Twilight and all of it's characters do not belong to me, they belong to the wonderful Stephenie Meyer. I'm just borrowing them for a bit.
Alice (v.2)
I knew as soon as I came downstairs that Edward wasn't going to school. He was sprawled out on the couch in an old pair of sweats and a tee shirt watching TV. No way would he be dressed like that if he was going to school, he was lucky I let him get away with it around the house, but he always preferred to sleep in sweats to real pajamas.
I skipped over the last step, making a little thump when I landed on the floor. Not loud, just loud enough to catch Edward's attention. He looked up at me from the TV and I narrowed my eyes at him.
"Staying home, brother mine?" I asked.
I looked him over and decided he didn't look sick, at least not enough to stay home for the day.
He grinned up at me, "My throat is sore, Carlisle said I could stay home today." Adding, before I could question the truth of that, "I'm sicker then I look, trust me."
I might have believed him if he hadn't stuck his tongue out at me when he was done talking. I rolled my eyes and plopped down next to him on the couch. It was early still and we were the first two down, besides Carlisle and Esme that is. Carlisle had probably already left for the day, and I hadn't seen Esme yet but knowing her she was around getting things ready for us for the day. I grabbed Edward's hand in mine and stared down at our fingers as they entwined.
Edward and I were brother and sister, twins actually. We lost our mom at birth and our father when we were just four. We had no other family so we ended up in the foster system. Edward is the only family member I can remember now. I have a few pictures of my parents but no actual memories. My brother has been the only true constant in my life, he is the one person I hide nothing from.
When we were nine we were taken in by Carlisle and Esme Cullen. We ended up in the Emergency Room one evening with broken bones and no house to go back to, which is when we met Dr. Cullen. Carlisle patched up our broken bones, gathered us up, and took us home with him without ever looking back. Everyone told him and his wife Esme that they were crazy, they were so young and we were so obviously broken. But the young couple ignored everyone's warnings, and proceeded to patch us up, piece by piece. It would be years before we healed, at least in the places that mattered, but eventually we did, thanks all to the husband and wife who took us in that day.
They were our family now, our parents, and when we were eleven they officially took up the mantel, adopting us as their own. Not a day goes by that Edward and I don't realize how lucky we are to have them.
I leaned my head on Edward's shoulder and closed my eyes and tried to empty my mind.
Edward and I were what some people would call special, and others would call freaks. We each are equipped with our own special ability, and we have no idea why or even how it works, we just know that we've always been like this. Edward can sense peoples thoughts, he doesn't actually read minds or anything like that but he can get a sense of what the person is thinking, of who they really are, and when they're lying. And I get glimpses of the future. I'm not a fortune teller, it's nothing that clear, I can't see events exactly as they will happen, it's more like I'm seeing things through a dream. Everything is fuzzy and I get quick glimpses. I often know when something important is about to happen, or when someone new is going to enter our lives, or when we're about to encounter change. Sometimes if I really concentrate I can get a couple specifics, see who a person will be to us, things like that. It's not a science at all, and I've been known to be wrong on occasion.
Hardly anyone knows about the things we can do. Our parents Carlisle and Esme, our brother Emmett, and Rose and Jasper. Carlisle, ever the doctor, has tried to convince us to go in for some tests, but Edward and I both refuse. We'd rather keep our abilities to ourselves.
When we're close to each other, and focus that's when things come in clearer for us. It's almost like our abilities were enhanced with proximity. As I sat next to him on the couch I focused on what was ahead, trying to catch any glimpses, see if there was anything we needed to keep an eye out for.
For the past few days images had been coming to me, too quickly or too fuzzy for me to make any real sense of, but I had the feeling something big was about to happen and it frustrated me that I couldn't figure out what it was. It didn't usually take this long for me to understand a vision and it was stressing me out. I kept thinking maybe it was something important and I would catch it too late. Which is why I had plopped down next to Edward, I hoped that being next to him would focus my visions, unfortunately they weren't any clearer now then they were the past few days.
I sighed and stood up and Edward looked up at me curiously, sensing my frustration. "Still can't figure it out?"
"No, it's not becoming any clearer, and it's making me edgy. I don't like seeing and not knowing. It's giving me a headache." To press my point I rubbed at my temples, and thought tha\\ maybe I should take a couple of aspirin before I headed to school.
