Title: Broken
Author: Lycanus
Fandom: Twilight
Character(s): Paul; Jacob
Rating: M
Type: hurt/comfort; angst, slash
Summary: What happens when the Pack's resident hot-head and troublemaker is rejected by his imprint ? Will he succumb to grief or will he find solace in the arms of another ?
Comments & Reviews: positive comments welcomed
Disclaimer: All you recognize belongs to Stephenie Meyer ( including these two fiesty, gorgeous wolves - unfortunately ! ). The rest ? To my warped, hyperactive imagination ...
Warning: contains slash and strong language.
*********
Broken
Jacob's pov:
PRESENT
Shit ... Shit ... Shit ... Shit ! Why me ? What the hell did I ever do to piss God or Sam off so bad that I've been ordered to do this ? Man ! This totally sucks ...
*****
FLASHBACK" Hell ! No, Sam. No freaking way ... Can't you get someone else to go ? " I protested, my face twisting in a grimace of distaste.
" Look, Jacob. " Sam sighed. " I can't spare anyone. Leah's at college, Embry and Quil are patrolling the boundary line and Jared and I have to cover the area around Forks. That just leaves you and Seth. I'm sorry, you'll just have to do it. "
" Bu- " I ran a frustrated hand through my dark, cropped hair, ruffling it into messy, spiky peaks.
" I mean it, Jacob. You'll have to deal with it. You're both going to check up on Paul ... End of ! " Sam's voice had taken on its Alpha tone and the glare he gave me made me flinch. He meant business and there was no way I could refuse to obey a direct order from an Alpha.
" Fine ! " I growled, rolling over submissively like a small cub. I was far from happy. If anything, I was furious but there was nothing I could do about the situation. Sam had me over a barrell and he knew it. I had to comply with his wishes or I would be in serious trouble. " Don't blame me if that asswipe ends up getting chewed out, 's al- "
" Jacob ! " Sam snarled, his dark eyes narrowed ominously. " If I hear you two have been brawling again, there'll be hell to pay. That's no threat - it's a promise ... D'ya hear me ? "
I gave a grunt which conveyed my displeasure and slunk away with my tail between my legs so to speak, in search of Seth. If I had to descend into the devil's pit, then I sure as hell wasn't going alone ...
*****
PRESENT
Crap ! Why the hell does Sam have to be so goddamn awkward about this ? He knows Paul and I can't stand the sight of each other. That we can barely tolerate and share the same air for more than five minutes. That we always end up at each other's fucking throats. We can't help it. It's like a compulsion ... We're addicted to fighting each other.
So that's why Seth and I are now standing outside his front door. Seth's curious as he's never been inside the Meraz' house and being such a sweet-natured person with a good heart, has been genuinely concerned by Paul's absence over the past few weeks.
Me ? Hell ! Frankly, I couldn't care less where he's been. If anything, things have been so much better without him around. So much easier. And if I'm being honest, I'm glad he's been m.i.a. I haven't missed him at all. Rachel did us all a massive favour when she rejected him, as I hated the way he fawned over her and kept groping her with his filthy paws. Nah, life's been great without him ...
I just don't understand why Sam can't see that ... Why the hell our Alpha's so worried about him and wants us to check up on the dumb jerk. You'd have thought he'd have been glad of the peace, but oh, no ... Sam had to know if the wise-ass was ok ...
After a couple of minutes of frantic knocking, I finally gave up.
" Seth ... I'm off. It's obvious there's no one here. We did what Sam asked and there's no point hanging around an empty house, so we may as well go- "
" No ! " Seth replied quietly, a stubborn expression on his normally good-natured face. " Sam told us to go check on Paul and that's what we're gonna to do- "
" Seth, trust me, there's no poi- "
Seth huffed. " Listen, Jake. Paul's here ... I know he is. I can feel him. Smell him. His scent's really fresh. We're going nowhere 'til we've seen him. I don't want Sam to chew me out if he finds out that Paul was here all along and we didn't bother or care enough to see if he's ok. I'd rather piss you off than have a furious Alpha on my back. " He reached past me and tested the door handle. To our concern, the door quietly swung open.
" Hell ! That can't be right ... " I muttered. Whatever Paul was, and my feelings about him, he never left his home unlocked if he wasn't around. I warily entered the house, closely followed by Seth.
