A/N: So, insert disclaimer here and enjoy.
A Price Paid
Merlin stood outside Arthur's chambers, hand hesitantly reaching for the door handle. Merlin was afraid. More than he had possibly ever been in his life. Merlin could only think of making this moment count, for it to be pure and real. This had to be the moment where Merlin had to say the goodbye that would break his heart and seal the coffin of Merlin's connections to life.
Merlin took a deep, calming breath to give him strength, and with that pushed the door gently open.
There the prat was, sitting in all his smug glory, drinking heartily and with ease, as if his wound had been nothing but a bruise from a small tumble.
Merlin inwardly grimaced and cringed at the sight of Arthur's casted arm. He hated seeing Arthur so hurt and vulnerable.
"Ah... Merlin." Arthur's voice was full of the arrogant business as usual attitude that drove Merlin mad.
"How are you?" Merlin asked gently, trying to avoid Arthur's piercing eyes.
"Good."
"I'm pleased."
"Yes - I owe it all to Gaius."
Merlin enjoyed the small talk, but he felt himself already starting to lose courage.
Merlin took another breath, "I need to talk to you."
Arthur, that prat, that absolutely, infuriatingly, perfect prat, snidely retorted, "You still haven't got it yet, have you? I decide when we need to talk."
Merlin wasn't going to let Arthur stop him; he had to say what he had on his mind. "Not today."
There was a tender moment of silence as they looked into each other's blue eyes, searching them and testing their owners.
"I sometimes wonder if you know who I am."
"Oh, I know who you are," Merlin sincerely meant with all his being.
"Good," Arthur drawled. Gods, he could really was a prat sometimes.
Merlin didn't realize it, but the words were already pouring out his mouth.
"You're a prat," Arthur looked up, and it took all of Merlin to refrain from laughing at his face, "and a royal one."
Arthur gave a tiny snicker and asked exasperatingly, "You ever going to change, Merlin?"
Merlin wished the smile that wasn't showing on his face could appear, but the moment felt too bittersweet.
"No, you'd get bored."
There was a small pause, but in that moment, he felt his relationship with Arthur was wrapping itself up on it's own. This nearly perfect moment with Arthur was all it took for Merlin's resolve to break. He had to speak now.
All he came up was the cryptic goodbye that the dragon would be proud of.
"Promise me this, if you get another servant, don't get a bootlicker."
Arthur was as oblivious as ever. "This is you trying to leave your job?"
"No," Arthur started to rub his injured shoulder, "I'm happy to be your servant till the day I die."
Arthur's head rose to meet Merlin's deep daze and in that moment, their souls met through their eyes.
The moment persisted; Merlin, trying to send a deeper message with his eyes, and Arthur, trying to understand and send the message back.
However, perfect moments can only last for but a moment.
"Sometimes I think I know you, Merlin, other times..." Arthur's eyes were on his goblet now.
"Well, I know you," this caught Arthur's searching eyes again, "and you're a great warrior. One day, you'll be a great king."
Suspicion and unease laced Arthur's words as what Merlin was saying was finally sinking in, "That's very kind of you."
However, Merlin couldn't help being honest, these were his dying words, weren't they, in a way? "But, you must learn to listen as well as you fight."
Obviously, Arthur was not in the mood to be taught a lesson. "Any other pointers?" The sarcasm was unmistakable.
Merlin dejectedly realized the conversation had ended, "No, that's it," still, he tried to finish with something, something, maybe Arthur would remember him by, "Just - don't be a prat."
Merlin turned and left, leaving a very puzzled prince in his wake.
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Arthur stared at the closed door through which Merlin had just left so definitely. For some reason, Arthur felt all wrong, like his stomach was ill, and he knew it wasn't anything to do with his injury. It was what Merlin has said. He had talked about Arthur's future as though he wouldn't be there to see it, and the way he said he would serve Arthur until he died... Although Arthur doesn't admit it, he knows he's a prat, so why would anyone want to serve him until they died unless they were going to die soon? It didn't make sense.
Arthur's brow furrowed as he thought about Merlin. Merlin was there for Arthur in more ways then anyone had ever been. Although he was arguably the worst manservant ever, Arthur appreciated Merlin's vivaciousness, persistence, and conscience. Without him, Arthur easily conceded that he would have been dead a long time ago. Thanks to Merlin, Arthur also realized now that he was a better person, and he didn't want to lose that.