Edward focused on my face for a minute and I could tell he was concentrating, but whether he was trying to get a sense of what I was thinking or just thinking things out I wasn't sure. After a minute he blinked and smiled up at me, apparently deciding that there was nothing to worry about.
"Relax Alice. If it's something we need to know we'll figure it out, we always do." And with that he turned away, focusing on our brother Emmett who was coming down the stairs.
Emmett isn't our real brother, not by birth anyway. He came to Carlisle and Esme as Edward and I had, through the foster system, only a few years after us. He was thirteen to our twelve, and the minute he stepped through the front door Edward and I knew that we had a new brother. I don't know what it was about him but we had instantly felt a connection. Emmett is a big bear of a boy, even when he was young he was big for his age, and he's open, kind, and without guile, making him easy to love. He loves practical jokes, he's loud and annoying, and he can drive you up the wall sometimes, but he is without a doubt our older brother. He watches out for us and we watch out for him, we are a team.
When Emmett walked into the room the first thing he did was engulf me in a great big bear hug. Normally I would give him a hard time about it and act like it annoyed me, but today I was grateful for the sense of security that I felt while surrounded by Emmett. He looked down at me for a second, I guess trying to decide why I offered no protest over his hug. He must not have seen anything on my face to worry him and so he turned to Edward.
"What's up Edward? Hope you're not going to school in that outfit, I doubt you'll find a girl wearing sweat pants." Emmett laughed, I assumed at the idea of Edward asking a girl out in his old sweat pants.
Edward just rolled his eyes at Emmett. "First, I have no plans to ask anyone at our school out, in sweat pants or otherwise, as you are already aware. Second, I'm staying home, so you guys can catch a ride with Rose today."
Emmett and I both groaned. Rose was our sort of sister. Her and her real brother Jasper moved in here about two years ago when their parents were killed in a car crash. They're actually Esme's niece and nephew, though they hardly ever got to see her and Carlisle while they were growing up. Esme's sister lived in the southeast with her husband and son Jasper, who was the same age as Edward and I, and daughter Rosalie who was Emmett's age. Even though the two sisters were close and talked on the phone all the time they didn't get to see each other often. When Esme's sister and brother-in-law were killed Esme and Carlisle didn't hesitate to take their two kids in. Jazz and Rose have been living here ever since.
The minute I saw Jasper Hale I fell in love. We were only fifteen at the time but I knew then that he was the one I was meant to be with. I was never able to look at him as a brother, he was always just Jasper to me, the boy I loved. When he and Rose came to us they were grieving for their parents, and spent all of their time with each other, shutting the rest of us out. It was a year before I felt like I had the chance to get to know them at all, before they started to really come out of their cocoon they had surrounded themselves within.
It didn't bother to wait, I knew I could give Jasper the time he needed to grieve and heal, and that I would be here waiting for when he was ready. Eventually he was ready to leave behind his sadness and start settling down into his new life. It didn't take long till we were dating.
At first Esme and Carlisle were not happy, and then I think they thought it was something that would pass quickly, and then I think they finally realized we had real feelings for each other, even if they couldn't understand them. They let us date, but there are strict rules, which we happily abide by. Jazz and I would never intentionally hurt Carlisle or Esme so we are happy to take our relationship at a speed they are comfortable with. We know we have all the time in the world, so we're content to take things slow, at least physically. Even for Carlisle and Esme I would not hold back my emotional connection to Jazz, I love him too much to try.
Rosalie took a little longer to accept her life here in Forks. She wasn't ready as fast as Jasper was to open up to our family, and she wasn't happy when Jasper was ready to let the grief wash away before she was. The next six months were a very tense six months in our house. Rose seemed to only take pleasure in our misery, and so she lashed out at us all, almost like a wounded animal. She especially loved to go after Edward, who as Esme and Carlisle's favorite got under her skin even more then the rest of us. Those two probably would have eventually killed each other if it wasn't for Emmett.
Emmett watched Rose struggle with her grief and tried time after time to reach out to her. Each time she rejected him. She wanted nothing to do with the big bear boy as she liked calling him, and ignored his attempts to cheer her up and get her to laugh. Emmett knows how to be persistent though and he waited Rose out, always reaching out to her, letting her know he was there if and when she needed him. Six months ago the two of them had it out, Rose had pushed and pushed and one day she just pushed too far. The explosion rocked our house, but when it was done Rose had finally been able to leave her grief and misery behind her. The two of them have been together ever since. Rose could probably have any man she wanted, but from that point on she only ever wanted Emmett.