" See ? Told you something was wrong. " Seth looked defiant, yet his eyes were ablaze with curiosity. " Uh ... maybe we should have a look around ? You know ? Check that everything's ok. That Paul's ok ... "
I slowly shook my head and rolled my eyes in disbelief. Seth genuinely believed something was up.
" Ok ... ok ... Let's get this over and done with, " I sighed heavily, then reluctantly approached the stairs and yelled, " Hey ! Meraz ! Get your no-good, lazy, fat ass down here. Sam sent us ... "
There was no reply. Seth and I exchanged glances. The house, although unusually neat, had an air of eerie stillness and a light film of dust coated the furniture.
" Shit ! Come on ... " Unusually worried, I took the stairs two at a time and headed for the bedroom at the end of the landing. " You take the rooms over there and I'll check this side of the landing. Ok ? " Seth nodded and darted into the first room. He soon came out, shrugging his broad shoulders helplessly and an equally worried frown graced his boyishly attractive face. I quickly checked the bedroom behind me and found it empty, then slowly turned my attention to the bathroom next door.
I began to feel distinctly uneasy as my hand gripped the door handle. A shiver ran down my spine and I felt a strange sense of foreboding. Paul's scent hung heavily in the air and then I caught it. I smelt blood. A lot of it ... And the worst thing ... ? It was Paul's ...
I opened the door and was instantly struck by the sweet, metallic aroma of blood as I entered the room. It made me want to gag. I fumbled for the light switch and blinked rapidly as the dark room lit up. It was then I saw him.
" Jake ... ? Jake ! Anything ... ? " I was vaguely aware of Seth's voice as he approached the bathroom, yet I couldn't move. Couldn't tear my eyes away from the prone, now almost waif-like figure that lay on the white tiles before me. Or look away from the almost empty bottle of Jack Daniels, the half empty strip of sleeping tablets and worst of all, the crimson-stained cut-throat razor which taunted me as it lay upon the cold, pristine floor.
" Fuck ! " I swore and as the blood drained away from my face, I began to feel the hot sting of inexplicable tears. My body began to tremble and I leant heavily against the wooden doorframe for support.
The sight of him, curled up in a foetal position in a pool of scarlet had me paralyzed with shock and horror. And I felt so bad. So disgusted with my behaviour. I truly hated myself at that moment.
Paul's a jerk. An ass. Stubborn. Proud. Impossibly arrogant and obnoxious. He pisses me off and annoys the hell outta me, but when all's said and done I never wanted to see him like this. Never like this. He's always been so strong. So full of life and vitality. Full of fire and passion. And as much as I was loathe to admit it, the guy's funny. He could make me laugh. And despite what my family and I'd thought, he'd treated Rachel well. He'd cared for and respected her. Treated her - even though he was as poor as we were - like a queen. A goddess. And she'd rejected him. Left him irreparably broken and in so much pain. Hurting so badly that he'd avoided everyone and had taken this path. He'd chosen the long and lonely road to oblivion, firmly believing that he wasn't worthy of love. If anything, this only proved to me that Rachel hadn't been worthy of him. That she hadn't deserved his love and devotion. That, in the end, he'd been far too good for her ...
" Jake ... What's wrong ? Did you find him ... ? " Seth's anxious voice broke into my thoughts. " Answer me ... Are you ok ? Is Paul ok ? "
I didn't turn to look at Seth, but kept my gaze firmly fixed on Paul, as if willing him to come around. But I didn't want Seth to see him like this. Paul would hate anyone seeing him so pitiful. So susceptible and defenceless. " Don't, Seth ... Don't come any closer. Yeah ... ? Just ... Just go and get Sam. Or Leah. She'll know what to do. Trust me, you don't want to see this. You don't need to, believe me. It's bad ... It's fucking bad- "
" Bu- "
" Seth ! Just go, man. Please ... Make sure the others get here. Now ! " I growled and turned to glare at him. Seth took one look at my pale, ravaged face and noted the fear, desperation and panic in my eyes, bolted down the stairs and left the house as if he were being chased by a pack of rabid dogs.
As soon as I heard the front door slammed, I willed myself to walk into the room. To approach him.
