The Last Beginning - Part 2
21 Verimensis, 9:31
I have written to Irving and the Circle, beseeching that they send another healer to Denerim, as well as acolyte if they could spare both. Preferably female, but I will take whomever I can get. Irving, far more than most of the Circle, understands more about the whims of young people in love and desiring children. The rest, of course, will simply see it as a political necessity. I am hopeful that they will acquiesce to my request, and I am confident that Irving will fight for my cause if only to please the young woman trapped within my aging body.
I am pleased yet reserved that Alistair and Elissa are wanting to go forward with my plan. They deserve this happiness, and beyond that, if the events of the past year have taught us anything, Ferelden needs an heir to the throne. I sincerely doubt that there are any more of Meric's by-blows lurking in some forgotten corner of Thedas. If there are, they were not born under the nose of an arl, and thus have no idea of the royal blood in their veins. This is probably for the best overall, but it does not solve this problem of the taint.
13 Pluitanis, 9:31
I received a reply from the Circle today. Irving will not just be sending a mage to assist me, but Senior Enchanter Leborah herself, my old colleague. He also states that my old student Petra volunteered to accompany Leborah, and was so adamant in her desire to assist with this task that he couldn't leave her behind in good conscience. The plan, Irving states, is for him to accompany Leborah and Petra when they travel to Denerim for the royal wedding come late Nubulis. Several other notable figures from the Circle, as well as Knight-Commander Greagoir and several Templars, will be accompanying them. The wedding itself is scheduled for the last day of Eluviesta, which will allow for beautiful spring weather, but it will also make for abysmally bad travel for the wedding guests. Poor Irving. I don't envy him the trip.
Elissa is overjoyed. Alistair quipped something along the lines of letting the entire Circle of Magi into their bedchamber. He stated that he was losing hope that he would be the only one in the room with a long, thick staff in his hand. Which, in his own ridiculous way, means he's touched and thankful as well.
29 Pluitanis, 9:31
The wedding plans are coming along as only these things can come along; slowly, painfully, and with the threat of Elissa going bald from pulling her hair out. She is a warrior at heart, not a princess, but the seneschal appointed to organizing the wedding just doesn't see that. He wants her approval on everything, and refuses to believe that she simply does not care much for anything except being declared Alistair's wife and queen when the day is done. I know this doesn't seem like something I should be writing here in this particular manuscript, but I mention it because I feel the need to intervene here, for the sake of her health. We will most likely being the treatments before the actual wedding day, and the additional stress could make things more difficult. I will speak to him and see if I can change his approach.
1 Nubulis, 9:31
Speaking with the seneschal has proven… difficult. I have decided to try a more unorthodox approach, much as it pains me. I spoke with Elissa, and recommended that she grant Zevron the authority to sign off on any wedding decision on her behalf. As much as I despise the vile Antivan and his inappropriate humor, the thought of sicking him on this particular problem seems fitting somehow. She agreed, and stated that they would probably spend every waking moment planning the event, morning and night. Especially night. I suppose that's one way to get him out of our hair for the next two months. The way he eyes Elissa has always gotten my dander up, and if she were to suddenly become fertile ground, as it were… I trust that elf not at all. If he's infatuated with a fancy serving boy, more's the better.
28 Nubulis, 9:31
A messenger arrived today, stating that Irving's party from the mage tower was about a week away from arriving in Denerim. Preparations have begun to set up apartments for Leborah and Petra. I envision taking shifts maintaining the necessary taint-shields, with whomever casts the evening spell staying nearby overnight, so that the spell can be re-cast as soon as possible in the morning.
The more and more I think about how the next year will play out, the more nervous I become. I wonder what I've truly committed myself and my colleagues to, and whether or not our efforts will be all for naught. But I must stay positive in front of the Wardens. If I appear to be losing hope, it will infect them and dampen their spirits.
Talking of spirits, the spirit that sustains me has been very quiet lately. It hasn't faded, but it certainly hasn't gained any strength either. I hope that the extra support in Leborah and Petra on hand will help to prevent myself from becoming over exhausted. Time will tell.
5 Eluviesta, 9:31
Irving's party arrived yesterday, the first of many groups to arrive for the festivities. Alistair called the first of many pre-wedding feasts, to celebrate the coming together of those who aided the Wardens on their path to stopping the Blight. It touched me to learn that Dagna, the dwarven girl that we recommended for study at the Circle, had decided to accompany the group. She is a joy to talk to; her spirit is infectious. I think I may even have a chat with her about the original subject of this manuscript. I realize that I am rambling off my original topic here, dear reader, but I hope you can find it in your heart to indulge an old woman the chance to write about something she considers worthy of documenting.
