THE END.)

"But what if he falls in love with something that ends up eating him?!" she cried.

(HE WON'T. I'M THE AUTHOR. I KNOW THESE THINGS.)

Nuriania looked hopeful. "So, he'll be safe from harm?"

(UMMM . . . HE'LL BE SAFE FROM PHYSICAL HARM.)

"What's that supposed to mean?" she asked suspiciously.

(NOTHING. JUST GET ON WITH THE PLAY.)

Yulena and Subetrius appeared in the clearing.

"Who comes hither?" Nuriania asked outloud. She snapped her fingers, making herself invisible. "I shall overhear their conference."

Subetrius stopped dead, turning to face Yulena and nearly causing her to crash into him. "Yulean, I love thee not, therefore follow me not. You told me Hermiaka and Tamasander ran into these woods. The one I'll slay, the other slayeth me. Here I am, wandering around lost and going crazy because I cannot meet my Hermiaka." He paused to make a gagging face. "Hence, get thee . . ." He made the mistake of looking into Yulena's blue eyes. "To a church and marry me!"

(WHAT WAS THAT?!)

Subetrius quickly gathered himself before he could be threatened with Kouri again. "I mean, hence, get thee gone and follow me no more."

Yulena looked at him pleadingly. "Give up your power to draw me near and I shall no longer have power to follow!"

"Do I entice you? Do I speak you fair? Or do I not in plainest truth tell you that I do not nor cannot love you?!"

Yulena knelt in front of him, holding onto the edge of his shirt. "And for that do I love you the more! Treat me as your dog, Subetrius! For even a position as low as that would be a place of honor at your side!"

Subetrius's jaw dropped. "Yui-sama, you're much better than dog --"

(SHUN-CHAAAAAN . . .)

Subetrius whimpered. "But she's begging at my feet! How can you give me an opportunity like this and not expect me to take it?!"

"Um, Suboshi, I'm acting," Yulena told him.

"What?" Subetrius cried.

Yulena stood up. "I . . . I am sick when I do look on thee!"

Subetrius fell to his knees. "And I am sick when I look not on thee!"

(STOOOOOOOOOP! YOU'VE GOT THE LINES BACKWARDS! GET IT RIGHT OR I'LL COME DOWN THERE PERSONALLY! AND I WON'T COME ALONE!)

The two looked at each other and quickly switched places.

"You are unwise to wander into these woods, putting your trust in someone who loves you not," Subetrius continued.

"Your virtue is my protection!" Yulena proclaimed. "It is no longer night when I look on your face. Nor does this wood lack company, for in my my opinion, you are all the world. Then how can it be said that I am alone when all the world is here to look on me?"

Subetrius looked down at her. "I have a mind to run off and hide, leaving you to the wild beasts."

Yulena stood up, grabbing onto his arm. "The wildest hath not such a heart as you! Run when you will. The story will be changed. The rabbit will chase the fox, the bird will chase the cat!"

Subetrius tried to shake her off. "I will not stay and listen to you talk. Let me go. Or if thou follow me. . ." He paused, looking up at the sky.

(YES, YOU HAVE TO SAY THE LINE.)

He sighed and muttered the line. "Or if thou follow me, don't think I will not do thee harm in the woods." He succeeded in detaching himself from her.

"You do me harm, Subetrius. Your wrongs are against my gender. Women cannot fight for love as men do. We were made to be wooed, not to woo. I'll follow thee and make a heaven of hell, to die upon the hand I love so well."

The two left the clearing, Yulena still on Subetrius's heels.

(*sighs in relief* WELL, THAT TOOK LONG ENOUGH.)

Nuriania had watched the scene, looking on Yulena with pity.

"Fare thee well, maid," she said softly. "Before he leaves this wood, he will seek thy love."

"ALL RIGHT!" Subetrius cried from offstage.

A frying pan was dropped from the heavens and landed on his head.

"Itai . . ."

Puckski jogged to the Queen's side, panting.

"Have you the flower?" she asked.

Puckski handed it to her, still panting. "Stupid . . . fucking fanfics . . . takin' away my . . . power . . ."

Nuriania looked at the bunch of small flowers eagerly. "I know where Hoteron sleeps tonight. With this juice shall I streak his eyes and make him full of hateful fantasies." She handed one of the flowers to Puckski. "Take thou some of it and search the woods. A sweet Athenian lady is love with a disdainful youth."

"Hey!" a voice protested.

(WOULD YOU LIKE ANOTHER HEAD INJURY, SUBOSHI?)

"Iieee . . ."

"Anoit the youth's eyes, but do it when the next thing he shall see will be the lady. You will know him by the Athenian garments he has on. Meet me back here before the first cock crows," Nuriania told him.

Puckski nodded. "Fear not, my Queen. Your servant shall do so."

(AT LAST! ACTORS WHO KNOW HOW TO BEHAVE!)

~~~

Hoteron laid down in a soft bed of flowers. "Fairies, a song to lull me to rest," the King ordered.

"HEAL HEAL FIX FIX HEAL HEAL HEAL FIX FIX!"

"Um, that's enough singing for now," Hoteron interrupted. "I . . .I'll sleep fine, thanks." He shook his head, closing his eyes.

The fairies made sure the area was protected then disappeared into the woods.

Nuriania crept into the small grove and over to her husband's side. She squeezed the flower until several drops landed on his eyelids. "What thou seest when thou dost wake, do it for thy true love take. Love and languish for her sake, be it cat or tiger or bear, leopard or boar with bristled hair. In thy eye that shall appear when thou wakes, it is thy dear. Wake when some vile thing is near." Nuriania cackled evilly (softly) and left.

Tamasander entered the clearing, carrying Hermiaka on his back. He was breathing heavily. "My love . . . I think you grow faint with all of this walking and I have lost our way. Let us rest, Hermiaka." He put her down gently, trying to catch his breath.

"KAY!" Hermiaka said brightly. "Find yourself a bed, for I upon this bank rest my head," she said, curling up on a tuft of grass.

Tamasander lay down beside her. "One turf can serve as pillow for us both; one heart, one bed."

Hermiaka wormed away from him a little. "Nay, good Tamasander, for my sake, my dear, lie further off yet. Do not lie so near."

"Take the truth in my meaning," Tamasander said quickly. "I meant that my heart onto yours is knit." He inched closer to her.

"Tamasander!" Hermiaka shouted, punching him harder than she met to.

He flew over the clearing, landing on the other side.

"Oops . . ."

"That's okay . . ." Tamasander said weakly. "I'll just . . . stay over here."

"KAY! Oyasumi, Tamasander." Hermiaka put down her head and slept.

Tamasander sighed to himself and also fell asleep.

To be continued . . .