All in the Family II
"The bar is this way" announced The Doctor.
"You have a bar now?"
"We've always had a bar".
"Why didn't you tell me about it?"
"We were always too busy".
"No, we weren't".
"Fine. I couldn't trust you around Rose. Or Martha. Or anyone".
"Fair enough". Jack and The Doctor laughed as they approached the TARDIS bar. A young blond woman was standing behind the counter. "You must be Jenny".
"I am. And who would you be?"
"Available".
"Stop it!" protested The Doctor.
Owen looked around the bar. "So, you are a Time Lord".
"We all are" replied Jenny. "You were expecting green skin and tentacles?"
"Well, yeah. Out of all the aliens we have encountered, you look the most….human".
"Wrong" corrected The Doctor.
"Excuse me?"
"We do not look human. You look Time Lord. Our kind has been around a lot longer than yours".
"Really?" commented the astonished Gwen. "So, we evolved to look like you?"
"Yeah, you did. It kind of figures though. I have been protecting this world since its creation".
"Dad always did like you hairless apes. No idea why, though" commented Trav as he approached the bar. "Anyway, I've got good news and bad news. Which would you want to hear first?"
"Um, the good news" replied Ianto.
"Eh, I was kind of hoping you would ask for the bad news first".
"Why would I ask for the bad news first?"
"Because the good news is not good news until after you've heard the bad news".
"Jack, are they always like this".
"You get used to it eventually, Ianto".
"When?"
"I'll get back to you on that".
Ianto sighed. "What is the bad news?"
"The Homo-Reptilius are refusing to budge. They have staked a claim on Torchwood and they want what is theirs".
"Ok" stated Owen. "And the good news?"
"You have three days to move your junk". River and Jenny nearly spit up their drinks laughing.
"You really have touch for diplomacy, brother".
"They actually showed me the treaty. In dad's handwriting, no less. You really gave them everything below the surface?"
"They were going to kill everything on the surface" replied The Doctor. "You've seen their technology; you know they could do it. I created a compromise that did not require anyone to kill anything. I thought it worked out all right".
"Except the Torchwood base now belongs to the Homo-Reptilius". As Trav turned to face his father, Jenny began to laugh hysterically. "What, might I ask, is so funny?"
"You said wood" replied Jenny, laughing her pretty blond head off.
"Oh really Jenny! You're older than I am. Stop acting like a child".
"Your butt's been bitten!"
"Trav!" announced The Doctor.
Traveler frantically tried to cover up the lizard bite marks on his backside. "Um. Well, you knew we had a history together".
"You were supposed to be negotiating for the Torchwood base, not playing hide the Sonic Screwdriver".
"Victory puts her in the mood. It's not like I'm the only one in the family to do depraved things at inappropriate moments. You had a fling with Queen Elizabeth. And mum…..the less said the better about mum's exploits".
"You are such a prude" criticized River. "Where did I go wrong?"
"OK" interrupted Gwen, hoping to change the subject. "Time Lord sexual ethics aside, we really need to get our base back. Doc? Uh, may I call you Doc?"
"You may not. It's Doctor. Or The Doctor".
"So that's really your name? Who names their kid The Doctor?"
"No one" replied Trav. "And no, The Doctor is not his real name. Mine isn't The Traveler either. When a Time Lord comes of age, we pick our name. Except for mum and Jenny, they had their names picked for them".
"So what are your real names?"
"Spoilers" replied River.
"What?"
"What River is trying to say, is that we only let our family know our true names. No outsiders, no exceptions".
Trav walked over to Gwen. "If you want, I could let you know everything about me. My thoughts, my emotions, everything".
"Well, um, that sounds interesting. But…." Trav head butted Gwen before she could finish her sentence. "Uh!"
"GWEN!" shouted Jack. "What the hell was that?"
"Telepathic transference" replied The Doctor. Gwen and Trav staggered back to the bar.
"There has got to be an easier way to let someone know what you are thinking" commented Trav.
"There is. It's called TALKING! Ow, my head".
"Well, Gwen Cooper, you now have the thoughts of a Time Lord. What does it feel like?" inquired Trav.
"Lonely. There are only four of you left in all of time and space. The others are all dead. You're the last of your kind". As Gwen was reflecting on the eternal loneliness of being a Time Lord, Jack shook his head and smiled. "What?"
"It's just…You actually started a family. I never thought I would see the day".