It is good to have the camaraderie of my fellow mages around me again. I do not regret my decision to stay at court, but it has been a challenge for me emotionally. Perhaps I can convince Irving to retire once my chosen endeavor comes to a close, regardless of its outcome. It would be nice to spend time with him, outside of the stresses of the Circle. But those are thoughts for another day, when I have consumed fewer flagons of ale.
7 Eluviesta, 9:31
Leborah, Petra and I met today, and I explained my plan to them more in detail. We are all in agreement that a shield constructed to block only the magic of the taint should hopefully accomplish our goals. Physical functions should carry on as normal within the shield, and blood should pass through the barrier unhindered. Only the taint would be blocked from entering. Initially banishing the taint from the necessary organs and glands, however, will not be easy. What will probably need to happen is that one of us shall need to focus on shifting the taint out of the target area, while another one sets up the walls of the shield once all has been removed. Maintaining the shield after that point should not be too difficult, just time intensive and demanding. Maker give me strength.
9 Eluviesta, 9:31
Leborah and I commenced the initial phase of treatment on Alistair today. By the Maker, do men EVER grow up? I know this is Alistair I am speaking of, but he should thank Andraste that I'm so willing to overlook his jocular manner. I know it is just his way of dealing with emotions he'd rather not leave exposed. His armor, if you will.
But this fact does little to make it less infuriating at times.
My impressions are that the procedure went extremely well. Since we are only dealing with a small percentage of his body, relocating the taint outside of his seed glands was surprisingly much easier than I expected. Leborah cast the initial shield, and she is maintaining it at the moment. We shall re-examine things in the morning, to see whether or not any traces of the taint have returned to the glands.
10 Eluviesta, 9:31
Upon examination this morning, while attempting to ignore yet another comment about "no longer being impure", it appears that the taint shield is holding nicely. The subtle physical damage caused by the taint is still there, however, so it remains to be seen whether or not Alistair's body will be able to heal itself. I must keep this brief, for the shield is currently my burden. Perhaps this will get easier, given time… I do not look forward to the time where we are maintaining shields on both Alistair and Elissa. Once Leborah and I are comfortable with this, however, we will teach Petra. That will alleviate some of our burden.
17 Eluviesta, 9:31
Petra has taken the night shift, and I am very grateful to be able to sleep at a proper time of day. She is young, and more resilient to such an upside-down way of living.
Naturally, nature can not leave well enough alone. Elissa informed me today that her moon blood has started. We have only a few days to prepare before we will need to start treating and shielding her as well.
Maker let our efforts not be in vain.
20 Eluviesta, 9:31
Events are flying fast and furious now, so I barely have time to write.
Arl Eamon and his retinue from Redcliffe have arrived. Much to Oghren's pleasure, the representatives of King Bhelen and the dwarven assembly are now here. I can only hope they don't finish off all the good ale before the wedding.
The bard Leliana has returned from wandering the countryside, and apparently has penned a ballad describing our final battle against the Archdemon. Were I younger, this would have set my heart alight with pride. Now, though, I'm mostly thankful that she did not include the term "elder mage" anywhere in it.
Our most surprising guest by far is that of the Dalish Keeper, Laryna, along with few of her warriors. Her curiosity about the outside world finally overcame her fear of it, though I worry that she may have picked a most chaotic time to visit. I must remember to stop by and say hello, and try to make her feel more comfortable. Perhaps she will have word from Anarian. They have put her and the other Dalish in a tower high and far from the bustle of court, but I do not think it is enough.
Now if I wasn't so blasted tired all the time, I could properly enjoy all this company. As it is, keeping my head afloat and conscious is at the limit of my abilities.
21 Eluviesta, 9:31
The time has come to cast our wards on Elissa. Petra has agreed to take on maintaining Alistair's wards full-time. This plan concerns me greatly, because even if the spell can last for hours while not consciously being maintained, she will still need to wake in the middle of the night and re-kindle the spell. Plus, in this time period, the spell will weaken, if only slightly… and this is the most critical time for Alistair's involvement in the procedure. Her devotion is unwavering, and all our spirits depend on working together and having faith in one another's abilities.
Andraste's mercy, the wedding is only a mere 9 days away. I wonder, would it have killed us to wait a month until after it was over to being this? For it may indeed kill me for having started when we did.