I could scarcely believe the physical change in him. Paul had been a virtual recluse over the past month and had been in hiding. And the rejection of his imprint had clearly taken its toll on him. He was literally and physically wasting away. He wasn't the tallest member of the Pack - but he'd always taken pride in keeping himself fit and in great shape, but now ... Now there was hardly anything of him. His lean, lithe, toned body was emaciated and resembled that of a famine victim. He looked fragile. Weak.
Seeing his gaunt, bloody frame was heartbreaking and shocking. Paul had always been one of the Pack's strongest members and seeing him look so vulnerable and in such a bad way was devastating. His smooth, russet skin had a deathly grey undertone, his lips were dry and chapped and he had dark circles around his eyes. His closely cropped, dark hair had grown out and was now lank, greasy and messy.
Yet inspite of his terrible and heart-rendingly woeful appearance, I found myself being drawn to Paul. A magnetic force pulled me to him and there was an inexplicable need to care for and protect him. And an overwhelming feeling that my most despised pack-brother had unwittingly become the centre of my universe and was now the most important person in my life ...
He was barely alive, his breathing shallow and uneven and his usually warm body felt cool to the touch. I grabbed a warm, clean towel which hung over the radiator and sank down to sit beside him, gently pulling him onto my lap. I wrapped the towel around the worst of the wounds and rested his head against my right shoulder.
" Christ, Paul ... You're a fucking idiot, man. Why the hell did you do this ? How could you do something so stupid, huh ? I know we don't get on, but for fuck's sakes, there's no need for you to try to off yourself to get rid of me. All you had to do was tell me to fuck off ... You didn't have to take things this far. I'm truly sorry I gave you such a hard time over the imprint. Over Rachel. I've been such a bastard. I ... I just never realized what you were going through 'til now ... "
And it was true - I hadn't known or understood what Paul had been going through. But now ... ? Now I could appreciate the pain and the suffering he'd experienced when his imprint rejected him. I could empathize with him. There was an intense need and a desperate longing to be at his side at all times. I felt bound to him even though he was entirely unaware of it. As I wound a protective arm around his slender frame, I couldn't help being aware of how fragile he was and that if I wasn't careful I could easily snap him in half. That thought scared the hell out of me. Paul wasn't meant to be like this. He was supposed to be tough. Strong. Fit and athletic. Not this broken, fragile, pitiful waif.
A stray lock of raven hair fell across his eyes and I carefully brushed it away. The tenderness he inspired within me was confusing to say the least. But it wasn't half as bewildering as the feeling of desire he evoked. As he lay quietly in my arms, I took the time to study at him properly. And I mean study him. Despite looking like hell, I could see that Paul was beautiful. Truly beautiful. I'd just never bothered to take the time to see it. To appreciate his beauty. I'd stupidly allowed my feelings - my prejudices against him - to get in the way and cloud my judgement. And now it had taken something like this, something as devastating as Paul's attempt to take his own life, to open my eyes and make me see the error of my ways.
I was so lost in thought, that I failed to hear Sam and Leah's arrival. It was only Leah's horrified gasp from the doorway that drew me back to reality. Startled by their presence, I wrapped my arms protectively around Paul and growled softly in warning as Sam entered the room.
" Jacob ... What have you done ? " He asked quietly, his eyes quickly scanning the room, taking everything in from the large, almost empty liquour bottle, the remaining tablets left in the strip to the lethal, bloody razor and the comatose shifter cradled in my arms.
" I ... uh ... I ... "
" Jacob ! " Sam's eyes narrowed and remained fixed upon me. His massive frame towered over us, his stance pure Alpha. " What have you done ? "
I remained silent, my gaze fixed hungrily, yet tenderly, upon Paul's pale, tearstained, handsome face. Unconsciously, I ran my knuckles up and down his bicep, my touch gentle and light.
" I know what Jake's done, Sam ... " Leah's husky voice was soft, yet oddly sympathetic. I raised my head to look at her and saw that her lovely, whisky-hued eyes were brimming with unshed tears. She gave me a brief, genuine, warm smile and continued, " it's so obvious, Sam. Even a moron like you couldn't miss it, unless you're so fucking blind that you can't see what's right in front of you ... It's simple, you brainless asswipe. Jake's imprinted ... On Paul ... "
T. B. C.