Unlike Jasper and I, Rose and Emmett were always a very physical couple, right from the beginning. Esme and Carlisle spend most of their time trying to avoid thinking about the physical side of Emmett and Rose's relationship. I think if it was anyone else but Rose they would have tried to put a stop to it, but I think they were so happy to just see Rose happy for the first time since she moved in with us that they just let it happen.
And so our family was finally complete. We still have some kinks to work out. Rose and Edward still tend to annoy each other more often then not, and poor Edward has to deal with everyone around him happily in love, but for the most part we are happy.
Except for the fact that we would have to catch a ride to school with Rose. Edward and Rose were the only two with cars. Carlisle and Esme thought it would be a waste if we were all running around in our own cars so they decided they would get two for us all to share. Somewhere along the way we stopped sharing and Edward and Rose had confiscated the cars. They were the two car enthusiasts in the family and rather then go up against them the rest of us gave in. Edward drives a white Volvo, Rose a red BMW. Her tastes seem to run on the expensive side.
The reason we groaned when thinking of driving to school with Rose was because of out of all of us she is the craziest driver. She only half pays attention to the road, too busy talking and looking in the mirror and focusing on every little thing to pay attention. This usually isn't a problem because we take Edward's car most of the time. Rose doesn't mind because she's sure someone is going to dent her BMW in the school parking lot, so she's ok with Edward driving to and from school, but today there'd be no escaping it.
As Rose, followed by Jasper, came down the stairs Emmett and I exchanged looks, both dreading our ride to school. Then Emmett turned to Rose and gave her a big hug and kissed the top of her head, and I reached out and grabbed Jasper's hand. I turned back to Edward, my question clear on my face. He looked up from the TV just long enough to nod at Rose and Jazz and point me in the direction of the kitchen. I turned and headed towards the back of the house with Jazz in tow. As we were about to enter the kitchen I mumbled to him sotto voice that Rose would be driving us this morning. He grumbled some but never slowed as we crossed through the kitchen doorway.
The kitchen was the brightest room in the house. Esme spent a lot of time in here and wanted it nice and bright and welcoming. It was our family's favorite room in the house. We loved gathering around in the kitchen, talking and catching up and helping Esme cook. She was making breakfast when Jazz and I walked into the kitchen. I let go of Jazz's hand and went over and gave her a hug.
"Hi mom. Thanks for being here." I whispered to her quietly as I hugged her.
"Morning Alice. I'll always be here, love." Esme whispered to me as she hugged me back.
It was our morning ritual. It started sometime when I was about eleven and has continued ever since. Though I no longer need it like I did then I still take comfort in the honesty behind the simple words. Esme will always be there for me. It brings a smile to my face as it has done every morning since the first time that we said the words to each other.
The rest of the family, Edward included, piled into the kitchen, helping to get things together to sit down for breakfast at the table. We always try to get up and ready for school early enough to have time to sit down to eat breakfast together. It's been a family tradition dating back to when Edward and I first moved in. Esme wanted to know her family was starting the day off with full stomachs and the knowledge that we were there for each other. It's always been one of my favorite parts of the day.
Emmett had just shoved a piece of toast in his mouth when he turned to Edward. "Bro, you sure you don't want to come to school? New girl starts today," he said.
Edward just shook his head not even bothering to look up. I looked over at Emmett and smiled and shrugged, giving him credit for his last ditch effort to get out of having to drive in to school with Rose.
Esme missed the undertones of the conversation and focused on what Emmett had just said. "Someone new is starting at school today? I didn't hear of any new families in the area."
I was the one who answered, as I was usually the most up to date on gossip. "It's actually not a new family. Chief Swan's daughter moved in with him. I guess she had lived with her mom up until now, though I'm not sure why she's moving here now. She'll be in class with Edward, Jasper, and I."
Then I turned to look meaningfully over at Jasper and Rose, "So that means the two of you will no longer be the new kids at school."
