I don't own Family Guy

From upstairs, a child named Stewie stirred in his sleep. "Ugh!" he groaned as he lifted himself from his pillow and looked around his dark room, "I can hear that fat bastard snoring all the way into my room!" he yelled. He took his little teddy bear into his hands and looked at him. "Now that I'm awake, I haven't heard Brian coming home from his night out. Have you Rupert?" he asked the teddy bear. The toy only stared at him with an expressionless gaze. "Well, it won't hurt to look." He climbed out his crib and headed downstairs.

He checked the living room but Brian wasn't there. He went from the living room and into the kitchen and saw Brian's head resting on the kitchen table. "What the deuce?" he said when he saw him there. Stewie noticed a bit of dog drool leaking from Brian's mouth. "Looks like someone's night didn't go well," the baby commented, approaching the dog.

He noticed Brian's hand lying on the papers that were written on. As slowly as he could be, Stewie pulled the papers away from Brian and looked at them. His eyes scanned through the cursive blue sentences. "Wow," he commented, "this dog is desperate." He took the papers and back into his room.

He pulled Rupert from his crib and sat down on his toddler table with Rupert facing him. "Mm-hmm," Stewie mumbled as he flipped through the pages. Once he was finished reading Brian's work, he set the papers on the table and looked at Rupert. "Either he wants to date a lady clone of himself or a very old woman," he thought out loud while he looked at Rupert. "What do you think Rupert? Should I help him with his little romance?"

The teddy made no answer to that question.

Stewie scoffed. "Hmm, I don't know. I was thinking that I should. Be his little wing man what do you say?" He didn't wait for Rupert to answer for he jumped out of his seat and walked into his closet. Inside his closet, he had a supply of weapons and technological contraptions that he made over the years. He walked towards a contraption that he had built but hadn't used in a while. "Well, you're time has come my little friend," he said as he swiped his hand over the contraption, "let's see if you work."

He pressed the on button, and the screen came to life. He put the papers into the slot and waited for the machine to gather all the information that Brian had written about his dream character. "Job could not be processed," the machine said as it blinked the exact words on the screen.

"What the hell?" Stewie said. "Why not?" he yelled at the machine as if it was alive. "What the hell is the matter with you? I designed you! You're supposed to work!" He cursed out loud as he kicked the machine over and over again. He slammed his fist over a series of buttons but when he did, he saw a series of options that were written on the screen. "Gender? A female of course."

"'The name of the person?'" Stewie asked, "how the hell should I know?" He didn't know any good names for girls that Brian would like. "Let's try 'Leslie,'" he said as he typed the name onto the screen. "Her height, let's try five feet, six inches. Hair color? Let's see, if I chose green, that would remind me of vomit, red would remind me of that dim-witted mermaid...how about auburn...with authentic straight hair. Body? Oh this ought to be interesting. Let's try, wait what did he write? Hourglass figure? Yes that's it," he said as he wrote the words.

He looked at the screen and saw that he had arrived at the personality section of the list. "Her personality? Why the hell did I create such a complicated machine. If I know Brian, he wants someone that is overly sexy and hot. Alright, I'll write that but here's the little glitch, she's gonna have the baddest, bitchiest side there is ha ha!" he said in a triumphant laugh.

After he was finished filling in the questions, he pressed enter and waited for the machine to do the rest of its work. The screen on the machine turned a bright green color as a lime green color appeared in front of Stewie. The green light materialized into a five foot six inch female with auburn straight hair and an hourglass figure.

Stewie looked at her from head to toe. She stared back at him with a smile on her face. "Oh what a cute baby," she gushed in a soft voice.

Stewie's face faltered when she said that. "Excuse me?"

"Oh I can just squeeze you with my love and fill you with happiness," she yelled as she bend down, grabbed Stewie and squeezed him against her.

"Ah! Ah!" Stewie yelled as he squirmed around her grip, "germs! Germs! Cooties!" He rubbed his hands against his face while running around his room. As he wildly ran, he bumped against the wall and fell to the floor.

The designed girl, Leslie, put her hand on her mouth. "Are you okay?" she asked in that soft voice.

Stewie groaned when he lifted himself off the floor. Well at least he had done it. He had fulfilled Brian's command without having been told to do it. He turned around and walked back to Leslie. "So, uh do you have a place to stay?"

Leslie shook her head as her auburn hair bounced up and down. "No," she said with a small shrug. "Unless I can sleep in here until morning."

"Here's a plan that I have in mind," Stewie said. He leaned over and whispered in her ear and told her about the plan that was brewing in his mind.

"So, let me get this straight," Leslie asked, "you want me to wake up early in the morning, wait outside until someone walks out the door, and meet them there. Why can't I just knock on the door and let them welcome me in?"

Stewie gave her a deathly glare. "No one goes against my idea," he said in a soft tone so she couldn't hear.

"What did you say?" Leslie asked.

"Oh nothing, I was thinking that my way might work best," Stewie answered.

"I prefer my way better," Leslie said, "its more humane and effective."

Stewie glared at her again. "Fine, we'll try your way tomorrow and if that doesn't work, then we'll do my way."

"Okay," Leslie said, "I'm pretty sure my way will work out best."

Stewie turned around to head back into his crib. "If she can't keep her mouth shut, she's going to find herself in the dumpster just like Lois' last night vegetable lasagna," he said as he thumped his head against his pillow and went off into a deep sleep.