But no. I've known this from the beginning. The sooner we begin, the less damage there is to overcome. The only reason we waited so long in the first place is because weddings between heads of state are horrifically complex affairs to coordinate. Politically, it would have been unwise for it to be publicly known that any child of Alistair and Elissa's union was conceived before they were bound in the eyes of the Maker, especially so soon after coercing the Landsmeet to accept Maric's bastard as the true heir to the throne.
These events are thankfully temporary. Soon, the chaos will die down, and may even someday be wistfully missed. But right now, I can only wait patiently until I and my fellow mages will be able to focus completely on the task at hand. The Maker guide and preserve us.
22 Eluviesta, 9:31
In theory, one would think that the casting and sustaining of a taint shield would be a task of equal effort, no matter the body one was trying to work within. In practice, however, this could not be farther from the truth.
I could not have anticipated how much harder it would be to maintain a taint-shield in a woman's body. There appears to be a fundamental difference between how the sexes deal with the taint. In men, it slowly causes corruption and changes. There is an odd sense of… acceptance, perhaps. That this taint, while not something to be embraced, is not something foreign or hurtful either. It is just… a manifestation of a change. Slow, twisting, warping change, but not an evil to host an Exalted March against.
This could not be further from the truth when speaking of a female Grey Warden.
Every fibre of Elisa's being fights the taint. Tries to keep it from hurting her, from changing her. I am uncertain if this is a unique phenomenon, or one that all female Wardens, few as they have been, have suffered from. It is said that male Wardens will slowly go mad and turn into ghouls… while female Wardens turn into something else. Something far more vile and Maker-forgotten. May you never be so unfortunate as to travel to the Deep Roads, to witness the horror that is a Broodmother.
I should have made the connection earlier, I really should have. But I had assumed that such a manifestation of the taint required something more than just the Joining of the Grey Wardens. The consumption of Darkspawn flesh. Over-exposure to lyrium. The simple passage of time. Something besides mere exposure.
Perhaps the more extreme abominations do require such, for Elissa is in no immediate danger of turning into a fanged, tentacled, flesh-hungry Darkspawn. But the act of moving the taint out of her femaleness is proving far more difficult than moving it out of Alistair's maleness. Her body's inherent rejection of the taint makes it resist such movements strongly. It is not a matter of placing a stone in a stream and having the water part around it. It is more akin to trying to push a boulder up a steep hill. Her body has the taint in complete balance, a balance caused by mutual hatred rather than cooperation. No part of her self will accept more than any other.
We did manage to clear one of her quickening glands, and Leborah is shielding it now. I will relieve her in a couple hours time. But on the morrow, we will need to maintain and expand the existing shield far beyond that small walnut-sized area. It will not be easy. Perhaps I will request Irving's assistance, while he is still here in Denerim and doing so will not pull him away from his duties to the Circle beyond that which he is already being asked to do. I believe that once we establish the shields, we three will be able to maintain it. It is this initial flushing that is proving most vexing.
22 Eluviesta, 9:31
Irving graciously, if reluctantly, agreed to aid Leborah and I in the remaining cleansing ritual. He resists out of a sense of propriety, but accepts out of a sense of duty. He knows that the Wardens are responsible for the liberation of the Tower, and admits this is why he sent a Senior Enchanter as well as a fully trained mage to assist in my endeavor. Still, I believe he is not comfortable touching a woman young enough to be his granddaughter in such an intimate fashion, even if it is only through his powers and not physically.
With his help, I am pleased to say that we successfully cast a taint shield around Elissa's womb, and both quickening glands.
Let me step back a moment. I would have explained this more yesterday, but I was so frustrated with the fight the taint was giving us, it completely slipped my mind. A mage with healing talents can use their powers to almost see within a person's body. It is not sight, not in the way that our eyes use light to create pictures. It is more of a feeling… not unlike sticking ones hand into a bowl of oatmeal and feeling around for the raisins. This is how I know that a woman's quickening glands are approximately the size of a walnut, and more importantly, how to find them. The procedure on a woman is much more feel-and-guess than it is on a man. Where to cast such a spell on a man is blatantly obvious. On a woman, you have to first use your healer's sight to find what you are looking for, and then hold onto it long enough to ensure your magics are properly directed.
The shield is currently about the size of two dessert plates, one placed upside-down on top of another to create a cavity between. It is more than double the size of the shield that Petra is valiantly withholding over Alistair. It is much harder to maintain, but not impossible. Irving is holding it for now, since I spearheaded the cleansing ritual, but now that I have taken a quick nap and taken time to record my findings, I shall go to relieve him.
Please, Maker, I know these things cannot be hurried. But if your eye and Andraste's grace could shine upon us, I would be grateful. I must find the strength to hold out long enough to at least say that we have done all we can do.