Jazz and Rose both let out a significant groan. Although they moved here two years ago, our town was so small, with so few new families moving in that they were the last new additions to our school. It wouldn't have been a big deal if it wasn't for the fact that in our school you were considered the new kid until someone else took your place. Rose and Jazz have had to put up with being called newbies, noobs, new kids, and any other form of the words the Forks student body at large could come up with over the past two years. It had started to wear on them to say the least. They've been trying unsuccessfully to get it dropped for quite some time now. I figured, if no one else, the two of them would be happy about Forks High's new addition.
We finished breakfast and managed to get the kitchen cleaned up and then grabbed our stuff to head out the door. Edward told us to have fun while Emmett asked him one last time if he didn't want to change his mind and come to school to check out the new girl. Edward checked to make sure Esme wasn't looking, then gave Emmett the finger, smiled at him and walked out of the kitchen. Emmett snorted and walked out the door towards the garage and the BMW where Rose was already waiting. As Jazz finished throwing on his shoes I walked over and gave Esme a kiss on the cheek. She turned back and gave me a hug and wished me a good day and then I caught up to Jazz and we hopped into the back seat of the BMW.
As we knew it would be the drive to school was a little scary, Rose having to swerve back on to the road at least three times as her focus drifted from the road. In Rose's defense I will say that we never managed to get to school as quickly with Edward as we did with her. The girl does love to drive fast.
When we got to school we all parted ways. Normally Edward and I would have first period History together, but besides that none of us would see each other again till lunch. After lunch Jasper and I had a class together, and Rose and Emmett had their last class together and that was it. We'd see each other throughout the day, but for the most part were in classes by ourselves.
We always sat together at lunch. Edward and I, and to some extent Emmett, have been in Forks long enough to be seen as just any other Forks students. We weren't born here, but we'd been a permanent fixture long enough that we weren't thought of as outsiders. We were popular and had friends and were as at ease with our classmates as they were with us.
Or we were, until then the Hales moved in with us. Not only were they the new kids, but then I started dating Jasper and Emmett starting dating Rose. We were supposed to be brothers and sisters, at least to the rest of Forks, and we were living together and then we started dating. It shocked our school. But Edward, Emmett, and I had never felt like Rosalie and Jasper were our brother and sister. We loved them yes, and we felt connected to them, but on a different level. Even Edward, who felt no romantic tendencies to either Hale sibling didn't view them as a brother or sister. We were united in our love for Carlisle and Esme, and we did see each other as a family, but just not in your typical pattern.
The rest of the school couldn't really get over it though. They eventually got past it, I think it helped that Emmett was on the Varsity football team, and Rose became a cheerleader, it was hard to shun them when they were on two of the most popular teams. It was uncomfortable for a while, but our united front finally wore down the school. But, like I said, they never really got over it and we would never be able to go back to the easy relationships we once had. Edward, I think, suffered the most from it, after all, he was losing friends without gaining the type of relationship that Emmett and I had gotten out of the deal. He paid the price without the prize waiting for him. He never complained though, never blamed any of us, or showed any resentment towards us. I think it was enough that I, and then eventually Emmett, were so happy, which of course made me love Edward all the more.
Now we had finally established a comfortable pattern with those around us. We interacted, and even hung out with our old friends, but the closeness would never come back. An outsider would probably not be able to tell the difference, but for the three of us who had considered Forks home for all these years, it would always be obvious.
So that's why we sat together by ourselves during lunch, and why we were sitting together now off on our own. I hadn't had a chance to check out the new girl all day and I had to admit to myself that I was a little curious. I was the first at our table to make it in to the cafeteria and as Esme had sent a packed lunch in with me I was able to go sit right down without having to stand in line for lunch. Jasper and Rose were only a few seconds behind me and came right over to join me, as they both had their lunches with them also. Emmett was the last in and went right over to stand in line for lunch. Esme offered to pack him a lunch just as she did for the rest of us, but Emmett usually declined, saying he would rather buy a hot lunch at school then bring something cold in. Emmett took food very seriously and always picked a hot meal over a bag lunch.
I pulled out my lunch and asked Jazz and Rose how their day had been going, and whether either of them had caught site of the new girl yet. Rose rolled her eyes, I guess it was her way of letting me know she had no interest in the new girl, but Jasper shook his head and told me he hadn't seen her yet.