Merlin. The idea of never seeing Merlin again chilled Arthur to his core. Why would Merlin saying his last words to Arthur now? It couldn't have anything to do with his own miraculous recovery - could it? He had said that his miracle was thanks to a guardian angel, but could Merlin be his guardian angel? Arthur had heard that someone could save someone's life by exchanging their own, but this was rumored to be magic of the Old Religion, and according to his father, the darkest and most dangerous magic of all sorcery.
With that, a piece of the puzzle slid into place, and Arthur jolted as he muttered frantically, "But, Merlin couldn't have gotten himself involved in that kind of sorcery, after all, he's Merlin for the gods' sakes. Manservants don't dabble in dark magic... Merlin doesn't do evil things. Why would he be able to do magic if it's all evil?"
Merlin was the most pure person Arthur had ever met. The strangest, too, but with the best intentions at heart.
Inside his head, Arthur settled down, reminding himself that he shouldn't get ahead of itself. Merlin had just come to see how Arthur was doing and along the way he had said some deeply profound statements of loyalty. It could have just been Merlin acting up, as usual, but now here was Arthur, already fearing his dearest friend was a sorcerer who had given his own life to save Arthur's. It was absurd. After all, this was Merlin he was talking about, Merlin, the worst manservant in the history of the universe, and here he was thinking he might be a powerful warlock with grand, powerful abilities. No. No, not possible.
Arthur shook his head at his crazy conclusion, trying hard to dismiss all of his fears and doubt. Still, deep in his heart, Arthur knew that he was kidding himself thinking there was anything ordinary about Merlin. Even after only their second meeting, Arthur was sure that there was something about Merlin. Something Arthur just couldn't put his finger on. Sometimes, when Merlin would smile and Arthur would laugh with him, Arthur would think to himself that the way he was drawn to Merlin, well, it was almost like magic...
All in all, the Crown Prince could not find sleep that night, as all he could think of was his dear Merlin.
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Merlin was incredibly silent as he left Arthur to mend on his own. Although Merlin didn't want to go through the tearful goodbyes, he wanted Arthur to know at least some advice for his destiny, as it would seem that Merlin's destiny was ending sooner than expected.
Also, silly as it sounded, he wanted Arthur to remember him, to have their last conversation be a meaningful one.
'At least,' Merlin thought wistfully, 'he'll remember me as the servant who called him a prat and got away with it.'
He walked back to Gaius' chambers, opened the door, and was glad to see Gaius was already sleeping. Merlin felt a twang of guilt knowing that his sleeping spell had done its job very well. However, it was better this way, as Merlin didn't have the heart to have to explain anything to Gaius' face. Gaius would see through any story Merlin could throw at him. Gaius should wake up peacefully the next morning without a care in the world; it would be the least Merlin could do for his overworked mentor. Merlin left a note for the man who had practically been a father explaining everything, and grabbed a traveling cloak for the return to the Isle. Merlin sneakily "borrowed" a horse from the court stables and took off into the night to the Isle where he would die.
And he was doing all of this for the kingdom's biggest prat. That wonderful prat who was not half the jerk he played himself to be. Arthur really was wonderful, Merlin would admit after a few drinks. He could even guess that if he drank too much, Merlin would go ahead praising Arthur's bravery, righteousness, humor, compassion, and hair. Merlin had realized somewhere along his friendship with the heir to the throne that Arthur was like magic.
And Merlin would know.
Thinking of Arthur, Merlin felt a little flutter recalling what he had almost admitted, those feelings that Merlin would never admit, not even to himself. "Perhaps I should have told him," Merlin murmured aloud to the passing mountains. "I mean, I had nothing to lose."
He shook his head softly; it was too late for regrets and he didn't need to sour Arthur's opinion of him. And even if Arthur cared even a fraction for Merlin of what Merlin felt for Arthur, then Merlin wished not to know. It would make Merlin anxious about Arthur's poor coping mechanisms. He could only hope that Arthur would not feel guilty, or do anything rash.
Merlin tried to banish his thought of Arthur as he tried to focus on summoning and riding the small boat over the lake. Still, Merlin could only think of Arthur, even as he entered the Isle and prepared to die. After all, Merlin was doing this for him.
A/N: So, how was it? Sorry, if you couldn't tell, this story is going to be "character-driven," which means not that much action or even dialogue, but lots of feelings and such. REVIEWS and COMMENTS make the next chapter come faster.