"Second family, actually" replied The Doctor. "My first was on Gallifrey. They perished along with the rest of the Time Lords. I swore I would never put myself through that again. But then I met River and…the universe has a way of derailing your plans. Doesn't it?"
"You bet your sweet ass it does, Sweetie".
"Mum! We have company for God's sake".
"You do remember that we work with Jack, right?" added Owen.
"Point taken".
"Doctor, the last time we met, there were only two Time Lords left. You and The Master. River, she's not…."
"No, she is definitely not The Master. River's only part Time Lord, actually. Jenny was created artificially, and Traveler was created the old fashioned way".
"He means the fun way, right Sweetie". Before The Doctor could reply, Trav interrupted the conversation.
"Before I cut my ears off, could you please see if you can deal with the Homo-Reptilius. They really do not want to give up Torchwood. You did get them to back off in the past, after all".
"Just remember Trav, we need this peace to ensure that the dominant species of Earth do not wipe each other out. And….try to put on some fresh trousers. I do not need to see you bum".
"Now I see where the prude comes from" announced River. "I'll give you a hand".
"Later, River. I need to focus on this thing with the Homo-Reptilius. You can give me a hand tonight, though".
"If anyone needs me, I'll be at the bottom of the pool" announced Trav as he walked away.
"You have a pool?" inquired Gwen.
"The TARDIS is its own dimension, so its space is infinite. There is a pool, a rec room, a library, a dining hall, a few dozen bedrooms, should I go on?"
"Would anyone like some fish fingers and custard?" asked an Ood as it entered the bar.
"Fish fingers and custard?" Tosh looked as though she were going to vomit. "No thank…..you".
"Hello Beta" announced Trav. "Danny in?"
"Master Danny is in his room, Sir. Would you like some refreshments?"
"Beta, I've told you before. Do not call me sir. The TARDIS does not belong to the Second Human Empire. You are free here".
"Aye! But he is still my property, whether you object or not".
"Good to see you are still alive, Danny".
"You too, old friend". Trav and Danny clasped hands and then embraced each other. The two men had been travelling companions for years. They were almost like brothers, even though Trav and his family disapproved of slavery. "Trav, on behalf of the Second Human Empire…."
"You don't have to thank me on behalf of the Empire, Dan. My family acted to save the Earth and its inhabitants".
"And by doing so, you have ensured the future of the human race and the prosperity of the First and Second Human Empires: the absolute pinnacle of the human race".
"If you think that, Dan, wait until you see the Fourth Human Empire".
"Didn't your dad hand it over to the Daleks?"
"Um, that is a bit of a grey area".
"Excuse me!" interrupted Gwen. "Could we go back to the part where this thing is your property?"
"He's an Ood" explained Trav. "The Ood were enslaved by the humans almost immediately after first contact".
"Slave? You are a slave?"
"That is correct, Ms. Cooper".
"How did it know my name? How do you know my name?"
"Ood are telepathic. It's how they communicate. They also like to sing. A lot, actually".
"We'll talk about the slave issue later" stated Danny as loud as possible. He did not like to discuss the slave issue, especially with Traveler. They were best friends, so they generally avoided the issue as much as possible. "Beta! Fish and chips for two, as fast as possible".
"Yes, Master Danny".
"Hold on" stated Gwen. "England is a free country. You are free here!"
"Beta, ignore the abolitionist and bring Trav and I our lunch".
Gwen drew her pistol and aimed at Danny's head. "By the authority of Torchwood, I arrest you for slavery".
"Oh, you lot work for Torchwood" replied Danny. "So do I".
"What?"
"Gwen, the Torchwood of Dan's time own Ood as well. They own dozens of them". Trav was trying to be as sympathetic as possible, but Gwen was still heartbroken.
"You're lying. We try to make things better. We protect humans and aliens from each other, we don't enslave them". Gwen had tears in her eyes. Trav was unsure whether he should press the matter, but she would find out sooner or later. Especially with Beta walking around.
"Slavery is a part of humanity's legacy. This here, this is the future you fought to create. Humans are capable of such tremendous accomplishments, but also of such horrendous cruelty".
"You know I have never been cruel to my Ood" added Danny.
"Yes, you are among the better humans of the Second Human Empire".
"Would you like a drink, Ms. Cooper?"
"I'm sorry" At this point, Gwen was crying. "I am so sorry. Dear God, what have we done?"
To be continued.