I looked around the cafeteria and noticed Jessica Stanley waving to someone still standing in line for lunch. As she was turned away from me and facing Jessica I didn't get a look at her, but as I didn't recognize her from the back I assumed that this was Miss Isabella Swan, Charlie Swan's daughter and Forks newest resident New Kid. I sat back and relaxed figuring that the exchange between her and Jessica meant that she'd be sitting over at Jess's table and if I waited another minute I'd get my first look at her.
Despite everything that had happened between us and our classmates over the past year I couldn't seem to stop myself from getting wrapped up in all of the school gossip. I am at heart a busy body, and I willingly acknowledge that fact. My family knows that if they want to find out what's going on at our school, or in the town, that I am the one to come to. I soak up gossip like it's air, and I'm not sure why. I just love trying to figure out how everyone works, and how they all fit in together. It keeps me from getting bored, and drives Edward up the wall.
Edward is the exact opposite of me. He could care less what gossip is floating around and pays attention to pretty much no one. Occasionally he'll try to humor me and ask if so and so is still dating, and I'll roll my eyes and inform him that they broke up three months ago and have completely moved on. When it comes to our level of interest in our fellow classmates Edward and I are like night and day, with Jasper, Emmett, and Rose all falling somewhere in the middle. Jasper tends to lean more towards Edwards attitude about all the gossip, and Rose tends to lean more towards my line of thought, and surprisingly Emmett usually keeps up with the gossip about as much as Rose does, which gives Edward and Jasper something to pick on him about.
The new girl had finally sat down over at Jessica's table and I got my first good look at her. She was short. Taller then me but shorter then Rose, even shorter then Jess I thought. She had brown hair and brown eyes. She was pretty, but not in an overly obvious way. If you didn't take the time to look you might miss it, but once you did really look her beauty popped out at you, it wasn't conventional but it was there. Her wardrobe didn't help her stand out in any way. She had on a jeans and a tee shirt with a simple white long sleeve shirt under her tee. I allowed myself a second to imagine the outfit I would have put her in instead, making her stand out rather then fade into the background and then continued to look her over. Clothing aside, she seemed open and friendly, and my first thoughts were she was too open and friendly to be sitting with Jess and Lauren, who would eat her up and toss her out like sharks with their lunch. I felt an odd urge to go over and protect her, which was weird because she was no one to me.
I was getting ready to turn and point her out to Jasper when it happened. The vision that had been working it's way through my subconscious the past few days finally surfaced through. I gave in to it and lost all awareness of the cafeteria around me. At some point I felt Jazz's hand reach out and grab mine and I was certain he knew one of my visions had taken me over and wanted to lend me his support without drawing attention to me.
I had no idea how long I sat there frozen in place, lost in my vision, but from the look on the Swan girl's face when I came back to myself, it probably looked like I had been staring at her the entire time. She probably thought I was some kind of crazy woman now. Great. I turned to Jazz and pretended to get involved with the conversation so I could give myself a minute to process what I had just learned. I felt Jazz looking at me from the corner of his eye and I smiled at him so he'd know I was ok.
It was obvious now that the Swan girl had been the reason behind my visions the past few days. I have no idea why it had been so hard for me to get a good focus on them, but I'd guess that it had something to do with never actually having met her before. I still don't really know what the vision had meant, it was just fragmented pieces, but at least now I was no longer looking at them through a fog. I felt sure that Isabella Swan would be important to our family, and in particular to Edward and myself. I felt excitement when I thought about it, and connected to Isabella now even though I had yet to meet her. It was like she was going to belong to us, to Edward and I. It sounded creepy but it felt right. All through lunch I couldn't stop myself from looking over at her. I wanted to go introduce myself to her and drag her away from Jessica and Lauren, and at the same time I wanted to run home to Edward to tell him all about both my vision and her. I didn't know what to do, so I just sat there watching her through lunch and thought about how I would ever tell Edward about her, and get him to understand what she was going to mean to us.
The bell finally rang signaling the end of lunch. I got up and threw my trash away and Jazz and I headed to our next class. I was practically bouncing up and down with my excitement and it finally caught Jazz's attention.
"What has gotten into you Alice? It's like that big sale over at the outlets in Seattle all over again," he said.
That had me pause for a second while I fondly remembered all the great deals I got that day.
I turned back to Jazz and tried to calm down enough to say something that made any kind of sense. "It's the new girl Jazz, she's what my visions have been about the past couple of days. I'm not sure what's going to happen but I do know she's going to end up a part of our lives."
We were almost to our class so there wasn't really time for Jazz to ask any questions, so I promised we'd talk more about it after school.
The rest of my classes for the day seemed to pass in slow motion. I couldn't wait for school to get over with so I could go home and tell Edward about Isabella Swan. I was disappointed that I didn't have any classes with her the rest of the day, but I was content that she would hopefully soon be a part of my life. Finally the last bell of the day rang and I went to my locker to get all of my books and stuff together and headed out to find the car and Jazz, Rosalie, and Emmett.
I walked outside and found the car sitting where we had parked it that morning. Everyone was already there, Emmett and Rose lip locked and looking like they might never come up for air, and Jasper laying on the hood of the car with his eyes closed waiting for me to appear. When I was about a foot away from the car he put his hand up and out for me, somehow knowing it was me without having to open his eyes. He's good at doing this and it has gotten to be a game for us. I always try to sneak up on him and catch him off guard and he always knows that it's me, no matter how quiet I am about it. I love this about him, love that he can somehow sense my presence next to him and just know that it's me. It puts a smile on my face every time.
As I reach him he sits up and we give each other our first real kiss for the day. It felt good and once again I was reminded of how much I love Jazz. It's like everything about him was made specifically for me, and I for him. We never fight, we care too much about how the other one feels to truly lose our tempers with each other. And though we don't always see eye to eye we somehow always work through our differences. Jasper has my heart, and always will.
After our kiss we pull away, but not so far that we're not touching. The afternoon is our time and we rarely let go of each other during these few hours. Out of respect for Esme and Carlisle we keep things tame, but this is our time to really show each other our love for the other, and we take full advantage.
Rose and Emmett finally come up for air long enough to see that Jazz and I are already at the car and waiting for them to stop going at it so we can finally head home. We hop in the car and pull out of the school parking lot when Jazz turns to me.
"So tell me about this vision you had today, you said it involved Chief Swan's daughter right?"
As soon as Rose and Emmett heard Jazz mention of a vision I had their full attention, which made me nervous as Rose was trying to drive at the same time. I sent up a little prayer that we would make it home in one piece and started to tell them about my vision.
I looked over at Emmett while I explained some of the back story. "So the past few days I've been having these really annoying visions that I couldn't interpret at all. They were too fragmented and hazy, but they've been driving me crazy because I felt like I should have been able to figure them out. I've been obsessing about them a little actually."
I looked up to make sure everyone was still with me and assured they were I got to the important part of the story, today's vision. "Anyway, at lunch today I had another vision and this one was a little more clear. It was obvious that they've been about the Swan girl the whole time, and I guess I was being held back by never having seen her before today. I still only got fragments, but it was enough to see that she is going to be important to our family, and somehow more so to Edward and I. I'm not sure how I got that from what I saw, images of her running through the woods, her and I sitting on Edward's rock near the stream, Edward behind her house, her looking into a mirror, just fragments, pieces of a whole I'm not seeing yet, and maybe never will. But, I'm sure I'm right about what she'll mean to us. When the vision was over I was left with this reassurance that we had somehow already been set off on a path we were meant to go down."
When I was done they all looked at me and then each other. I knew it wasn't going to mean as much to them as it would to me, or as much as it hopefully will to Edward who would at least be able to get a feel of my vision using his own unique ability, but I wanted to tell them about the vision anyway.
Rose was the first one to speak. "So what does it mean for us now?"
I looked at her in the mirror and lightly shrugged my shoulders. "For the moment it means telling Edward about what I saw, and then I guess sitting back and seeing how it plays out. As much as I wanted to talk to Isabella today I got the impression that it would be Edward who initiated contact with her. I guess until then the rest of us do nothing."
With that we had pulled into our driveway. We got out of the car and headed into the house to tell Edward about the girl we were about to get to know. We found him waiting for us in the music room.
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A/N: Anyway, reviews would be lovely and help me to know if I'm heading in the right direction. Thanks!
Whoo. That was a hard one for me to write for some reason. I had a hard time getting into Alice's head after spending so much time with Bella that I actually had to go back and almost start from scratch with this chapter. It just wasn't Alice enough for me. Anyway, the next chapter is from Edward's PoV, and it's probably the last time I do a full chapter from one characters PoV. After that I'll probably switch back and forth, unless I find it too hard for me to focus that way.